Chapter 22: Remake

Two Years Later

Claire started when Jack burst through into the bedroom. All the furniture rattled as the heavy oakwood door banged against the wall, but Jack didn't seem to mind or notice. He even topped it up with banging a fist onto the desk that had been brought into the bedroom months back so that he could write letters comfortably.

"Will I need my kit to bandage your knuckles?" Claire commented offhandedly. Jack's wild outbursts didn't disconcert her-it was never his open and sudden anger that had to be feared but rather what was boiling under.

Her nonchalance earned her a murderous look, but then Jack sat in his chair as if all the fight would've went out of him. "I can't do this anymore," he rubbed his fingers against his temples.

Claire didn't have to ask what. While William transferred all the responsibilities of an estate stewart to his only surviving brother, the older Randall could never completely stay out of administrative and monetary affairs, questioning many of the decisions Jack made and secretly using an accountant to make sure his brother didn't pocket more than he was due in accordance with their agreement. To be fair, Claire didn't even expect Jack to last this long, regardless of how both her and him needed to gather some funds to be able to move on. "I thought you were going to wait till you hear back from the army."

Jack gave her a glace, expression speaking of demur. "Oh, that," he said dispiritedly. "Mail arrived from headquarters today and it could mean we might just have to stay longer."

"Do they not want you back?"

"They do. I just don't suppose you'd like to see me in charge of Ardsmuir Prison," he grunted.

"Ardsmuir? In Scotland?" Claire guessed by the name. Since Jack had been in relatively good health for months, he had ventured to offer his services to the crown once more. Managing an estate wasn't really his thing, especially with him not being the owner.

Jack gave a minute nod. "North of Ullapool."

"MacKenzie land..." Claire frowned wearily, hoping she was somehow wrong.

"The MacKeznie lands are run on behalf of government commission," he reminded her.

The sentence marked the beginning of a long silence. Neither of them wanted to go there, physically or in thought. It was a part of a past they never wanted to revisit and yet their situation in Sussex was getting more and more uncertain by the day. Even if Jack kept at his current role, William would have enough of it sooner or later, and they would be asked to leave. Finding a standing with the army seemed a logical step, only they were hoping for a station in England, the colonies or basically anywhere else in the world apart from Scotland. And MacKenzie land and a prison out of all things possible was that was on offer and Claire knew just as well as Jack that they couldn't very well choose. An assignment was an assigment and there was nothing he could do about it if he was to rejoin the army.

"What do you know about the place?" Claire tried to re-evaluate the given facts. It was after all, seeing Jack in that uniform that scared her the most, and not the location.

"It was transformed into a prison after the rising," he said slowly due to it being with very little enthusiasm, "for the keeping of round two hundred Jacobites, give or take."

Claire paused, digesting the information, "you have to take the assignment."

"I was afraid you would say that. I know what you are going to ask. You realise I can't just set them free, do you."

"You realise you still have a debt to pay. The latest is that I gave you a daughter, your own flesh and blood."

His eyes smiled at the pure mention of little Sissy. "You realise women don't have as much say in this century," he held, in full awareness of her tales of women taking on different roles and responsibilities in the twentieth century. "Not to mention how much use my captaincy will be for supporting the family if I get court marshalled instead."

"It will have to be done carefully and step by step, without raising suspicion."

Jack closed his eyes and groaned, "maybe I could've stayed and endured for a while longer, but of course that's a non-issue after me mentioning the commision, I knew that."

"There might be someone I know there, a Fraser or MacKenzie, there's every chance. There has to be a way to make it easier, at least for them. I promise I will be careful."

"Hold on. We don't even know yet if the officers' quarters cater for families, I shall find out with the next correspondence," he introduced his only quasi-valuable card for a chance to keep her away.

"It doesn't matter. I can stay in a nearby village with the children. That's allowed, right, I've seen it done," Claire shot his argument immediately down.

"Sissy is still very young, she should stay here with you. No reason to take her into hostile conditions," he tried to contend, even though he knew it was to no avail. If Claire's heart was set on something, all that could be said was futile.

Claire stood up and closed the distance between them to take his hands and pull him over to the bed, so they could both sit. She lay her head on one of his shoulders then and encirled his front with an arm in a private and personal way, the intimacy between them overt, even though the conception of Sissy was the only time they went all the way. Her hold was strong, as if her hands could solidify the connection that developped between them over the last few years. "Jack," she breathed out. It wasn't a simple reiteration of his name, but the embodiment of all their history together, not even his name at all. To everyone here he was John, Master Randall, Johnny, Jonathan. To her, he was Jack, with all that the nickname could confer-a distant pang that reminded them of who he was as 'Black Jack' and the singularity of who he was for her and her appreciation for the change in his practices with it. "I want to be there. I don't want to lose MY Jack. The situation, your reputation in the army, the position you will be put in, it could be inevitable to fall in with old habits." She shook her head, "no way I'm losing my Jack."

"You are probably right not to trust me," he allowed. Not as if he cared any more about the Scots than previously. The honesty between them was inevitable, they knew each other too much for any way else.

"Then you'll take me. We will figure something out."

"The only saving grace could be that you're not as hot-headed as you used to be. Though, your mouth, I still don't trust either."

Claire gave him a poke for his observation. "Seriously, Claire," he extracted himself from her arms to look her in the eyes sternly. "You are coming as an English officer's wife and you will have to comport yourself accordingly. Otherwise all will be over before it starts."

"Alright, alright, I give you that. I'll behave."

"I'm so not looking forward to this." He knew that if the undertaking did nothing else than bring up the past, it would already be putting strain on their relationship, but in all honesty he could well foresee all the arguments they would have over his duties and the many instances Claire would go on her own way without consulting him. And yet, they couldn't stay on the estate. He brought a gentle hand to her cheek and caressed her jaw, making her look up at him. The foreboding turmoil was already in her eyes too and it wasn't something he could stand. His pleasuring of her never included the intimacy of kisses, but this time he felt like he needed to close the gap that would inevitably rise between them, stuff it into submission, keep her close with all that he had. He kissed her softly, slowly, tenderly, meeting somewhat to his surprise, with no resistance.

She melted against him as before, hands joining in to keep them together. The kiss deepened as if on its own accord, hungry and desperate, with neither of them really wishing this next step, where their connection will be tested and tried in the outside world. They tore away only to look into each other's eyes again, for certitude, for reassurance, for hope and promise. The carnal wasn't where they would go, it did not have much role in the bond they had. Jack scooted up the bed and pulled her with him and they spent the rest of the night holding onto each other instead.

Tbc