Chapter 4

Buck stood in the hayloft door looking out over the station, it was a beautiful day. The sun was shinning brightly and there wasn't a cloud in the sky and for once it wasn't so dang hot. He looked down at the people who had become his family, people who had accepted him for himself, who didn't judge him based on his skin color and heritage. Ike was sitting on the bunkhouse porch petting Sampson while feeding him a carrot. Sam and Emma were sitting on her porch swing drinking lemonade while they watched Cody and Jimmy target practice. Teaspoon was sitting on the steps picking at his toes which made Buck shudder. He knew Kid was out on a run but one member of his family was missing. Where was Lou? He scanned the yard again thinking he might have overlooked the small rider but he still didn't see her.

"Whatcha' hiding in here for Buck?" Her quiet voiced asked from behind him.

Buck turned to look at the female who had just appeared at the top of the ladder, he was surprised that she had managed to sneak up on him. "Just enjoying the view." He said as he waved his hand towards the open prairie.

Lou moved closer so she could lean against the wall and look out. "It is beautiful out here."

"Yes, very." Buck said only he wasn't look at the scenery.

"Buck? Do ya ever think bout just ridin' away cross the plains and not comin' back. Just leavin' it all behind." Lou asked quietly.

"Sometimes, like when I'm treated like trash just cause my Kiowa blood." Buck answered looking at the young girl.

"What stops you?" Lou asked looking back at him.

"You and Ike, the boys. For the first time in my life I actually feel like I belong somewhere. If it weren't for y'all, if something happened to Ike ... I dunno what I'd do. Why do you ask? Did something happen?" Buck asked concern evident in his tone and eyes.

"No ... well, it's ... promise ya won't say nuttin' but sometimes I just feel trapped here." Lou explained.

"What do ya mean Lou?" He asked confused.

"It's this life. I love it but I miss being looked at like a girl. And sometimes I feel like I ain't got no options, that I'm settling for Kid cause he knew my secret first. But then when I think about what I'd have to do if it was known I was girl ... I don't want to earn my living on my back. I got my kid brother and sister depending on me. It ...I dunno it gets to be too much sometimes." Lou tried to explain.

"Lou ya got options. You could have any guy you wanted, any of us. I know we ain't great catches but don't feel like you gotta settle for Kid if he ain't what ya really want. As for your brother and sister, all you have to do is ask and me and the boys would help you." Buck said.

Lou smiled at Buck for his words, "Thank ya Buck but this is something I need to do for myself. I really don't mind and I love the Kid, I just wish I could work here and not have to hide who I am."

"It won't always be this way. I gotta a feelin' that Emma knows, Sam too, and I just bet that Teaspoon if he knew would keep ya on." Buck stated with a smirk.

"Well I can just hope you're right. I best be getting to my chores." Lou said before moving to the ladder.

Buck watched the young girl go, his heart feeling heavy. She really had no clue how much him and the boys cared for her. He wished that she wasn't so dang headstrong sometimes, well no he really didn't, he loved her just like she was, he just wished that she would let people help her. He wished that she could see that he loved her, that she would pick him. He knew that wasn't going to happen though.

Buck woke from his dream, his memories, with a start. Something was off, it took him a minute to realize what had woken him. A small warm body was pressed close to his side, bare flesh against bare flesh. He looked down at the head resting on his shoulder, his arm going around the small body, his hand grazing the skin of her side. She was naked, he realized with a jolt of longing. Buck could feel himself getting hard, he longed to be with Lou, but he refused. He was not going to bed her until he had won her heart. But Buck was just a man, and having the woman he loved naked in his bed was way too tempting so he slipped out of it. It was still too early to be up so he stretched out on the floor beside his bed and tried to go back to sleep. Morning would not get here soon enough.

When Lou awoke the next morning it was to an empty bed, the sun just beginning to peek over the horizon. She looked around the small cabin and did not see Buck anywhere, so she assumed he must have went to take care of the animals. Without looking, Lou swung her legs over the edge of the bed and stood up only to fall right on top of Buck who had finally fell asleep on the floor. He was wide awake now with Lou sprawled on top of him, her chest pressing against his.

"Buck!" she squeaked, "What are you doing on the floor?"

He couldn't answer her, he could only stare down at her body on top of his. "Buck?"

"I uh you umm can you get dressed please." Buck managed to say, his voice strained sounding.

Lou sat up, her legs on either side of Buck. That did not help Buck any, she was now sitting directly on top of his growing desire. "Lou please." Buck begged.

Lou knew she should be ashamed and embarrassed but after all she had done, what was the point of getting embarrassed anymore. Lou smirked at him saucily, "What's the matter Buck?"

"Lou, I'm really trying here. please." Buck begged his eyes closed.

She could see the struggle he was really having to control himself and decided to take pity on him. Lou got to her feet and grabbed her dress, quickly putting it on. "There I'm decent again. Now ya wanna tell me why you were on the floor."

Buck sat up and got to his feet now that Lou was dressed. "I woke up last night with you in my arms, thought I was still dreaming but then I realized you didn't have any clothes on...I'm only a guy, I knew I wouldn't be able to resist if I stayed there much longer. So I decided on the floor."

Lou bit her lip to keep from laughing. "Sorry, I only got the one dress and I'm used to sleeping in nothing but skin."

"Yes well we'll get ya some underthings in town today. I best get started on the animals. Would you make some breakfast and pack us a lunch please." Buck stated before walking out of the door without waiting on an answer from Lou.

Lou watched him go with a curious look on her face. She knew Buck wanted her, she knew he was physically attracted to her, he had said he loves her, yet it seemed to make him really uncomfortable to physically respond to her. Why didn't he want to use her, to bed her? She knew that he said he wouldn't until she felt the same for him, but in her experience with men that was usually just a load of horse shit. Even Kid had pushed their relationship to the next step before she was completely ready to take that step, but she did because that's what Kid wanted. But Buck, he could do whatever he wanted to her, he owned her basically, but he swore he wouldn't touch her until she loved him back. He had said she could leave if that was what she wanted, she's the one who had asked to stay. This was such a new experience for her, she was free, she could do as she pleased, there was no one counting on her, there was no need to earn a living, she could come and go as she pleased. But for once in her life she didn't feel like running away, she felt safe and content here, she felt like she could truly be herself. Lou looked forward to learning just who she was now after everything.

After a quick breakfast, Buck and Lou rode in his buckboard towards town. It was a long quiet drive, but neither seemed to mind the silence. It was comfortable. They arrived into town around midday, having eaten their sandwiches on the road. Buck parked the buckboard in front of the general store. He jumped down and reached up to assist Lou, he could feel eyes on them both and he knew it was the state of Lou's dress that was drawing attention, they were used to him by now, then again it could just be the fact he had a woman with him that was getting attention. Buck led Lou into the store and after making introductions to the owner with instructions to put whatever she needed on his account, he left Lou to go send a telegram to Omaha.

Walking into the telegram office, he stopped. He had no idea what he would say, he hadn't tried to contact anybody since the day he left Rock Creek. He hadn't known about Teaspoon dying, about Kid dying, about Rachel leaving, he had no way of knowing if Sam and Emma were even still there but for Lou he had to tried.

"Can I help ya Mr. Cross?" The little man behind the counter asked.

"I need to send a telegram to the territorial marshals office in Omaha, to Marshal Sam Cain." Buck stated.

"Alright, whatcha wanting to say?" the man asked.

"Hmm I guess just put...Found Lou Alive. Buck." Buck said scratching the side of his face.

"That it Mr. Cross?" Pete the telegram officer asked.

"I reckon ya oughta put where we are at." Buck added after a few minutes of thought.

"Very good sir. Thata be twenty-five cents." Pete said.

"Here ya go. If it gets a response can ya have someone bring it out to my place?" Buck asked as he handed over the coin.

"Well I reckon I can find someone to take it out that far for the right bit of coin." Pete said.

"I'll pay whoever brings it out. Thanks Pete." Buck stated as he walked out of the office and went back to the general store.

Once he entered he spotted Lou looking over the bolts of fabric still, he went over to her. "You finding what ya need?"

"I'm just trying to decide on which color to get. I've got my undergarments and the flour we needed and got some muslin to make curtains and new bed linens, yours are getting worn. I even picked out some purple to make ya a couple of new shirts. I just can't decide on which color for myself." Lou explained.

"Well, I always thought that ya looked really pretty in that pink dress ya had, but the blue one ya wore to the dance was real pretty too. How bout you get some of each." Buck suggested.

"Ya sure Buck? I don't wanna get too much, run your credit up." Lou said quietly.

"Let me worry bout that Lou. You just get what ya want ok?" Buck stated. He'd sale some of his breeding stock if he needed to, but he knew it wouldn't come to that. He'd be taken his stock to the auction in a month and they were bound to bring in a good amount.

"Alright. I guess I'll get some of both then." Lou agreed with a grin.

After signing for his purchases, they loaded up the buckboard and headed back home. He'd need to see to his animals as soon as they got back. He just hoped it wouldn't be too late. It had taken more time in town than he had thought it would. "I'll help ya with the animals when we get home Buck." Lou said suddenly as if she guessed what he had been thinking.

"You don't have ta do that." Buck answered.

"I wanna. I can help." Lou stated.

"Alright. It will go quicker thataway." Buck agreed.

They arrived home just as the sun was going down. With the two of them working it didn't take long to get the animals fed and the cow milked, and the horses and buckboard put away. Buck and Lou carried their purchases into the house and Lou made a light supper before they turned in for the night. The next day Lou planned on getting started making her new dresses.