The crew was silent as Shepard, Garrus, and Joker returned to the ship, few looking toward them in respect as they returned to their posts in silence, sealing themselves off from conversation, interaction. The time on Alchera, the effect that seeing the crash site had, was impossible to ignore. The silence and evident pain continued on as they left the system, and returned to a routine trip around planets to harvest minerals and element zero for research projects. The ship on autopilot, the trio of original members moved from their posts to the only place on the ship with a bar, taking different places and patching their wounds with old stories of the Normandy SR-1, and the adventures Garrus and Joker took during Shepard's absence.
It was a moment of healing for them, gathering back their strength after letting it all go in that last goodbye. It gave them a moment of peace, of gentle kindness in the midst of a war against an enemy ripping them apart.
Though the yearning for the others, for the chance to see them again... it lingered regardless of their attempts. They would do their best to get the rest, no matter what. It was hard enough saying goodbye to so many, but to lose the ones still alive would burn in her chest forever if she failed to find them in time.
They finished their healing session with some drinks, and returned to their jobs with the agreement of seeking out their old friends and fixing the mistakes of the past. Back to work, back to scrapping together a crew, build a plan to defeat the Collectors, and along the way discover the way to dump Cerberus. There was only one dossier left from he Illusive Man for now, and it had them on the hunt for another krogan. She would have preferred Wrex over any krogan any day, but like many of her crew, he was simply unavailable to be pulled into her mission. They were quickly amassing supplies for upgrades, and as they finished mining the last planet on her current list, Shepard gets Joker and the Normandy moving toward the Dr. Okeer, her Warlord Krogan recommended to her, putting them on the planet Korlus.
As they hit the Mass Relay, Shepard took another trip to the cargo bay, aiming her lingering sorrow at a makeshift punching bag as landed punches in quick succession, sending her legs high up to kick the flailing bag until she was forced to steady it or send it flying. Taking a moment to breathe, she stepped back and stared at her punching bag. The patchwork cloth shifted, changing before her. She hissed as Saren took its place, grinning at her. His voice echoed in her head like church bells, the ringing signalling her descent into hell as the indoctrinated turian reached to meet her halfway.
"Look at how are you've come to joining me, Shepard. Not much longer, and we can be monsters together."
She roared out, sending a wildly wound up right hook into the defenseless punching bag, her biotics supporting her hit, sending it wildly flying in pieces across the cargo bay. As the few people moving things around her stopped to stare and then quickly clean, Shepard stepped back once again, staring at her now bleeding fist. The lines of cybernetics glowed under her bindings, even though they were nearly all black. She growled, pushing back her hair, and made a dash for the elevator before the mission, straight to her cabin where she sat underneath the spray of her shower, and rubbed her eyes.
"Cerberus has done a lovely job on you, Shepard. You almost glow like them."
"Shut up."
Was she going slowly mad? Would these cybernetics turn her into her enemy, the man who looked for human dominance in the universe? She touched her face, knowing the ugly scars of her unhealed face rested there, the ugly glowing forever shining through her skin and muscles. His whispers continued, the crawling sensation of his claws on her shoulders growing stronger.
"Imagine it, Commander. The greatest Spectres in the universe, hand in hand, watching the universe burn because we joined one another."
"Shut up."
"You will fall to them as I did, Katherine Shepard. You cannot deny the attraction of the Reapers, and my charm."
"You are not the turian I hold in my heart, and never will you be, and neither will Nihlus, so disappear into the darkness from whence you dragged yourself out of, Saren."
Her words tamed the demons and sent them running, knowing that these specters would not sway her, would not change her. She had almost had a time with Nihlus, but lost him to Saren soon after. Saren simply had played with her mind, slipping through her defenses through newly forged cracks. She had almost given in, but her only turian kept her steady despite almost losing water was turning cold, and she had sat on her shower floor long enough hallucinating Saren. Turning it off, she shuffled out nude and wet, grabbing for a pair of panties and slipping into her combat shorts, dressing for the next mission just as Joker chimed in to tell her they were approaching the Blue Suns camp Okeer squatted in that moment.
"You're sitting out again, Miranda. Any issues?" she stated as she adjusted her gloves, Garrus following Jacob into the shuttle as they approached their landing point.
"Nothing, Commander."
"When we head for Jack, you're coming along. We're going against krogan here, so we're limiting biotics for this one. Got that, Jacob?"
"Of course, Commander. I'll stick to my shotgun."
"You'll need it." Garrus mumbled, drawing a little smile from Shepard.
"We'll be back with a krogan!"
"Well... we came back with a krogan."
Shepard stood before the tank Okeer had left behind for them, claiming he had engineered the perfect soldier, the purest krogan from the greatest lineage there weres available. Garrus gave a rumbling noise from both his subharmonics and his voice, amused and concerned for what rested behind the frosted glass.
Miranda and Jacob were having a lover's quarrel somewhere on the ship, even though she encouraged peace between them. There wasn't much they could do when their krogan was killed by nerve gas and all that was left was one tank krogan and a lot of bodies. Garrus and Shepard stood there for a while looking at the tank in its new home on the Engineering deck, tilting their heads as they were observing. They stood there in silence for a while, just contemplating what to do with the krogan in the tank.
"It was interesting to see Rana again."
Shepard nodded. "Seems though she didn't get the message of 'stay clear of crazy scientists involved with krogans'."
"She didn't get that message in the slightest."
Another long pause wrapped around them as they continued to keep eyes on the tank, still contemplating what to do with the krogan within. Finally, Shepard stepped forward, touching the tank's console, the only thing standing between her and the krogan with the exception of the turian behind her. She put a hand against the frosted glass, smiling as her hands returned to the console.
"I'm going to let the krogan out."
She turned to Garrus as she hovered over the keys, nodding gently to assure him she would be alright. She knew he was hesitant but she also knew he believed she could handle a brand new krogan with no issue. They had taken on Rachni, Geth, and Reapers before. Krogan would not put down Commander Shepard. He also was plannign ahead as he slipped out of the room for his own safety. Shepard versus a krogan would be a wild thing, and the last thing that needed to happen was for her to hurt him in some way.
"Are you sure, Shepard?" EDI asked as she hovered over the keys, "We do not know how he will react, and more likely then not, he will be violent."
"I'm sure, EDI. It would be a waste keeping him in here, and we need the help, even if it's a young, violent super soldier krogan. I'm going to open it."
A few keystrokes had the tank humming and firing up, the glass clearing so she could see the krogan better, stepping back just in case he busted through the glass. He was slow to wake, the fluids within draining, the glass cover opening for him as he hopped out. He seemed to take a moment to get his bearings, coughing up whatever fluid had gotten into his lungs before murder filled his eyes, and he roared forward, taking her and slamming her to the back of the room, his meaty arm pinning her there by the neck. She didn't fight immediately, her biotics shimmering around her as he spoke.
"Human, female. Before you die, I need a name."
Straight to the point. It worked for Shepard as she gave him a cruel smile.
"You sure you don't want mine?"
"No." he voice was gravelly, perhaps it would change, or it would not seeing as he was krogan. His eyes spoke no kindness, spitting instead fury and ferocity, "I am trained, I know things, but the tank... Okeer couldn't implant connection. His words are hollow."
She figured as much. Genetically engineering couldn't truly implant imprints or connections, communication and interaction needed for such things. He seemed to think, recall memories before he spoke again.
"Legacy, warlord, grunt... grunt. 'Grunt' was among the last. It has no meaning. It'll do."
He faced her completely, now with a name of his own, his fury pointed now completely at her. This challenge was amusing, though she didn't appreciate the bruising push of his arm against her throat.
"I am Grunt. If you are worthy of your command, prove your strength and try to destroy me."
"That's a dangerous thing to say to me, whelp." she growled softly, her biotics shining before she calmly spoke once more. "I'd rather not throw you through your tank."
"Your words mean nothing, human. If you will not prove it physically, I will not hesitate to take you out. I know how to kill you easily. How to break your spine, the shortest path to your organs. Your biotics will not save you from me."
She smiled once again. "We have worthy foes for you to fight, Grunt. Fighting me will earn you nothing but gunfire and death from my crew. They will not hesitate to slaughter you and splatter your blood across the floor. Join me, and you'll have more then enough people to rip apart and kill. I have a few on the ship I may even let you get your hands on. Besides, you aren't in the position to fight anyway."
"Huh?"
His eyes finally moved down, spotting her M-5 Phalanx pressed against his chest, her finger hovering over the trigger. Her biotics sparked again in warning. He let out a laugh before stepping back, letting her go. She stretched her bruising neck as he seemed to smirk back at her.
"Offer one hand, and arm the other. A good tactic. You've proven yourself a fine commander. What are you called?"
She rubbed her throat before speaking, putting her pistol back into her thigh holster. "Commander Shepard. Just call me Shepard."
"Shepard, then. I will stay here, but first, tell me of these endless enemies. I'd like to know what I would be aiming for when I am on the battlefield."
"Gladly, Grunt. Welcome to the crew. I'll fill you in on the ship, the mission, and all the enemies you get to kill, buddy."
He gave a dark, but excited chuckle, reminding her of Wrex's excitement back during the hunt for Saren. It almost felt like she had a missing piece filled in. Grunt may not be a Wrex, but damned if he didn't come close.
Shepard had reports, datapads full of Alliance reports and movements, Cerberus personnel files, her last dossier, a holographic star chart of the universe, and a plate with decent mozzarella sticks around her, the information spread out on the floor of her cabin. She flipped through an Alliance report, a statement including several approved missions in various places, before setting it down and entering the data into a file in her omni tool. She was attempting to avoid Alliance patrols and cameras, knowing that the ugly Cerberus symbols would be targets immediately regardless of what Admiral Hackett said. She was in a terrorist-allied copy of the Normandy.
Her door shuttered open, and her eyes were drawn to Garrus walking in with two steaming mugs, drawing a relieved sigh from the Commander as he handed her a cup, her eyes sparkling at the sight of the contents.
"Tiny marshmallows!"
Garrus' duel toned voice showed his happiness at her excitement. "Gardner ordered them apparently, told me you'd like them."
"Marshmallows and hot cocoa is such a great combo," she cried, before taking a deep drink, sighing as she set it down, a chocolate mustache on her upper lip as she plucks a marshmallow from her cup, "So good and warm and sweet."
"Those things look weird. How are those tasty?" Garrus asked, sitting down on his couch, avoiding stepping on her work. She raised the plucked up marshmallow.
"Marshmallows? They're fluffy, and don't taste like much. We should see if we could get dextro marshmallows!"
"I don't know about that one, Shepard."
She chuckled and set her mug down, picking up another datapad, flipping through the information, setting it into the pile of sorted data. Another drink, another datapad, a growing pile of finished and discarded pads.
"Hand me that dossier on the table, please."
She shoved another mozzarella stick into her mouth as Garrus tossed her the dossier, munching on it and swallowing before looking at it, taking a drink.
"Jack. Why do I have a feeling this isn't going to be simple at all, especially if we're dealing with the Blue Suns again."
"Again?" Garrus asked, her subharmonics buzzing in her eyes in a way Shepard could tell was annoyance, "What has to be to get this Jack?"
She flipped through the info with a touch of a finger, scrutinizing the information for a moment. "We have to go get Jack through the Blue Suns on a maximum security prison called Purgatory. Cerberus is paying for her transfer to us. Like I said, I know something is going to go wrong. It also says Jack is a immensely powerful biotic."
"You may actually have someone to rival you now." His face spelled out his smugness as she tossed a dead datapad at his head, the turian ducking out of the way as it hit the glass guarding her small office and bounced onto the couch. She growled at him, drawing a chuckle from the turian once again.
"In all seriousness though, Shepard, do you think this is a good idea at all? Handing money into the hands of the Blue Suns for this person just because the Illusive Man said so?"
Shepard's scowl shuddered, disappearing into a mask of steel. He couldn't miss that split second though that defeat almost crossed her eyes, the weight of the world around her crashing down. How helpless here with a Cerberus crew, a Cerberus mission, and a Cerberus-built body.
"I can't do anything about it...why do you think I'm studying Alliance comms and messages? I can't be around them anymore. If they spot us, they'll be ordered to shoot to kill. I'm a fucking leashed dog in this situation, with just a lot of fucking slack on it."
She tossed the datapad she had been holding into the pile before her, running her hands through her hair as she growled again.
"It doesn't help that I'm hallucinating now and it's fucking horrible do hear and see Saren and-"
She hadn't expected to ramble, nor did she expect the feeling of the turian before her - one of two people left from her old life - taking her from the pile around her, pull her to her feet, and hold her close, his talons tight around the small of her back, comforting her seemingly in the only way she knew would help her. The commander mask broke wide open as his subharmonics hummed in a way she so clearly understood. The soft warbling and sounds of a friend, of her rock in this turbulent universe.
A last hand reaching out as she tumbled downward into the endless expanse of death and insanity.
She took that time there, in Garrus' comforting arms and hold, and broke down as she let her pain and fears come alive. She needed to let this cork fly out so she didn't let it boil over. He didn't say a thing, simply rubbing her back and keeping her together as she broke apart for this moment.
It took an hour for her to collect herself and put back her strong face and fearless personality, cleaning up the mess of her work together. She kept close to Garrus until she called finally the end of the day. Garrus did worry for her, especially with the mention of hallucinations. She promised to talk with Chakwas in the morning and bid him goodnight. She took a shower, sitting on the flora and letting it pour down her back and face. She shuddered as the bathroom turned cold.
Hallucinations. It was either Saren or what she believed was what she truly was with her glowing cybernetics.
She had a long day tomorrow. She had Jack to obtain.
"Do you see now, Saren... who I choose?"
Her smile was seen in the dark as she turned off the shower, and struggled to drag her naked, sore body into her bed. His wicked eyes stared into her as she curled around a pillow and snuggled into the blankets.
"He will die just like Nihlus, just like Kaiden. Watch and marvel at the Reapers as they take everything from you, Commander."