Chapter 12

She knew she shouldn't, but…the notion of being able to maintain a conscious thought was too much and she banished the seal off of her third bottle of nectar. She relished having a moment of blackness; to drown the chasm of despair that had taken hold in her heart and to quell the burden resting upon her shoulders. A moment of blissful...sanctified...peace.

Peace from the parents. Their children's, her students, screams.

Peace from the carnage across the once beautiful green lawns of Hogwarts.

A shaky hand lifted the bottle upwards, to her partially dried lips; the liquid nectar coating her parched flesh as it slid down throat. A far too familiar burn, but one that she welcomed with open arms.

Because she needed to blanket out the screams, the unending amount of repairs to not only Hogwarts but the entire wizarding world in both the physical and emotional realm and...because she needed a moment of peace from the pain in her soul…

She took another swallow...vaguely noticing that her tongue had lost partial feeling as her thoughts drifted to another time...and a happier place - where she could find comfort in Amelia's embrace, Albus' friendship and even Alastor's paranoia...

Her thoughts beginning to fray and lose cohesion as she numbly ingested more nectar...

Tears streaming down her cheeks, wanting...to not feel, alone.

To have someone to hold her...

To tell her that tomorrow would be a better day; and for her not to have be the one to wake up...and make it better.

Or at the very least to not be the only one to make it better...

To not be alone...

She narrowed her eyes as she pulled the bottle from her lips again, trying to focus on exactly how much was left and if she needed to procure a forth bottle before she couldn't stand. There was just under half, and...if she was still conscious at the rate and speed she was ingesting...then she was sure to able to stand...she ruefully chuckled between the tears. Why not...I am after all...Minerva McGonagall. Practically invincible. Lived through three bloody wars...

Despair and a soul wrenching pain ripped through her as she gasped...

But truly what was the point...in living past almost all of my friends, my family, my students, my lover...to bury so much...and so many and to have to rebuild for what? Hogwarts? A future? The next generation who will not appreciate what 'they' have given. Who won't know Severus Snape except in the most generic of terms; or Alastor Moody or even Albus. They will be nearly names on a page, a footnote...like me.

And for what?

To have lost...everything...even...hope; and yet that is what I have to provide.

Hope that tomorrow will be and 'is' better. Hope...that Hogwarts will once again be whole; like the our families...ourselves...

And that our world will never again be torn asunder...

Leaving everything barren...and alone...

Like me...I'm tired of being...alone...a minute part of her soul whispered, as she openly chastised her thoughts. "Stop being...selfish..."

She...tried to tip the bottle up again, but the weight and effort were just too much and it clattered to the floor.

And, she felt the world darken; perhaps it was the hour of night, the lack of food in combination to the sheer amount of alcohol or the beginning of easement of stress from the past several days; but whatever it was…or combination thereof…it couldn't come soon enough. Minerva's body following suite, collapsing upon her couch; blissfully…unconscious.

Xoxo

A/N: The good news...you're getting another update. The bad news, as you could tell, it wasn't 'Bonding'. The better news...I'm diligently working on it and it should be up within a few days. The great news, Bonding's update is a paradoxical opposite in length compared to these updates . The super news...don't have it yet; but maybe one of you can come up with it ;)

As always, hope you enjoyed!