Zombies sure were prevalent, wherever this place was, as well as a selection of other stranger creatures. It had not been long before Kari had been forced to regain some composure and use whatever skills she had managed to learn to any effect for defence. That was only when she left the safety of the spider's nest however, in his domain everything had better beware of Aragog, as she had come to call him, as the spider was liable to eat them; his appetite was really quite immense and unprejudiced.
At some point, during stumbling about in the misty valley, she had come across what appeared to be wild carrots that oddly tasted like raw potato and white strawberries that bore an uncanny flavour of pineapple. It was something to eat at least and only made her ill the first couple of weeks of eating. At least the giant mud crabs were nothing but tasty morsels in furious pointy shells. The rusty sword she had picked up failed to be any use with fighting, instead she preferred the more obvious tactic of hanging out on a cliff edge and pushing boulders off to squish her opponents, but at least she could use it as a pretty good lever to crack the shells open.
Day and night was a difficult time to judge, the strange new world being one that perpetually lived in twilight without pause she could note. In truth she hardly new how long she had been in this place, days, weeks, months meant nothing any longer; especially when she was ever so busy hunting, eating and running away from talking corpses. Bath time in the oddly glowing warmness of the hot spring was probably the best part of her day; though as time went on she had to scowl in worry at just how ridiculously fresh and mark free her skin was looking. Even her hair was showing signs of fluffy health despite the complete lack of hair care products available in Aragog's lair. Perhaps it was one of those fountains of youth or something – not a concept she was ready to try again so soon after graduating eleven for the second time.
Her jeans had seen better days, more so her tunic and shoes however. The best part of having a giant poison spitting and ever so friendly spider friend truly made up for any fade and wear with her clothing though. After keeping well away from his webbing, for a time, curiosity had finally gotten the better of the small midgardian. The see-through threading was sticky sure but also oddly strong like some form of thin metal wiring like the kind assassins use in movies to strangle and slice peoples heads off. When properly utilised it made ever such good material to repair holes in fabric and keep it fixed - not to mention the fact you could hardly see it to tell it was not part of the clothing to begin with.
Day number who knows, Kari awoke as usual in her make shift bed of furs left behind after Aragog had eaten whatever they previously belonged to. The spider in question was hanging upside down in a curled position dangling above her head from his nest enjoying his second favourite pass time of napping until dinner vibrated the strings around him. A level of unease, boredom, fidgetiness or all three was within her today; dangerous thinking beginning to question her resolve. Something was bothering her that she had not had time to delve upon further in recent times.
Why exactly was she still here, wherever here was, and not being carted back to Asgard by someone? The answers springing forth like demonic fiends did not quell her stomach churning but did well to poke the fire in her spirit. Had she been forgotten? Left for dead? Assumed dead? Unwanted? The last possibility stung, the edges of her eyes prickling to simulate the emotional feeling into something physical before she shook her head realising she was being silly. She needed to know where she was and sitting around eating crab and pineapple-strawberries was not going to do anything but depress her – also make her fat.
Determination searing through her veins, Kari put on her shoes and took off into the misty valley with a purpose in mind – exploration. Sure she had done some rock climbing down by the beach but not yet had she dared to traipse far into the actual valley beyond Aragog's home. The noises coming from the unknown area had been somewhat on the hide in the closet level of scary.
Horrible great puffs of swirly mist blocking her view at every possible turn, weedy looking trees popping out of nowhere at any given moment startling her every time. The sounds around her reminded her of an Amazonian forest documentary she once accidentally left on whilst sleeping off the night before on the sofa back in London. David Attenborough's voice was lovely and soothing but the part with the jaguar had shocked her awake and sent half a large bag of Doritos flying across the room never to be seen again. Oh to be back in London again, watch television, eat a McChicken sandwich and not have to give up her cat to a queen. At least the queen of England was only really into corgis. Right, yes, focus.
The valley continued on further, the sky around her, that she could make out through the fog, growing oddly reddish as well as the air becoming humid. She frowned at the changes, subtle at first but rapidly accelerating as she continued on. Finally she paused taking the chance to look around before realising she was no longer sure from which part of the fog she had originally come from. There was no choice; she would have to climb a sloping edge of the valley for a better view - if only it was not mostly soggy mud.
Inhaling she took the chance for a long worn out sigh before her feet motioned her body towards the left and she attempted to climb upwards. Her feet slipped and got stuck in the sludge several times as she moved, her hands covered in sticky dirt as she was reduced to all fours. So much for washing and mending her clothes, by the time she was half way up the slope everything, including her hair, was caked in mud.
"Think of it like a free spa day." Kari muttered to herself, desperately ignoring the smell of sulphur and rotting vegetation filling her nostrils.
It was not until around the three quarter mark that the misty fog began to diminish. The top was in sight, what appeared to be grass and a few stray flowers growing in the lighter space. It was with some effort, now weighed down with mud, that Kari pulled herself to the very top of the valley's edging. She was winded, panting and lying sprawled out on her belly aware she was also hungry and thirsty as well as dirty. This has been perhaps the worst idea ever.
With a groan she rolled herself over and slowly sat up blinking in the sights. Far off to the right was Aragog seemingly perched on thin air as he twisted and turned a struggling creature that resembled a scaly bird in a cocoon – the name pterodactyl came to mind. At least one of them was about to enjoy a good hearty meal. To her left however, the view caused her breath to hitch in her throat and stay there lodged like an unwanted air bubble bobbing back and forth along her oesophagus.
A mile or so off sat a great towering castle like structure gleaming and appearing horribly imposing in black atop a curving hilltop. Surrounding on all sides were great lakes of lava – at least that explained the horrible sulphur smell. A castle, a structure, meant people though not necessarily nice people. Did she dare risk it? Was the danger worth it? The other choice was a dull life with Aragog eating potato-carrots, pineapple-strawberries with crab every night.
"Aragog!" Kari yelled standing on top of the tall mud slope waving her arms to catch the giant spiders attention. "I'm going to the castle! What am I saying, he doesn't understand me." She rolled her eyes at her own folly. "Be a good spider! See you uh… again sometime I guess!"
Aragog continued to stare across at the waving mud covered midgardian with all his many eyes before his two front limbs rose in an awkward manner. It was as if the spider were attempting to wave back as if assuming all her commotion were a new trick other than sit and fetch for him to learn. She could not help but chuckle at the spiders strange motions, waving back again several times before almost slipping off the side of the slope from laughing too hard.
With a shake of her head, Kari climbed down back to the ground; or just slipped and slid, as was the case. She tried unhelpfully to wipe some of the muck out of her face only to cover herself more completely several times as she walked through the mist hoping to be heading in the right direction. At least she had not met any horrible beasts so far, though by the state of her they would most likely pass up such a rot-smelling morsel.
After several minutes of walking the mist began to clear again, replaced with the occasional waft of floating steam that reeked of sulphur. She could see a lava pool burning bright enough to lighten the sky beyond its constant twilight phase a little ways off. Then of course a terrifying sound made her squeal before clapping her hands over her mouth. Great rasping, deep growls of displeasure filled the air mere feet to her right. Kari skittered in the opposite direction throwing herself behind an outcrop of stone and long dead logs.
It moved, fractionally, a huge clawed paw twiddling as if in the throws of some predatory dream. A dragon. A great big promise to the god's dragon lying across the ground using a dirt dune as a pillow whilst it slept. Could this get any weirder? Best not to wake it, as she was all too aware from the stories in Asgard, dragons were nothing like Puff. Oh now she had the song stuck in her head too.
Taking a deep steadying breath, the muddy midgardian hunched her back and began tiptoeing across the mostly squelching ground. Of course, the next stretch of her journey would be the kind without hiding spots. A wasteland with nothing in it but what could she do.
"Come on, you can do this." She attempted to cheer herself on, one step at a time acutely aware of the dragon's snores.
A particularly loud squelch, her entire foot disappearing into a disgusting wet patch and everything went eerily quiet. Her breath was withheld, body still as if playing a game of statues. A low groaning growl, the kind that made the spinal chord instinctually attempt to melt itself back to primal ooze, a shake in the ground, thudding, stirring, something big on the move.
"What is this? A late night snack?" A masculine sounding voice spoke from high above.
"Ureeeee?" Kari squeaked in response as her eyes trailed upwards to stare at the shadow above her.
"How tasty is your soul I wonder?" The dragon yawned, wings flapping in his stretch hard enough to dislodge the small woman from the muck and send her rolling several feet forward. "Oh no do not leave so soon."
"Oh god!"
"I have been called many names, that one I have not heard in some time." The dragon chuckled. "I am Fafnir, the once king of Nastrond! And what," his head lowered closer, practically nose to nose with his quivering captive, "are you pray tell?"
"Ureeee?" She made another round of odd frightened noises, the dragon turning his head left and right in scrutiny before her vocal chords could ignite fully. "Human? Mostly?"
"I can not tell under so much dirt if you tell me truth."
"Hey!" Her leg was attacked, Fafnir latching onto her dirty calf with a surprisingly gentle paw as he ripped her away from the ground. "PUT ME DOWN!"
"Ah, now I see how the spirit within burns." He chuckled again, the deep reverberation shuddering from his body and into her as she dangled unpleasantly upside down in a tumble of kicking and squirming.
"What? Ah!" Kari screamed as she was unceremoniously dropped landing with a terrifying splash into an oddly glowing pool of water similar to the one in Aragog's cave. "You bastard! I'm wet!" She spluttered trying to push her now wet hair from her eyes and regain some composure as the dragon rolled onto his back from such a hearty laugh at her expense. "Stop laughing! Wanker!" Kari dragged herself from the pool, rolling onto the rocky incline in a slight pant from all the additional water weight she was now carrying.
He was still captured in hysterics as she scurried away from the scene of the crime, breaking out into a run despite the cramp now travelling up the length of her right leg. Wherever she went, whomever she met, there was always some dick waiting to make her life a misery. At least she was cleaner now and the air around her heating up the closer she came towards the lava pool.
"Oh what now!" She hissed hearing a ruckus above her followed by a familiar shaped shadow looming menacingly high in the sky.
"Where do you go little midgardian?"
"None of your business!"
"Do you seek council with the queen of Hel?" There was a level of smugness in the dragon's tone that made her try to add a little speed to her limping jog. "I would not if I were you."
"Good thing I'm not you then!"
"That is not what I said."
"I heard what you said!" She slowed her pace again, he lame excuse for running was hardly anything more than pigeon steps for a flying dragon. "STOP LAUGHING AT ME!" She seethed at the horrible beast's latest burst of mirth. "Oh my god! Piss off! Stupid dragon!"
"I am no dragon." He sounded serious now, his great hulking body coming into land ahead of her causing the soggy woman to slow to a walking pace as things got somewhat weirder. "I am a king."
"Okay… I uh…" She stared at the dragon, or as he was now, the old man standing defiantly in front of her blocking her path. "Hmmmm." Kari bit her lip, chewing idly as her brain tried the dubious task of thinking things through. "Loki?"
"You know the trickster son of Odin?"
"Sort of…?" She rolled her eyes at the accusation only to startle as hands latched on to her arms. "Get off!"
"You lied to me, you are no midgardian." Fafnir shook her violently, his body quivering from fury. "A midgardian would not have found this place. You are Aesir!"
"What?" Her eyes widened, dizzy from the shaking and really not sure what was happening any longer. "No seriously, what? I'm human! I'm from earth! I'm a Londoner! I like McChicken sandwiches!" She tugged and pulled trying to dislodge him from her. "Oh fuck you then! I don't care anymore, I've had a really hard few years dealing with all this stupid crap from magical people like you kidnapping me, violating my head, threatening me and being general dicks about everything! Go to hell mister king dragon of wherever this place is!" She finally managed to free herself from his clutches, if only because he was caught up in humour yet again – why was everyone always laughing at her? "Oh, right, laugh at me some more."
"You bitch…" Fafnir suddenly keeled over, dropping to the ground like a brick as her knee connected with his crotch.
"Yeah, put it on my tab." She rolled her eyes at the old man cradling his family jewels on the floor before running for it again.
Stupid dragons, stupid zombies, stupid mist, stupid book, stupid Odin, stupid Loki. If she ever saw Loki again, she was so going to knee him in the balls too even if her mind could not find a reason why just yet. Everything was obviously the trickster's fault and nothing would persuade her otherwise.
The smell of sulphur was gag worthy by the time she reached the next selection of rocky placements in the land. The heat was nice however, her clothes and hair beginning to dry nicely as she strolled into a canyon path looking behind her for signs of dragon or creepy old man sporadically. It could not be far now, the castle had not been so far away but perhaps the maze like path ahead of her was hiding it from view.
Coming to a dead end, Kari turned right, then left and right before becoming confused at finding herself back at the beginning again. Oh this was infuriating. She tried again taking different turns this time before finding herself scream worthy next to a very dead tree she had passed before. What was going on? Maybe this was like a defence system of some sort?
Kari sighed turning around in a circle over and over with her eyes closed before stopping, almost falling over but opening her eyes to find her finger pointed at a direction. Shoulders slumped, assurance of her choice wavering, she growled dangerously as her feet began moving down the new route. Another crossroads, the same ploy of twirling chaotic choice casting determining her next decision. Over and over this went on, minutes becoming hours, feet sore and tired, tummy rumbling and throat parched.
"Who goes there?"
"Oh shit!" Kari froze mid-step, her eyes trailing upwards painfully slowly as she took in the entire form of a gigantic wolf. "What the hell are you?"
"I am Garm of Hel." The big dog growled with an oddly feminine tone.
"Eh?" Kari continued to stare unblinking trying to process the idea of a giant pooch talking to her. "Are you a hallucination?"
"I am a Hel-hound." Garm sounded oddly calm as if this were a conversation she was used to having or perhaps just occupied with other tasks.
"I think I need to sit down."
"As you wish."
"Why are you chained exactly?" Kari queried from the floor, having plopped down on her rear, when her legs could take the stress of her mind in turmoil no longer. "Is this like your uh…. Dog house?"
"I guard the path to Hel."
"Oh so uh… I uh… can't go in?"
"I only stop souls wishing to leave."
"Oh right." She sighed with some relief before frowning at a new question forming on her tongue. "Wait, does that mean if I go in I can't come out again?"
"Only if you are dead."
"Oh good because I'm not I swear." Kari chuckled only to have her amusement pitter out from the silence emanating off the giant wolf shaped guardian of Hel and stood dusting her now dry but still rather dirty clothes. "Well uh, nice meeting you er, Garm."
The silence greeting her farewell made her body involuntarily shake with anticipation. There was something kind of off about the big dog and not just the way it talked and apparently drank miracle grow as a puppy. Kari slowly walked passed the hel-hound guard, aware all to acutely of the burning eyes trained on her back as she tried her best not to just start running and startle Garm into chasing. Dogs were strange; cats were better.
She made her way around another bend in the canyon pathways finally discovering the way out as it led to a wide-open space before the great steps towards the black castle seen from afar. It was so close now, safety of some kind she hoped. Of course, something had to ruining it all though.
"Ah!" Kari screamed as a corpse warrior sauntered past giving her a strange look over his shoulder.
That was weird; the zombies on the beach always attacked and babbled on at her but that one just walked on by like he had better things to do. All right, there were more of them wandering around now she got a better look but like the previous walking corpse busy ignoring her too. What was going on? Why were they not trying to eat her brain? Was there something wrong with her brain?
Taking a deep steadying breath she walked on, eyes twittering side to side as she kept her focus on the zombies around her despite their complete lack of care at her presence. The steps up to the castle were the next challenge, her legs were already sore and tired and here was a lot of step aerobics to complete. She groaned, exhaling a weary sound similar to a zombie as she placed one foot in front of the other and shuffled up the stone steps one at a time. It felt worse than the running away from a dragon in wet clothes part of her little adventure. The temptation to lay down once she reached the top was almost overwhelming but there were guards to deal with.
"Heeeeey." She waved tiredly at a spear wielding guard blocking the door to the keep from her. "Can I come in?"
"You are not expected." The guard was surprisingly well articulated for a dead man. "Who are you?"
"Um… Kari er… Kari Fa-Motter. Kari Motter." There was a moment of shared stares between herself and the guard as if he hardly believed her especially when she smiled at him. "Really, my name is Kari Motter."
"Wait here." He shrugged shooting the second guard a hidden glance that made them both guffaw before he disappeared into the castle.
"Mind if I sit down?" Kari queried the bored looking second guard only to be ignored as she claimed a spot on the floor anyway. "I am so bushed right now. Been a long walk and run. You know there's a giant dog out there? You probably already knew that. There's a dragon that turns into a creepy old man too. Had to kick him in the balls to escape." She smirked at the guard's second guffaw of the day. "There's a giant spider called Aragog too but he's a really nice spider, kept all those other zombies off my back. Really surprised you aren't trying to eat me like them lot right now actually and I-"
"She will see you."
"Huh? What? Who?" Kari startled as the first guard reappeared holding the door open for her. "Who will see me?"
"Queen Hela whom you seek an audience with." He flashed his fellow guard another look causing humour to ignite once more.
"Oh right, yes, yes of course." She stood with a 'tsk' of pain from the ache in her back. "What do I just go in or? Okay yeah, thanks uh… bye."
Waving the guards of, Kari hesitantly wandered inside the black castle shivering at the odd chill within as the door closed behind her. There was a strange buzz in the air, like static before a storm, making her teeth feel uncomfortable and the hairs on the back of her neck stand to attention. Where was she supposed to go now? Onwards, ever forward into the belly of the beast.
Taking a deep breath, hands folded neatly under her armpits for added warmth, she scurried deeper into the castle following the long corridor ahead. As she neared the far end a large open archway led out into a much bigger room reminding her all too strangely of the throne room in asgard's palace; except there was no gold here.
"Hello?" She called out to the room only to receive her echoing response as she slowly continued forward eyeing the walls with curiosity and a hint of suspicion. "Am I supposed to be in here?"
"Doubtful."
"Ah!" Kari squealed as she flung herself around almost tripping on her own feet at the feminine voice behind her. "Who are you?"
"You are not what I expected they looked for." An elegant, tall, woman draped in fine clothing and quite an astonishingly well crafted crazy hat watched the lip chewing midgardian with a tired inquisitiveness.
"What? Someone is looking for me?"
"They looked, they found nothing, they gave up and went home to continue with their lives." The queen turned gracefully, making her way across the room to lounge across a canapé leaving her guest to stand. "Strange that you would find your way here after so many years. It is not customary for souls to come to me especially when so alive."
"Okay, look, start from the beginning please I have no idea what you are talking about." Kari waved her hands in front of her, trying to figure out what was going on and who the strange woman was. "And what do you mean 'so many years'?"
"It has been eight years since first the Warriors three and Balder rode into my realm seeking to find you." Hela sighed as if recalling a very dull argument with equally dull creatures. "I told them you were not here, as you were not to my knowledge."
"Eight years?"
"You fail to recollect this time? Not so surprising. Loki seemed sure you had some how created a mess with a dimensional displacement spell. The power needed to successfully initiate a stable portal would have been significant but stranger successes have happened over the centuries."
"What are you going on about?" Kari groaned giving up and drooping to the floor for the third time in the last hour or so. "Look, I was in Asgard maybe eight weeks ago not eight years ago and it was just a teleport thingy to Jotunheim!"
"Interesting."
"Really?" She was sceptical at the flippant queens words.
"I was trying to be polite."
"Whatever." Kari rolled her eyes trying not to flip the bird at the lounging woman and get thrown in a dungeon or something. "Look could you help me get to Jotunheim?"
"Why ever would you wish to go to such a cold and inhospitable realm?"
"I kind of have grandmothers there."
"I think not."
"What? I don't have grandmothers there?"
"That is doubtful knowing your lineage seeded from Fandral the dashing but that was not to which I was referring."
"Er?"
"I will not send you to Jotunheim." Hela rose from her canapé, poised steps tapping out a rhythm on the polished floor beneath her as she made her way back to her guest. "But I will send you to a place you need to be."
"What's that suppose to-"