Chapter 12: Balanced

Jack was brought to awareness by that fact that it was way too calm and quiet around him, with none of the cart's creaks, Denys' complaints or gurgles to be heard. Had Claire left him again to find foodstuff or offer up her services as a healer to anyone who may have required it on the way, in return for money they desperately needed for the road? But weren't they close to destination already? He was pretty sure that his travel companion has mentioned Guildford Castle the day before and the family estate by Cuckford wasn't much more than a day away. If he could be at all sure of anything that was, with him being in and out of consciousness with fever and weakness most of the time of late, due to no access to appropriate diet and proper rest as they travelled, according to Claire. He could hear seagulls and make out the shape of lush green hills from where he lay, but unless he moved, he would not be able to figure out their precise location. As uninviting as the prospect of seeing his stingy brother and his judgemental wife was, all he wished for right now was a bed and the possibility to lie on it for at least a week and that really wasn't much to ask for.

Cautiously and slowly, he loosened the hold he had on his belly, straightened his legs a little just as carefully and pushed himself up into a sitting position only to be faced with the sight of a pale and motionless Claire, minus skirts, but with undergarments soaking in blood. Jack glanced around in panic, but spotted Denys further back, little arms whirling the air, content with fingering the canvas of the wagon beside him. First worry settled, the Englishman scrambled over on his hands and knees to the woman and startled to shake her, "Madam. Mrs. Fraser. Claire. Please, open your eyes." His shaking not being effective, he located the medicine bag. Recognising the smelling salts wasn't too hard and he found he was thankful they seemed to be working.

Claire came to consciousness gradually. Her head moved first, her fists clenched, the cramping registered and then the memory and awareness of what was happening, where she was. The pain showing on her face was equal part physical and emotional. She was reluctant to open her eyes. While she felt the blood sticking to her thighs, she knew that it would be even more agonizing to see it with her own eyes, for what it meant.

"Claire. What can I do?" Frank's kind voice reached her blood loss induced, foggy brain, but she did have the presence of mind to remember that it couldn't have been Frank. It was Jack who kept prodding, not letting her go back to blissful oblivion. "What medicine can I give you?"

The man's insistence was annoying and she wanted it to stop. She shook her head, "there's nothing you can do. It's too early. I'm losing this child, just like I lost the other one." Claire clenched her teeth as a contraction ripped through her.

"Something needs to be done about the bleeding," Jack established without having to glance at her nether regions again. He'd seen fatal blood loss in the line of duty many times before and this wasn't much different. "What can I do?" He repeated.

Her shake of the head was weaker this time and he had to wait till the wave of pain passed till she could answer, "nothing, Captain, nothing."

"I refuse to believe that! How can such a thing occur! You were entirely fine hours ago! I will get the horse moving. My family's estate isn't far, I will recognise the way. Lavinia will think of something," he held, somewhat dumbfounded himself that he based his hopes on his despised sister-in-law, "she's had like six-seven children, I can't remember."

"They can't help," Claire found herself wishing for Mother Hildegarde and Master Raymond for a fleeting moment. But those were different times. While it all seemed hopeless at the time, it wasn't much compared to the sorrow and weariness she felt now, with Scotland and Jamie lost and the logistics of time travel evading her. "I will die," she established without much emotion.

"Well, excuse you woman, but that isn't what I'd promised to your husband!" Jack racked through his long hair, looking rather unsettled. He had been faced with the issue of mortality so often these days, his own, and of those around him and he was losing so often too, it was immensely frustrating.

His expression puzzled Claire. She didn't have time to contemplate however, as another contraction hit. What she did realise was that there was not even a minute between contractions so she must've been lying passed out for most of her labour. Perhaps a blessing in disguise, but as she wasn't gone just yet, she was suddenly faced with the chilling prospect of probably seeing her dead child before she passed on herself. The thought disquieted her, shook her out the despondency of accepting her own death, due to one more emotional upheaval she didn't feel she could take, a trauma she did not want to go through. She grabbed for the hand of the only other person around, "it's coming," she panted. "The baby is coming. I don't want to see it. Take it away from me, you understand?" She begged desperately, upper body curling up in an involuntary push.

Jack paused, as if assessing her mental abilities at this time. Then he nodded with a minor wince her iron grip clinched round his fingers caused. "You have my word," he finally offered, a gesture he now apparently often extended towards the Frasers. He waited once more till her body seemed to loosen up a little and asked again, "what would a midwife do at this time?" He reformulated his earlier question, "what would you do if you were with someone in your state?" It wasn't like him to give up, despite her apparent disinclination to answer.

"We couldn't do anything for Mary either."

"You want it away, so how can that be done as quickly as possible?" He changed tack.

"Look down. Help it out if it's stuck," she hissed, obviously not at rest from contractions for many a moment and forgetting to let go of his hand.

Jack manoeuvred himself round somewhat, then shuffled back to put a pile of hay under her head and behind her back. This way she could still hang onto him while he operated below if it was necessary. He took another pause before lifting and pushing her undergarments out the way-if he would've had any inclination towards being straight, he was sure that would dissipate at this very moment.

The scene wasn't anything he expected however-all feminine features were forgotten and disregarded as under a sheet of blood, he saw the tip of a little head peeking into view if he looked close enough. "I can't help you just yet. You need to push first," he informed her with urgency, not that he had to. In the midst of contraction after contraction, she was doing just that. At a loss for what else he could do, Jack pulled her body forward as she hang onto him, helping her bear down. In a shower of screams by Claire and a string of curses by Jack, the head and shoulders pushed through. Jack reached for it, at the ready, pausing when Claire did to take a few, gasping breaths. In the lull, her eyes closed and she went limp, proving just how lifeless by letting his hand go and flopping back. There was no more effort she could possibly make.

Deciding it became his task to carry out what he'd promised her, he would pull the child that was killing her out of her. Mother nature however, had other plans. The same as her contractions had been progressing while she was passed out, the last one took care of itself as well and all that remained for Jack to do is to catch the infant, dazed and surprised and stunned. It, or more accurately, she was small right enough, but as far as he could tell, she had all faculties necessary, including hair and was moving, breathing, mewling, not much different than Denys had been.

Practicalities came to him quick enough. He wrapped the child in a shawl and checked the container with his putative son's milk. There would be enough in there for the two of them till tonight, he could maybe even make it home till then and won't as much as have to leave the cart. He covered Claire too, for the lack of something better to offer and only then he sat back on his haunches, weirded out by the situation of how he out of all people ended up in this position and what he was supposed to do with two infants and a dying woman in his care.

Tbc