A/N: Thanks again for all of the reviews/favorites/follows and well wishes.
Here's another one. It's a litter shorter, but with good reason.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Enjoy!
Chapter 5:
"We need to talk."
He didn't answer. He sat down on the couch, his head in his hands.
He couldn't look at her.
The thoughts were rushing through his head again. All of them. The inward battle that had plagued him for years was coming to the forefront of his mind.
"You said some things at the hospital. The doctor told me." There was hurt in her voice.
"I know." He barely whispered. His face was still hidden by his hands.
How could he tell her.
"So, did you just say those things because you were drugged up?" Hurt turned to anger.
He said nothing, and rubbed his eyes before looking up at her.
"Jack." She crossed her arms.
"What do you want me to say?" His words didn't come out right. They stung his tongue and her heart.
She shook her head and tears began to well up in her eyes. "I should have known. I should never have come." She began to grab her bags.
She was walking out the door.
She held it all in until she was out on the sidewalk. Her feelings had won.
"Sam.." He stood up and grabbed her arm. "Don't go."
She whipped around, face red and tears streaming.
"You told a complete stranger how you feel about me." She scanned his face. "Why can't you tell me?"
"Sam.." He was trying to find the words.
"Jack." Her throat was throbbing with every second.
"Come with me." He took her hand, pulling her out to the back deck. He pulled up two chairs and motioned for her to sit down.
They sat in silence for a few minutes, staring up at the sky.
The battle raged on within him. He wanted so badly to put his walls up, but what was the use anymore? He was tired of fighting it all, and he was ready to let his feelings finally win.
His hand reached for hers and she took it. Their fingers intertwined and his heart started racing.
"Jack.." She looked over at him. "I know you aren't very good at talking.." She was calmer than before, but there was still a harsh tone lingering in her voice.
"We've been to so many places." His thumb was tracing the inside of her palm as he loosely held onto her hand. "We've saved the world."
He turned to look at her now. She was focused on the clouds, the sunlight lighting up the familiar features on her face.
"We've saved each other." He pulled her hand closer, squeezing it in his.
She breathed as if she was going to say something, but his next words proceeded too quickly.
"I remember being in that briefing.. Hammond told me that a bright young captain was going to join my team. You walked in, and I knew at that moment I was.. doomed. You were so smart, so confident, and.." He took a deep breath.
"A royal pain in your ass."
"Beautiful."
Their words were simultaneous.
He smiled, and she felt her face grow hot. She couldn't look at him.
"Do you remember that time when you we were on Apophis's new ship, and you were stuck behind that force field?" He took her silence as an acknowledgement. "I couldn't leave you there. I couldn't leave you to face those Jaffa alone."
He gripped her hand harder now.
The memories flashed before his eyes.
She was right in front of him, but he couldn't touch her.
He was afraid to look at her.
He couldn't hold onto himself much longer.
He slammed the control panel as hard as he could. The small door opened, but nothing happened.
He felt helpless.
"Sir, there's no time!"
The Jaffa were coming behind her.
They turned around, hearing them approach.
He wanted nothing more than to reach through and touch her.
He couldn't save her, and losing her meant losing himself.
He hit the force shield as hard as he could.
He used all of his strength, but got nowhere.
He was breathing hard, his emotions threatening at the surface of his skin.
"Sir.." She was standing there, staring at him.
She was showing him everything that he refused to.
"I know, I know!" He was sweating profusely.
He couldn't stop.
He had to save her.
He tried the control panel again, breaking everything inside.
"Sir! Just go!"Her eyes were pleading. She was angry that he wasn't saving himself.
He lost control.
"No!" His walls finally came down.
They stared at each other, breathlessly.
The emotions were clear in both of their eyes.
Everything they had never said was written on their faces.
He brought himself back to the porch, where he sat holding her hand.
His knew it was time.
"I thought I was going to lose you." He shook his head. "I knew that losing you would mean losing a part of myself."
She shook her head. Tears welled in her eyes again. "We put our lives on the line for each other all of the time. I know you feel that way about Daniel and Teal'c too." Sam sniffled.
"Sam." He leaned toward her, but she refused to look at him. "Do you remember what I said when Anise retested us?"
"How could I possibly forget?" Her lip was quivering. "I've been thinking about it since you said it."
"I have too." He tipped his head down.
"Why didn't you stop me?" She was audibly sobbing now.
"Sam.."
"Why did you let me say yes to him? How could you let me do this?" Her hands were on her pregnant belly. She finally turned to look at him. Tears were streaming down her face. Her eyes were filled with hurt.
"I didn't have a choice, Sam." It was his turn not to look at her. He was trying to hide the pain that was buried within him.
"If you would have even given me the slightest clue.. I would never have said yes. I wouldn't have been so impulsive."
"You knew how I felt about you. How couldn't you, Sam?" His voice was angry.
"How? It's not like you said it. It's not like you tried."
"I was your commanding officer. I could have been court martialed for what I did say!" He stood up, facing away from her.
"I would have given it all up for you. I would have resigned and been a scientist earlier. I would have done anything to make it work."
"I couldn't have asked you to do that.."
"You wouldn't have had to." Her face was twisted with anger. "I would have done anything to be with you." Her words cut through the air like a knife.
He turned around to face her. Her face was filled with desperation.
"Sam.." He reached forward to cup her face. "Nine years ago, I was lost. I went on a mission with the hope of never returning." He took a deep breath. "A year later, I met an incredibly talented scientist and captain. I stood alongside her, fighting evil across the universe. We experienced pain, victory, and loss. She made me a better person. She made my life worth living again. For eight years, I've known Samantha Carter, and for eight years, I've been in love with her."
The last words came out of his mouth, turning everything around them into silence.
She held his gaze. "Jack…"
He leaned forward and placed a delicate kiss on her lips. Her body shuddered, and he placed his arms around her. Her head rested gently against his chest.
"Jack." She pulled away to look at him. "I have too." She stood on her toes and kissed him. This time it was long and passionate. They both felt a heat, a longing inside of them. So much time had already been lost.
She pulled away, breathless. "So what do we do?" She didn't have to say more for him to know what she was talking about.
He knew that despite his words, there was one thing still eating away at her.
"Sam.." He began. "There's something I still haven't told you."
"I know."
"What do you mean, you know?"