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Chapter 13

Izaya POV

I lay in bed looking up at the white ceiling when I hear the door open.

"Izaya, it's time to go now". It was Shizuo. I nodded as he helped my out of bed, walking me to the door. I said goodbye to Shinra and walked back to my temporary home with Shizuo.

After coming home last night and the horrible pain in my stomach, I had to inform Shizuo and Shinra what had happened. Shizuo, as expected was furious, but calmed down enough to hear what Shinra hade to say about the baby's condition and to thank Kasuka for saving me.

According to Shinra the baby would be fine, though it did sustain a few injuries from the attack, it's a demon and was able to heal itself, but because it wasn't fully grown the healing process was a bit painful. The more you heal yourself the easier it gets, and since this was its first time, it wasn't easy.

Just to make sure though I stayed overnight at Shinra's, and Shizuo did something that he hadn't done in weeks. He stayed with me. He lied in bed with me and held me, stroking my hair and whispering loving words until I fell asleep. I had gotten used to the feeling of sleeping alone for a while now, Shizuo always stayed up late talking to Dotachin and Shinra, I hadn't fallen asleep in his arms for a long time and I really enjoyed it.

Shizuo held my hand while walking back to his place. We would have taken his car, but the rush to get to Shinra's last night, we all agreed it would be faster if I was carried.

I leaned against Shizuo as we walked, enjoying the feel of my small hand in his strong one, his thumb lightly rubbing circles into my palm. I wish it could be like this all the time, I wish I could always feel Shizuo's loving touch, but it's not like that anymore.

It didn't take long to reach our destination, Shizuo never letting go of my hand even as we entered his house, and passed through the entrance. He lead me to the living room and sat down on the couch, pulling be into his lap with one arm around my waist and the other resting on my thigh. We hadn't been in this position since I started my therapy sessions, I didn't want to be touched and Shizuo didn't want to scare me so we had taken to just sitting beside each other. It had been months since I was this close to Shizuo, not including last night, and I found I missed it.

I rested my head on his shoulder and he kissed my forehead. We sat in silence for a while, just enjoying the moment when I heard the tv turn on. I hadn't noticed that Shizuo grabbed the remote. I looked up at him, his eyes trained on the tv, trying to find a channel we would both enjoy, but I could tell his mind was somewhere else. I knew he wasn't paying attention to the television, he was flipping through the shows too fast to even develop an opinion on them. Something was bothering him, and you'd have to be stupid not to think that it had something to do with what he's trying to keep from me.

He seemed to realize my staring and put the remote down, turning his attention toward me.

"Are you okay"? he asked. I didn't know how to respond, physically, I was fine but, mentally, I felt neglected, worried and exhausted. But I would never tell him that, he had enough to worry about without adding our relationship to the mix, although I don't like him keeping secrets, I can obviously tell that its really bothering him and I'm not going to pressure him into telling me, I'm sure when the tome comes he'll speak up, but for now, I guess we're on a need to know basis.

I nodded. I'm not sure he believed me, but he let it slide. Lifting me up bridal style and gently laying me on the couch. "I'm going to go have a talk with Kadota and Kasuka, will you be okay here? Are you hungry?"

Ignoring his questions, I asked one of my own. "don't you wanna watch tv with me"? i asked, missing him already and trying to get him to stay a bit longer. "It's important Izaya, we can watch tv another time, I'll only be a few hours". I sighed, grabbing the remote and turning the volume up. Wait, what did he say?

"You're leaving"? He was already by the door with coat and his shoes on, ready to leave. " We thought it would be best to have this discussion at Shinra's", he explained.

I looked at him confused. Was it really necessary to leave me alone in this house just so I wouldn't walk in on their conversation. Noticing the look on my face, he walked over, planting a chaste kiss on my lips before heading out the door.

I turned to the tv, trying to ignore the feelings that were just dying to get out.

It hurt. It hurt to know that Shizuo was lying to me, that he didn't trust me with the information that seemed so important to him, maybe even more important than me. He never spends time with me anymore, I don't see him during the day and we live in the same house, this isn't me being clingy, it's like he's avoiding me, spending every minute worrying about this new problem that he won't tell me.

We used to be inseparable, we used to cuddle all day and he'd say 'I love you' so many times I'd get sick of hearing it. But I haven't heard those words in a while.

His mind was wandering the whole time we were together today. It almost felt like he did those things just to humor me. Holding my hand, letting me sit in his lap. Did he… did he not love me anymore? Was he just keeping me around until the baby was born?

That was the thought that did it. I began to cry.

I sobbed into the pillow I had been laying on. Overthinking has always made me feel bad and worry about nothing, but thinking that Shizuo didn't love me anymore, hurt way worse than any other outcome I had thought of. I loved Shizuo and even the thought of him not returning my feelings had me sobbing.

I didn't know if I was just emotional form the pregnancy or if what I was thinking had some truth to it, I just kept crying, and soon I fell asleep.

Shizuo's POV

It was around three o'clock when I returned from Shinra's. Izaya was asleep on the couch. I hung up my coat and removed my shoes.

I knelt down next to Izaya, brushing hair out of his face. He's so beautiful. There's not one thing I would change about him. I only wish I could spend more time with him, but I've had a lot to deal with lately and I don't want to worry him.

I ran my thumb across his cheek, realizing it was wet. Had he been crying? I took a closer look, noticing the tear streaks staining his face. The pillow underneath him was soaking and his hair was damp. He hadn't just been crying, it was like he had sobbed his heart out.

He was in pain, he was crying and I wasn't there for him. I hadn't been there to comfort him or tell him it was okay. To tell him I loved him.

I quickly wiped away the tears that gathered in my eyes and took Izaya into my arms, cradling him close to my chest. I walked to the bedroom, setting Izaya on the couch while I undressed, then removing his cloths for him before getting into bed with him in my arms. I knew why he was crying, I know I've been ignoring him but I need to solve this little problem, he wouldn't be able to handle it if he knew, but that aside I shouldn't have left him alone today. Even as I getting ready to go I could see the hurt in his eyes, I could sense his pain.

I held him close to me, whispering the words I would have spoken if I had been there when he needed me. I closed my eyes and buried my face in his hair, breathing in his sweet scent.

"I love you Izaya, I love you so much".

I pulled him closer to me, savoring the feel of him in my arms, because this might me the last time I get to do this.

A/N: Hello! I don't know if you have noticed but I sort of go from writing past to present in this story, I don't know why it just happens, I'm planning on fixing it but if it really bothers you I could do it sooner. I was also thinking about Izaya's POV, I was wondering if I should refer to 'Shizuo' as 'Shizu-chan' when he's mentions Shizuo and I was going to do that but it seems to flow better if it's 'Shizuo'. I don't know if it's too OOC if Izaya doesn't call Shizuo 'Shizu-chan' in his head. If you think I should change that, tell me, if not, then it will stay as is. (I will edit this chapter again later, just wanted to get it posted)

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