Violetta

It felt like hours before I finally stood up and walked up to my room quickly. They all watched me, and watched again as I made my way back in. I was holding something this time. I handed it to Carlisle.

"What's this?" He asked.

"I don't know. I found it like 15 years ago when I returned to our old abandoned home. It was under a loose floorboard in the room that was mine. There was one addressed to me beside it, said to give this to you and not to look at it."

"Who's it from?"

"My mother."

"What was her name?" Esme asked Carlisle quietly.

"Marcella." He replied.

He opened it up and read quietly. No one said anything. Edward was reading though his thoughts.

A while passed before Carlisle gave the letter to Esme.

"She said I should consider renaming you 'Adriana' because it means dark. She knew who you would become, apparently. She said having biological parents like us, one being a vampire, the other being a very dangerous criminal, you would be troubled. You would be depressed."

"I guess she was right." I said quietly. "She said I meant nothing in mine. That I was accident and that she wanted to abort me. That I killed her. That you wouldn't want me, that I wasn't important. It's funny, I don't regret killing her."

"You didn't—"

"I did."

"Okay, well you didn't mean it." He said.

"I didn't say I meant it. I said I don't regret it."

"Vi…" Jasper said, "That doesn't sound very nice."

"I should be named Adriana because it means dark, remember? I'm dark. She knew I would be like this."

"She had no idea what she was talking about. I didn't name you for her."

"I thought you named me Violetta because she liked violets."

"She hated violets…" He admitted.

"Really?"

"Yes. She hated them. I named you something she hated because that's just what I did. I don't really know why."

"Yet it was still Italian."

"You're Italian." He said.

"I don't even look the slightest but Italian."

"Some Italians have blonde hair and blue eyes."

"You just liked the name didn't you?"

He nodded.

Esme shot up and appeared on the opposite side of the table. She was holding Carlisle's letter and the one I had just written beside each other.

"What are you doing?"

"Well in Carlisle's letter, it says "She isn't much; let her be on her own if she wants it that way. She doesn't need you." and I was just making sure the handwriting was different."

"You thought I wrote the letter to him saying he should rename me and that I was useless?"

"You expressed your thoughts about yourself in this. I was just suspicious." She folded the page I wrote and slipped it into her pocket and handed the other back to Carlisle.

"Oh no, take my thing out and burn it or something."

"What thing?"

"Esme."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"It will come back to bite you in the arse if you don't throw it out now."

"I can't help but think that these little things you wrote to specific people sound much like suicide letters."

I went silent.

Esme nodded, "Sort of like the ones I wrote once."

"When did you write them?" Rosalie asked.

"A few years ago." Esme replied. They all stared at her in shock and guilt, "Oh come on you all know I'm not mentally stable."

"Carlisle did you know about this?" Bella asked.

He nodded.

"Why do you think you never got the letters? He found them and talked me out of it."

"How were you planning—the Volturi." Tanya said.

Esme nodded. "It was either that or piss Rosalie off a lot."

"I didn't even write letters." Bella said.

"What?" Carlisle and Edward asked at the same time.

"When I was still human. The whole cliff-diving thing wasn't completely recreational; I just had to tell Alice and Jacob that."

"You son of a bitch." Jacob said quietly.

"I wrote notes once, a very long time ago, but I decided it would never work because Alice would see it before it happened and then I would just feel guilty because Emmett would be upset." Rosalie said.

"I feel so left out right now." Alice said, "If I ever wrote notes, it was when I was human and I don't remember."

"Good. Talk to someone before you get to that point." I said to her. "Once you get there, there is no turning back for a very long time."

"Took me 2 decades." Rosalie said.

"I don't think I recovered fully until like, after Renesmee's birth." Bella said.

Esme stayed silent. They all looked at her as I looked at Mason.

"What?" She asked.

"How long did it take you to recover?"

She didn't reply again.

"She didn't." Carlisle said quietly.

"Really?" She asked him, irritated that he answered them truthfully.

"They probably should know."

"They probably don't need to know."

"Did you already know?" Bella asked Edward. He shook his head.

"To be honest, I had no idea."

The Denali's had been very quiet.

"Have any of you ever written suicide notes?" Rosalie asked.

They all shook their heads, except for Carmen.

Edward stared at her. "Yes." She admitted.

All of the Denali's stared at her in shock. "Carmen?" Eleazar asked for an explanation.

"When?" Tanya asked.

"A few years ago, it was nothing."

"That's not nothing." Kate shook her head, "Why didn't you tell us?"

"Because I knew this would happen…" She said. "I'm supposed to be the bright, happy, caring one, not the depressed suicidal one."

"How did I never know?" Eleazar asked.

"I never showed it."

"People suffer in silence all the time." I said. "I did for 3 years before I gave up and didn't care what anyone thought anymore."

I walked over to Mason.

"We're not finished." Carlisle said to me.

"I'm taking a break." I said.

I stood half a step in front of him and stared into his eyes, "I am so sorry. I never meant to bring this all onto you." I whispered.

He snickered and shook his head. "Violetta, you are literally my life now, nothing is going to scare me away from you." He said before he kissed me 3 times.

"Yuck." Emmett said. I realised that the room had fallen silent. I turned and saw all of them staring at us.

I rolled my eyes and dragged Mason into the kitchen, which was the closest next room.

He kissed me again, "I wish you knew how perfect you are." He whispered very low.

I kissed him back a few times, and I didn't want to stop. My fingers tangled in his hair as we made out.

I didn't realise Emmett walk in and back out, "Whoa. Things are getting a little too intense in there."

Rosalie looked around the corner and turned straight back to the living room, "Wow."

"Why in the kitchen?" Renesmee asked quietly.

"Violetta!" Carlisle half called me in, half yelled at me as a scolding.

I made a frustrated noise and parted from Mason.

"That was sudden…" He said.

"That was needed…" I whispered very quietly into his ear, "But it was not enough."

"Violetta!" Edward yelled.

"Vaffanculo…" I said to him.

"She just told me to fuck off in Italian!"

"Violetta!" Carlisle yelled this time.

I walked back in with Mason behind me, "Yes?"

"Do not swear at your brother, or at all. Behave, and come back in here because we are not finished."

"I thought we got through enough." I said.

"We need to discuss solutions. And Mason is staying in Seth and Leah's room tonight."

"Carlisle." Esme whispered.

"I don't care what happened tonight, she is too young."

Esme decided not to argue, since he probably would be upset with her at the moment too. She sat up and smiled sympathetically at me.

I rolled my eyes. Mason returned to where he previously was, and I did too.

"Solutions." Carlisle said.

"I don't think you understand how mental illness works…"

"No, solutions over this current event right now, not your depression." He rolled his eyes.

"He's a doctor…" Rosalie said to me, "I think he understands better than anyone in this room, apart from Jasper."

"Sit." He said to me.

I groaned and sat down, "Töte mich jetzt..."

"What?" Tanya asked.

"She said 'kill me now'." Edward informed them. "German."

"Can you not?"

"This is what we're talking about, Letty." Carlisle said.

"I don't need help. I am fully capable of taking care of myself."

"Says the one who had 5 bottles of very strong pills hidden in her drawer…" Esme said quietly.

"How did you even find—the text, right." I remembered.

"How did you get them?" Carlisle asked.

"I took them from the hospital."

"They were locked up, sweetie. They're the strongest ones we have."

"So I broke a lock." I shrugged my shoulders.

"Letty, if they investigate this and find them here, or find me putting them back, then the whole family is going to be in trouble."

"Well I'm sorry but I wasn't planning on you finding them."

"And if we didn't find them?"

"Then I probably wouldn't be here right now." I said quieter. I wasn't going to lie to them. I had enough of that.

"And land yourself right back in the hospital? Just in the psych ward under suicide watch?" Carlisle asked.

"No, I wasn't really planning on surviving…I thought that was pretty obvious. I didn't get the strongest ones on accident."

"You're not even trying to make us feel better anymore, are you?" Rosalie asked.

"I've really given up on lying." I replied.

"Okay. What is going to happen is you and Jasper are going to sort out a time once a week at the least that you are both free, and will keep free so you can talk, like you would with any other counsellor that you're making an appointment with. Jasper from then will decide how often you need these, and what medication we may be able to put you on. We just have to make sure it'll work. If you refuse this medication, we will call in someone more forceful, seeing as none of us will be strong enough to do it. A different counsellor who has their own office and everything. If you skip talking to Jasper on your set day and time, or refuse to speak with him at all, I will do something about it. I'm sure you enjoy talking to Mason, correct? Because that won't be happening if you do not attend these appointments." Carlisle said.

I stared at him, "You can't just—"

"I just did." He cut me off.

"You didn't even ask Jasper!"

"It's cool with me." Jasper said.

"No, I'm sorry but no." I said.

"Fine, Mason can go home now and won't be able to come back for a while. I'll take your phone. I brought that one, remember? And your laptop. You won't have any time at all to call him."

"Dad!"

He stared at me as Mason walked towards the door. He was in on it the little bitch.

"You can't do that."

"I can, and I will." He said.

"Why are you doing this to me?" My eyes were tearing up, and I hated that I cried when I was angry. Or maybe I was crying because it just clicked that my whole family knew about my recent plans to take my own life, and they hadn't been reacting to it at all.

"You don't this is a reaction?" Edward asked, motioning to Carlisle, "I don't think he's ever set rules like that for any of us."

"Shut up." I said to him.

"And stop talking like that to your siblings or there will be even more consequences. Doesn't that sound fun? School?"

"Carlisle, that's enough." Esme said quietly.

"No Esme, it really isn't."

I disappeared up the staircase and slammed my door.

"Oh no, she slammed her door." He called up. "What ever will I do?"

"Carlisle!" Esme scolded quietly.

"What?"

"Why are you doing this to her?"

"She needs help, Esme."

"Then talk to her yourself once a week, don't make her talk to Jasper if she doesn't want to. You heard how bad she feels when she does. And don't threaten her with school."

"What do propose we do? She won't talk to us; she wants us to think she's happy."

"Well trying to punish her isn't going to work, is it? Find a different approach or don't approach at all."

"I would say that approach was about to get through to her, actually…" Carmen said quietly.

"I thought so too." Carlisle agreed with her.

How dare he threaten me with that? I would show him up now. As soon as I can bring myself to speak to him again, I'll say I want to go to school.