Author's note: Hi guys! Sorry for the long wait that I promised I'd try to avoid when I posted the last chapter… Truth is I just haven't found the inspiration or will to write. Also, I've been working a lot and in less than two weeks I'm moving to London so yeah… Lots of stuff to deal with! Anyway, enough about me :P Here is the next chapter!

Talk of the Future

"Maybe I'll be the lucky one that doesn't get burned"

Jenny Owen Youngs - Fuck Was I

Someone had put a blanket over his shoulders. It didn't help, at all, but James hadn't bothered to take it off. On the table in front of him was a cup of steaming hot tea, which he hadn't touched. He just kept staring at nothing in particular, incapable of moving, speaking or even thinking. He felt nothing, really, and normally that would have scared him. James always felt something. But not now.

Nothing.

He heard the sound from somewhere far away when a door opened. A witch with dark curly hair and big brown eyes, probably in her late thirties, entered the room. She sat down opposite him. For a long while, she remained silent.

"You should drink some of that"

She nodded towards the tea cup. As James chose not to say anything she continued:

"You're in shock. The warmth will be good for you"

Somehow, he managed to look at her and she was obviously stubborn enough to stare right back. Her face seemed to be carved out of stone and James wondered what she was doing here in the first place. What difference would it make?

"I don't want tea" he said hoarsely, surprised by the sound of his own voice.

"There is a potion in it that will help you calm down"

Merlin, she just wouldn't give up, this one…

"I am calm"

She kept watching him. He could feel it, even though he was no longer listening to a word she was saying. He felt cold, like he was standing outside in the middle of the winter wearing no clothes. As James looked down at his hands he could see that they were shaking.

He needed to get out of here, this room, the Ministry and perhaps even London and the whole country. He needed to run. Now.

"Do you know who I am?"

She didn't wait for his response this time.

"My name is Elizabeth Tanner and I am Deputy Head of the Auror Department"

She paused and gave him a weak smile.

"We've met, actually. Your dad and I used to work together and he brought you with him one day. You can't have been more than six or seven years old"

James didn't remember.

"I am so sorry for your loss, James"

If the pain was in her eyes, he didn't see it. What did she expect him to say? "Thank you"? It would never make a difference…

"Your parents loved you above everything else in the world"

The room had fallen into the darkness as the minutes passed by. He didn't want to be here. He wanted to go home. Only… There was no home to go to. In fact, he knew for sure that he would never be able to live in that house again…

"I have already talked to the Aurors who arrived at the scene of crime shortly after everything happened"

Tanner made it all sound so formal, like a school project or an essay written by Lily Evans. So professional. Rational. Cold. James suddenly felt like taking out his wand, aim it at her and speak the most horrible curse he could think of. He wanted her to suffer and hurt the way he did. He wanted her to understand his fury…

And yet he had no idea where the anger came from. She was not responsible for any of this. She had not murdered his mother and father only hours ago.

"… But I need to hear your version, too" Tanner leaned forward in her seat. "You are our only actual witness to what happened tonight"

The door burst open again, with more force this time. Before James realized what was going on his aunt was sitting right next to him. She was sobbing loudly against his shoulder and wrapped her arms around him. James envied her crying. Why couldn't he cry? What was wrong with him?

"James… Oh James, honey… I am so sorry"

Tanner introduced herself to James' aunt and it took a while before the latter managed to say something else, her voice shaky and yet cold:

"What is this? Some sort of interrogation?"

Tanner did not seem the slightest bothered by the question. In fact, she sounded perfectly calm when she replied:

"You have my word that we will do everything in our power to find the people responsible for all this. But first I need to ask your nephew some questions"

"It can't wait a day or two?"

"I'm afraid not. In order to begin our investigation…"

"FOR MERLIN'S SAKE, HIS PARENTS JUST DIED!" James' aunt was shaking with fury. "He needs rest! I'm taking him home right now…"

"Mr Potter is 17 years old and by wizarding law he is now considered an adult" Tanner interrupted her, sounding way too formal again. "He is allowed to make his own decisions"

"That may be true" his aunt snapped. "But I am still his mother's sister and I say that…"

"It's fine"

The two women almost seemed to have forgotten that James was still in the room. Now, they both turned to look at him. His aunt seemed to search for the right words, but in the end she only managed to choke out:

"James… You don't have to do this. It can wait 'till tomorrow…"

"I don't want to wait"

He didn't know why he felt so sure of it. Talking to Tanner just seemed like the right thing to do. Perhaps talking would keep him sane. His aunt put her hand on his arm.

"Are you sure?" she asked softly.

There was a long pause. James nodded stiffly.

"What do you want to know?"

Half an hour later, they were allowed to leave the room. James' aunt hadn't left his side once and even though he wasn't able to say so back there, he was grateful. Tanner had not been afraid to ask for details and James had been forced to put words to everything he had seen and heard. He was absolutely exhausted once he was done. It felt weird talking about it, like he was telling the Auror about somebody else's life. Not his own. Not like this.

"Let's go home. It's the only thing we can do right now"

His aunt wouldn't let go of his shoulder and James felt strangely protected and suffocated at the same time. They had just made it out of the Ministry when he started to feel sick. Without warning he ran off, disappeared around a corner and vomited until there was nothing left inside of him. The emptiness felt even worse than before.

And that was the moment when James thought he knew for sure that he would never be okay again.

10 months later

"This all looks very good, Potter"

James obviously couldn't hide how surprised he was to hear that, and McGonagall raised her eyebrows at him.

"Well don't look so shocked. You know as well as I do that Transfiguration has always been one of your best subjects"

He had been asked to stay behind after class earlier this morning and once the others had left she had asked him to join her in her office for an "evaluation talk". James did not know exactly what that meant, but he'd had the feeling that it was not a good thing. For the past couple of minutes he had been sitting there in complete silence, watching McGonagall worriedly as she looking through all the work he'd completed thanks to Lily Evans during the last couple of months.

"I… I just didn't think it'd be enough, professor" James said honestly. "I've missed out on a lot"

"That is true" McGonagall locked her gaze with his. "However, a teacher who refuses to take everything you've been through into account is a complete fool"

He was surprised to hear the Transfiguration teacher use so harsh words when talking about her colleagues. He had no idea what to say. "Thank you"? Somehow it did not seem enough. She was willing to give him a second chance and that meant everything. It made all the difference. In the end, James just nodded stiffly.

"I will make sure that ms Evans receives some house points for this excellent work" McGonagall said. "You have my word on it"

James couldn't help grinning.

"I'm sure she'll be pleased to hear that. I never would have made it without her. It's all because of her…"

McGonagall eyed him curiously.

"You're not nearly as good at taking credit for things as you used to be, Potter"

"I guess I grew up, professor"

To his great surprise, McGonagall actually smiled at him.

"And I am so happy for you. But I'm afraid you must also accept that ms Evans had never been able to help you if you had not been willing to accept her help. You're a big part of this too, whether you like it or not"

James just shrugged.

"If you say so"

For a while, the only sounds came from the crackling fire behind McGonagall's desk and the snoring from her cat lying in a basket in the corner.

"I am sure you will do well in your NEWTs, Potter"

"Thank you professor. I'll do my best"

"Any thoughts of what you will be doing after graduation?"

It was weird, for given thought that this was his last year at Hogwarts James should be very used to this question by now. However, it came as a complete shock. There had been so many other things going on and there simply wasn't room in his brain for "after Hogwarts". Not too long ago he had been struggling just to get through the day. And he had the feeling that Sirius and the others even avoided the subject in his presence. Of course they had been thinking about what they were going to do once school was over. That's what normal people did. Lily Evans probably had a whole list of training programs and places she hoped to work at in the future…

"Uh…"

It was definitely not the most intelligent answer he had ever come up with. But at the moment, it was the best he could do. For James had no idea. Only now did it seem obvious that he should have been thinking about this before. Panic hit him as he realized that everybody else would know for sure what they'd be doing this autumn and he was the only one who'd walk around like an idiot, not having a clue. He had his money, of course, but what did it help? James wanted to do something. Bad thoughts were more likely to hit him if he didn't.

"Try and think about that for the next couple of weeks" McGonagall interrupted his thoughts. "Maybe you know the answer somewhere deep inside"

James felt like snorting, but he stopped himself last second. He doubted that the answer was somewhere "deep inside" of him. In fact, he was pretty sure he didn't want to know what was there. Probably the horrors and memories of the past that he would always, always carry with him no matter where he went and what he did.

"Since your Potions-grade has now improved… Did you ever think of becoming an Auror?"

"I never thought about any of this!" James interrupted her. "And I can't be an Auror"

"May I ask why?"

Nobody said anything, and James knew his next lesson started in ten minutes. He sighed heavily.

"I just can't"

McGonagall, who almost seemed to have read his mind, stood up and James followed suit.

"I'll accept that answer, as long as you promise to think it through"

James managed a small smile.

"I promise"

Just like that time when they'd talked in her classroom over half a year ago, she stopped him by speaking up right as he was about to open the door.

"I know that you were not being honest with me last time, so I am going to ask again and hope for the best..."

James held his breath without realizing.

"… How are you?"

Maybe it had something to do with Lily Evans, or maybe it had something to do with himself, or maybe it was a mix of the two. The point was that James did not longer feel the need to lie. He turned around and looked McGonagall right in the eye. And this time, the smile came naturally.

"I'm okay"

"Okay" was not "fine", but it was not "bad", either. And James wasn't feeling bad. He could laugh, he could enjoy life and he could feel again. He was okay. And even though he had a long way to go, that seemed to do it for now.

Lily

"Anyway, I've heard that the NEWT exams are not nearly as bad as people say they are"

Lily and James rounded a corner and she couldn't help thinking that he had been quieter than usual tonight. Two of the prefects had fallen ill and so she and James were doing their patrolling instead. That was one of the responsibilities that came with being a Head student and the whole thing was quite stressful, seeing as Lily desperately wanted to study for the upcoming exams. It was a month left. A month was nothing. Perhaps that was why she kept talking about it with James, to calm herself down. She would do just fine. She always did. But what if…?

"I just hope that Slughorn hasn't forgotten to teach us anything really important that might come up…"

"What do you want to be?"

James' blunt question interrupted Lily's talking. She looked at him, surprised by this sudden change of subject.

"You mean, as in…"

"As in once we're out of Hogwarts" he finished the sentence for her. "What do you want to work with?"

"Oh"

Lily furrowed and thought for a moment before she admitted:

"Actually, James, I have no idea"

His eyes widened and she could tell from his face expression that this was not what he had expected. He even let out a snort of disbelief.

"What? Are you serious?"

Lily narrowed her eyes and glared at him.

"It's a very hard decision for me to make" she said. "There just seems to be so many options… Why, do you know already?"

"Me?" James let out a short, miserable laugh. "I hadn't given it a thought 'till today. But you… I guess I just thought you'd known since first year or something"

"Believe me, I've had more ideas than I could ever count" Lily grimaced. "There was a time when I wanted to be a Healer, but I don't know if I could handle the pressure. Then I was thinking maybe journalism, but I would probably get bored with it after a while… And there are so many things you could do at the Ministry…"

She drifted off, sighing heavily.

"If you want my opinion there are too many professions for us to choose between" she said. "That's what makes it so hard"

They stopped to tell two Hufflepuff students from third year to go back to their dormitory, before Lily asked James:

"What made you think of this today?"

"McGonagall" he muttered. "She asked me what I wanted to do after graduation and I just realized that I don't have a bloody clue! Everybody else seems so confident when they talk about their future but for me it's just… blank"

"That's not true and you know it. Everybody else does not know what they're going to do once they're out of here" Lily said firmly, hoping that she would somehow manage to convince him and herself that she was right. "And even if they believe so I bet 99 per cent will realize that they were wrong within a year from now. You can't make out your entire future from inside this castle. It's just not possible"

They kept walking in silence.

"It's just…" James began, looking for the right words. "I've been so busy trying to make it through the day that I haven't fully understood that I won't be on the Hogwarts Express on September the first this year. I actually have to make a life for myself…"

"You will be fine, James" Lily didn't know why she felt so sure of it, but it was the truth. "I promise"

She could see how he swallowed, but as their gazes locked he smiled at her.

"So will you"

The castle seemed abandoned and this whole patrolling session felt rather unnecessary. Though it gave Lily some time to talk to James alone, and she never wanted times like that to go to waste. It was always different when it was just the two of them, like she discovered sides of him that she had never seen before. He opened up to her and she loved him for it…

Wait, what? Had she just thought that?

It's not that weird, Lily told herself. He's your friend and it's only natural to love your friends. You love Alice!

So why didn't this feel like the same thing?

"So…" James' voice interrupted her thoughts.

"We'll be going to your place tomorrow night?"

"Yes" Lily nodded, relieved to put her thoughts to a different matter. "We should be there around seven because mum and dad want us for dinner"

James paled.

"Just the four of us?"

"I don't know if Petunia is going to be there" Lily answered truthfully. "But it's nothing to worry about, I guess they just want some time to get to know you before the wedding"

She hadn't told James what her mother had said in her letter when she'd found out what friend her daughter would bring. She had invited James in a moment of jealousy and annoyance, but she had not regretted it once since. In fact, it seemed rather obvious that he should be the one to come with her. He made her feel calm and confident in herself. He turned her into a person that she wanted to be. And she could really need that with Petunia and her fiancé around…

"None of us knew that you and this James Potter were even friends…", her mother had written. "But of course we will welcome him to your sister's wedding! Though I must say I am curious to find out how you two warmed up to each other"

Therefore, Lily knew that her mother would interrogate her (and maybe even James) the moment they entered the house. But what could she say? "He's changed, but so have I"? "We've spent so much time together and now it's hard to imagine life without him"? "Oh and by the way, he's a great kisser but we can never be any more than friends"? That last part would give her mother a heart attack, that was for sure…

She just hoped that none of her parents would consider this visit an opportunity to tell James embarrassing stories about her childhood. Or worse, that Petunia would be really mean and rude to him…

"Great" James looked really bothered. "Dinner… You, me, your sister and your parents… That's… That's great"

It was hard not to laugh at the look on his face, but Lily somehow managed to hold it together.

"Look, I understand if you don't want to do this…"

"What? No!" James exclaimed. "Of course I do! I want to be there and support you when… You know… I know that you and your sister are not on the greatest terms…"

"Well that's an understatement"

"So I want to be there for you" James finished. "And it'll be nice to meet your parents. I'm really looking forward to it"

So did Lily herself. She just hoped that everything would go well…

James

"Are you nervous?"

Sirius was lying on James' bed, looking rather pleased with himself and the whole situation as he watched his best friend packing. The latter sighed and stuffed a t-shirt into his bag.

"I bet you want me to say yes"

"I bet you're lying if you say no"

Sirius grinned widely.

"Honestly, who would have thought that you would be the bloke Lily Evans would bring home to meet her parents..."

"It's no big deal. It's just dinner..."

"... and a wedding"

"It's just parents!"

"... and her evil sister"

"You're not helping here, Sirius"

James took a quick look around his bedroom, making sure he hadn't forgotten anything. Lily was already down in the Entrance Hall, waiting for him and he knew that he was running late. They were walking to Hogsmeade and from there they could Apparate. McGonagall had suggested they'd use the floo network from her office, but apparently Lily didn't want to cause a scene with her sister at home by showing up from green, big flames.

As usual, Sirius was right. James was nervous. Attending a wedding was one thing, for there would be lots of other people there, too. But dinner? He'd have to answer questions about himself and his life, and Lily had probably told them how immature and even embarrassing he had acted in the past... And her sister...

Besides, James had no idea what Lily's parents had in store for them. Would he and Lily share a room? He didn't think so, but then again he had no idea how big her house was... What if there wasn't enough room?

"I'm joking mate" Sirius' voice said from somewhere in the distance. "You'll do fine! Just be your usual, charming self! And say hi to Petunia from me. She seems like the girl of the year"

"I will" James said, heading for the door. "If you promise to work things out with Amelia while I'm gone"

Sirius' face darkened. He and the girl he obviously fancied had both been too shy and insecure to know what to make of their feelings for each other. They had ended up barely talking, at all, and James and Lily both thought the whole thing was really stupid.

"Fine" he muttered. "I'll see you on Sunday"

"Yeah"

James knew that he was not really allowed to leave Sirius in the Head students' living space all by himself, but he didn't have time to worry about that now. He had to find Lily before she lost it completely...

He almost ran through the castle to reach the Entrance Hall on time. She was standing there, bag in her hand and a wide smile on her face. She was obviously very excited for all this. James was not sure he could say the same, but he knew he'd go through it all a thousand times for her if he had to.

"I talked to McGonagall so she knows we're leaving now" Lily told him. "Shall we go?"

James swallowed, silently hoping that his smile looked real. That she couldn't see how nervous he was.

"Let's go!" he said.

Lily

Thinking that it might give him some support, Lily didn't let go of James' hand as they appeared at the end of her street. She sighed slightly.

"So..." she said, watching James as he looked around curiously. "This is Spinner's End"

His silence made her nervous and she cleared her throat uncomfortably.

"It's probably nothing compared to where you used to live..."

"It's... Different" James agreed. "I like it"

Lily was sort of surprised to hear that. She had always thought that James (even the new, mature version of him) had really enjoyed his expensive life style and luxuary that came with the fortune his family had inherited from God knew where... To be honest, she had been slightly worried about it. That he might look down at her once he saw what her home life looked like...

But no, she realized now, wondering what she'd been thinking. James would never do that. He accepted and respected her. He always had.

"Where does Snape live?"

His tone was rather harsh as he mentioned her childhood friend. She pointed.

"His parents like to keep to themselves though" she said. "I've never seen them"

James nodded slightly. For a moment, none of them said anything. Then he asked:

"And which house is yours?"

Lily let go of his hand, not because she wanted to but because her parents might get the wrong impression once they saw them... She couldn't help smiling. Merlin, it would be nice to come home and see them just for a little while.

"You'll see" she said, and she began walking down the street with James by her side.

James Potter, of all people… Lily had never thought she'd see him here, on this street in this muggle town. He seemed out of place and yet so perfect. As Lily took a glance at James' face her thoughts were interrupted.

"Are you okay?" she asked worriedly.

"Mhm" he replied, almost too quick. "It's just... What have you told your parents about me?"

He blurted out the words, almost as if he'd really tried to stop himself but failed quite miserably.

"What?" Lily asked.

James stopped half way down the street.

"We were not on the best of terms in the past, Lily. We both know that. I was a complete idiot some of the time and..."

"Some of the time?" Lily teased him. "Why, don't be modest, Potter"

"It's not funny!" he exclaimed. "What if they'll hate me? What if..."

"Hey" Lily grabbed his hand again and didn't care about how it looked. "They're not going to hate you. I swear. If they do, they're not who I thought they were. At all"

How could anyone hate him?

In less then a minute they found themselves outside Lily's house. James looked at it, up and down and up again.

"Let's just hope you're right" he mumbled, and the front door opened.

Not the longest chapter and not the best either, I know. I'm really excited to start on the next one though! Still appreciate reviews A LOT! :)