When you mess with fate
Chapter 10
A/N: I do not own Bleach and its characters. If I did... Never mind…
Rukia sat beside her daughter quietly at the patio. Ichika had not spoken a word after listening to her mother's confession about whom her biological father was. The girl would need a bit of time to digest this new information, no doubt. To be told that that Kurosaki-san – her mother's good friend from the human world – whom she visited once a year was her real father... it was a lot for her to take. Rukia decided to give her daughter a moment to herself.
Fate is a cruel thing, the captain of the 13th Division thought. Forty-seven years ago, when Yhwach was finally defeated, she and Ichigo thought they could finally be together. They had fought alongside each other since she transferred her shinigami powers to him when he was 15. He was still such a young boy then. But he understood his role as one to protect even at that age. In between patrolling, school, and trying to adapt to the world of the humans, Rukia's feelings for Ichigo grew beyond student and mentor. She knew those feelings were wrong. He was a human and she was a shinigami. He would grow up and get older, and she would most probably remain the same as she watched him age. They were two worlds apart. So she kept her feelings to herself.
As time passed, they would share accidental glances, longing stares, and very subtle flirty smirks, but those were the only gestures they would both allow themselves to convey unspoken messages. They were both too busy saving every corner of the universe to let anything happen.
Despite that, something did happen after Yhwach. They shared a month of blissful happiness before their little world came crashing down and they had to painfully part ways. He had planned on proposing to her before he went back to the world of the living. He even asked his father to take him to the Rukongai to pick out a ring for Rukia. And although he found out they were probably going to be separated for a human lifetime, he proposed anyway.
"If fate was on our side, would you have married me, Rukia?"
Of course, she had said 'yes'. She loved him, and she knew he had loved her, too. They never had to say those exact words out loud. Their communication had always been through eye contact and actions.
Fate was a cruel thing. It led them to meet each other again much earlier than expected but much too late for them to change anything. They both couldn't keep up with the speed of the world without each other. So they ended up just gliding through time, trying to make the best out of what they had.
Rukia tried to make the best out of the engagement she had with Renji. When they got back from that first visit to the human world after the senkaimon reopened, she told Renji she wanted to give their relationship a try. Even though Ichika was already 10 years old at that time, they were not officially married. They never talked about it, assuming that the engagement was still just a formality so Ichika could take after Renji's family name.
Renji was uncertain but he decided to do as she asked. They started to go out on dates, without Ichika being the third wheel. They'd go to festivals at the Rukongai. They would spend lunchtime together almost every day. They would have dinner almost every night at the Kuchiki manor with Byakuya. They would even hold hands and steal awkward kisses when no one was looking.
It went on for two years. Exactly two years because they were out at one of the finer dining places at the First District, kind of celebrating whatever they had together. Rukia had expected Renji to propose that night. She thought their relationship had progressed significantly enough for them to take it to another level. She had expected him to pull out a ring just like what Ichigo did twelve years ago.
But Renji took her hand in his and told her that those two years were definitely the happiest years of his life, and he thanked her for that. He thanked her for trying and for giving him the opportunity to date her. A thousand questions whirled around her head. Because, why would he say things like that if he was going to propose to her?
And then, it dawned on her that he was breaking up with her because...
"You and I both know you're still in love with the orange-haired idiot and nothing I do will ever make you look at me the way you always looked at him."
Rukia had hid it really well with her Kuchiki mask, or so she thought. She was still trying to get over Ichigo. She really wanted to. While she was doing it, though, sometimes it still hit her really hard that she had let him go that morning when the humans returned to their world. That she had pushed him to live a normal life. That she had told him to move on. And when she found out that he did, all she felt was bitterness against herself, for herself and Ichika, and sometimes a little bit towards him as well. She supposed it did show, maybe not obvious to people who were not close to her. But to Renji who knew her so well, it was probably clear as day.
Before they left the diner, she had agreed to the breakup and vowed to completely get over Ichigo as she had to move on sooner or later. Renji only smiled and shook his head.
"So what are you going to do, Mum?" Ichika's voice took her out of her reverie. She gave her daughter a small smile and thought about how much alike she was to her father – always thinking about someone else before her. She should be more concerned about herself because she just found out who her real father was.
Rukia shrugged. "I don't know. I've been meaning to talk to Kazui since his mother's funeral. But I never got the chance to. Now, with this new discovery, I'm not sure what I'm going to say to him anymore."
"What about..." Ichika hesitated. "Kurosaki-san?"
"Nothing," her mother replied immediately. "Nothing's going to change. We've lived almost 50 years like this. The only difference is how it's going to be between us and Kazui."
"You don't think Kurosaki-san still harbours..." Ichika pondered out loud but she was interrupted by her mother.
"Ichika, we both decided to move on and we did. There's no point in bringing up the past."
The three-hour ride from Karakura to Nagoya on the train felt like it was over too soon. On the way there, scenes of how Kazui would possibly react to her visit played in her head. The worst one would be if he wouldn't even want to see her because she had eavesdropped upon his fight with Ichigo. There were several times during the ride when she wanted to change her mind but it would be a total waste of time for the 13th Division captain if she did. It would have to be done sooner or later, anyway. Rukia had picked up her gigai at Karakura before making her journey to visit Kazui.
Upon arrival at his apartment, Rukia hesitated before she knocked on his door. She had been given the address by Tatsuki. The kendoka was the only connection she had to Kazui as the latter had refused to speak with Ichigo for two months now since the fight. In fact, neither had Rukia.
"Rukia-obasan?" Kazui greeted in surprise.
If only he were Ichigo's son, he would've sensed my presence, Rukia thought with a bit of regret. "Hello, Kazui."
"What are you doing here?"
"I wanted to see you. May I come in?" she asked.
Kazui nodded mechanically as he stepped aside for Rukia to enter his apartment. The raven-haired woman walked in slowly, taking a quick glance around the living space of her friends' son. It looked like a young man's place despite the fact that Kazui wasn't that young anymore. But then again, he was not married, so she couldn't expect to find the place furnished like a family home.
Ten minutes later, they were seated across from each other at the dining table, two cups of tea and an awkward silence between them. Rukia's intention for her visit was to see how Kazui was doing after the death of his mother. He had always been very close to her, just like how Ichigo was with his own. Rukia had no memory of what losing a parent was like but she remembered what their friends said about how Ichigo had coped with life after his mother's death. For Kazui, Orihime's death must've been even worse than what Ichigo had experienced, especially – as Rukia had found out – since Orihime was his only real family.
"How are you doing, Kazui?" Rukia asked, breaking the silence.
The orange-haired man continued to stare into his tea for a good minute before shrugging. "I'm getting by," he answered.
It was noticeable now how different he was from Ichigo. While he did have the orange hair and brown eyes, his features were much, much gentler. He did not have Ichigo's perpetual scowl or the blank out expression the latter wore after coming back from the war, but Kazui's eyes did bear the look of one who was sad, confused, and affected by what life had brought him. It was like he was one of those who always lamented that life was unfair.
"I'm sorry," she said. For your loss, for your grief, for your devastation. For the grievances, the unfairness, the bitterness in your life.
Kazui nodded, his hands wrapped loosely around his teacup. "It's okay. It's been almost four months now. I'm learning to cope. I'm sorry I stormed out on you and Renji-ojisan that day. It wasn't you I was upset with. I was just really pissed off that Otou-san always seemed to prioritise his shinigami work over us.
"Ever since they told me about your bizarre world and he had gotten back his powers, he was always busy hollow-hunting or sending souls away. I have always known he wasn't my real father. I was 12 when I got them to confirm my suspicions and I'm grateful that he took us in to take care of us. I get that he didn't have the obligation to be a father to me but the least he could do was spend more time with Okaa-san. From my end, it felt like your world had robbed us off him when I was 21. Although Okaa-san told me it was, in fact, otherwise. But that's beside the point, isn't it? He chose to marry my mother," Kazui ranted.
Rukia wasn't surprised at all that Ichigo would be stupid enough to go overboard with his soul-reaping. But she was dismayed that he made his family feel neglected. Knowing him, she was pretty certain he hadn't done it intentionally. He probably didn't realise it, getting carried away by something he had always prided himself in doing – protecting a whole truckload of people.
The thing that troubled Rukia now was that Kazui didn't know about who Ichika was to Ichigo. If this was how he felt about his father's shinigami life, she couldn't imagine how furious he would get when he found out. Granted, Ichigo himself didn't know about it but she was positive Kazui would suspect his father's distancing himself probably had something to do with not just an old life, but an old flame as well.
This realisation made her uncomfortable all of a sudden. She wanted to get it over with. Just hate me already but I can't bear for you to be left in the dark about yet another secret, she mentally told him. But then, she realised that she can't tell Kazui without first telling Ichigo. And anyhow, Ichigo should be the one to tell Kazui, if anyone was to do it.
How the hell had life become so complicated for them? Is this a punishment or something for taking down Yhwach?
"Change it, and I shall chop down any fate you try to carve out for yourself."
Ichigo had told Rukia what Yhwach lectured him about during their battle. Was this what the Quincy King meant? That Ichigo would live a discontented life if he went against Yhwach? That he would never get the best of both worlds?
"Kazui, I'm so sorry you felt that way about your father. I'm so sorry our world got in the way of your family. It is understandable that you cannot accept his other life. But I hope you will forgive him for his negligence and maybe give him a chance to make it up to you," Rukia finally spoke up.
For the first time, Kazui smiled at her again. He used to do that a lot when he was a child. But she had not seen that in a long time. "Rukia-obasan, I'm no longer a little boy who needs his father's attention. I don't need him to make it up to me. And now, that Okaa-san is no longer around, it is fine that Otou-san does whatever he pleases with his life. I do, however, want to look for my biological father. And that is something Otou-san disagrees with. We fought many times because of this. You caught us in one of those times. I hope he understands that it isn't because I don't appreciate him as the one who brought me up. I just want to find closure with my biological father."
Rukia and Kazui chatted for a while more, reminiscing the happy times they had with Orihime. Before the petite woman left, Kazui remembered that his mother once told him to give a letter she wrote to Rukia after her passing.
"Okaa-san told me to give it to you myself. For some reason, she didn't trust that Otou-san would pass it to you."
Things are changing
It seems strange and
I need to figure this out
You've got your life
I got mine
But you're all I cared about
Yesterday we were laughing
Today I'm left here asking
Where has all the time time gone now
I'm left alone somehow
Growing up and getting older
I don't want to believe it's over
- Skillet, Don't say goodbye
This was what made me write Don't say goodbye in the first place. I thought it was so appropriate for the night before Ichigo and the humans left Soul Society after their battle with Yhwach.
Moving on, haha, I've finally set the pairing for this fic. Thank you, all for waiting for this chapter. I have been busy with my other life, as usual. Now I feel like Ichigo – being taken away from the life he really wanted. (Only that my life is definitely much, much better than his because the great Kubo-sensei didn't write mine. Hahaha!) I rewrote Renji and Rukia's date like a hundred times. Yes, I'm exaggerating but it was seriously really hard for me to write a RenRuki. So I ended up doing away with the dialogues. Sorry, I cannot comprehend how their relationship could ever work. I'd probably write better lemon scenes than RenRuki, and I don't write lemons.
So anyway, next chapter will be about Orihime's letter. A little warning, it's going to get more depressing on Rukia's part after this, not that it hasn't already been depressing for our OTP. Lol! But I promise it will also get better at the end.
PS: Thank you, also, to those who read my surprise fic Shipwreck. I did not expect to get a feedback at all. I will put in a few chapters as a continuation after When you mess with fate and Loosely are done.