Author's Note: I don't know what to say about this except for that I REALLY really really tried, guys. I don't know what happened. Today was just a horrible day. I tried and it didn't work. Please make me feel better.
Day Thirty-Four: What I Did For Love from A Chorus Line
It was really dark that day and every day after that.
Anyone who knew me personally and intimately knew—it was the day that I had gotten arrested.
But that really wasn't the reason that day was probably the worst day of my life. It was because I broke up with someone who I really, truly, genuinely thought I loved. As silly and irrational as it sounded, considering I was only sixteen at the time, I was extremely saddened by leaving him.
For days and days and days during that really dark block of time, I didn't cry or openly mourn the relationship. I wasn't angry, either. I was just…numb.
In retrospect, I'm not sure why I didn't expect this kind of stunt from A. Toby might've been gone. That didn't mean I would forget that feeling I got around him which I never experienced before. I'd probably never forget; that was what hurt me the most. I would remember forever.
Still, I remembered that I was doing what I had to do to keep everyone safe. I'd prefer knowing he was safe any day.
God, I sounded like such a liar. And I was. I lied to him, I lied to myself…I lied to everyone…
Dear Toby,
I want tell you that no matter what, I'm going to be happy for you, so long as you're happy. I hope you find a lot of happiness with someone else. I'm really sorry things didn't work out between us, but…I guess that's just love. It doesn't always work, no matter how much you love the other person and they love you. I guess we both just have to move on. I know it'll be better for both of us. Mostly you.
I'm not telling you to forget. I know you don't want to forget. You don't have to. It's bittersweet, but I need you to understand that this is why I did this. I didn't want us to remember our relationship as a…mess I wanted to remember it as something beautiful and graceful and poetic, like the kind of thing you felt it movies. It felt like a movie or a book to me. It never felt real. It just felt like peace.
And if you're wondering why I'm really writing this to you, it's because I wanted you to know…I won't forget. And I also wanted you to know that it was the best time of my life, no matter how short and sweet it was.
eveningshades1107: I could tell you exactly what they said. I tried my best with it. TRANSLATION TIME from I Am Not a Robot (#33):
The first scene goes like this:
Spencer- You don't have to believe me...but I'm a friend. [hands him catcher in the rye]
Toby- Why? [as in, "Why are you here, Spencer?"]
Spencer- Because you need help in French.
Toby- Why you?
Spencer- I volunteered [as tribute...jk].
Next scene (I got some of the lyrics from Carmen...don't judge. That's like the only French I can be pretty certain is legit):
Spencer- My love, I know that you love me...I need you in my life...I can't live without you...I adore you [...] I love you.
Toby- What?
later...
[Toby asks how her new study group is]
Spencer- It's hell.
Toby- What happened? [ha ha, most of Toby's dialogue in French was just pourquoi?]
Spencer- It's nothing. I don't want to think about college.
Toby- Why? [another pourquoi!]
Spencer- That means I'll have to leave you. [...] You taught me how to feel for the first time and...I think I love you.
Toby- I think I love you, too.
I'm sorry. I really tried to nail this one for you, but...I think I failed. I referenced the Second Spoby Dark Age! The angst was up tonight (kind of...maybe). But I don't know...I just couldn't get with what Paige did. I get tough love, but literally sacrificing your girlfriend's former best friend to the wolves is harsh. Like, even take out the fact that Alison was Emily's friend and Emily is involved; why does she have to do that? I've really been neutral about Paige, but I didn't think it was right of her to do that to Emily OR Alison.
MizzIsTheFizz:Thank you! And I understand. I constantly yell and curse quietly at my TV whenever PLL is on because it gets me so worked up. You're totally not alone.
NewEnglandMuggleGirl:I wasn't that surprised, but I already knew it was coming, so...well, that's a good reason not to be shocked. I was kind of glad she did though. A or not, I think he totally deserved it.
Okay, so this was...crap. I tried. I failed.
Onto (hopefully) better and longer things, the next one-shot will be Lil Darlin by ZZ Ward. I can't remember if I did any one-shots by her, but I really love ZZ Wards' voice. In my perfect dream world, I kind of have my hierarchy set up like this: Marina is the Goddess and Queen of everything, Lana is the King/Queen (can't decide because she's technically a queen since she's a girl, but her stage name means "Lana the King", so...Gin is the Princess, and ZZ is probably like the duchess. If that makes any sense, which I'm sure it does not. And then JPW and JW are probably like...count and countess. Yup.
Please leave a review or not because I am totally not worthy of your reviews and this one kind of sucked I'm sorry don't look at me. -Kayson