Chapter 6: It's your fault

Santana woke up finding herself alone in bed. Leslie must have got up earlier. She stayed there for a bit looking around her teenage bedroom. A wave of memories hit her but it didn't stuck her. She smiled actually. Most memories were including Brittany back when Brittany was hers. Right now this bedroom was just a bedroom. And Brittany is just a Brittany. And Santana is just… is just a Santana. Right in that moment she was nothing awesome Brittany was thinking she was back then. She sighed and forced herself out of the bed. Well she maybe made all the wrong calls in her life but this morning she would get to see Brittany once again. "And that counts for something isn't it?", she thought.

She washed herself and then headed to the kitchen to have breakfast with her parents and Leslie. They were all eating in silence. Her parents were exchanging looks and then her father took a deep breath and spoke.

Mr. Lopez: Well I'm sure that's an engagement ring on your finger Santana, am I wrong?

Leslie's eyes widened. They hadn't called Santana's parents. With everything that happened they just didn't and she assumed they were gonna say it in person. But they had already been there a day and they didn't say a thing. Leslie felt embarrassed and confused. Santana just looked her father and forced a smile. She then looked Leslie and immediately felt guilty. She quickly squeezed Leslie's hand and Leslie immediately relaxed. Then she looked her parents and smiled to them.

Santana: Yes, papi, it is an engagement ring. Leslie proposed to me and I said yes.

The Lopezes smiled widely and kissed the girls. However Santana could sense that they weren't really pleased. She knew that when she was going to announce her engagement they would be thrilled. But now, they were happy but not thrilled. At least Leslie seemed happy and that was all that mattered that moment.

Leslie: We didn't call you because…

Santana: (she cut her) Because we decided to come and say to you in person.

Mrs. Lopez: It's okay, girls. We are just happy that you are taking that step in your life. Did you set a date?

Leslie looked elsewhere and Santana answered with another fake smile.

Santana: We are going to set it soon.

Mr. Lopez: So how's Brittany?

"What's with the awkward discussions today? Jesus!", Santana thought and Leslie once again looked her food.

Santana: She's okay.

Santana looked her food too. The parents exchanged glances again.

When they finished their breakfast Leslie retreated to their bedroom to do work stuff that had brought with her. Santana got dressed and ready to visit Brittany.

Santana: I'll be at Brittany's.

Leslie: Ok!

Santana: Ummm you wanna come?

Leslie: No. You should visit her alone.

Santana: Ummm…

Leslie: Santana it's okay. Maybe I'll come later.

Santana: Ok.

Santana left the room without looking back. Leslie left a breath and prayed that Brittany could actually help.

Brittany was lying on her bed reading a book. She heard the knock on the door and took a deep breath knowing it's Santana.

Brittany: Come on in!

Santana entered the room with a big smile on her face. Brittany smiled back to her. They stayed just like that for a few seconds.

Santana: Well… I guess years can beat that feeling I get every time I see you.

Brittany: (She joked) Well I'm gorgeous, can't you not?

Santana looked at her seriously.

Santana: I really don't.

Brittany sighed and changed her tone. Today wasn't about joking. Today was the day that everything were about to go down. She knewit. It was about time. She'd avoided for four years.

Brittany: Come and sit.

Santana sat next to her.

Santana: How are you?

Brittany: (she smiled) I'm fine, don't worry.

Santana: Can't help it.

Brittany: It's just a broken leg, Santana. I'll be fine. (Santana was looking at her in the eyes) Now tell me. Why do you give Leslie such a hard time about the wedding?

Santana didn't expect something like that. After her first surprise she got defensive. She didn't have the answer to that question and she didn't know Brittany to know any of these.

Santana: Brittany, that's none of your business.

Brittany was firm.

Brittany: Of course it is.

Santana: No, it is not. What I'm doing with my personal life it's none of your business.

Brittany: (she laughed ironically) Oh really? Now you're telling me! Are you serious about that Santana?

Santana: (She lowered her eyes) I didn't mean it like that.

Brittany: (She continued attacking Santana) You seem to confuse a lot your words lately.

Santana: (She got angry) What's your problem, Brittany? And how do you know about that?

Brittany: Oh please! You two dare to show up here ready to kill each other and I am the weirdo who noticed it? You wanted us to be friends. So here, I care about you as a friend and I want to know why you don't set a date for your wedding.

Santana: (She got sarcastic) Oh yeah? So now you are all friendly to me? So tell me. How did you get yourself hurt.

Brittany: (She eyed her) Don't go there Santana. You are not gonna like it.

Santana: (She stood up and crossed her hands on her chest) Try me. Try me, Brittany. Cause I've had enough of you messing with my head.

Brittany: Am I messing with your head? How's that?

Santana: (She was yelling and the first tears made their appearance) Yes. You got yourself hurt and suddenly I lost control over everything. Damn.

Brittany: (She was relentless) So you are not getting married because you worried about my leg? That doesn't make any sense to me.

Santana: (She was yelling even louder) Stop! Just stop it!

Brittany: (She yelled too) Tell me!

Santana: Shut up!

Brittany: (She was pushing Santana to the edge) Tell me why you don't set a date.

Santana: You tell me how you got hurt. Tell me I had nothing to do with your leg. And I tell you, you have nothing to do with my wedding. Tell me.

Brittany: (She laughed sarcastically again when all she wanted to do is cry her eyes out) You are such an idiot. You always were. Of course you have everything to do with my injury, Santana. I lost concentration 'cause you broke my heart once more. What do you want to know huh? Yes, you have everything to do with my injury and with every damn decision I've made in my life the last 10 years. What do you want to know Santana?

Santana stood there completely lost. Brittany was feeling her chest burning. This was hurting her a lot more than she thought it would.

Santana: I… ummm… I

Brittany: Save it. Tell me why you don't set a date. Oh no. You know what? I don't want to know. Go set a date right away and don't cry over spilled milk. And don't pretend that you just remembered that you love me again 'cause I got hurt. It's ridiculous.

She didn't want to hurt Santana. She didn't want to hurt herself either. But it was about time to do something to escape from this situation that was dragging them all these years. Santana should make a decision.

Santana: (she was crying and shaking her head) I didn't remember that I love you again. I never stop loving you.

Brittany: Oh please…

Santana: (She got furious) This is your fault! Us not being together is your fault.

Brittany: Don't you dare, Santana. Don't you dare, Santana, 'cause I'll close that door and you will never see me again.

Santana: Are you threatening me, Brittany?

Brittany: Yes. See I don't have anything, ANYTHING, to lose. I've already lost everything. The woman I loved, my life, my home. I roam around the world with just a bag. I don't have anything to lose.

Santana: (She was screaming now) You left, Brittany. You left me. Not the other way around. And I'm still here.

Brittany: Here? What are you saying now? I don't even know you anymore. You, with your perfect life, with the perfect job and the perfect fiancée, you are not my Santana. My Santana was the most awesome girl of all, with dreams to become a singer, with the most amazing voice, with the most unique talent. She used to sing and the moon was forgetting to give its place to the Sun. You are not my Santana. Cause I grew up with you and not even once you've mentioned any dream to become a lawyer. A lawyer for god's sake!

Santana: It's your fault. You left me and shuttered everything. Everything. Why should I keep singing if I wasn't singing for you? Why should I have dreams to become an artist when I couldn't have my inspiration, my love? Tell me why. It's your fault, you knew I couldn't handle being away from you. So yes. I live a life that I don't like, and I'm about to get married to a girl that I will never love like I love you. And I will live a miserable live and you will always know that it's your fault.

Santana was breathless. She couldn't believe what she was saying. But Brittany was speechless too. She didn't expect for them to reach that level. Now it was all or nothing.

Brittany: I wasn't going to bring that up ever but you deserve it so much right now. Here. Take this.

Brittany opened her drawer, pulled out a bunch of papers and threw them to Santana. Santana caught them and looked at them.

Santana: What's this?

Brittany: This, my love, is the contract I had signed when I was on that tour back then. Read it. Read it and find out what I had agreed too. (Santana read the first paper and suddenly left a gasp and covered her mouth with her hands) Yes, that's right. I had agreed to be on tour only two months a year and the rest of the year I would work only in NY productions. This is what I had signed. For you.

Santana: What… what happened?

Brittany: You broke up with me. That's what happened, you idiot. And I begged you. I begged you to wait for me to return but you were so… so… forget it. You broke up with me and I signed the second contract. You broke up with me and I decided to never come back. I lost everything, Santana. Everything. I am as much responsible as you are.

Santana: (She fall to her knees and cried uncontrollably) I don't believe it… You have no right to bring that up.

Brittany: (She couldn't look at Santana because she didn't want to cry in front of her) You ask for it, Santana. Go set a date. We've lost our way back together for good. I'm not your Brittany and you are not my Santana.

Santana: Don't say that.

Brittany: Let's keep leaving our miserable lives. Cause we've never found the way to be happy or to be together.

Santana suddenly got up and went over to Brittany and grabbed her from her shirt. She got really close to her almost touching Brittany's lips.

Santana: Say it. Say it and I'll give up everything for you in heartbeat.

Brittany: I will do no such thing.

Santana: Please say it.

Brittany: No. If you want me back, you have to find the way back to yourself. The way you fought so much to build in high school and you gave it away just like that.

Santana got angry again and pushed Brittany back violently.

Santana: Fuck you, Brittany. Just fuck you.

Brittany: Well even that didn't work out, baby.

Santana: Fine. (She paused and looked Brittany straight in her eyes) You are giving me in my wedding. Not my father. You. If I go down, you will go down with me.

Brittany: I couldn't agree more.

Santana left and Brittany let her tears that was holding all this time to run. Her chest were hurting. She was sobbing hard thinking that every break up from Santana is harder than the previous one. She was crying but she was adamant. That thing between them had to come to an end. And yes it's the right thing to do to give her in her wedding. She had to set her free and be free herself.

Santana rushed back to her house. She found Leslie with her parents to the living room. She looked at them coldly. Her parents looked at her nervously.

Santana: Set the date.

Leslie looked at her coldly too. She was determined to married Santana even if she knew that she wouldn't have her heart. She was hers.

Leslie: Four months from today.

Santana: Fine. Papi, Brittany is giving me to Leslie in my wedding.

Mr. Lopez nodded. Mrs. Lopez let her tears fall.

Mr. Lopez: It seems right to me.

Santana left them and locked herself in her bedroom.