Violetta
Mason and Leah were completely silent for the rest of our stay on the Makah reservation. We slept in the spare rooms in the larger house, and Jacob and Seth had woken up at around 10 in the morning. Renesmee wouldn't let Jacob out of her site and I would let Seth out of mine. Neither would Leah or Mason.
We left around 1 in the afternoon, after Jacob and Seth had explained everything that they remembered.
We were back in Forks by quarter to 2. Leah and Mason were still silent throughout Carlisle's lecturing to Renesmee and I. We didn't argue. Renesmee was too focused on Jacob, and I was too focused on Leah, Mason and Seth, as well as the thoughts that were playing in the back of my mind repeatedly since the house and cemetery.
Carlisle asked Mason and Leah something, to which they didn't respond.
"Mason, Leah, do you—"
"Dad." I stopped him. He looked at me and I shook my head, "Leave them be."
He gave me a confuse expression. I considered talking to him now and apologising.
"I feel as though that won't go down very well…" Edward said.
"Why not?" I asked hesitantly.
"He didn't even know you were…considering it. You'll have to explain that you were and I don't think he'll deal with that very well."
"I need to do it, Edward."
"Maybe start with the easier people first?" He suggested.
I thought about it, "Yeah, that's a good idea."
"What?" Carlisle asked.
"You'll know soon enough. Carmen, Eleazar, can I please speak with you?"
"Of course." Eleazar smiled and they stood up.
I led the way out the back door and into the forest, out of the ear shot of the others.
"Vi, is everything okay?" Carmen asked.
"Yes, everything's fine. I just need to do something."
I stopped after a few more steps. "Ah, I just wanted to apologise."
"For what?" Eleazar asked, completely confused.
"When we were at the Makah reservation yesterday, Mason revealed his past to me. His sister committed suicide, and he and Leah are still shaken up about revisiting her death site and grave. I saw how much it affects people around you, and I just wanted to apologise for almost bringing that onto you."
They didn't ask too many questions, just if I was okay. I confirmed that I was and they accepted the apology. They hugged me and I asked them to send out Kate, Garrett and Tanya, and to not say anything to anyone else.
"Violetta? Is everything okay?" Tanya asked as she walked to me with Kate and Garrett a step behind her.
I smiled, "Everything is fine. I just wanted to apologise to you all."
"What did you do?" Garrett asked.
"Shh. She wasn't finished." Kate said.
"What I did was, I considered taking my own life again, and I got very close to going through with it. When we were on the Makah reservation yesterday, Mason opened up to me about his past there and his sister's suicide. He and Leah are still shaken up about it, and they were a wreck on the other reservation. I realised what it does to the people around you, and I just wanted to apologise for almost springing it all on you."
They asked a few more questions than Eleazar and Carmen had, but they eventually settled for my confirmation that I was okay and they accepted the apology too. They hugged me and we walked back to the house. I didn't know who would be the next easiest to talk to. Maybe Edward and Bella, because Edward already knew what was coming. Or maybe Renesmee, Jacob and Seth.
"Renesmee, Jacob and Seth." Edward said as soon as I walked into the house.
I looked at them, and they stood up, walking out behind me.
I walked back to the previous place. "Okay, when we were on the Makah reservation yesterday, Mason and Leah opened up to me about Mason's sisters' death. That's why they're so quiet; they're still a bit shaken after revisiting the place and grave. After seeing their reactions to just remembering it, I realised how broken the family may be if I had gone through with my own suicide like I almost had a few days ago. I just want to apologise for that."
Renesmee hugged me straight away. I returned the gesture and swallowed hard. It felt like my throat was closing up. Why was this so hard to do for all of them? I even felt nauseous with the Denali's.
"You're okay now, right?" She asked quietly.
"Yeah, I'm fine." I smiled as she pulled away. Jacob and Seth hugged me before they returned to the house. They sent out Bella and Edward for me.
"What's going on?" Bella asked. "Carlisle and Esme are frantic."
"They will be a lot worse soon enough…" I said.
"Just listen Bella." Edward hushed her.
"When we were on the Makah reservation yesterday…" I told the same thing I have been to everyone else. Bella hugged me for longer than Renesmee had, and I wondered how Alice and Rosalie would go. They were closer to me than Bella was. And what about Esme?
Edward hugged me once Bella had stepped backwards and he asked if I was okay. I didn't answer verbally, and he nodded with a smile.
"Rose and Emmett?" He asked.
I nodded, "Thank you."
"Vi?" Rosalie asked.
"Yeah." I replied. She walked up to me with her hand linked in Emmett's.
"I'm sort of scared…" Emmett said.
"It's nothing too…serious…I guess. Just, don't worry." I repeated the story again.
Rosalie looked so upset when I had said that I almost went through with it a few days ago. She hugged me for longer than Bella had. That's when I realised that Alice would already know what I was going to say. Rosalie kissed my cheek and smiled as Emmett spun me around in a hug. I laughed and he put me down.
"Can you please send out Alice and Jasper?"
"Sure." Rosalie smiled and they walked away.
Alice greeted me with a hug. Jasper looked too anxious. "Tell me what the hell is going on here, Violetta."
This would be harder than the others. I knew Jasper would be hurt, especially since I hadn't told him about it.
I told them the same story; it just took a bit longer as I expanded a bit and had to keep stopping to keep myself from crying.
Jasper hugged me for a while and kissed my forehead. He and Alice accepted the apology with no questions and they knew who to send out.
I found myself getting very fidgety as I heard Carlisle and Esme whisper as they walked to me.
This was going to be the hardest of all.
"Vi." Esme looked relieved to see me.
"Please explain what is going on? No one will tell us anything." Carlisle said.
I swallowed hard and felt tears sting my eyes, and I hadn't even began.
"Okay, I'm sorry for leaving yesterday, but I hope you understand why I had to go."
"We do." Esme assured with a nod.
"Okay, well after we found Seth and Jacob, and the nomads had left, Mason wanted to go for a walk."
"Please don't tell me he proposed…" Carlisle said.
"Shh." Esme hushed forcefully.
"He wanted to show me the house he grew up in at the Makah reservation, so he took me there. Leah caught up to us, and Mason revealed his past to me. What really got me was the suicide of his sister."
"I don't like where this is going…" Carlisle said quietly.
"Shh! Listen!" Esme hissed.
"He and Leah were a mess, and they still are now, after revisiting the place of her death and her grave. It opened my eyes and I realised how much it would have hurt you if I ended my own life. I was seriously considering it a few days ago, and I got pretty close…but I didn't do it, and now I'm really happy that I didn't."
Carlisle took in a breath and looked into the trees on his side to calm himself down. Esme was looking at the ground.
"So, after seeing what it does to people, and understanding the pain it would have caused you, and still is right now despite my not following through, I just want to say that I am so sorry. I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for even coming close to putting you through that."
Tears were escaping my eyes now. I tried to hold them back, but it felt impossible.
Esme kissed my forehead and pulled me into her arms, "I love you Vi."
"I love you too, mum." I whispered. I hugged her tighter than I usually would and I could tell she found it comforting.
"Please know that you can always come to us if you ever feel anything negative, or positive for that matter." Esme smiled as we parted.
I nodded, "I know. Thanks."
She nodded and kissed my forehead again. The she rubbed Carlisle's arm briefly and walked back towards the house.
I looked at Carlisle, "I am so sorry."
He shook his head and stepped forwards, putting his arms around me. I returned it very willingly and buried my face into his chest. He kissed the top of my head.
"I love you daddy." I whispered.
"I love you, Letty. Always."
I felt more tears leak from my eyes and I tried desperately to stop them.
Carlisle let go of me and wiped my tears, "I think we should go and try pick up the pieces of Mason and Leah, don't you?"
I nodded and smiled, wiping away another tear. We walked back to the house and he expressed how important it was that I go to someone if I'm ever feeling down. I said I would, and I meant it this time. No more suicidal thoughts. I couldn't deal with it anymore.
When we reached the house, I went to Leah and rubbed her shoulder. I crouched down in front of the couch that she was on. "Hey, look at me Leah." She looked up from a small photo she was holding of 5 kids. I figured it was her, Seth, Mason, Stephen and Charlotte as children.
I felt tears sting my eyes, "She isn't hurting anymore, Leah. She's happy, and she's with her father, and yours. She loved you, Leah."
She burst into tears and I sat beside her, holding my arms around her as she cried into my shoulder. The whole family sat in silence, not sure what to do. Esme stood and moved over to Leah's other side. "Here honey." She whispered. Leah moved from my arms to Esme's. I rubbed her back soothingly and stood up, walking over to Mason.
I sat beside him and tried to calm myself. I felt a wave of peace overtake me and I smiled gratefully at Jasper.
"Mason? Please look at me?"
He didn't lift his head or his eyes. I put my hand under his chin and lifted it, "Please?"
He looked at me, and didn't drop his eyes immediately like I expected him to. I smiled.
"Mason, what happened, it wasn't your fault."
"Don't even try." He said quietly.
"I've been where she was, Mas. Honey it was not your fault, trust me."
He shook his head and a tear rolled down his cheek, "I could have stopped her."
"No. You couldn't have. Once she got that far into the situation, the only thing that was going to change her mind was fear. And that means that she wasn't scared, so she was ready to go. She's happier now, Mason. She's with your dad and Harry. If she hadn't done it then, she would have gone through what you did with your mother. If she stayed, she'd be hurting more now than ever. She's happy, and she's safe."
He snickered and shook his head, "You remind me of her sometimes, your logic and use of words."
I smiled.
"Your stupidity."
I laughed a small, quiet laugh.
"Mason, instead of dwelling her death, remember all of the times you had with her. Every time she smiled or laughed, every time she made a stupid comment, or fell for your idiotic tricks."
He laughed, "There was a lot of those times."
I smiled again, "Be content with the knowledge that she's happy and safe and she can have everything she's always wanted."
"I wish you could have met her…" He said quietly.
"Maybe one day I will." I smiled.
He wiped a tear from his cheek, "I'll go back and get your necklace tomorrow."
"No." I shook my head, "Let her have it. It's pretty."
He nodded and smiled a genuine smile.
"There's that smile I love." I smirked at him.
He shook his head and laughed. He put his finger under my chin and kissed me once. I returned it.
"Thank you."
I put my arms around his neck and rested my chin on his shoulder. I looked at Carlisle. He smiled at me. I smiled back and then I looked over to Esme and Leah. Leah had stopped crying, but she was still in Esme's arms. Seth was rubbing her back. He hadn't known Charlotte as much, because he was younger. He wasn't affected as much as they were.
I hugged Mason until I knew he was okay and I kissed him again afterwards.
"I love you." I whispered to him.
"I guess I love you too."
"You guess?"
"Well, I mean, I don't really have a choice…"
"You're such a dick." I laughed and shook my head at him.