oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

The copy-nin sighed to himself as he strolled down the seemingly endless hallway to his fate. He knew he would never make it out of that therapists office with his sanity in tact, which was kind of ironic since he was going there to get MORE sane. There was something calming, however, about the idea of resigning himself to his therapeutic doom. He hated opening himself up to people more than he hated many other things, so the strange peace he'd made with himself to get it over with had a somewhat serene affect on him. He was okay with it. He was actually kind of, sort of okay with it.

That was until he saw Hiruzen standing with Ami outside of her office.

Well! She'd actually tattled on him. That heathen wench.

When the two of them saw the jounin approaching they instantly halted their conversation and laid two very heavy stares right into his unsuspecting eyes.

Yikes.

"Kakashi." Hiruzen greeted gruffly when the ANBU had come within comfortable talking distance. "I'm surprised to see you here."

The jounin lay a delicate hand on his chest. "Maaa...Hiruzen-sama. I'm wounded."

"Are you? Well, it's a good thing the ninja you attacked in the kitchen wasn't as well, or we'd have a real mess."

Oh.

That.

Riiiiiight.

Kakashi had the sense to look ashamed as he tentatively scratched the tip of his nose. "Ah...yes. That's why I'm here so early. I understand I haven't been cooperative for the last couple of sessions, and I apologize for that. I'm going to take it seriously from now on. I...have realized I need it. Desperately."

Both Ami and Hiruzen stared Kakashi down as they assessed the sincerity of his words. Kakashi scrunched his shoulders up and looked rightfully bashful as they did so.

"Kakashi. I came here to tell you that if you skip a single therapy session, or leave before Ami has decided they are over, you will be incarcerated. I mean that when I say it. I have given Ami full rights to have you detained indefinitely if she feels you are purposefully not being cooperative. Do you understand what I'm telling you?"

Well.

This was one of those times Kakashi was thankful he decided to go with the masked look. He struggled not to outwardly react as he digested the fact that Hiruzen was so fed up of his bullshit that he was at the point of tossing him into a jail cell and leaving him there. Obviously, Hiruzen was just trying a bit of tough love, but Kakashi wasn't stupid enough to test him and see how far his threats went. The jounin coughed lightly into his hand and tried to look serious and not slightly panicked. Well, and a little insulted if he was honest with himself.

"Ah...yes. I will dedicate myself to my sessions, Hokage-sama. I have no intentions of turning back, or short changing myself."

Or spending ANY time at all in jail. FUCK. THAT.

Hiruzen seemed to understand Kakashi's train of thought and smiled around his pipe. "Very good. Because I have absolutely no intentions of going easy on you, Kakashi. The situation was serious before, but now it may be life or death. Please give Ami your full attention."

Kakashi bowed to Hiruzen to show his dedication. Bowing also conveniently hid the sweat that was slowly collecting on his forehead. Hiruzen could be pretty scary when he wanted to be.

The Hokage seemed to be right with this, as he nodded his goodbye to Ami and quietly strolled away without another word to Kakashi. He did, however, place a very gentle hand on the jounin's shoulder before he passed him. It made the copy-nin smile to himself.

There was a moment of silence where Kakashi glanced up at Ami from his bow and she studied him from her place at the foot of her office. She stepped aside a moment later and gestured through the door.

"Shall we?"

Kakashi stood his full height, smiled somewhat pleasantly, and walked inside. Ami followed him with a knowing smile on her face.

When she shut the door behind them and took her seat across from Kakashi, she gave him an unexpected somber frown.

"I was actually disappointed to hear about your confrontation today, Kakashi. Despite how difficult you insist on making our sessions, you have actually made some progress."

The last thing Kakashi expected was for her to somewhat sympathize with him. He adjusted himself slightly in his seat and tried to think of how to respond. "I, ah...would prefer not to talk about it."

Ami grinned.

Kakashi sighed loudly.

Right. Don't have that option.

He rubbed his temple roughly before he continued. "First of all; he spouted top secret information to a room full of people. Yes, they were ANBU, but these sessions are kept secret for a reason. Then, he proceeded to insulted me and essentially validated the reason therapy is kept a secret in ANBU-"

"-which is?"

Kakashi shot her a look of impatient annoyance. "It makes people question the ability of their commanding officers when they don't have the authority or information to do so. Which is what he accused me of; being incapable."

"Ah." She answered, scribbling away in her notebook. "Is that all?"

The jounin blinked. "Is...that not reason enough?"

With a sigh, Amy crossed her arms in front of her. "You're hiding something from me again."

Kakashi analyzed the look in her eye and realized she'd probably been debriefed about every detail of the incident. Well...fine. Everyone was apparently out to get him.

"He insinuated I keep Tenzou around for pleasurable purposes. Which is disrespectful to Tenzou as well as myself. Happy now?"

The look his therapist was giving him made him want to crawl under the nearest shag rug. It was a very troubling combination of satisfied knowing and complete victory.

She leaned forward slightly.

Kakashi leaned back.

"Why would you keep that little tidbit from me?" she whispered with far too much know-how.

Her question was greeted with a deadpan look from her patient.

"I don't like sharing. We've been over this."

"So, that was just a random fact you decided to hold back from me? Picked willy-nilly with no forethought?"

"...Yes?"

"Kakashi." Ami warned. "You're supposed to be honest with me. I know you're lying."

It enraged Kakashi that he actually felt bad about how he was still not taking his therapy sessions seriously despite everything that had happened within the last two weeks.

He was going to have to make this Ami person pay somehow. In the meantime...

"Fine. I was embarrassed. That's why I didn't tell you."

"Embarrassed..." Amy paused for dramatic affect. "...Because anything to do with your 'friend' affects you so strongly?"

Kakashi regarded Ami with barely concealed distaste, his eyes narrowed in annoyance. "You're enjoying yourself."

She shrugged. "I like it when things come together."

"You like being right."

"Now, now!" she chided, waving her pencil. "This is not my therapy session; it's yours. Now. Did I hit the nail on the head?"

He sighed heavily. "Yes."

"Alright." she concluded quietly, scribbling something in her notebook. For the umpteenth time, Kakashi found himself massaging his temples in a futile attempt to control his temper.

"To speed things up, I'm going to give you a breakdown of what I've gleaned from our three sessions together. Kakashi...it is extremely important that you are totally honest with me about how accurate I'm being. Ok?"

He stared.

"Yah."

"Great!" She continued unabated. "So. What I can see, is that you have some very deep, unhealed trauma from losing so many of your loved ones. Actually, unhealed is an understatement. You have been completely avoiding dealing with any of the emotional distress you've been keeping in regards to the losses you've suffered. Not only that, but you choose to shelter yourself from ever feeling those losses again, which throws your so called 'demons' even further down the rabbit hole of your subconscious. Fortunately, nothing stays hidden forever. What's happening is you're slowly starting to lose control of the 'dungeon' you've stuffed every issue you've ever had but never wanted to deal with. Your friend Tenzou is calling up emotions you've stuffed down deep into your psyche because you didn't want to feel them. And with those emotions comes all of the demons that are attached to them. You said you have slowly started to feel worse and worse around your friend; that's because your bond is probably growing, and with that, all the things you fear the most. Am I making sense so far?"

Kakashi blinked his wide eyes once.

"Uh. Yah..."

"Okay. So, basically, until you reach inside of yourself, pull out everything that torments you and systematically work through each and every one, you will, from this moment forward, probably not be able to function as a normal human being in society. Also, you'll lose your friendship with this Tenzou, and every other person you could potentially be friends with henceforth. Does that make sense?"

Silence.

"So...I'm a gigantic mess?"

"Well. If you want to put it so crudely, then, yes."

"Ah."

"But, you can be fixed! It just takes dedication, and the bravery to face your demons."

"Kay."

Ami stared at Kakashi, who looked like he was on another plane of reality all together. "Umm. How yah holdin' up over there?"

"Fine." He responded, his expression somewhat neutral and inconspicuous if one didn't notice the slight panic slowly gathering at the corners of his eyes.

"Okay.." she tried, leaning to the side and attempting to coax Kakashi into following her with his eyes. He continued to stare dead ahead. "You don't look fine."

"I'm fine."

Ami bit her lip.

"Huh. Well...we'll just move along then." She replied cautiously. "I think the most important issue for us to address is your hesitance to open up to people, even in regards to telling them anything about you at all. I know this question is going to seem silly, but it's important that we work through it together from the beginning. So, bare with me. Now. Why do you find it so hard to tell people about yourself?"

Kakashi blinked slowly. His mouth made some slight movement, but it seemed like he physically could not get it to open. Ami watched with morbid fascination as Kakashi struggled with himself internally.

"...Kakashi?"

"I can't do it." he whispered. His eyes told her he was actually, genuinely upset about this fact.

Ami held her hands up quickly. "Of course, of course. There's no rush at all, we have plenty of time. I'll wait." She put her book down on the table, her hands in her lap, and smiled at Kakashi supportingly.

He stared. The lines around his eyes slowly increased. He made a small, strangled kind of 'meep' sound. Ami frantically struggled to think of how to assist him.

"Ahhhh...you know...OH! Okay, let's try this. Tell me ONE thing about yourself."

This seemed to do the trick. He seemed to think, calmly, about her request for a moment before he answered.

"I'm always late on purpose."

"Good! I mean...interesting, but good start! Why are you late on purpose?"

Kakashi seemed to emotionally snap shut like a trap door. Ami found this interesting. He really, truly did not want to talk to her. This could be a huge issue.

Suddenly, she had it.

God damn she was a genius.

"Okay. Kakashi, I think I know how to help you, but i'm going to need your consent on this. You may not like it at first, but I think its what will truly help you work through what you need to."

Kakashi raised a sceptical eyebrow. "Shock therapy?"

"Wha...? No! We still do that?" She shook her head and jabbed a finger at him. "Pay attention! My plan is to get Tenzou in here to talk to you instead of me. I still want you to slowly start opening up, but I don't think that's going to happen if I'M the one your speaking to. However, I think if it's someone you trust, you'll have a much easier time. What do you say?"

"Kinda sounds like your getting someone else to do your job." He responded easily.

Ami glared. "Not...even sort of close to my end goal, Kakashi. I need you to be serious about this."

He sighed dramatically. "Fine. So, Tenzou comes in here. And what...? You feed him questions?"

"Well...sort of. I'll kind of be directing the whole thing."

"But you'll still be in the room?"

"Yes."

"Listening?"

"Yes..."

He shook his head. "Defeats the purpose."

She pursed her lips and exhaled loudly through her nose. "Okay. Lets keep going with that idea...what would be most comfortable for YOU?"

That actually seemed to get Kakashi's attention. He leaned forward and rested his chin on his hand, his slightly furrowed brow betraying his legitimate concentration. His eyes flicked back up to his therapist, and there seemed to be a spark in them that she hadn't seen yet in their sessions.

"You have recording devices?"

She blinked. "Yes, we do."

"Set up a microphone in the room. Give Tenzou some general direction of what you want us to accomplish, and then leave us alone."

Ami considered this for a whole second before she realized it could totally work and what a great idea.

"Okay!"

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Tenzou sat in the locker room, slowly forming a tiny little dollhouse in his hands. He had a pile of books laying sprawled out around him, ranging from interior decorating to architecture to gardening. His eyes were narrowed, his tongue was slightly poking out of the side of his mouth and he sure as hell meant business.

A 'poof' sound made him squeak and nearly sent his precious creation careening into the ceiling. He couldn't even be irritated for a second as his disturber was revealed to his great pleasure.

"Senpai!"

Kakashi smiled in response and stepped up to his young friend. "What have you got there?"

Tenzou glanced down at his half finished house. With a bright smile and much excitement, he practically shoved the thing directly into Kakashi's face. "I made it! I finally got an attic to go in there without ruining the roof. What do you think?"

Kakashi gently took it from his energetic comrade and turned it around in his hands. "Wow."

"Really? You like it? I've been working on it all week. There's just something about designing buildings that I can't get enough of."

Tenzou bent down and began tossing discarded magazines around. Finally, he resurfaced, his smile brighter than ever and a chosen volume in his hands. "See? I got most of my ideas from this, but then I kind of added my own designs, and I especially didn't like the way they put the sliding doors in-"

"Tenzou." Kakashi interrupted gently.

His excited yammering ceased. "Ah, yes?"

"Remember when I said you couldn't help me? Seems I was wrong."

Tenzou's smile seemed to grow twice its size.

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Ami broke down the gist of what was going on to the little ANBU shinobi in no time. He seemed to be slightly uncomfortable with the idea of basically having to dissect Kakashi emotionally, but was willing to try none-the-less. Ami sat him down in her usual chair, hooked a tiny little microphone onto his chest armour, gave them both an excited thumbs up and hurriedly exited the room.

For a tense moment, all they could do was stare at the floor.

Tenzou rubbed his arm uneasily. Ami had told him what to do, but he still didn't know where to start.

"Ah...so...Senpai." he began quietly. "Ami-san mentioned that you told her your tardiness was actually intentional? You know it drives our meeting leader crazy when you show up half way through mission debriefs."

Surprisingly, this seemed to do the trick. Kakashi assumed his usual casual, couldn't care less demeanour and easily waved off the implications he was assailed with. "Maaa...it's not so bad. She's used to flaky people; all ANBU are like that."

"Yes...but, why are you purposefully late?"

With just a small pause for a deep breath, Kakashi continued. "It's a habit I picked up from a friend. I used to be extremely punctual. Lamely punctual, really. I took things too seriously. Now I try not to take them seriously at all."

Tenzou blinked in confusion. "What made you think you were too serious? A shinobi should be serious."

A shadow seemed to pass over Kakashi's face. "There are always exceptions to every rule, Tenzou. That was my problem. I saw no exceptions, I followed every single rule blindly to the last word."

Like a bolt of lightning, something passed between the two of them. Kakashi looked deep into Tenzou's eyes with a knowing, dark gaze that instantly made the mokuton user remember the fateful moment when he decided to leave Root.

He, too, had followed orders without thought. Perhaps Kakashi had been like this in the past.

"Were...you like me? And your friend, he was like you? I mean...when you came to me, I had never given a single order another thought. But you showed me I was wrong. Did he do that for you?"

Kakashi seemed to close in on himself as Tenzou spoke, his shoulders curling in and his head dropping. He was silent for a while, his bangs obscuring his eyes. Tenzou worried he'd said something wrong.

"Yes."

Tenzou was uncertain as to whether he should continue or not, but Ami had stressed that Kakashi needed to get as much of his past in the open as possible. She said it was the only way to help him. So he continued.

"What happened to your friend?"

For some reason, there seemed to be no hesitation with Kakashi in answering Tenzou's question.

"He died. For me."

It was all Kakashi really needed to say. Tenzou sat straighter, understanding the situation completely. They stared at each other, the moment tense, but more with the gravity of what was being shared than any actual tension.

"So, you took on his way as your own?" Tenzou asked quietly.

Kakashi merely nodded. Suddenly, he seemed to withdraw again. Like he remembered how raw all of this still was for him. That he hated sharing it.

"I understand, Senpai. I know that feeling...of having your world opened up by someone kind. Maybe I would have done the same as you, if things had turned out that way." Tenzou finished with a little smile. "You feel like you owe him?"

The way Kakashi was looking at Tenzou nearly made the mokuton user stand quickly and go to him. His eyes were wide, almost confused, like he hadn't expected anyone to understand how he felt. Maybe he hadn't made the connection between he and Obito and what he did for Tenzou. The younger shinobi had never seen his Senpai look so little, so exposed. He didn't know how to handle it.

"Y...yes. I do. I do owe him. I've made so many mistakes..." Kakashi whispered, his voice almost hoarse.

"Senpai...as long as you took what he gave you and did your best to improve, that's all that matters, right?" Tenzou offered quickly, starting to panic, not knowing how to calm his Senpai, who had always seemed so strong. "You don't have to feel guilty. You don't have to mimic him. You've changed, you must have, if you were able to-"

"No more." Kakashi cut in, his voice harsh. Tenzou snapped his mouth shut, terrified he'd gone too far.

"I'm sorry." he offered, wringing his hands in front of his chest. "It's just...wouldn't he have wanted you to be happy? Instead of guilty?"

Kakashi was immobile, his gaze aimed downward.

"I don't know much about friends. Or family, even. You're the first real friend I ever had. Maybe...I have it wrong." Tenzou rambled, gazing at Kakashi, hoping to make him better. "But, if he gave his life for you, it was because he wanted you to live, right? So...you should live. And be happy. Right?"

There was no reaction from Kakashi. It barely looked like he was breathing. He merely stared at the ground, trapped in his own misery. Tenzou was horrified. He felt like he'd ruined everything.

"I don't deserve it." came the almost inaudible murmur from the prone body. Tenzou perked up.

"What...?"

Finally, Kakashi raised his head. It almost looked like there were tears glimmering in his eyes. He looked so tortured Tenzou actually leaned back in his chair.

"I don't deserve it." Kakashi ground out, his eyes suddenly narrowing. Up he went, so fast the chair nearly fell over. Tenzou stood as well, his eyes wide.

"Senpai! What do you mean-"

But Kakashi was on his way out. He opened the door, turned and left before Tenzou could figure out what to do. The mokuton user raced after him, but Ami was there to greet him. She shook her head silently. Tenzou turned to the direction Kakashi had gone to, hoping to see him, but he had vanished.

The young shinobi's shoulders dropped. He felt horrible.

"I failed..." he murmured.

Ami placed a hand on his shoulder, her eyes sympathetic. "No, Tenzou. That was great. It's going to take a long time for Kakashi to be able to face his demons and accept himself. This was an excellent first session."

The deep sigh from Tenzou told her he hardly felt comforted. He had no idea Kakashi was hurting this badly. What did he mean, he didn't deserve it? Didn't deserve to be happy? How could he think that?

Tenzou began to wonder if their relationship would ever be the same.

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

The next day Kakashi completely skipped their mission debrief. While he did have a tendency to do whatever he wanted, he'd never actually MISSED anything that pertained to his duties. As the captain, not only was it imperative he showed up, but he needed to actually have a hand guiding the briefing. No one on the team knew what to think.

"Honestly, what's taichou up to? Is this some kind of test? I wouldn't put it past him." One of his teammates grumbled. Everyone kind of shuffled around, unsure of what to say.

"If our captain couldn't be here, the reasons must have been valid. He's our leader; we should have faith in him, even if his methods tend to be unconventional." Tenzou proclaimed softly. "Let's wait and hear from him ourselves."

No one verbally responded, but Tenzou was right and they all knew it. Kakashi had never let them down before, and he was currently the best captain ANBU had. Someone brought up a mission detail and the topic was officially dropped. However, despite being the one to calm everyone, Tenzou felt like a ball of nerves. He was horribly worried about his Senpai and had no idea what to do about it. He didn't actually know where he lived, since the mokuton user rarely left the ANBU base and there was never a need to see his captain after hours.

Also. He didn't know if his presence would be...welcome. And that hurt the most.

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

The day before their mission, a messenger sent word that they would have a substitute leader in replacement of Kakashi. Everyone stared at each other in shock. It was absolutely unheard of.

"Taichou is practically a workaholic." one marvelled.

"Does he even get sick?"

"I thought he was immune to all poisons and the common cold..."

"I've been working with him since he was waist height; he doesn't skip a day."

Amid the flurry of confusion, Tenzou sat by himself, immersed in his thoughts. Kakashi wasn't acting like himself. Maybe he'd broken his Senpai. Maybe he'd pushed him too hard.

If only he could see him.

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Hiruzen grinned to himself as his requested guest appeared behind him. He took a minute to smooth his features and place a pipe in his mouth. Then, he turned dramatically.

"Kakashi. How are you holding up?"

The jounin was kneeling before the Hokage, one fist on the ground, an arm draped over his knee.

"I'm fine."

"Excellent, because you've already missed one therapy session. I allowed it because it seemed you needed the time to yourself, but I expect you to be back at it again today."

"Yes, Hokage-sama." Kakashi responded automatically. Hiruzen was not deterred.

"Unfortunately, Tenzou will be unable to attend. There is the issue of a mission to be completed, after all. I was able to find you a replacement, but Tenzou needs to be there with his team. The mission is..." Hiruzen paused to clear this throat. "Well, it isn't going to be easy. It's quite dangerous, actually. So the mokuton will be much needed."

That, as he'd expected, got Kakashi's attention. He perked up ever so slightly.

"I don't remember it being difficult..."

"Yes! Unfortunately, things change. There is a bit of an added element that will cause serious problems. I know you've dealt with these things before, so you understand. I'm certain your team will do you proud, Kakashi. Although..." he trailed off again, taking a puff of his pipe. "It is...so very dangerous. I do hope everyone returns safely."

There was a moment of silence where Hiruzen pretended to be lost in thought and Kakashi silently panicked.

"Well!" the Hokage exclaimed. "I must be back to my work. Do enjoy the rest of your day, Kakashi, and please be sure to show up for therapy."

The jounin bowed low and disappeared so quickly he forgot his porcelain mask on the ground where he'd placed it beside him.

Hiruzen grinned to himself.

It's just too easy sometimes.

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Tenzou snapped the rest of his armour into place methodically. He was in one of the worst moods he could remember being in in recent memory. He was starting to worry that he wasn't going to be able to pay attention on the mission. The least he could do was not fuck up a routine assassination, but the thought that he'd single-handedly put their iron-willed captain out of commission was tormenting him endlessly.

"Yo."

Tenzou whirled around, sword raised. Kakashi merely stared at him with his usual unimpressed gaze as the glistening, freshly polished sword rested on his collar bone.

"Really, Tenzou. This is how you greet me?"

"Senpai..." Tenzou gasped, so surprised he didn't think to move his sword. "I...wasn't expecting to see you."

"Ah." Kakashi responded as he gently gripped the tip of his friends weapon and moved it off of his person. "You shouldn't let your guard down, especially before a mission. I'm disappointed. Should I leave my team with someone more capable?"

Their usual banter was so refreshing to the mokuton user that he blushed faintly and dropped his gaze. "No, Senpai."

Silence filled the room while Tenzou struggled with that to say. Finally, fists clenched, he raised his head and blurted out whatever came to him first.

"I'm sorry! Is it because of me that you can't do the mission?"

Kakashi felt like the biggest piece of garbage ever. It was bad enough he dragged Tenzou into the shit show that was his head, but now he had him taking responsibility for his immaturity. The copy-nin stepped forward and placed a firm hand on Tenzou's shoulder. He looked him dead in the eye, the younger shinobi's flush deepening when their gazes connected.

"No, Tenzou. It's because of me. I asked you to help me, remember that. None of this is on you. Ever."

The way Tenzou's mouth curled into a sweet smile and his wide eyes lit up made Kakashi's hand twitch on his friends shoulder. He had the scary urge to touch Tenzou's lips with his thumb. They just seemed like they'd be ridiculously soft. Like his hair. Probably his skin...

"Are you feeling better, Senpai?"

The question effectively snapped Kakashi back to reality and simultaneously made him feel guilty for thinking unpure thoughts of his definitely pure friend. "Yes. Don't worry about me, Tenzou. I want you to focus on the mission. I expect you and everyone else to come back without a scratch. You'll have more to worry about if you disobey those orders than how I'm feeling."

Tenzou absolutely beamed. "Yes, Senpai. Although, it is a simple one day mission, so that shouldn't be hard to do."

Kakashi paused.

"Sorry?"

"Ah..." Tenzou looked rightly confused. "You don't remember? It's just an assassination of a petty thief. The only reason they're sending ANBU is because he stole from a feudal lord. We're only expected to be away for around six hours."

Kakashi glared at the wall behind Tenzou's head.

Hiruzen. You dog...

"Senpai...?"

Kakashi glanced back down at his kouhai, who looked like he had no idea what to think about his captain anymore. Kakashi resumed his casual happy face, his eyes forming their typical 'n' shape.

"Right, I remember now. Must be all the commotion that got things mixed up in my head. Good luck regardless, Tenzou. Let me know how it goes."

Tenzou brightened again almost instantly. The two said their goodbyes and Tenzou left the locker room to meet up with their team. Kakashi remained alone for a minute, trying to organize his thoughts. During his brief, lone episode of self pity, he had thought long and hard about his and Tenzou's discussion at therapy. Kakashi had never given what he did for his kouhai much thought, but he supposed it was very similar to what Obito did for him. Maybe...he could make up for all of his failures by helping at least one person. If he could just watch out for Tenzou, then maybe...

Although.

He did JUST send him on a mission BY HIMSELF. Sans Kakashi.

So.

Way to go.

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo