AN: Here you go. Another little chapter to move us along.
I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think!
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Daryl had already decided that the next time he decided to lose his temper on Carol, it might be better to simply put a few good sized rocks into a pillow case and beat her with them.
When she finally stopped crying, he tried to plead with her through the door to open it and speak to him again...whatever it was that she might have to say to him, he didn't care, just so long as she was talking to him.
Carol finally opened the door and Daryl scrambled away from where he'd settled down on the other side of the door to wait her out.
"Are you OK?" Daryl asked, getting to his feet.
Her face showed clearly the signs that she'd been crying and he watched as she pulled the skirt of the dress that she was wearing up and used it to wipe her face and her nose.
She nodded slightly and walked toward him, not looking directly at him, she began an odd sort of elaborate dance to figure out how to escape the room and Daryl moved to block her in, not sure that he wanted to allow her said escape.
"You gotta talk to me," Daryl said. "You gotta tell me you alright."
Carol shook her head.
"I'm just fine," Carol said shortly. "But I don't want to talk to you..."
"You can't just look at me?" Daryl asked, still blocking her way. She looked at him, but he didn't like what he saw behind the look. She was angry with him and she made it clear in her expression that if she was looking at him in the moment, it was out of obedience and not out of any desire to look at him. "I'm so sorry, Carol Ann…"
She shook her head at him and tried to push by him again, this time putting her hands on his arm and trying to push him out of the way.
Daryl finally moved to let her pass by, but he stayed on her hells so that she couldn't escape him entirely. She went to the bedroom and moved to shut the door, but he put his arm up quickly and caught the door.
"You ain't shuttin' me out," he said. "You can't shut me out. We gotta talk about this."
Carol turned around.
"What do you want me to say, Daryl?" Carol asked. "I had a baby? I don't remember it…but I had a baby? And…he took it from me…and then…"
She shook her head.
"What do you want me to say, Daryl?" Carol asked.
"You don't remember none of it? Nothin'?" Daryl asked.
"If I remembered it," Carol said, "do you think that I would have spent all this time thinking that I couldn't get pregnant…that there was something wrong with me? That I was less of a woman than Andrea?"
She shook her head and narrowed her eyes at him.
"And how long have you known about this? How long have you known that I had a baby and you never told me?" Carol asked.
Daryl sighed.
"I found out about the baby…just after you come ta live with me," he said. "But…we all thought it was dead. Figured that there weren't no need ta remind you a' the whole thing if they weren't no baby anyway…"
Carol seemed to be examining the floor with some great interest and then she nodded her head.
"So…you reminded me…about my fiancé…and we talked about him and how he was…you reminded me about him because it was different with us…but you couldn't remind me about…the fact that I had a baby?" Carol asked.
Daryl shook his head at her this time.
"Carol…you remembered your fiancé," Daryl said. "You remembered things about him…an' you had nightmares about him…you didn't trust me because you went through a stage a' not really…knowin' or understandin'…an' sometimes you'd confuse what he done with what I was doin'…we talked about him because you needed ta know the difference…"
Carol walked over to the bed and sat down, resting her head in her hands, her eyes slightly visible, but the rest of her face covered.
"I've had…nightmares…dreams…daydreams…about babies for as long as I can remember," she said quietly. "I've felt like…I could almost imagine myself having a baby…our baby…"
She got to her feet and started pacing, the small bedroom that they shared not leaving a great deal of room for such an action. She turned sharply toward Daryl, the anger that she'd shown earlier now burning hot behind her eyes.
"You knew it!" She yelled. "You knew that these weren't just…Oh my…they weren't just dreams! Daryl! I wasn't just dreaming of a baby! I had a baby! I had a baby and he took it from me…and you let me believe…all this time…that I was just dreaming of a baby that we weren't ever going to have!"
Daryl shook his head at her. He didn't know how to defend himself against her like this. He didn't even know if there was a defense available for this.
"Carol…it never seemed like a good idea. It never seemed like a good time…an' if the baby was dead then it didn't matter no way. It was just…upsettin' you for no damn reason at all," Daryl said. "I did what the hell I had ta do. I was tryin' ta keep you from losin' your mind!"
"I have been to…how many doctors, Daryl? I have been…examined…and prodded…and…all because I believed that my body…lacked something. Something was missing. I couldn't have a baby…it just wasn't possible…and you never…not once…thought that it might be a good idea to tell me that I'd done it before?!" Carol said. "You never thought that…maybe…what if I've been remembering this…girl…all this time and I never even knew it?!"
"I didn't think it was a good idea…I don't know what the hell I'm doin' here, Carol," Daryl said. "I been tryin' ta do the right damn thing this whole time, an' it looks like I done wrong…an' I'm sorry for that…but I did what I thought was right. You didn't come with no kinda instruction manual an' everybody else told me that you were just crazy…you just weren't even in there…it'd been best ta just leave you at Sunny Meadows…let you stay there an' make macaroni collages for the rest a' your life of the life you weren't never gonna have."
Carol stood there a moment, not responding, and Daryl held his own position. He didn't know what to do and he didn't know what to say. He could think that if he were able to go back in time he'd do things differently, but he wasn't even sure that was the truth. He still didn't know if he was doing the right thing.
"I didn't know what the hell ta do," he mumbled again.
"And now?" Carol asked. "Now…this girl…Sophia…my daughter…she's fourteen years old? And she's coming to live with us?"
Daryl nodded his head at her.
"I didn't know she was alive," Daryl repeated from earlier. "Alice found her…an' I thought that you wouldn't want her livin' her life just believin' she ain't got nobody when she does…I thought you wouldn't want her ta be alone…"
"Alice knew too?" Carol asked. She shook her head. "Of course she did…she knew I had a baby…and Mel?"
Daryl nodded his head.
"Who didn't know, Daryl?" Carol asked. "Who…is going to be just as…surprised as I am?"
Daryl didn't respond and Carol pulled up the end of her skirt and mopped at her face again. He heard her suck back a breath.
"I see…I'm the only one that you didn't think needed to know about my baby," Carol said. "I'm the only one who didn't…need to know…"
"We all thought this was the best thing," Daryl said. "We thought that…it was the best thing for you. Didn't nobody know for sure that she was alive, Carol."
Carol nodded her head.
"We were all tryin' ta protect you," Daryl said. "Nobody wanted to see you hurt. You've…come so damn far from where you was…"
"And Sophia?" Carol asked. "Have you talked to her? Does she know?"
Daryl shook his head.
Carol was surprisingly calm. She was much calmer than he'd expected her to be. She was mad at him, but she wasn't reacting the way that he'd thought she would react. She hadn't thrown anything…she hadn't gone insane at all…she hadn't reverted back to the stark raving mad woman that they reported admitting to Sunny Meadows at all.
"I ain't talked to her," Daryl said. "I seen her…she looks a lot like you…but I never talked to her. Carol…I'm sorry…an' if I'da known she was there…I'da tried ta bring her home when she was…four or five…but I thought she was dead."
Carol shook her head.
"How do I face her?" Carol asked, but she wasn't looking at Daryl. "How do I tell her…that I gave birth to her…and I don't remember it…or at least I'm not sure if I remember it…and I left her?"
"You didn't have a choice," Daryl said. "You signed the papers…but you weren't much in a position to say you didn't wanta give her up. She'll understand."
Carol turned back to him then and shook her head.
"She'll understand? How can she possibly understand this?" Carol asked.
"You're her Mama," Daryl said. "She's gonna understand."
Carol shook her head.
"I'm not her Mama," Carol said. "I gave birth to her…but I'm not her Mama. I don't know her…and she doesn't know me."
Carol sighed.
"She didn't know I was alive…and I…didn't know she was alive. We're strangers…" Carol said. "Strangers who just happened to…to share a body once…that's all we are."
"We'll all start out as strangers," Daryl said. "But…it ain't gonna take long an' you gonna be her Mama. An' she's gonna love you, Carol. She's gonna understand what the hell happened…an' you gonna…love her. You already did love her…you wrote her a letter an' everything…"
Carol looked at him, red eyed and her eyes widened.
"There's a letter?" She asked.
Daryl nodded his head and left the room, sure now that Carol wasn't bolting anywhere. He went into the sewing room, unlocked the footlocker, and found the letter. He brought it to Carol and offered it gingerly. She took it and opened it and Daryl left the room voluntarily, giving her a chance to read it while he stepped outside to smoke on the porch.
He didn't know how this was going to work out, but he couldn't help but feel that Carol reacting as calmly as she was reacting at the moment might be proof that somehow it was going to work out for the best…it was just going to take time.
And if he'd learned anything from all of this, it was patience.
Carol stepped out the door, empty handed, a few moments later and sat down on the step of the porch, across the space from where Daryl was sitting.
"You hate me now?" Daryl asked.
Carol shook her head, but she didn't speak for a few moments.
"I can't hate you," Carol said softly when she did speak. "I could never hate you…and it isn't you that I…hate in this anyway…"
"It's gonna work out, Carol," Daryl said. "You gonna see her tomorrow…an' she's gonna love you. You're gonna make up for the lost time…"
Carol laughed to herself and leaned her head against the banister beside her.
"How do you make up for fourteen years, Daryl?" Carol asked. "How do you make up for that? You can't…you can't make up for that…"
"You can make up for it," Daryl said. "An' you will…you'll know what ta do."
"What else, "Carol asked after a moment, "what else haven't you told me?"
Daryl felt his stomach drop.
"Nothin', Carol," Daryl said. "That's the only thing I ain't told you about…I promise they ain't nothin' else…"
Carol hummed something and shifted her weight closer to the banister, but she didn't respond, and at the moment, Daryl thought it might be better not to press.