Chapter 21: Time

The next few weeks were strange between them. Jack had practically not set eyes on his putative wife for the first week, and it wasn't his doing. Claire was constantly out, either in the village, or with the children, she even accepted Lavinia's invite to join her at social calls, visiting nearby residing members of the aristocracy she otherwise despised, making it blatantly obvious she was avoiding him.

Jack swooped by the nursery as was habitually his custom before bed. Seeing the sleeping children usually settled and grounded him-they weren't his but it oftentimes felt as if they were. With everybody assuming and acting as if Brianna was his daughter, it sometimes escaped his mind that in fact that wasn't the truth. This time he could hear her wails from the hallway leading up to the rooms the children were given, a large playroom and a smaller bedroom where Denys and Brianna was put together with their cousins.

Brianna wasn't crying loudly, only lamenting half-heartedly, it was easy to recognise her brittle, but silvery voice asking for 'mama'. "You are going to wake everybody up," Jack admonished mildly on approach.

The child brightened immediately and stood up in her cot, raising her arms to be taken out. Of course. That was due to Claire's bad habits. "Papa!" She changed the tune.

Jack sighed, "your mother isn't back yet?" While the little girl didn't usually require to be taken to sleep next to her mother much anymore, she was used to Claire settling her down for the night.

Seeing the holdup with his reluctance to comfort her immediately, Brianna restarted her wails, louder this time for the benefit of the audience. Jack looked around startled. He would have to call for someone if several children really did wake up due to the noise and could start crying themselves. He wasn't looking forward to how that would sound in the enclosed space. Thus he swooped in with one, fluid motion, picked the child up and turned to take her out and settle her elsewhere, taking direction towards his and Claire's bedroom.

The course he was taking was already enough for Brianna to quieten. While she still occasionally called out, her thumb she inserted into her mouth and the shoulder she could settle her head on was good enough to calm her into a half-asleep state. Jack arrived into his bedroom with her cuddling in, holding on to his long hair with one hand. Claire was there, getting rid of her muddy shoes by the dressing table. "She was crying," he explained.

"The carriage broke down. I think Lavinia is still waiting for another one to arrive for her. I just wanted to get home so I walked," Claire gave account of her whereabouts and absence, "I can hold her now," she got rid of her damp outer gown.

"It's alright. Better not disturb her, I think she's asleep," Jack peered at the child from under his tussled mane and satisfied with the result, he carefully placed Brianna down on the bed, and covered her little bare feet.

Claire swallowed, watching him. The sight was hurting somehow, in unexplained ways. Not that anything bad was happening, only because her emotions were running deep. This was Jamie's baby and she was being brought up by his greatest enemy that ever was. Seeing Jack gentle, acting considerate with his family, day by day, it wasn't hard to imagine this was a different man. He couldn't have been the same one who tortured Jamie at Wenthworth could he. It did not make sense and yet here he was, tucking a tot in, attentive and loving. And still, be that he only does good till his last breath, it might not entitle him to full forgiveness. She should've left a long time ago, but for Brianna's sake, it was best if she waited till Jack could give her enough money, comprising of half his earnings, so that she could comfortably provide for the child. Anything else would've been ill-considered. She was a mother now, rash decisions had to become a thing of the past. Now however, her having stayed has caused complications and their lives were about to be entwined even more thanks to an in fact rash decision she had made in the heat of the moment. "We have to talk," she sat on her dressing table chair, facing the bed.

"I'm not the one leaving the estate every day from dawn till dusk," he reminded her somewhat reproachful.

"Jack," she started, tears welling up in her eyes. This was the last thing she had wanted, the last thing she would've ever planned. "Jack, I am with child..." She put it out there without frills, like a bombshell.

"Are you...are you sure?" Her putative husband was questioning with hope in his eyes lighting up the brown.

"As sure as can be, this early on, but all the signs are there."

"If anyone is skilled enough to know, it's you," Jack was gradually starting to believe. He looked around as if the whole world should be ligthing up different just because he was going to be a father, a real one, but ultimately his attention was drawn back to the focus of the miracle, "oh Claire. I would assume that if you wanted to get rid of it, I would've never known, so that means..."

"Yes," Claire confirmed with a cool and even head as opposed to Jack's myriad of emotions that filtered through his gravelly voice. "Given how hard it is for me to concieve or bring a child to term, I have decided to keep it."

Jack's eyes darted from side to side, brain going a hundred miles an hour. Then he stepped forward and took her hand, "I promise you Claire Fraser that I will do everything possible to keep you and the child safe," he pledged, all the difficulties that came with the pregnancy, especially if the woman was Claire, only just occurring to him.

Claire bobbed her head in the affirmative, "I know, Jack." She sighed in relief. The trained nurse never doubted that his reaction would be positive. Somehow, sharing the burden made her feel more secure, safe and allowed the floodgate of emotions to open as she didn't need to be strong, not by herself. She closed the distance between them and leaned her head into his shoulder, "I trust you."

Jack pulled her closer and squeezed gently. It had taken years of them living together, her not seeing any of his cruelty from him for all that time, and she eventually came to trust him. At some level, the past would always be there, but her words were proof that their relationship changed axially and perhaps it also meant he was a different person. For her, he would be. Was this love? Maybe not, but it still felt like that when he was with her, he was cared for, he was home. All the precious things to him in the world were in the room with him. Jamie? He didn't fit.

Tbc