Chapter 3

Buck rode into the Lakota village with four of his older mares trailing behind him. He had not been there in a couple of years, normally he just traded with the warriors that came to his cabin but he was there to trade some of his older mares for younger breeding stock and he needed to be able to look at all his options, so he had come there. He wasn't the only one there to trade that day, he saw Ian McGregor looking at a group of women. It disgusted Buck, he knew for a fact that Ian had three squaws at his place already, and that Ian treated them like dirt. Buck shook his head and went to look for Silver Fox.

"Running Buck. It has been many seasons since you came here." Silver Fox said when he spotted Buck.

"Yes. I came to trade horses." Buck stated.

"You sure you do not want a wife? I have a few women I am willing to trade." Silver Fox said.

"No. You know I don't trade for women." Buck answered as he looked over at the group of women that Silver Fox had pointed to. He was about to turn back to him when one of the women caught his eye. His feet began walking towards the women on their own, he knew her, he was sure of it. She was older and her hair had a few strands of grey peeking thru but it had to be her.

"I thought you weren't interested in the women." Silver Fox teased as Buck moved steadily closer to the group.

"That one, who is she?" Buck asked pointing to the woman he knew he knew.

"She is called Weeping Doe, she came to us two summers ago." Silver Fox said, looking at Buck and the strange expression on his face.

"What is her white name do you know?" Buck asked.

"I don't remember. Do you know her?" Silver Fox asked.

"I think so. I think she is someone I used to know very well." Buck said before he closed the distance to the group of women.

Once he was right in front of her, he knew it was her. He knew it was Lou. "If you want her I will take one pony for her." Silver Fox said to Buck.

"Only one, why so little?" Ian McGregor asked the chief, he had been eyeing the woman they were speaking of. The woman in question had yet to look up at any of them, she felt like she was being auctioned off like a cow.

"She lost a child when she came to us. She may not be able to produce sons and she is more advanced in years than the others." Silver Fox stated.

Ian scratched his chin, "Well now don't reckon that matter none to me. I got plenty of other squaws for that, but she looks like she do well in the bed. I'll give you a pony for her."

Buck couldn't believe his ears. Here was the woman he loved standing right before him and all they wanted was one horse? Didn't they know she was worth at least ten if not more? But when he heard Ian offer a pony for her he saw red, there was no way in Hell he'd let him have Lou. "Two." Buck stated.

Silver Fox was surprised by Buck's offer but Ian who hated Cross wasn't going to let him have the wench. "Three".

Buck looked at Lou who still was looking down at the ground, he only had four of his old mares with him and he had intended on traded them for fresh breeding stock, he needed the new stock but he wanted Lou more and he couldn't let Ian have her. "Four."

"Ain't no woman worth that." Ian said.

"Four and she's yours." Silver Fox stated still incredibly surprised by this turn of events.

Buck went and got his mares and brought them over to Silver Fox who looked them over. He held out his hand to Buck clasping his arm in a deal. "She is yours."

Buck walked over to Lou and gently touched her shoulder causing her to flinch. "I'm not going to hurt you Lou."

Lou's eyes shot up at the sound of her name and met the warm chocolate colored eyes of the man in front of her, she knew that voice, she knew those eyes, but it couldn't be, could it? "Buck?"

A grin split Buck's face at his name on her lips, "Yeah it's me. Come on we need to go."

Buck led Lou to his horse, an arm around her shoulder. "I don't understand." Lou said after he had helped her onto the horse and climb up behind her.

"What don't you understand?" He asked as they rode out of the village.

"What you were doing here? Did you buy me?" Lou asked.

"Yes I did...not my reasons for coming though. I came to trade horses but then I saw you. I couldn't leave you there." Buck said.

"Can I leave or do I have to stay with you?" Lou asked quietly.

A muscle in Buck's jaw twitched as he tried to keep his emotions in check. He wanted her to stay. He didn't want her to ever leave but he couldn't keep her there if she didn't want to be there. "You can stay or leave, the choice is yours. I hope you want to stay though. I can help you find Kid if you want."

"Kid's dead. He died in the war." Lou stated.

"How long were you with the Lakota Lou? Silver Fox said you lost a baby when you first came to be with them." Buck asked.

"Two years. And before you ask, no I do not need help to find my husband. I don't have one. You should know that the father was one of my customers at the brothel I was working in." Lou said, she refused to feel ashamed.

Buck closed his eyes and breathed in deeply. He knew Lou had to have been desperate to have worked in a brothel. What had she gone through? "I'm sorry Lou. I ..."

"I understand if you want me to go Buck. I'll pay you back for the horses somehow." Lou spoke quietly.

"No, I want you to stay. Please." Buck said so low it was practically a whisper.

Lou was just about to speak when a thought came to her. Buck had bought her, he bought her with four horses. Horses he had intended on traded for other horses. He hadn't gone there in search of a woman. Did he already have one back as his home? "What will your wife think when you show up with me?"

"I never married Lou. I live on my own. Closet town is about half a day ride from my place." Buck stated just as his cabin came into view. "We are here."

Lou looked at the cabin in front of her. It was small, smaller than the bunkhouse they shared in the express but it was well kept. The surrounding land had several horses grazing and a corral was near the cabin. A larger building, probably the barn, sat just behind the corral. "Nice spread."

"Thank you. It's taking me a while to get it going by myself but it's all mine." Buck said as he helped Lou down from the horse. "I don't have much but if you want to stay it's yours. I can take you into town tomorrow to either get you whatever you need or to catch a stage headed elsewhere."

Lou walked into the small one room cabin and looked around. There was a little table under the window, a stove pushed into the corner, and a bed taking up the other end of the cabin. It was barely big enough for one person let alone two but living with the Lakota she had learn to live in even tighter quarters. And she knew Buck would never hurt her, besides where else did she have to go. True she had been headed to Emma's two years ago but she had no way of knowing if Emma was still there or if she was even alive for that matter. "I'd like to stay...I have no where else to go."

"You could always go to Rock Creek to Teaspoon and Rachel." Buck said.

"You don't know? Teaspoon died years ago and Rachel left with her new husband. I was headed to Sam and Emma when I had the miscarriage and the Lakota found me. I don't know if they are still there though." Lou stated turning to look at Buck.

Buck hung his head ashamed. "After I left, I never tried to contact any of them again. I didn't know. I don't know where Emma is, I just assumed they were still in Omaha. We can try to find out if you want."

"I would like to let them know I'm still alive at least. I know she probably worried when I never showed." Lou answered.

"If we find them, I'll take you to them."

"She'd be ashamed of me if she knew what I'd done. She won't want me to come there. I was a whore Buck, I'm dirty used up goods. But if you'll let me stay, I'll help you with your ranch, I can cook and clean for you. I'll keep your bed warm too if you want that." Lou said looking up at Buck.

"Lou ... Emma loves you. She wouldn't care about what you did to survive. You're not dirty or used goods. And I want you to stay. I don't care if you can cook or clean and I'm not going to use you like that." Buck stated calmly, his hands on her shoulders looking her in the eye.

"I didn't figure you'd want to bed me, knowing what I am. Knowing I probably can't give you sons." Lou whispered her eyes dropping to the floor.

"Lou I don't care about any of that. I don't care how you earned a living, I don't care that you may not be able to have children. What I do care about is you. You are more than just someone to warm my bed and use when I have an itch. I'm not going to bed you because I ...I" Buck stopped unsure of how to put what he was thinking.

"Because you what Buck?" Lou asked tears in her eyes because the first time in a long time someone was looking at her as more than property, as more than a piece of flesh. She was being looked at like she really mattered, that she was important, that she was cared for.

"Because ... damn it Lou. Why can't I ever say what it is I want?" Buck muttered more to himself than to her. "Lou you ...I ... You are the only woman I have ever...the only one I ever loved. And I never told you."

"You loved me? I never ...I never knew." Lou cried, tears falling down her cheeks.

"I still do. I never stopped. That's why I won't bed you...not until you feel the same for me." Buck whispered before pressing a kiss to the top of her head and walking out the door, leaving Lou standing there with her mouth hanging open.

After all this time, he still loved her? He loves her? Lou couldn't believe it. She had felt so unworthy of being loved in so long that the knowledge that there was someone who never stopped caring about her caused her to cry and for a small part of her heart that had long ago died to begin beating once more.

After leaving Lou with her mouth hanging open at his confession, Buck retreated to his barn. He needed to check on his animals but he also wanted to give Lou some space for her to think about all that had happened to her, about what he had just told her. After putting his horse into his stall and brushing him down, he checked on the other animals in the barn. As he was walking out he caught sight of himself in the little mirror he kept hanging just on the inside of the barn door. He looked terrible. His face was covered in scruff, he hadn't shaved in months but Buck never could grow a bread, he just looked scruffy. His hair needed a good wash too and sniffing at himself he realized he could use a bath. Living on his own he sometimes forgot to bathe more than a couple times a week. He'd just get so busy taking care of the horses on his own that most nights he fell into his bed fully clothed because he was just so exhausted. He looked down at the buckskins he was wearing and realized they were filthy. He dragged a hand down his face, yeah great start telling Lou you love her while looking like this, he thought to himself.

Buck grabbed a towel and bar of soap off the barrel under the mirror and headed to the creek behind his house to get cleaned up. He stripped out of his dirty clothes and waded out into the creek where he washed up. Once he had cleaned his body he grabbed his clothes off the bank and washed them in the water. He stepped out of the creek and laid his clothes out to dry in the sun on the rocks before he wrapped the towel about his waist and walked back to the barn. Standing before the mirror in just his towel, he quickly shaved off the facial hair growth and brushed his hair out. And then he realized Lou was still the cabin and he didn't have a change of clothes. Buck swore under his breath, why hadn't he thought to go back in and get a change of clothes first.

But there wasn't much else he could do, so he walked from the barn back to his cabin, with nothing more than a towel covering himself. Lou who had been looking through Buck's pantry supplies for something to start cooking looked up when he entered, her eyes going huge at the sight before her. "I uh I forgot to grab a change of clothes." Buck said embarrassed when he spotted her.

"It's alright ... you uh you've lived alone for so long, its normal to forget." Lou stated still not looking away from him, watching a bead of water roll down his chest. She swallowed hard wetting her lips. "I uh was just going to cook us something to eat."

Buck moved to his trunk for a change of clothes. "Let me get dressed and I'll show you were everything is."

"Ok." Lou said her eyes never leaving Buck's body even as he pulled his pants up under the towel before taking it off.

Buck went over to Lou still buttoning the shirt up. He stopped right in front of her. "There do I look like myself again?"

Lou looked him up and down, "Yes and no. Your hair is much longer now and you've more bulk than you used to have."

"Are you calling me fat?" Buck teased.

'NO! I mean you got more meat on ya, no you have got more muscles than you used to." Lou stated a little embarrassed. "Ya look real good Buck."

Buck gave her that crooked little grin that she remembered well. "And you look just a beautiful as I remember, a little older but still beautiful."

Lou felt her face flush, it had been so long since someone had given her a compliment that sincere. "Let me give ya a tour of the place." Buck said taking her hand.

He led her around the back of his home and showed her the cellar that was full of fresh fruits and veggies and smoked meat, plus a bunch of canned goods. Then he took her into the barn where his horse was stabled along with a cow and a few chickens. He showed her were he kept the feed and the milk bucket. Then he led her out to his horses and pointed out a couple of mares that he would be bringing into the barn soon because they were nearing their time to birth. He also pointed out the creek that he used for water and to bath in, which he didn't need to point out as she could see it was the only source of water on the property and his clothes were plainly visible drying in the sun. And lastly he showed her the small garden patch where he grew most of his own vegetables. After the quick tour he took her back to the house and together they put a small meal together.

"I want you to make a list of any supplies you need or want. Tomorrow we can go to town to get them. And we can send a telegram to Omaha to find out if Sam and Emma are still there. We'll need to pack some food, it's about half a day ride into town. It will be dark by the time we get back." Buck said after they ate.

"I don't need much. Just some fabric to make a couple of dresses, since this one is all I got. Plus you're out of flour." Lou stated.

"You sure you don't need anything else? Maybe some new boots or fabric to make curtains or something?" Buck asked.

Lou looked around the room, "Well now that you mentioned it, this place could use a woman's touch." Lou teased.

"Good, I ain't got a lot of cash money but the store owner actually gave me a line of credit at his store, so whatever you need we can get." Buck said before standing up stretching. "Well we got an early day tomorrow so I best go take care of the animals for the night and then we should go to bed."

Lou stood up and began cleaning up the dishes, Buck had brought in a dish pan of water while she was cooking. After drying and putting away the few dishes they had used Lou moved to the bed, Buck still had not come back inside, she didn't know what was keeping him but she was kinda glad he wasn't back yet. Lou didn't have a nightshirt. But she had grown used to sleeping in the nude with the Lakota, so she sat on the edge of the bed and removed her moccasins before standing and undoing the ties of her dress letting it fall to the ground. She bent and picked it up, laying it over the top of Buck's trunk before climbing into the bed and under the covers placing herself against the wall. When Buck returned a few minutes later, he blew out the lantern on the table and moved to the bed where he sat in the darkness and took off his boots and shirt. He decided to leave his pants on since he wasn't wearing any long johns. Buck crawled under the covers and rolled onto his back.

"Goodnight Lou ... I'm really glad you are here." He whispered into the dark.

"I'm glad I'm here too...Night Buck." Lou whispered back before closing her eyes feeling perfectly safe for the first time in years.