Stupid Loki, stupid Thor, stupid library and stupid Kari who could not understand half of the books in front of her. She was tired, hideously exhausted with great bags under her eyes and yet there seemed to be no end to the pile of books appearing one after the other besides her on the desk.
Loki, the mastermind of dim-witted that he was, had decided it would be a good idea to expand her reading list to begin with her month of magic boot camp. Fat load of good it was going to do either of them, she had been digesting her way through several books whilst he had been away from asgard and all that had amounted to was a blasphemy of a transfiguration spell that turned everything to wax. Why wax anyway? Only the gods knew, or maybe they did not seeing as she was sitting near one right now and he seemed none the wiser to explain.
What was this book about? It clearly stated to be a tome on rudimentary psycho binding but there was nothing either basic or binding about what she was seeing. So many diagrams, so many words, something about liquidating a person's brain. Wait what?
"Loki!" She whined, kicking the desk to relieve a little of her internal aggravation amongst a groaning outburst. "What is this? Why would I want to make brain juice? Is this from the cooking section?"
"It is times like this that your simplicity does not amuse." He sighed, returning from some alcove with his biggest, dustiest book yet. "That is the beginners guide to mind control magic."
"Beginners?" She flipped the book upside down to check she was not mistakenly reading it the wrong way up. "You're gonna need to bring me the dummies guide if you want me to learn this."
"If only the greatest library in all the nine realms catered for such insolent mortal stupidity but I fear such a book could not exist beyond the space of a blank wall covered in feces."
"Perhaps you should get the internet up here, I bet someone on Wikipedia has already beaten you too that poop wall." She sneezed, eight times in a row, as her mentor dumped his big dusty book on top of the now discarded beginners guide to brain smoothies. "Oh god what is this thing?"
"It was most difficult to locate, a tome both old and wise in dealing with your kind." He blew over the hardback binding, relieving the weight of dust further into her face causing her to continue sneezing obsessively. "We asgardians have had little need of its pages in many centuries."
"Right well… achoo… what is… achoo… fucking argh… achoo… what is it?" She rubbed her nose, clearing a mass of mucus from her sinuses and surreptitiously wiping it off on the back of his green cloak whilst he was still hunched over clearing off the book cover. "The big book of fun spells for little people with Gunthar the rabbi- You bastard!"
"It is a book tailored to your level."
"This is a book for babies!" She frowned, flipping through the index and rolling her eyes at everything she saw. "Sparkle spell? Rainbow in your hand spell? Mess be gone spel- Actually that one could be useful…"
"I thought you mi-"
"Oh my god! Pink sweetroll spell!" Kari giggled like a small child, fumbling through the pages looking for the corresponding place for instant sweetrolls.
"Yes, well, perhaps this is redundant in its simplicity." Loki was ever so slightly vexed as he snatched the book away from his pupil. "You will find nothing of use in here to defend you against an asgardian warrior. Return to your previous studies."
"Oooh nooooo!" She griped, banging her head against the desk twice for emphasis before resting against it with her hands covering her head. "I can't do this anymore today, I don't get it. I don't get books. Just a bunch of wiggly ink stains and waffling on about stuff that doesn't make any sense. Argh. Besides, it's dinner time and I've got some sort of eating thing with Balder so…"
"No."
"No what? I don't have a dinner thing with Balder?"
"How very uncharacteristically astute of you." He smiled a winning smile of a champion having just defeated a beast called ignorance.
"What? Why?" She could not help but scratch her scalp to relieve the pressure of suspicion weighing heavy on her brain. "Did he say something to you?"
"Not relating to your evening meal plans."
"Then… how do you know I don't have a dinner thing?"
"Because I am ordering you to remain where you are until you have finished reading these books."
"Loki…" She swallowed, looking the pile of jenga style tilting books up and down with a serious expression. "I don't mean to call into question your sanity… well I do actually… but… see… you obviously don't know me. I mean, it took me four years to read and remember the menu at the restaurant I used to work at and that was only like three pages of food items in really big font with pictures. You really believe I am going to manage all these books in a few hours?"
"I know you will do your best, Karian Motter." He smirked nestling himself comfortably into his chair besides her and resting his feet on his desk. "I know you will devour these books until all that empty space in your puny mind is overflowing with knowledge. I know that in a month's time you will use that knowledge to defeat your opponent, whomever he may be, and gain my victory over Thor. I know all these things to be true. And do you know why, Motter?"
"Because you really seem to uh, believe in me?" She shrugged. "Or you're loco insanio? Which kind of fits with you actually."
"No, you poor, simple, foolish creature." He laughed at a joke she knew to be at her expense. "You will achieve these tasks I have commanded of you because otherwise I will be forced to punish you most severely."
"Yeah right." She rolled her eyes at him with an added chuckle of mockery. "Like what?"
"For starters I will burn each strand of your hair down to the root one by one as you watch."
"You're a dick."
"Read, Motter." He smirked again, resting his hands behind his head as he leaned deeper into his chair.
What was a girl in asgard supposed to do alone with a Loki and some books? To be honest, the books were far scarier than the god of mischief could ever be to her but it was of little consolation. Reading till she died of a brain aneurism was not the way she had expected to go in the end.
Slouching in her chair she lifted the book of psycho-babble-nonsense into an upright balance on the desk and rested her chin in front of it so as to get back to reading. Reciting the words in her head was easy enough, she was literate after all, but comprehending them was an entirely different story. Words went in, 'blah blah blah' floated back out through her nostrils covered in bogies. Academia was not her forte; she failed most of her high school classes for goodness sakes. What was this lunatic expecting of her? Oh and now her stomach was growling.
Wait a minute that was not a rumbling protest from her innards, she realized, lifting her head to follow the rhythmic noise. Her lips parted ever so slightly, allowing room for her smile to widen and expose a little teeth as a bonus. Oh this was precious. How cute he looked all peaceful and vulnerable drooped in a chair asleep. Of course, he had been awake fighting with Thor for like three days so no wonder the poor baby was exhausted enough for a nap. Might also explain his mentally challenged behaviour all afternoon. There was only one thing for it.
Standing up, slowly so as to make as little sound as possible, Kari slipped past her chair and began tiptoeing across the library floor. She probably need not have worried quite so hard about her volume when he was so deeply captured in the world of dreams and snoring louder than her footsteps could ever possibly be. The prince really needed to see a doctor about that nasal problem he was having.
She escaped out of the library, breaking into a run the moment she cleared the threshold straight towards the dining hall. If she hurried, Balder might still be there waiting for her; or so she hoped. Half tumbling into the great room, out of breath and hair a complete mess, the tables were mostly empty. The staff was wandering around, clearing up platters, plates and leftovers spread up walls around the few stragglers arm wrestling and making idle conversation over cups of wine. Her disappointment was short lived, however, having spotted Balder's purple adorned hulk of form down the far end of the hall with Thor and several women. Should she be jealous of those women? Yes, yes she should, they were much to pretty and giggly to be swooning quite so hard around her sexy-time interest.
"Balder!" She came up behind the half turned warrior, currently engaged in dialogue with a thick-lipped woman with far too much bling on. "Sorry I'm late."
"Kari." He swung round on his seat just in time to receive her tired leaning on his shoulder.
"Is this not that midgardian servant, Balder?" Thick-lips smiled sweetly as she gave her competition a thorough surveying obviously finding nothing to worry herself over.
"Yup." Kari answered before Balder had the chance to respond and leaned somewhat over him to reach the partially eaten contents on his plate. "Are you going to eat this?" She queried even as she plucked a chicken leg away and began eating it as he watched on as if trying to ascertain the correct response. "Thanks, I'm starving. Loki has had me locked in the damn library since this afternoon breathing down my neck and getting on my case about book reading. Hasn't even let me have anything to drink because he thinks I waste to much time peeing or something."
"Your friend's manners are certainly interesting."
"Indeed they are." Balder replied his original bench fellow, pushing his plate to the side to allow Kari easier access to her continuing pillaging. "Prince Loki has allowed you free at last?"
"Well… not exactly he-"
"Fandralkin!" The god of thunder interrupted, suddenly becoming aware of the new arrival half draped over Balder and eating his remaining dinner.
"Thor." She waved him off without a glance, hoping he would simply get back to his flirting with the gaggle of squealing girls surrounding him. "As I was saying, he hasn't exactly let me out. I sort of had to slip away whilst he had fallen asleep and-"
"Motter!"
She froze, nobody called her Motter anymore, not on asgard, apart from Loki. Had he really awoken so soon? She was still in the middle of Balder's dinner and explaining her daring escape from book hell. Why could he not just sleep till morning, or forever like a Disney princess? No true loves first kiss for him.
"He's right behind me isn't he?"
"Indeed he is." Thick-lips responded faster than Balder could manage forcing the warrior into open-mouthed silence once more.
"Ergh…" Kari groaned, jointly at Loki and the catty grin Balder's companion was giving her. "At least let me finish eating."
"You can eat when you have finished reading." He was not giving in an inch, arms folded and all stubborn air about him.
"I'll starve before that happens!"
"A little starving might do you good, Motter."
"Woah! Woah! Did you just call me fat?" She had to take a step back and double take what he had so casually just implied. "Bitch this is so on!" She began rolling up her sleeves, ready to start pulling hair as the trickster sighed reaching into a hidden pocket for some sort of pouch. "Hey, what are you…!"
"Brother, do not torment the maiden." Thor chastised though he was still chuckling over the situation. "Give back her voice."
"She is preferable to me this way." Loki shook his head in decline; tilting his head to the side to admire the soundless shouting Kari was abusing him with. "Forgive me but I can not hear you, Motter. Take you back to the library to read your books? Why of course I will and when you have finished I will see about returning your speech to you." He obliged, grin widening as she gave up on verbal swearing and turned to gestures of the one finger brand. "Now, now, no need for that."
Loki turned around with the swish of his cloak and proceeded to leave presumably in the direction of the library. What was she going to do? He had effectively kidnapped her vocal chords and was holding them hostage. Deflating she turned giving Balder an upset frowny face as she mouthed the words 'save me' to which he shook his head with an uncomprehending shrug. What was a girl to do on her own in asgard? Follow the green goblin back to his lair and study.