Chapter 23: Upgrade
"We only changed horses two hours ago," Claire commented somewhat startled when Jack turned the cart they travelled with towards the next village. It would've been quicker to ride, but they had the wagon for the sake of their little girls, Brianna and Sissy. Denys, the big six year old, insisted on taking turns guiding the horses, sometimes by riding on one, or by being a lookout in the back.
Jack glanced out to the front at the oldest child before he answered, "what would you think of leaving the children with the innkeeper's wife for a half an hour or so? I am sure Denys would appreciate getting the chance to look around at the Old Blacksmith's Shop, infatuated he is with horses."
Claire looked at him rather confused, "I thought we were behind schedule, due to the children's needs no less."
"I am certain you are glad Scotland retained the right to apply much of his own laws and we are just arriving north of the border shortly."
The statement didn't make her any less confused, just somewhat weary. "I don't understand what you're referring to." She looked at him suspiciously all of a sudden, old, forgotten habits raising their heads to make her feel on edge. It was Scottish law that saved her from him once and that wasn't an occasion she wanted reminded of or was ever mentioned.
"As you must know, Scots law allows irregular marriages to be recognised by both church and authority and just about anybody can conduct them. I've heard that the new way of those who elope is to ask the blacksmith at Greta Green, at the first stop into Scotland one can make."
"Jack?" Claire questioned with a different kind of weariness seeping into her awareness as a vague speculation on where he was going with this started to take shape at the back of her mind.
He turned towards her, "we lived as married in the eyes of the world for over six years. I think we should make it the truth before you pose as my wife in a military settling. You know, just in case. For your protection."
"You think I will be doing something rash that would raise suspicion in regards to my loyalties." She summarised her assumption.
"Yes, that is a factor that makes this step necessary, I can't deny it, but that isn't why I want to marry you. I want marry you because you are one of a kind and I cannot imagine anyone more precious to have and to hold..."
"And hold it right there, Jack," she pushed at his chest with both palms, suddenly the close quarters becoming too tight, "a scrap of paper would not change anything about how much I would be yours, not in my century, not in my mind, not in yours dreams if I can help it! We are together out of necessity, circumstances and nothing more and that hasn't changed." Although she was cross with him for the sudden suggestion, she kept her tone and its volume in check for the sake of the children.
Jack looked a little perturbed by the claim. "Nothing's changed? If nothing else, then what about Sissy? Your plan is still to leave me and for her to go fatherless? I'm not asking for myself, just think of the child, Claire."
"Not right now, I wouldn't leave," she appeased.
"When, then?" He demanded, anger boiling just below the surface, making him want to smash things again.
"As soon as we have sufficient funds to find livelyhood in the Americas, as was always the plan."
Jack looked away to calm himself. This kind of tension was not good for his stomach and he was feeling it churn already. "So all I've done for the last six years counts for nothing you say? Think about the children! It is one thing that my family accepted my word, but not all will take you at face value. If anyone looks, there is no record of us ever being married anywhere. A later date is better than never. I will not let Sissy grow up a bastard. What else do you need me to do? Name it and I shall," he tossed the words at her, feeling entitled to his anger.
Claire regarded him somewhat bewildered and taken aback, "there must be some kind of mistake, a difference in how we view this partnership we established between us. My role was to keep your health in check and yours was to provide for the children, was that not the arrangement?"
"Is that all there is between us." He grunted at her sarcastically, questioningly.
"What else would there be?" Claire shook her head innocently.
The straight answer would've been his love for her, obstensibly not reciprocated. "Damn you and all Frasers and MacKenzies, with their mud bathed lands and unnecessary customs, and Scotland with it, all! What need does England have for its wretched weather and backwards people! What it is, is burden and heartache!"
Claire looked around for the children's reactions at the outburst. It was clear it was loud enough for even Denys to hear it over the sounds of the moving cart. "I'm sure His Majesty's commanders would be very happy to hear that opinion," she retorted petulantly.
He shook his head dismissively, "I was always supposed to be stationed in the colonies to start with," he supplied the information Claire had never been aware of, "but of course the Duke of Sandringham had to have me close enough to be able to be summoned at will and so he interfered and had my mission changed," he rolled his eyes, tone bitter. "Much use we were to each other. But he would take Alex, so what choice did I have."
"Are you really going to be angry and vent at everything just because I didn't give you an answer you liked?"
"Believe me, the Duke deserves my anger, for one."
"I don't doubt it." She would never ask of course, but not being aware of any outside evidence for the services Jack could provide the aristocrat, they could only have been of a personal nature. Claire had filed that revelation in her brain a long time ago and never felt like it was anything but justice being served, but now it occurred to her that Jack must've been really young at the time, had barely joined the army and did not have the reputation of a ruthless subjugator yet. If his first encounters with the carnal were through the vain trickster, would it be any surprise he emulated the older man's conduct both in public and personal situations. But no, she shouldn't excuse his deeds, some things were beyond that, she reminded herself of the memories she had spent years repressing. Yet it was logic that forced her to remember that, her heart was telling her to consider otherwise. This was Jack, her Jack, sitting despondent and at a loss in front of her, someone she had had a hard time ignoring the sufferings of, as if they were indeed man and wife. He was not wrong, making whatever was between them official could come beneficial for the children at some point, and herself too. Driven by his obvious distress, she reached out a hand to touch the side of his cheek, unruly hair getting entangled in her fingers, "the Duke. How was he with you. In private." She had to know. It was as if somehow everything, his worth and with it, their relationship depended on that answer.
His eyes conveyed uncertainty when he looked up into her eyes, "that was a long time ago, Claire."
"You never talked about it."
"I didn't think it was a suitable topic for conversation," he established sarcastically.
"Tell me," she begged, "tell me the circumstances, the when and the how, what was required and what the relations entailed."
Jack grunted in displeasure and another look at the children was due. Denys was of course still out of earshot and the girls were too little to understand the matter. "Now?"
"Now," she confirmed, and nodded for emphasis and encouragement.
The man with the ponytail regarded her contemplatively, his subconscious edging towards the answer on why this was so important right at this moment. He could give her the answer that she wanted to hear, the answer that would give the most results. Incidentally, the same answer was also the truth. He sighed, "Alex was always a sickly child, to the annoyance of father, who didn't know what to do with him. It was clear that my brother was not cut out for strenuous work of any kind and given his dubious health, father did not want to invest vast sums in his education either. Only chance remained if some noble thought Alex useful enough for a study based apprenticeship. I do not know how the Duke's name came up, but somehow it did pretty early on and I don't doubt Clarence had had a hand in that himself."
"Clarence." Claire's brows furrowed at the mention of the Duke's first name. She had only been vaguely aware of the high born aristocrat's given name and she was also quite startled at Jack using it so casually.
"Alex wasn't the only young boy he kept around or invited over for a trial period before any apprenticeship could begin."
"Alex?" Claire reeled back perturbed. "You don't mean Alex was..." She brought the volume of her voice even lower, "abused?"
"No, not at all. I am certain Alex would've told me and I saw no evidence of such a thing in his psyche. No. I travelled with him to deliver him at his destination, he still barely passed the years of childhood and none of us trusted his ability to get there in one piece. The Duke largely disregarded him at first sight, but insisted I should stay," he shrugged, "well, I stayed. You know the rest."
"Not exactly," she said slowly, encouraging him further. Touching the subject could prove precarious for both of them, so she threaded carefully, but hearing what she wanted to hear was absolutely vital for the future of their relationship. "Was he controlling? Possessive? Forceful?"
"Manipulative and unpredictable, like in everything else," Jack felt the strange need for evasiveness. He knew Claire needed to hear the truth for both their sakes, it's just that he never talked about this to anyone.
"Did he hurt you." She wouldn't let it lie.
"Did he hurt me," Jack grunted. Then he gave the ghost of a shrug, "the old snoutband knew his fine art and was very particular about his administering of clisters and plugs for best results. Never entered me much, but liked to fill me up with other things." His hand went to his lower belly on its own accord, phantom pain resurfacing.
Claire closed her eyes against the finding for a moment and sighed deeply as she opened them. Previous trauma to his colon through the overuse of enemas made sense as a factor in him later developing Crohn's, not to mention that the early clyster syringes were anything but hygenic. It would've not just hurt, but also cause lasting damage. She shook her head as a barrier to the knowledge, not wanting to uncover more. "How far are we from this village?" She peered out, moving the canvas aside. The rather flat terrain revealed several low lying, brick dwellings in a cluster to the right.
Jack regarded her uncertainly, prompting her to smile at him reservedly and pull close, arms around him, a hand touching his belly on instinct as he had before. She didn't like the idea of him hurting, the fact that there had been no one there to process with, what happened with him. Alex would surely have been willing, had he not been so young or known at all. But she was there for him now and he was there for her, that much was certain, "I will marry you. Becoming a Randall again..." She mused distractedly, "it has to be fate."
"Really?" Jack turned to be able to look at her, sparkles in his eyes dancing to animate his whole being to an impersonation of a kid in a candy shop. Almost innocent, unreal.
"Really," she promised, benevolence engulfing her whole being. While their sexual endeavours were generally more of a lascivious nature, a loving and tender kiss came natural to her at this time. His lips responded with a featherlike touch, almost like a breath, hesitant, impossibly soft and affectionate. A man who kissed like that could know no evil, right?
"I love you Claire," he declared, eyes still closed and holding her next to him. That, maybe she was less comfortable with, a step too far and somewhat questionable she would find.
"Have you been here before?" She extracted herself from his arms and directed her attentions to the road again.
"No. But if the hearsay was wrong, we can find someone at the church," he eyed the belltower amongst the buildings in the distance.
Claire nodded, logic returning to her. Brianna had to have a licit father, for all eventuality. Or that was what she told herself for being the reason for agreeing to marry.