When you mess with fate
Chapter 11
A/N: I do not own Bleach and its characters. If I did... Never mind…
To my dearest friend, Rukia,
If you're reading this, I must've passed on from this world. This letter is one of the few assignments I entrusted to Kazui. He must've also told you that I am not too keen to let Kurosaki-kun do the task. Haha... It is funny that I should address him like that after all these years.
I am writing this to set things right. This is something even my Soten Kisshun will not be able to repair but I hope something good will come out of it. We can't change the past but we can determine our future. I am not sure if you will find peace with yourself after reading it. But I sincerely hope you will because, more than anything, I treasure the friendship we've always had. I treasure the sisterly bond between the two of us as comrades all those years ago.
Rukia, I've always known there was something special between you and Ichigo ever since day one. The two of you share an amazing connection that will never rupture. I used to be so envious of what you have. I still do sometimes. And I am so terribly sorry that our circumstances have to come in the way to momentarily separate your beautiful souls.
I remember, when we first came back from Soul Society, Ichigo was at a lost. He was so miserable with his life; he shut everyone out for two years. It was worse than those 17 months when he lost his powers. We heard from Otou-san that Ichigo would go out at night in his shinigami form – despite having no hollows to purify – and come home only to prepare to go to school. After school, he would take his food up to his room and lock himself there until it was time for him to do his night roaming. The only person who could get through to him was his own father. But even then, Otou-san couldn't snap him out of it until the end of those two years.
I'm not sure if it was a mistake, but I confessed to him after that. I told him to let me take care of him. I told him I knew about the both of you and I wanted him to give me a chance to make him happy, even if it was only for our time in this world. Just to kill time before he sees you again in the afterlife, you know?
It was the first time he looked me in the eye and my heart shattered into a million pieces at the sight of his soul that was reflected through them. How could anyone look so broken and empty at the same time? I cried when he told me he couldn't do that to me. He said it would be unfair to me because he could never get over losing you. I cried, not because he couldn't reciprocate my feelings, but because he was hurting so much. He didn't want his human life at all, that much was obvious. He was just dragging through time, day after day.
Not long after the rejection, this guy from university asked me out. It was definitely a rebound relationship on my part. I thought I would try to fix myself after the rejection by going out with someone else. You must be wondering why I didn't go out with Uryuu-kun. He did ask me but he was someone so close to me, I couldn't hurt him like that. As selfish as it sounds, I did not want to get over Ichigo. I was still hoping that someday he would see me as someone who could love him and make him happy. I was still hoping that someday he would love me the way I've always loved him. Sadly though, until this day, that never happened.
I found out I was pregnant five years after the war. This man – Kazui's father – bailed out and said he wasn't ready for the commitment. I wanted to raise the child on my own. The only person I told this to was Tatsuki-chan but she made it her business to discuss with the rest of the gang about it. The gang being Sado-kun, Uryuu-kun, and Ichigo.
Uryuu-kun proposed the day after. Again, I rejected him. He was upset but he said he understood. I don't know what happened but I was in my 20th week when Ichigo told me he would help me raise the child. He never asked if I wanted to marry him. When I agreed to his 'assistance' he took me to the marriage registrar where we signed our marriage papers. Needless to say, a huge argument erupted between Ichigo and Uryuu-kun. After that, they hardly ever spoke to each other anymore. Uryuu-kun threw himself into his work. We never got to see him, and years later, he sold his shares at his hospital and moved to Germany.
Rukia, sometimes, I think I messed up a lot of lives. Sometimes, I know I did. But I think by now, we both know that fate is a cruel thing. I can't help but wonder if Yhwach had something to do with this. I was there when he told Ichigo he would chop down any fate that he carved out for himself. I think Yhwach did it on purpose – that if he were to be destroyed, everyone else would go down with him.
When Ichigo's reiatsu suppression was removed, I could see how alive he was again. At first, I felt hurt that after so many years of marriage, this was the first time a glimpse of joy was reflected in his eyes. I was envious that his shinigami life could bring him more satisfaction than our marriage. But I know, more than anything, his powers had always meant a lot to him. Without his powers, he lost his purpose in life. He lost life. So I let him perform his shinigami duties without question.
Like I've told you before, I am ready to leave this life. Despite not being totally there, Ichigo's presence in my life has made me happy. I used to wish I could fall in love with the same man if I had five lifetimes but one is good enough to show me that sometimes we don't hold the same string of fate as the person we fall in love with. It is better to let them go. That way, they will be happy and we will not be miserable having someone we love who can't love us back the way we want them to.
I could never replace you in any way, Rukia. And I don't think Abarai-kun could replace Ichigo either. You never said anything but I'm guessing the two of you were not even married. I just don't see it. It's kind of creepy but I see a lot of Ichigo in Ichika-chan. Even though she looked to be the same age as Kazui when we first saw her, she is always so much more grown up compared to him, like she's much older. As she grew up into the young lady I've come to love as if she were my daughter, I could see more and more of Ichigo behind those brown hair and violet eyes, those mischievous smirks and thoughtful scowls. I hope you're not upset. Again, I'm just guessing. Otou-san told me Ichigo proposed to you. It doesn't look like something you would want to talk about so I never asked. And Ichigo... well, he doesn't talk about the past. In fact, he doesn't talk much. At all. I guess I'll never know.
Whatever it is, I hope that someday you and Ichigo will find your happy ending. I hope that Yhwach's spell will be broken. And just like Snow White, you will awaken to the touch of your Black Knight.
I wish you all the best, my nakama. Take care of each other.
Love,
Orihime
By the time Rukia had finished reading the letter, she was numb. Her jaw and fists clenched, and she couldn't decide which emotions she wanted to entertain at that moment.
Guilt once again began to cloud her heart. She had already reconciled herself with Kaien's death. But this one is even bigger than anything she had ever felt before. She had destroyed Ichigo's human life by crashing into his world. She had hurt Renji when she couldn't reciprocate his feelings. She had caused confusion in the lives of Ichika and Kazui. And she had been the reason Orihime couldn't get her happy ending just because Ichigo couldn't get over her.
No, Orihime, you didn't mess up. I did. Forgive me.
Happy ending? Happy endings are for fairy tales. Snow White, Black Knight. Those are fairy tale characters, aren't they?
I can't have it. I don't deserve it.
Thank you for reading this. And… I'm sorry. Surprisingly, though, this was much easier to write.
PS: When I finally set the pairing for this fic in the last chapter, I immediately got an anti-IchiRuki review. Lol! Seriously, go read fics of your own ship. Oh wait, I guess there isn't enough IchiHime fics to read because your population is too tiny compared to IchiRuki shippers. Then, go and write some more and leave us alone. Your ship's sinking. Probably can't handle the weight of the canon.