Well, River seems to be a popular character, and I got a few requests for her, so here you are. This chapter was really fun to write, to be honest. I'm nervous about it though. River Song is a hard character to write, so I don't know if I got her personality right. And I haven't even seen The Husbands of River Song yet, so I have no idea how she and Twelve would actually behave together! I had to guess. I know I'll be writing about River again in the future, so please tell me if there's any way I can improve how I wrote her personality.
Thanks for reading and reviewing. Allons-y!
River Song: Hello, sweetie.
Twelfth Doctor: What?! River?
River: Who else calls you 'sweetie'?
Doctor: Good point.
Doctor: How did you get my number? Only Clara's got it, and she guards it extremely jealously.
River: Oh, yes. Clara. Your newest accomplice. She's got a bit of a wide face, hasn't she?
Doctor: Accomplice? You make it sound like we rob banks together or something.
Doctor: Well... we did once, actually.
River: Yes, I know. My point exactly.
River: She's still got a wide face though.
Doctor:You're just jealous.
River: Maybe I am.
Doctor: Actually, I thought she had a bit of a wide face too. I tried to tell her about it, but she didn't take it very well.
Doctor: Hang on, how'd you know about Clara? And about me robbing a bank? Do you spy on me?
River: Well, I have to make sure you don't destroy the universe, don't I? I have to keep an eye on you all the time. More like two eyes.
River: And I don't think you can really talk. I know Clara shouted at you just the other day for spying on her.
Doctor: Okay, that's really creepy, forget I asked about spying.
Doctor: But what about my number? How'd you get it?
River: You really don't want to know.
Doctor: I hope you didn't do anything illegal.
River: As if you can talk. Illegal is your middle name, dear.
Doctor: Did you though?
River: Now that would be telling. ;)
Doctor: AGAIN WITH THE CREEPY SMILES. Why are those so popular?
River: Because people don't like to look at frowns.
Doctor: Was that comment aimed at me?
River: Yes.
Doctor: I thought so.
Doctor: So... what's up?
River: I love it when you try to be cool.
Doctor: Oh, stop it.
River: Make me;)
Doctor: I will.
Doctor: Wait... is this... 'flirting'?
River: I suppose, why?
Doctor: I've heard of flirting before. I never thought I'd actually do it. This is embarrassing.
River: Nonsense. Your eleventh regeneration flirted all the time. With just about anyone who would listen.
Doctor: ... I was trying to forget that. Thanks for reminding me again.
River: Anytime, love.
Doctor: Well, you never answered my question. What have you been up to?
River: Oh, not much. Saving a few civilizations, meeting a few people, causing a lot of trouble. The usual.
Doctor: And spying on me, of course.
River: Yes. Imagine the trouble you'd get up to if I wasn't watching.
Doctor: Quite a bit, I suppose. But not as much as the trouble I get up to while you are watching.
River: Oh, flirting again, are we?
Doctor: What? No! I meant - I get into trouble anyway, whether or not you're watching. I wasn't flirting.
River: If you say so.
Doctor: You don't believe me, do you.
River: Not at all, dear.
Thirty seconds later:
Doctor: Awkward silence.
River: What?
Doctor: Well, it was like when no one talks and there's an awkward silence, and someone says 'awkward silence'. But it was over text. So I texted it instead.
River: You're hopeless.
Doctor: I know.
Doctor: Erm... we should... see each other sometime, maybe?
River: I just got back from seeing you.
Doctor: What?
River: I forgot to mention, I'm writing to you from six months, two days, and ninety-nine minutes in your future. I saw you only yesterday.
Doctor: What did we do?
River: Spoilers, sweetie.
Doctor: If I hear that one more time I'll explode.
River: Good thing you only saw it, then.
Doctor: !
River: What's that?
Doctor: Clara taught it to me. It's a sign of frustration and anger.
River: I rather like this Clara. I'll have to meet her sometime.
Doctor: So you can laugh about me together.
River: Well, of course! Why else?
River: Uh-oh, I have to go, they've caught my scent now.
Doctor: What? Who?
River: Oh, the Judoon are after me.
Doctor: The intergalactic police are after you? What did you do?
River: Nothing major.
River: Although I may be a little late to dinner tonight, husband.
Doctor: Do I need to come and pick you up before you get blasted into smithereens?
River: That would be nice. Perhaps we can go on a dinner date afterwards. Some great restaurants have popped up since we last saw each other!
Doctor: Why are you texting me while the Judoon are chasing you?! Send me the coordinates of your location so I can pick you up, and then get out of there!
River: I'm a great multitasker!
Doctor: I'm coming to get you, hang on.
River: Thanks, sweetie. Remember to wipe your feet on the doormat when you get here.
Doctor: Stop texting and run.
River: Don't worry, they're extremely slow.
Doctor: You're still texting.
River: I know, isn't it amazing?
Doctor: I'm starting up the TARDIS right now, see you in a few.
Doctor: And not another word from you. Only you could text people while running for your life.
Doctor: And maybe Clara. But that's beside the point.
Doctor: Oh, and one other thing.
River: What's that?
Doctor: Hello, sweetie.
River always seems to crack a lot of 'domestic' jokes in the show, if you know what I mean, so I thought I would include a couple in here:) Hope you enjoyed. Reviews and constructive criticism appreciated!