AN: Sorry about the delay on this. I was dealing with some mental health issues. As always, follow me on FB or Twitter or tumblr so you can know what's going on with updates and where I am on my projects. :D This story is almost done (one or two more chapters... I haven't decided whether to put one more 'scene' at the end to show them coming at BDSM/rape fantasies from a healthier place (feel free to leave your opinions about that in a review)), and after that, I'll probably do a few oneshots. If you haven't bought or left a review on Wolf's Eyes yet, ya better get on that. Paperback copies are available now. Dante (And Once More Saw The Stars with Rachel George) is scheduled for indie release on Halloween.

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Chapter Twenty Two:

"So what now?" Alex asks. We're sitting on the edge of my bed, thighs barely touching. I stare down into my lap and twist my hands together. I'm all cried out, and it's left me feeling strangely empty inside. I want to reach forward, rest my fingertips on her knee and pull her cheek against my shoulder, but I keep still. If I touch her, I'm afraid the uncertain peace between us will shatter.

"I don't know," I say at last. I really don't know. I want to try and fix this for both our sakes, but I have no idea how to go about doing that. My trust in Alex is shattered, and my faith in myself has been shaken. Both of us need each other, but if we keep going on like this, things will only get worse.

She sighs and falls backwards onto the mattress beside me, throwing one arm over her eyes. Her glasses are still clutched in her hand, with the arms sticking out from between her thin, pale fingers. "We both fucked up, didn't we? I'll be honest… me more than you."

The question I've been holding back rushes out of my mouth before I can stop it. "Why did you lie to me? I mean, I know you were trying to cover my ass, but why make up a fake warrant in the first place? Why not just let Barnett go?"

"Because what happened to Sam is my fault. You were right all along. I pushed him too hard. I told him what to do and what to think. I crushed his only good memory of his abuser because I decided it was what he needed. I did everything wrong. So this time, I thought…" She presses her dry lips together. Pauses to swallow. "I thought I could do something right. I thought I could fix things."

My fingers flex in my lap, and I twist them together. "And? Did it fix things?" I glance back at her over my shoulder. "Did it make you feel better?"

Her arm falls away from her face and she gives me a sad smile. "Not at all."

"So, what are you going to go do now?"

She shrugs. "Try and pretend like everything is normal. Keep going to work until Donnelly fires me. Ask my psychiatrist to up my medication. Tell myself that what happened to Sam isn't my fault, even though I know it is."

"It isn't, but if you want to feel guilty about something, there are plenty of other mistakes for you to pick from."

She winces, then slides her glasses back onto her face. "I guess I deserved that. But what about you?" she asks, folding her arms over her stomach. "What are you going to do?"

"Keep going to work and hope Cragen believes I really didn't know what you were pulling. Maybe I'll ask Huang for a referral. I don't know if therapy will help, but it definitely won't hurt." I stare back down at my hands. "I thought I'd dealt with this shit about my father, but I guess I haven't. I could have hurt you."

Alex's soft fingers bracelet my wrist, and I allow her to pull me down onto the mattress. She rolls onto her side to face me and rests one of her hands on my hip. "You could never hurt me, Liv… but if you don't know where your own limits are, I think you could end up hurting yourself."

"I don't want to do any scenes when one of us is upset," I tell her. Some of the weight lifts from my chest when I say it. "I can't keep pretending to rape you in order to 'fix' you. It leaves me feeling like shit."

"Liv, you don't have to do those scenes at all," Alex whispers. Her fingers trace up and down my side through the material of my shirt. "The last thing I want to do is hurt you."

"Then you shouldn't have lied to me," I snap before I can stop myself. Her hand stops moving. I let out a long breath through my nose and fold my fingers over hers. "Sorry…"

"It's okay."

Both of us are silent for a long time. I shift closer to her until I'm resting my head on her chest. The reassuring thump of her heartbeat throbs in my ear, and I close my eyes. "Just give me time. Give me some space to figure out what I want."

Her lips brush the top of my head. "Liv, you can have all the time you need, as long as I'm still what you want. I don't care about the rest." She pauses. "Well, I do, but not as much as I care about you."

A little more of the knot in my stomach unravels. "I believe you. But it isn't just about you anymore. Somewhere along the way, I started to like it. Getting those kinds of reactions from you was a power trip. I just… I can't pretend to hurt you when you're really hurting inside. It's not right."

I can feel her mouth move in a smile against my temple. "And that's why I trust you," she whispers.

The words make my heart lurch, and I clutch the hem of her shirt with my fingers until the pain recedes. Part of me still doesn't trust her, and I barely trust myself. "So?" I say, echoing her earlier words. "What now?"

"That's up to you," she says. She cups my cheek in her hand and tilts my face up so that she can look at me. She stares into my eyes for a moment, and then her gaze flicks down to my lips. "I want to kiss you, but I'm not sure if I should. Or if you even want me to."

Of course I want her to. All of my other feelings are uncertain, but there is one thing I know to be absolutely true: I love her. And I want to show her any way I can. I push myself up on my elbow and close the distance between our lips. The kiss is soft, and neither of us makes any move to deepen it. We simply touch. Breathe together. I wait, expecting my anger to flare up again, but instead, hope buds in its place. I find enough courage to pull her closer.

I kiss her as gently as I know how. It almost feels like I've never done it before. It's not about anger, or even about desire. I simply want to be close to her. I want to regain some of what we've lost. She gasps against my lips, then freezes for the briefest moment. At first, I'm worried I've hurt or frightened her. But her fingers weave through my hair, just like they've done so many times before, and her body melts. She kisses me back, and I start to believe that everything will be all right again.

Then her hand slides down to rest just above my hip. I freeze, suddenly remembering that I'm completely naked. The longing I usually feel when she touches me is instantly replaced by fear. Fear that I'll hurt her, that I'll lose control, that something horrible will go wrong. "Alex?" I whisper, hoping she won't read the pain in my eyes. "Are you sure?"

"Yes." She cups the back of my neck and rests her forehead against mine. I can feel her lips moving a breath away. "Are you sure, Liv?"

I almost laugh. This is the last thing I expected, to have Alex asking for my consent instead of the other way around. But somehow, it's also right. I search inside myself, something I never really bothered to do before when all of my focus was on Alex. The tangled knot of guilt around my heart loosens its grip, and I find my answer. I want to make love with her. I want to salvage something from this mess. I want to prove that I'm still worthy of Alex's trust, and that she can be worthy of mine again.

"Yeah," I say, holding her tighter when the word cracks. "Yeah, I'm sure."

This time, I am not afraid when she kisses me. My anger dissolves into smooth, liquid heat. It starts in my chest, but each heartbeat spreads the tingling warmth through the rest of my body. It flares beneath both of Alex's palms, surges to meet her lips, and pools between my legs. The slow burn is worlds away from the uncontrollable blaze I felt earlier, and my confidence begins to return. I can do this. I can be gentle with her.

I undress her slowly, pausing in between each piece of clothing to admire her. The shirt comes first, and I smile when I realize it's one of mine. She probably didn't even think about what she was wearing in her hurry to chase after me. Alex lifts her arms so I can pull it over her head, and all the air rushes out of my chest. I've seen her shirtless a thousand times, but there are still moments when I can't believe how beautiful she is.

My kisses drift away from her lips, wandering down the smooth line of her jaw and lingering at the curve of her throat. I can taste just a hint of salt, smell the subtle traces of sex lingering from a few hours ago. My stomach clenches. This time is going to be different. Maybe Alex senses that I'm lost in my own head, because she links her fingers with mine, pulling them down to the hem of her jeans. My heart pounds almost painfully against my ribs as we unloop the button and pull down the zipper together.

It takes me several moments to gather the courage to look between her legs. Even though I checked to make sure she was all right before, I'm afraid of what I might find. I close my eyes and start to pull my hand away, but Alex only grips it tighter. "I'm fine, Olivia." A shudder travels down my spine as she presses my palm against the soft, bare skin of her stomach. "Let me show you." She guides my fingertips lower, low enough to feel the soft prickle of hair that's just starting to grow back. Then I can only feel smoothness and heat, and my eyes fly open again.

My fingers are resting against her, nearly inside of her. Her outer lips are swollen and parted, inviting me to push forward. The bud of her clit is strained beneath its hood. Her folds are shimmering with wetness. But since I don't trust her body, I tear my gaze away and force myself to look at her face instead. The love there is enough to convince me. For once, she isn't pleading for me to help banish her pain. She just wants to be with me.

I dip forward to kiss along her collarbone, and together, we ease down onto the mattress. My fingers slide up to her clit, painting over it in circles until her hips start pushing into mine. I draw strength from her reactions, savor each soft cry coming from above my head as my lips glide across her chest. She trusts me to make her feel good. No lies, no pretending, and no more deception.

"Liv, please… lower..." I move my fingers lower, spreading them in a 'v' shape around her clit so I can drag along either side of the firm little shaft. One of her hands comes to rest on top of my head, and she pushes down, raking her fingers through my hair. "No, your mouth…" I take the cherry-red point of her nipple between my lips and curl my tongue around it. Her pelvis shoots up off the bed, and more wetness smears against my thigh. "No, lower…"

That surprises me. Alex tolerates oral sex for my sake, and even manages to enjoy it sometimes, but she rarely ever asks for it. I graze the curve of her breast with my teeth and kiss my way down her stomach. "Are you sure?" I murmur into the soft skin just above her navel.

She takes in a shaking breath and nods her head. "Please…" Her knees fall further open, and that small gesture of trust makes my chest swell with love.

I can't resist the pleading note of desire in her voice. I shift down on the bed until I'm settled comfortably between her thighs. She whimpers at the loss of my hand, but lets out a sharp gasp when my lips take its place. A flood covers my chin as soon as I pull her clit into my mouth. She's already close, twitching and throbbing against my tongue, but I am determined to take my time. I need this connection to heal.

I explore every inch of her, never staying in one place long enough to let her come. When she starts bucking too hard, trying to push herself deeper into my mouth, I ease her back with soft kisses to the tip of her clit and move down to tease her entrance instead. The sweetness there is enough to make my head spin, and her inner muscles flutter and clutch down when I press my tongue inside. I drink my fill until the firm spot against her front wall swells to bursting and her fingers tangle into my hair. She opens her mouth, tries to ask me to stay, but I've already switched to flat, broad strokes of my tongue, covering everything at once.

I don't know how long I spend keeping her balanced on the edge. The seconds stretch out into an endless thread, with no beginning or end in sight. But at last, everything unravels. Her spine arches, and her knees hook tighter over my shoulders. Each strand of muscle pulls taut, and I feel my breath stop along with hers. A burst of heat pours over my mouth, and I catch as much as I can before sealing my lips back around her.

Suddenly, the world tilts. I'm being flipped over before her contractions are even finished. And then it's her mouth burning down along my stomach, her fingers pushing inside of me. Feeling her come has exposed every ragged nerve ending in my body, and her name tears out of my throat. "Alex…" as she buries her face between my thighs. "Alex…" as she curls forward, coaxing me higher with gentle thrusts of her hand. "God, I love you, Alex…"

She's pulling me in, surrounding me with softness and heat. She knows me, knows my body as well as she knows her own, and with each flick of her tongue, each pump of her wrist, she proves it all over again. Tears run down my cheeks, but I'm too overwhelmed to brush them away. Instead, my hands shoot down to clutch at her shoulders, to drink in her skin. I have to touch her, any part of her that I can reach.

I tremble beneath her, unsure where she's carrying me, but her other hand slides up along my thigh, folding just above my knee and squeezing to offer reassurance. She looks up from between my legs and locks her eyes with mine. They are softer than I have ever seen them, overflowing with love and trust. And I love her back. I love her enough to let myself trust her again.

The next stroke of her tongue breaks me. Everything I've been holding inside splinters apart. My chest shatters, and warmth rushes in to fill the void. I rock desperately against her hand, and a flood of wetness spills from inside me, pushing out around her fingers. Her lips draw me just a little deeper, fold a little tighter until I'm twitching wildly in the blazing silk of her mouth. But even while I fall to pieces, there is no trace of the fear I felt before. This is perfectly, undeniably right.

I'm not sure whether it's a few seconds or a few minutes later when I see Alex's beaming face hovering above mine. I can't remember the last time I've seen her this happy… probably not since before the Cavanaugh case. She's finally giving me a real smile, the kind that makes my face hurt from smiling back so hard.

"I think you needed that as much as I did," she says, and I bury my wet face into her shoulder to muffle my laughter. That's the smug, confident attitude I'm used to dealing with. I finally have my Alex back. "Liv?" she asks, obviously confused by my reaction. "Liv, are you okay?"

"Yeah," I breathe against her neck. "I think I'm going to be okay. We're going to be okay."