People, your responce is overwhelming and addictive. Thank you so much.
I really didn't mean for this chapter to end up like this. I really started it to be something else. But that came out. I guess I have a good deal of anger inside me.
To the anon that asked me why Santana and Brittany still stay in the past I really don't have a good answer. The thing is I don't believe in true love and soulmates. But that fictional couple makes it possible for me to imagine it and when I imagine it I like it. So I really want to believe that at least in fiction strong love feelings exist.
As for the struggling, well that's the portayal of my own struggling in life.
Thank you all so much!
Chapter 10: Battlefield
It was two days until the wedding. Brittany and Santana hadn't had a proper conversation yet. The previous night they'd just stood there cuddled doing nothing and when it was time for them to leave they kissed each other on the cheek and they parted ways. It was okay. They were calm and peaceful and content after that time they spent together. It was ok for now.
Brittany was in bed thinking over everything. Thinking what she did wrong, if she should ask Santana to stop the wedding. But then what? What would happen? Would they fall in relationship like that? Like they still are the same people they were five years ago? They are not. They are so different, they grew apart, Santana fell into past patterns and Brittany became such a lonely person now. Even living with Quinn those days who she is the most discreet person, became unbearable and she was searching for her own apartment. And that also was one last stone to her past with Santana. After they broke up she never had her own apartment in NY, she was always staying at Santana's, she never moved out. But now she had to, because she returned back but Santana's apartment wasn't hers anymore.
Quinn: Britt, I have to go. Get up. You have dress rehearsal at 1.00 pm. Rachel will be there with you.
Brittany: (she mumbled from her pillow) Don't need her.
Quinn: Don't care.
The door closed behind Quinn. God, she had to find an apartment.
Santana finally took a few days of work. She didn't want to deal with anything that had to do with weddings and Leslie and feelings. She was drowning slowly inside herself. She was reaching a point long forgotten; the bitch point where she was cruel to everybody and she couldn't figure why. She had to do something. She knew she was swimming in dangerous waters. She had to figure out her life once more like back then in high school.
She was sitting now on the couch drinking coffee. The house was unusually empty for this kind of days when everywhere was someone talking about the damn wedding. Leslie approached her and sat beside her.
Leslie: (she smiled at Santana) Hey…
Santana smiled at her. How she came to the point to resent Leslie? Leslie was always sweet and caring, maybe sometimes over the top possessive with her but she didn't mind. Yes, she was never in love with her, she knew that all along, but she cared for her, they had a partnership, a good working one. Leslie wasn't that controlling before, was she? And yes, Santana didn't want to share with her a big part of herself but she did share a home, a daily routine, her job, and her thoughts on everyday life. It is enough to sustain a healthy relationship, isn't it? And Leslie never complained about that. And yes, they never connected sexually. Santana wasn't pleased but Leslie at least at first was doing everything she could. But Santana never blamed her, her body constantly was asking for someone else, so was her heart. She can't blame Leslie for that, and out of guilt she did everything she could to please Leslie. And Leslie seemed ok with that. And yes, she agreed to marry her because she wasn't planning to break up with her. It wouldn't change anything, Santana thought. Except it did change a lot of things. She now felt that she was distancing herself from Brittany even more. And that didn't sit well with her. Plus Brittany was back and totally wounded by her decision to marry. And plus Brittany showed her that contracts; she could have a different life. But who's to blame? Who's to blame she can't figure out and that's killing her.
Santana: Hi…
Leslie: How are you today?
Santana: I'm fine, Les. How are you?
Leslie: I want to say ecstatic but…
Santana: But?
Santana suddenly felt normal again. Leslie was back to the person she knew.
Leslie: But I can't.
Santana: Why?
Santana felt sorry for Leslie's sadness. She took her hand and kissed it.
Leslie: (she took a deep breath) Because… we are getting married tomorrow and we've never been so distant and angry with each other before. And… I'm confused and sad…
Santana wanted to hug her, to reassure her that everything was going to be okay but she couldn't. She didn't know what ok was for her. She strangely felt connected to Leslie now.
Santana: I feel sad and confused too, sweetie.
Leslie: But why? Why did you agree to marry me if you didn't want to?
Santana: It's not that I didn't want to. It was the next logical step to our relationship.
Leslie: (she frowned) Logical…
Santana: Yes, logical. We've been together for five years. I can't deny you the right to marry since I don't want to break up with you.
Leslie: (Her voice raised a little. She seemed upset.) That's why you are marrying me? (Santana blinked confused at the sudden change of the mood) People get married because they love each other, Santana.
Santana: (She tried to keep her sweet tone) Leslie, don't change my words. Of course we love each other.
Leslie: Enough to be the only reason for them to get married, Santana!
Santana: Please calm down. For once we can talk like a couple again, don't ruin that.
Leslie: (She got up angry) I am ruining it?
Santana: (She yelled a little too finding the strength to defend herself) Yes! It's been months now that you are constantly picking on me, you are unusually jealous, you are so possessive it became suffocating.
They were fighting now and any previous sweetness was long gone.
Leslie: And you are the one that follows around her ex like a damn puppy! How am I suppose to react when I am about to marry you and you have lost your mind over Brittany?
Santana: That's not true!
Leslie: It is!
Santana: If it is then why are you bring that up now, Leslie? Why you continued with that wedding if you are losing me?
Leslie: Why did you?
Santana: No! Why did you? You know that I have feelings for Brittany. You knew all along, it's not a secret.
Leslie: Then why are you with me?
Santana: No, why are YOU with me?
Leslie: Because I love you idiot! I love you that damn much and I want to spend my life with you! I don't want to lose you!
Santana's voice was deadly serious and low.
Santana: Then stop doing everything in your power to achieve just that.
Leslie fell on her knees crying uncontrollably. Santana felt sorry for her again. She really, really wanted to be happy with Leslie again and she didn't want to ruin the wedding day for her. She knelt beside her and stroked her hair.
Santana: Honey, please don't cry. Look at me. As long as I'm here, I'm here with you. If I stop being here, then I'm gone. Okay? We are going to get married and continue our lives like we did before. You can't know what future is gonna bring, sweetie.
Then something strange happened. Leslie lifted her eyes and Santana saw inside them a person she didn't know. Leslie's was cold and they had a glow of madness. Like she was possessed. Santana felt afraid for a second.
Leslie: You should have paid more attention to me Santana.
Santana: What do you mean?
Leslie: I'm not that sweet girl you think I am. When I lose something that's mine I'm really dangerous.
Santana: Something that is yours?
Leslie: Yes. And you are mine. And this wedding is going to happen either you like it or not.
Santana: What is that now? You keep saying that shit! You are going to force to marry you even if I don't want to? You can't do that.
Leslie: Oh yes I can. I built my life around you. You are my future and it's going to stay that way.
Santana: No, it's not going to stay that way if I don't want to. I agreed to marry you because I cared about you and I was happy with our life. But you are turning to predator and I didn't agree to any of that. I would never agree to that.
Leslie: Like I said you should have paid more attention.
Leslie smirked evilly and turned to leave but Santana grabbed her and turned her to face her. Santana was boiling.
Santana: Are you crazy?
Leslie: Say it as you like. You are mine.
Santana: (she screamed) I'm nobody's!
Leslie: You are mine! You are marrying me!
Santana was out of control! Her rage was indescribable! Everything was suffocating her. And Leslie standing in front of the door like she wouldn't let her leave was making her to want to attack Leslie. And she did just that. She launched over Leslie pushing her away. But Leslie fought back, pushed Santana back and slapped her in her face. They were shouting and fighting, rolling on the floor against each, crying and screaming when the door kicked open. Brittany broke up the door when she heard the screams. She and Rachel entered the apartment and run to separate the couple.
Brittany: Jesus! Get Santana.
Rachel: No, you grab Santana!
Brittany: You can't handle Leslie! Santana won't hurt you.
Brittany grabbed Leslie from her waist and with her unusual strength lifted her in the air away of Santana. She was screaming and kicking but Brittany was emotionless and much stronger than her.
Leslie: Leave me alone, bitch.
Santana got up running over to hit Leslie but Rachel got in her way and pushed her back.
Rachel: Santana, don't!
Santana: Get away from me Berry!
Brittany: Santana, stop!
Santana froze to the sound of Brittany's voice and stopped dead in her tracks.
Brittany: Rachel, take her to the bedroom.
Rachel pulled Santana to the bedroom and Brittany dropped with force Leslie on the couch. She had stopped fighting.
Brittany: (she was shouting) What is that? What were you doing?
Leslie: She attacked me first!
Leslie decided to play the innocent card with Brittany. Nothing better than making your enemy ally.
Brittany: Are you crazy? What did you do to her to reach that point? Santana hasn't laid a hand on someone since high school!
Leslie: I didn't do anything! She is crazy! We were talking. We were discussing why she's so unhappy lately.
Brittany: Tell me the truth, Leslie.
Leslie: I am telling you the truth, she lost it.
Brittany: (She raised her finger on Leslie threateningly) Stop pressuring her Leslie. Stop making her life miserable. Otherwise you'll have to deal with me.
Leslie: Are you threatening me, Brittany? You have the nerve? After you destroyed my marriage with your stupid leg and your stupid comeback?
Brittany: You are destroying your marriage with your jealousy and you possessiveness. Watch it, Leslie. I wasn't going to do anything but if I see Santana again in that state you are never gonna see her again. Santana fought really hard to overcome her violence, her harshness and distance for you to bring everything back.
Leslie: (She tried the crying card again) I just wanted to marry her.
Brittany: I'm not falling for your tears, Leslie. I helped you once but I'm not helping you anymore. And I'm saying this once and for all. If you are not the person we think you are, leave before I haunt you down. I'm going to take Santana with me today. Yes, either you like it or not. If she agrees that the wedding is still on, I'm bringing her back tomorrow.
Leslie: Don't take her away.
Brittany: It's the best for both of you.
Then the door opened and Santana entered the living room with red eyes and a bruise on her cheek. Brittany looked at her in the eyes with determination warning her silently.
Brittany: Come, Rachel. We are going to wait Santana outside.
They left the apartment and waited outside the door. Leslie was determined to win Santana over so she tried to look extremely apologizing. Guilty Santana was a manipulated Santana.
Leslie: I'm sorry…
Santana: No, I'm sorry…
Leslie: I pressured you and got really jealous. I didn't mean it. I just don't want o lose you.
Santana: Okay. I am who I m, Les. I don't know what it really makes me happy, I don't know what I want in my life, I can't stop loving Brittany and until recently I wanted a life with you. And I'll try to make this happen as long as it feels right for me. Can you accept that?
Leslie: Yes. Yes. Anything.
Santana: Fine. I'll see you at the wedding.
With that she opened the door and left the apartment. She couldn't look at her friends in the eye. She felt ashamed.
Brittany: Is the wedding still on?
Santana nodded defeated.
Brittany: Okay. Let's go.
That night was supposed to be the bachelor night. Santana had made clear to her friends that she didn't want a bachelor. She just needed to hang out with them somewhere nice and easy. After the morning events nobody had the desire to party anyway. Santana was overly clingy at Brittany and Brittany had this strange pain inside her since she saw Santana in that state. It was weird pain like someone had hurt her, like the times she felt stupid and like the times felt alone. But Santana wanted to go on with the wedding and that made her not talk to Santana a lot. How could she want to marry Leslie after all these? What was happening with Santana? And when she was thinking that the pain was becoming fiercer.
The gang ended up in a quiet bar with a small stage that would host bands occasionally. They were drinking and chatting. The boys would play a few songs but all in all everyone was trying to ease Santana's mind. Brittany was silent most of the time just holding Santana's hand. Suddenly she couldn't bare her sadness anymore. She wanted to act on it. To express it.
Brittany: Hey, Rach. Why don't you go and sing that song I like by Lea Michele for me?
Everyone turned to look Brittany. Santana closed her eyes. She knew what was coming. Every goodbye with Brittany was harder that the previous one. She was losing Brittany more and more. And now Brittany wanted to make it clear once again.
Rachel: Are you sure?
Brittany: Mhmm…
Rachel stood up whispered the song to Blaine who was on the piano and the first notes hit Brittany with the reality of their message. She stood up and dragged Santana gently on the stage. They faced each other and Santana lifted her eyes to she Brittany's as tears rolled out of the blue ones.
Santana: Please… please don't dance that song with me.
Brittany: I want to…
Santana: No, please… don't give up on me.
Brittany: You gave up on yourself. That's even worse.
Brittany hugged Santana by her waist and they sank to each other.
Brittany: Dance me…
They started dancing as the lyrics of the song were hitting them hard.
Rachel: It's easy to fall in love
But it's so hard to break somebody's heart
What seemed like a good idea has turned into a battlefield
Once lust has turned to dust and all that's left's held breath
Forgotten who we first met
What seemed like a good idea has turned into a battlefield
We both know it's coming
Does illusion count for something we hide?
The surface tension's gotta break, one drop is all it takes to flood out this lie
You and I
We have to let each other go
We keep holding on but we both know
What seemed like a good idea has turned into a battlefield
Peace will come when one of us puts down the gun
Be strong for both of us
No please, don't run, don't run
Eye to eye, we face our fears unarmed on the battlefield
We seemed like a good idea
We seemed like a good idea
No blood will spill if we both get out now
Still it's hard to put the fire out
What seemed like a good idea has turned into a battlefield
Feelings are shifting like the tide
And I think too much about the future
What seemed like a good idea has turned into a battlefield
We both know it's coming
Does illusion count for something we hide?
The surface tension's gotta break, one drop is all it takes to flood out this lie
You and I
We have to let each other go
We keep holding on but we both know
What seemed like a good idea has turned into a battlefield
Peace will come when one of us puts down the gun
Be strong for both of us
No please, don't run, don't run
Eye to eye, we face our fears unarmed on the battlefield
Brittany whispered the last words to Santana s they were both crying in each other's arms.
We seemed like a good idea
We seemed like a good idea
We seemed like a good idea
As the song ended, Brittany broke their embrace and left the bar. Santana saw her again when she was ready for Brittany to give her away to Leslie.