Author's Note: Please refer to the proof that I have ADD or ADHD on the bottom author's note :)
Day Twenty-One: Payphone by Maroon 5 ft. Wiz Khalifa
"Let go of me! Get away from me!"
"Wait, I—"
"No! Just go! You're not the same guy you were a year ago. What happened to you?"
"What are you talking about?"
"I miss the person I left a year ago." She sighed, thinking. "I kept telling myself all year while I was gone that everything would be worth it when I got home to you and my friends and family. What happened to the person I would talk to on the phone? What happened to that guy?"
He didn't have an answer.
She sighed, exasperated. "I don't want to be chasing after someone I know is long gone. I'm sorry, Toby."
And with that, she stormed away, her heels emitting a loud, hollow sound on the rain-kissed pavement.
He tried so hard to think of what had changed so much and made her so upset over the course of six months. The last time they'd seen each other was a small get-together with Emily, Hanna, and Caleb over the winter break, but they hadn't really gotten an opportunity to talk to each other due to Hanna's incessant chatter concerning New York City and her school life.
Still, things seemed perfectly fine. Even their dinner tonight seemed completely fine. He had no idea what made her so upset.
"Are you really that hopeless?"
Je looked up at Hanna. Her blue eyes were puzzled. Then he looked over at Caleb, who looked aloof to the whole situation.
"What did I do wrong?"
Hanna sighed, running her fingers through her now short blonde hair. "What did you do right?" When he didn't answer, she went on. "Toby, she's been waiting to come home so she could spend time with you for ten freaking months. You should've taken every possible opportunity to do something romantic that night and swept her off her feet."
He finally spoke. "I've always tried so hard to make her feel loved, but…it isn't enough…"
"She knows you love her, okay? She can't deny it, or otherwise, she wouldn't be going to Harvard. But girls…we like to feel special. We like it when guys make us feel like the prettiest, most amazing person in the world. And did you really think things would be so perfect forever, Toby? If so, here's a reality check; the sun sets in paradise," she said.
Toby wasn't quite getting annoyed with Hanna, per se, but was getting annoyed at this whole concept of everything he did wrong. Weren't relationships consisting of two people?
"Maybe she was just expecting a lot more after so long," Caleb finally suggested.
"I'm sure she just idealized this whole situation. I mean, ten months is a really long time to be without someone you love. I'm sure she was upset that you weren't in Boston with her," Hanna suggested before taking a sip of her iced coffee drink.
"So she's the only one that gets to be upset?!" he shouted, almost making Hanna choke. It got quieter in the room. He calmed down slightly before continuing. "How am I supposed to feel? She went off to college and I've had to wait for her, too. You don't think it makes me nervous, thinking of her spending so much time with guys that are actually planning to do something with their lives and who might actually deserve her?" he asked, his voice getting shakier and more insecure. "But apparently, it doesn't matter because she's the only one who's hurting."
Hanna bit her cherry-painted lips. "Toby, I…you know that wasn't what I meant."
"No, it's just what everyone's been thinking."
Hanna pursed her lips stubbornly, trying to come up with an argument before her phone rang. It was some stupid, cheesy love song which was very well the last straw.
As tempting as it was to drop it in his own cup of hot coffee, he just pressed 'Ignore'.
"Toby? Really, I know you're fragile and everything but—"
"One more fucking love song and I'm going to go insane."
Toby sat at their spot on the hills overlooking Rosewood. He remembered how just a year ago, it was the two of them sitting right there, looking over the town which caused them so much grief for so long.
It was so weird now that he was here alone.
Just a year ago, this was fine for them. He could just hold her and things felt absolutely perfect.
Ugh, maybe this was his problem. He was only comparing things to back when they were happy and in love.
But then, he had a really good idea. All he needed was Spencer.
She sat, looking at her yearbook, thinking of how things easy were a year ago. She felt nostalgia as she leafed through the pages, seeing all of her old classmates (some who brought better memories than others) and teachers (likewise).
As she was about to turn the page to see the signatures of many classmates, there was a tap at the window. Such a sudden noise would have made her heart rate quicken by about 50 BPM last year, but she was gradually getting better about things.
She looked up and was none too pleased with who she saw behind the window. She quickly scowled and closed the blinds.
"Spencer!"
He quickly ran for the back door, which she (probably) left open. However, she, being the faster and more athletic one of the two, beat him to it. She both locked the back set of doors and closed the blinds. She was stubborn about this.
Outside, he sighed, about ready to give up and wait until Spencer was feeling less stubborn.
But he realized then that he wasn't about to give up on her so easily.
He watched as the lights turned off. About thirty seconds later, the lights turned on in Spencer's room.
"Spencer!" he called again.
Upstairs, she rolled her eyes. She wasn't looking to waste any more time with him. Things didn't feel serious enough between the two of them for her liking. Their first night together in ages felt…like nothing. There wasn't enough of a spark. It made her sad to be so harsh with him but it would feel sadder if she just continued the relationship, with it dying slowly.
Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of rocks being tossed at her window.
She peered slightly over the windowsill, seeing him standing on the perfect green grass below, tossing tiny pebbles at her window.
Not willing to give in entirely, she opened the window so she could hear him, but didn't offer any conversation or explanation to anything.
She only stood, waiting for him to talk.
"Spencer, I don't know what I did wrong, but I'm willing to do anything to fix it. I just…I don't understand."
She looked down at the windowsill. This was more painful than rubbing a hydrogen peroxide, lime juice, and salt mixture into open wounds. "That's the problem, Toby."
"That I don't know what I did wrong?"
She shook her head, still avoiding any and all eye contact. "No. You didn't do anything wrong. That's the problem."
"I just wanted it to be perfect for you. We missed out on so much time when you were in college. I just wanted to be perfect for you."
"But I don't want perfect!" she shouted. This whole concept was driving her insane. "If I had wanted perfect, I would never have dated you in the first place! You're trying to make this a fairytale, but the 'fairytales' we were sold as kids are complete bullshit, Toby. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you've changed. Before, you never cared about fitting in or any of that. You were yourself and I loved that about you. But now…you're trying so hard and I hate it. I miss the person you were before. Or have you forgotten everything?"
She was about to close the window, before he spoke up. "I didn't forget! I am still the same person. I don't expect you to care about everything that's happened to me lately with your new life in college, but it's been hard on me, too. You may have a safe place to call home, but I don't. You're my home and I've felt like I've been missing something for so long with you so far away, so forgive me for trying to make things great for you," he said before he began to walk away, into the dark.
She sighed. He made her so frustrated, but she wasn't about to let him get the last word.
She looked down at the perfectly trimmed, green grass below. It was a pretty far drop she hadn't made in what felt like ages. She swung her legs over the windowsill and held her breath as she pushed off. Making a clean landing, she quickly got up and began to follow after him.
"What are you doing here?"
"I could easily ask you the same thing."
While at times, he appreciated her stubbornness, now was not one of those times.
"Just go home, Spencer. Like you said before, it's over, right? I wasted our time going to your house and I get it now. You don't want to be together. I can accept that."
She sat down on the big rock with a sigh. "I do still love you. But I don't feel like you're here with me. That makes me feel depressed. I felt like I was sitting with a totally different person the other night."
He didn't know how to answer. He almost felt like he was stuck in a glass box with no way out.
"Is it too late for things to be fixed?"
Now it was her turn to be silent. He sighed.
"I just want you back, Spencer. I just want you to be happy. And I know you're not. I wasn't trying to change…I…I just wanted to make that night special for you."
"But I just want you. I don't want any superfluous display of your affections." Shyly, but surely, she reached out for his hand. She felt more at peace than she had in weeks. "All I've ever wanted for our relationship is the two of us."
He looked at their intertwined hands. "What are you trying to say?"
"I mean…I can see you now. This is the same person I left so long ago, and I've missed you, too. It's been a long time since I felt at home and I do right now," she said with a small smile before resting her head on his shoulder and looking out at Rosewood.
He slowly and numbly wrapped his arms around her.
"This is the best I've felt in weeks," she murmured. "And this was what I was waiting to come home to. Please, no more fancy dinners or…anything like that. I'm so much happier with just sitting in the loft eating takeout while watching the Hitchcock double feature," she said.
"I'll remember," he said. "And coffee, right?"
She nodded with a smile. "I've missed you so much."
And then they shared their first real kiss in what must've been at least six months. And it was well worth it.
Snow, snow, come again so I don't have to school. This doesn't rhyme, oh well. I guess Mr. mozzarella will have a hissy fit. That doesn't rhyme either, but I am in a real big rut.
eveningshades1107: Fun stuff! You'll probably see a lot of these things, so I'm glad you like it, but I think by November 6th, you'll grow very tired of it. Which reminds me, as Jillian and I were on this conversation just before, I don't say thank you enough to you for being such a consistent, devoted reader/reviewer, so thank you, thank you, thank you, a thousand thank yous. On my wishlist for PLL episodes (in general, so not just limited to 4B), I have that musical thing, too (I get you on the whole Broadway classics...Liza Minnelli tunes from Cabaret like "Maybe This Time" and "Cabaret" are the best [and I'm actually singing Maybe This Time at my next singing recital]). It helps that so many of the cast members (or it seems like most of them; Keegan, Troian, Lucy, and I'm sure more, but they're the only ones I've actually heard sing) are musically inclined and have some kind of voice. Bring Betty Buckley back for that (that would be so funny). On the other hand, it is kind of corny, so...but still, it would be fun. Also on my wish list is some kind of Holiday episode (Christmukkah, New Years, etc.). I mean, Spoby cuddling by the fireplace under the mistletoe? Be still, my heart. Lastly, I'd love some kind of GRADUATION episode, or something where they do senior year things! Like, senior ditch day, getting ready for Senior Prom, graduation practice...I'm just saying. I'd like it if they did KID things for once. They're so serious all the time. Always A this and A that. I'd like to see them do real KID things. That's my biggest wish. And also, snow in Rosewood. That would be nice.
AL3110:I've only seen like three episodes from Season 2, but a lot of people I know who like Glee love Season 2. I love the songs (Valerie, all the Britney covers [though U Drive Me Crazy/Crazy from Season 4 is probably my favorite Britney cover Glee did, probably because they mashed it up with Aerosmith, even though my cousin is bugging out about that and wants to murder RM for it], Don't You Want Me? and Lucky). No, no, no. No requests, because if I start taking them, I'm never going to finish this by Nov. 6th. I HAVE A DEADLINE. Okay, that's great, but it's already on the list, so fret not! Okay? It's all good. I know what song that is. And you neglected ERIN MCCARLEY. Come on, AL. How could you forget about Erin? Erin/Andrew are such a good collab. Ugh, love.
tobyequalshottness: Thank you so much! And please, don't ever change your avatar. If you do, please choose another shirtless photo of Keegan.
mrs-cavanaugh: Thank you! And did you mean continue the one-shot? Ooh, I've got a lot of work to keep up with already. All these multi-chapter ideas with one chapter complete on my computer are driving me INSANE, especially since I can't get over stupid writer's block. Everything sucks, I swear. EVERYTHING SUCKS.
So this is probably my favorite one-shot thus far and I am completely surprised I was able to produce such a piece, especially since I sat at my computer, staring at a blank space between the title and the lyrics. Can someone give me like an energy shot of pure adrenaline right now? ENERGY is what I need. And probably a giant vat of coffee. Not for drinking, I'm not like Spencer. I need to swim in it so maybe it'll diffuse into my brain. I NEED ENERGY. First day of school is tomorrow and I don't know HOW I am going to get through it. I don't think I have Latin class (AKA, I-can-pass-this-class-with-my-brain-tied-behind-my-back class) tomorrow and in its place, I have PE. KILL ME NOW.
The next one shot is Nothing's Real But Love by Rebecca Ferguson. I know none of you know this song, and if you do, you're either lying to yourself or you deserve a gold star which I am not going to give you. This is why I demand you LISTEN to it before you read it. Don't ask me how I even found it. It was one of those $.69 songs (and as I'm typing this, I realized that there is no "cents" sign on the keyboard...hmm...you'd think that as someone who can type like thirty something words per minute, I would've noticed that already) on iTunes that I liked, so I just got it. I don't think anyone really knows who Rebecca Ferguson is. I don't either, I just like this song. So no, you are not living in a whole if you don't know it.
My brain is falling asleep as we speak and I've already had to type this sentence over like ten times because I keep misspelling the word "misspelling" and "my" and "asleep" and "brain" and "and", so I think I should probably just go. Oops, I misspelt "probably" and "misspelt" just now. Ugh, forget that osmosis BS. I'm just going to drink pure caffeine and pray to God this works.
Ugh, do you know what it's like typing when you're a grammar Nazi and you keep making simple grammar mistakes? Go home, Kayson, you're drunk. Or you look it. Your eyes are bloodshot and you don't look like you're brushed your hair and you're falling over as you're typing this. Ugh, I know but I...I don't know why I'm typing this, as this post just got really weird. I don't know why I was just talking in the second person either, and now I've switched to first person again. You know what, if I ever criticize you guys for switching voices all of a sudden, smack me on the wrist and refer to this post. You would not believe how many times I find myself writing and I KNOW I'm writing in the third person and I suddenly switch to first person. It makes me so, so mad.
I need some aspirin and to go to sleep. If you're still reading my word vomit, thank you for holding back my hair, but I'm done. Let me pass out and wake up with a hangover of BAD GRAMMAR tomorrow. Bye! And thanks for reading, even though I know I'm a temperamental, capricious, fickle girl and that whole sentence was just redundant and this is turning into a really really really really really long run-on sentence but I just can't find the period thingy on my keyboard ooh I found it.
Bye! -Kayson
PS. In case you haven't noted, I'm pretty sure I have ADD or ADHD or...or...I really am turning into a bitch because my baby girl, Rosa has about the same attention span as me right now. Okay, bye! -Kayson
PPS, my dog really knows there's something wrong with me. She keeps nudging me as though she's asking "OMG OMG ARE YOU OKAYYYYY?" Okay, I'm done. -ADD KaYsOn