"So you and Kinders are like, together?" I asked Pippa as we wandered back to the waiting room.
"We're married, two years now but we've spent a year apart because of my deployment. I saw him at Bastion but I got sent to Kandahar and he went with you guys to Kabul." She sighed brushing the ring that hung around her neck against her lips."
"I didn't even know he had a wife!"
"We both decided not to talk about it too much because it's hard you know, being away from someone you love for so long! It's the first time we've been deployed separately but both been in Afghan if you know what I mean."
"How'd you swing that?"
"Well the first deployment was just after Sam was born and I was 18, Charles was 20 and we went out and that's when I met him, he was 23 and I just completely fell in love with him but I didn't tell him and then we went out on this mission on the last day of the tour and there was contact and he turned to me and said "If I die, I want you to know that I love you, ever since I met you." And I was so happy that I didn't know what to say. We got back to Bastion and Charles took me to one side and was like, "don't give into him, he's just trying to get into your pants, trust me he doesn't love you" and then when and gave him the verbal beating of his life and I overheard "If you lay one fucking finger on my fucking sister, I'll flatten you. If you break her heart…well, I'm a trained killer, I think that's all I need to say." So Liam was really nervous all the way home and I was giving him the death glare because I believed Charles and then on decompression he took me on a really romantic date and said he didn't care if I didn't want to be with him in a physical way, he would accept just being my friend but I was like I think we should just see where it goes. I had about a year of normality where we seriously dated and then I went off to Sandhurst for a year with Charles. When I came back he'd been on tour and was really up himself like all the lads are after they go on tour. So I went on tour for a year and came back and he was really apologetic and said he'd never stopped worrying about me and how he couldn't live like that anymore and we got back together. We went away on three of the three month training camps and it's all pretty lax there so that was almost a year of being together then we were offered a year-long tour so we took it and because we weren't actually married or anything we ended up in the same platoon with Charles and for the first few weeks it was good but then everything went a bit shit."
"Smurf said something about Geraint."
"Yeah. Geraint was at the heart of it, really. He was obsessed with me, like completely, he was so flirty and eventually the jealousy set in and there would be these blazing rows between the two of them."
"Kinders and Geraint?"
"Yeah. And Charles had to keep intervening. Then, one day, Geraint ran out into a mine field and the medic was shitting themselves so I went out to deal with it because I was the Lieutenant and also I started out as a Combat Medical Technician so it was a gut instinct. Charles went fucking mental and started screaming orders at me down the radio "Lieutenant James, don't you fucking dare take another step" and then it became "Pippa, if you don't fucking come back right this fucking instant I'll have you up for disciplinary" and I also had "What the fuck are you doing!" coming in from Liam but I managed to get Geraint safely out and Charles lectured him about putting people's lives in danger and stuff but when we got back to camp, I had a massive row with Liam. He was all "You put your fucking life and our fucking future in danger for that prick" and I was like "I'd do the same for anyone" and he just goes "well I don't want to share my girlfriend with the whole section." So I left him and went out to the food tent, really pissed off! Then Geraint was there and he's like "You deserve a kiss for saving my life!" and then full on snogged me and I realised Liam was watching so I started doing it back to spite him."
"Oh shit!"
"Yeah looking back it was a really stupid thing to do but at the time it was the only way to hurt him. Charles went fucking mental and told Geraint that he wasn't to touch me again and all that but of course nobody knew about me and Liam. Anyway it all backfired and a week later I walked into the medical tent to see Liam shagging the medic. I was completely destroyed, I was like "I only fucking kissed him" and "I did it to piss you off" and he was like "well I did that to piss you off" but it was quite a lot more to me than a kiss."
"Had you and him…you know? If you don't mind me asking?"
"Oh yeah, God yeah. He reckoned we must be completely fucked up because statistically I should have got pregnant like six times but he didn't realise that I was on the pill so it was fine."
"Do you not want kids?"
"I'm an army girl. One day maybe I'd have kids but I was getting ready to go to Sandhurst first and then I'd just got back from Afghan and it's not something you do immediately after so it was never the right time."
"So how did you end up married?"
"He apologised and I basically said "Go fuck yourself!" but then he got shot and I was completely beside myself and it proved to me how much I loved him. So I forgave him and he said "When we get home I need you to marry me because I can't pretend that I don't love you anymore." I obviously agreed and Geraint found out. He went completely nuts and gunned down some dickers and then we got contact and he got shot. He died and I felt so guilty."
"Shit that must have been hard."
"It was ridiculously hard. I did care about him a lot like you care about the people in your section. It's just I didn't care about him in the way he wanted me to."
"And Boss Man went to retrieve him?"
"Yeah, he would have done the same for anyone. He didn't like Geraint all that much because of what happened between me and him but he was a good soldier till I shitted him up."
"It ain't your fault."
"I was, I should have been more sensitive and I shouldn't have used him to get at Liam."
"I don't think you can say that for sure. You did some bad shit but we all have. Anyway, that was years ago."
We sat down by Liam who was still holding Sam tightly. He reached out for me so I took him and rocked him on my knee. I felt so sorry for him, he could only vaguely remember me from the few phone calls and visits we managed and now when he was at his most vulnerable...at risk of losing his dad, I was all he had. What was more, the bitch had just fucked off and left him. I get it, she hates Charles' guts but seriously, to fucking leave your child with a distraught aunt he barely knew to cry over the father he barely recognised was an utterly shit thing to do.
Molly was chewing on the edge of her paper cup and I was trying to catch her eye to reassure her but she was staring at a spot on the floor. Liam had his arm resting on the back of my chair, gently running my fingers through my greasy unwashed chocolate brown locks.
"You've still got all the shit from Afghan in your hair, babe." He whispered in my ear and I nodded. "You'll have to have a shower before Barracks." I ignored him. "What's gonna happen to little man when we go to Barracks?"
"I'm not going to Barracks."
"Of course you're going to Barracks."
"I'm not."
"Honey, you don't have a choice!"
"Of course I have a choice."
"Look, you can come with me and Molly and we'll come straight back on Thursday after."
"Do you not speak fucking English?"
"What do you want me to say Philippa? It's ok that you intervened in Bastion, its ok that you disobeyed the Majors orders, its ok that you got on the plane when they told you not to? It's ok that you are camping out at the hospital instead of making sure you sort out your section, its ok that you miss Barracks? None of those things is fucking ok!"
"So if I was shot and I was dying you wouldn't do everything in your power to be with me? You wouldn't try and be there in case I needed someone?"
"You're my wife!"
"He's my brother! I have never spent longer than three months away from him until this last tour and that was so fucking hard! He might die and you expect me to be ok with that?"
"You can't be this over the top about it!"
"Over the fucking top? Did you actually just say that?"
"You fucking promised that you would be at Barracks for me! As well as yourself! You agreed as my wife that you would support me and put on a show! I need this! If they know that I'm married to you I might get that promotion because their reservation was if I would be able to do it but they would know that you would make sure I did."
"Get the fuck out. You are so fucking selfish! You are worried about a fucking promotion when Charles is fighting for his life! After everything he did for you? Fuck off! Go to fucking Barracks, tell them about your trophy wife that's not there because she's dealing with casualties from Afghan."
"Philippa...I didn't...shit. Look fine stay if you want. I'll see you at home."
"I won't be at home."
"Where will you be?"
"My real home. With my real family."
"Don't do this. I'm sorry. What I said was shit, I'm sorry."
"If you want to see me, come to Bath and ask my Mum first. I don't think I can even bear to look at you!"
"You are fucking kidding right?"
"Do I sound like I'm fucking kidding?"
"Ah fuck you Philippa!"
"Fuck you Liam!" I spat and he stormed off. My heart was racing, I had overreacted but he was being so fucking selfish. What was I supposed to do? I turned to Molly, she looked shocked. "Do you think I should have let him say that to me?"
"I...its not my place." She sighed.
"Yes it is, you're technically my sister, I want to know your opinion."
"I think he was being selfish. But at the same time he has a point, you seem to choose Boss Man over him and I can see why that would hurt him."
"If it was the other way round I would do the same for him!"
"I know but I don't think he was thinking about that."
"I couldn't leave him. What if he was alone and he died!"
"It don't bear thinking about, I know."