Chapter 11: Vallate

It was the second time Claire tripped on the uneven terrain. The spring made the grass grow high all around the standing stones of Craigh na Dun, which apart from making her having to concentrate on her footing, it also made it impossible to see the place where she left the wagon where she had said good bye to Jack with a simple nod. Perhaps it was more than he deserved, because he was surely not helping her out of the kindness of his heart, there had to be a price, one that Jamie paid, she knew that. Her mind however was in such an emotional turmoil that each and every matter was hard to consider. All throughout her trip to the eighteenth century, circumstances dictated that she had to be strong, fight for herself, then to be Jamie's shoulder to lean on, through losing a child and a whirlwind of events and tribulations that never left enough time to step back or have a breakdown.

Now Jamie was gone however, a fact proven to her after the two days they've spent looking for a grave with the Frasers' name on it by the battlefield, during which Jack became exceedingly ill with a remission of his enteric disease to the extent they had to acquire the waggon to travel forward with.

Claire held her palms to the stone she knew she came through time at. What she was doing was out of a sense of duty, dues to Jamie and their unborn child, yet in the strange numbness that signified that her grief ran so deep that everything else became meaningless compared to it, she did not even have an emotional response to time travel not happening this time. Instead, she simply gathered herself and made her way back to the cart she knew must still be sitting where she had left it. The condition Jack was in, he would probably not be going anywhere for a time. And while that didn't particularly concern her, she felt a pang of guilt when hearing the laments of baby Denys like any expectant mother would at that sound, who they have had to take on the journey with them given both their financial situations.

Wordlessly, she climbed aboard and snatched the leather pouch they used for feeding the infant and let him suckle at the small amount of goat's milk that was still in it. That will need refilled on a farm somewhere in the proximity. Thankfully, it was enough to put the baby to sleep for the time being, so she placed Denys on the bed of straw they've made for him in the back and shuffled over to Jack, who had been silently watching her as he lay in sweat and curled up around his belly. No words were necessary to tell of her failure, but it seemed like the ill man wanted to be sure. "You did try?" He questioned, forehead creasing.

"It is a possibility I may never get back to my own time," Claire said without much feeling as she touched Jack's forehead. He didn't seem to have much of a fever, indicating that the flare up wasn't exceedingly serious and a cluster of infection didn't take hold, so the sweat would be from the pain he presumably had considerable of. Laudanum they've ran out of a long time ago and she wasn't entirely sure of the use of saffron in this case. "I've seen a house about a mile back," she changed subject without giving much consideration to the last two issues, "for a babe without a mother, people usually spare some milk," she hoped, even if times were harsh around the Highlands at this time.

"You've given up what we came for?" Jack questioned her on a harsh, interrogative tone.

"What do you care."

"The Frasers," he grinned, "if nothing else, anybody would have to admit, you are the most captivating people they've ever encountered. What can I say, I am invested in the tale."

"The tale is that I am going to ensure the survival of an ancestor I am invested in," she gathered her skirts to climb up to the reins. "Abject side effect, that he might need a father for that, at least in name. We cannot wait here forever for a miracle. I will take you back to Edinburgh."

Jack sat up slowly, taking care not to further jostle his belly besides the unfortunate bouncing the moving cart and leaned on the side of it, close enough for them to hear each other talking over the horse's trotting, without having to raise their voices too much and wake the infant. "Did you think the army had in mind to keep me, invalid as I am?"

Claire couldn't help but glance back at him, startled. Of course if she would've thought about it, if she would've had the presence of mind to think about anything, she would've figured out herself that Jack would be let loose. "What will you do? Where will you raise Denys?" The brunette vocalised the question that fought to raise to some importance in her brain at least. "How will he be taken care of?"

"Will I be alive long enough for my contribution to even matter that way," Jack mused.

His travelling companion looked back at him contemplatively, "I do not know," she said in earnest, "you were supposed to die at Culloden."

"Funny how that works."

Claire looked back at him again, distracted from the road, but she did not detect any of his smirk or a sign that he would've said that maliciously. So she nodded a few times, despondent. "Well, I wouldn't give you very long to live with your illness if you didn't have someone who knows what they're dealing with looking after you. Most of what today's physicians call medicine and treatment is largely harmful."

"Fortunate for me you are so invested in the Randalls' well-being."

This time, she couldn't miss the sarcasm in his voice. "I have told you my reasons."

"A man who looks like me, who you hope to get back to." He said in wonder, somewhat amused.

"None of your business. However, I would be grateful if you told me your destination, so I can deposit the both of you in safety and be on my way."

Jack sighed wearily. This was a moment where he had to admit weakness, but did that even matter anymore with this woman? She had already seen him in the most vulnerable of positions. "Sussex." It sounded defeated, he knew that, and there was no chance Claire would not know the reason. He will have to go home to the family estate owned by his older brother and hope that he will be gracious enough to help because he himself has no position or funds left. Not that they were ever on good terms or that he would like anybody's pity for being an invalid. "I am quite certain they won't throw out the boy when I'm dead."

Claire nodded to herself. Yes, it seemed like the best plan for Denys under the circumstances. Maybe he wouldn't have the most loving childhood, but he could still meet someone called Sarah Denholm as he should've and continue establishing the blood line Frank stemmed from. And in that case, she wouldn't even have to consider Jack's well-being. Pursing her lips, she looked back at him once more, her analytical mind assessing him automatically without her conscious control. He appeared paler than a few minutes ago, perhaps due to the movement and his breathing was more erratic too. "You need to lie back down, Jack," she found herself saying, though she couldn't quite fathom why she would care.

tbc