Chapter 29: Household

Claire was looking out the small window of the captain's quarters into the courtyard even though she knew Jamie will be brought up through the staircase from under the same building she was in. It was an agonising wait that gave her a headache she didn't even notice for being so engulfed in worries over how the next encounter will go. For circumstances out of her control, it has been impossible to break the news to Jamie gradually, explain her past actions and now, in a few minutes, she would be alone with him and she would have to use the chance, or else Jamie would find out her position elsewhere.

She barely noticed the door opening, or the jangle of the chains still round the prisoner's ankles, though not his arms, in regard of the wounds on his back. The Scotsman was brought in by two guards, but was touched by or leaned on neither, walking with his head held high, only small creases around his eyes giving away that he might be in discomfort. He was recovering a lot more easily and swiftly than last time and it made Claire wonder, and hope against hope that the explanation lay with Jack's possible lenience. She wanted to believe so, even though she hasn't spoken a word to him in her anger since his reveal, bar for virtually ordering him to send for Jamie. Under what pretext, she couldn't give a damn.

"Wait outside," Jack barked at his subordinates, who retreated dutifully immediately. The door banged closed behind them and the three of them remained frozen on the spot, chilled by an eerie deja-vu that hurt and confounded.

Jack drew his hands behind his back and clasped them in an unconscious gesture, perhaps as a statement of power, perhaps the exact opposite, leaving him open for attack, metaphorically, "I will leave you to it, and send out Brianna," he retreated towards the room in the back.

Both Jamie and Claire watched him move, eyes locked on his actions, Jamie out of prudence, and Claire out of avoidance. "Let me look at the wounds," she glanced towards the table where she had previously laid out whatever she might need for that.

"I don't want tae frighten her," held Jamie, closing the distance between them as much as his chains allowed.

Claire closed her eyes for a moment against the lamentable sight, "I will have to get him to remove those," she started appalled, "how does everyone bear to wear those?" The brunette held onto his arm, and directed him to a stool. He might want to pretend to be strong, but judging from the blood loss, she knew better.

"We do not have them when we are put to work," Jamie clarified and got hold of her hands as before. He wanted to kiss her and reclaim her, but it wasn't the time. for his girl was about to come out. "How much sway do ye have o'er him?" The thing irked him. Jack had said she had saved his life many times, but why would she do that? Wasn't Frank's fate already decided? Didn't Claire promise she would leave it up to Jamie to take his life afterwards?

"I do not know," Claire admitted. "I don't know how far he would go." The reality of that scared her. Was her Jack now completely lost to her and if so, why did it hurt so much?

The creaking of the door in the back attracted both their attentions, it seemed to be slow and reluctant as it moved, as it was with how the little girl edged out, timid and with her eyes averted. "Brianna," Claire presented, redundantly. She nodded at the child encouragingly and beaconed her over.

There was one hesitant step and then nothing, not till a little boy edged out from behind her and pushed her forward, "go on now, not as if I'm ever going to meet my real father."

"Denys?" Jamie guessed. He was also encouraged by finding familiarity in the situation.

"You were there at my birth," the child came forward, ready to engage.

"Aye, that's right lad."

"And you are Brianna's father. Which is fitting, because mine was at her birth," Denys extended more information than Claire was willing to give at this point, referring to Jack as his parent this time, which for all intents and purposes he practically was as his other uncle took no part in his upbringing.

"That so?" Jamie couldn't help asking, tone creeping higher at the end.

"You left me with him, heavily pregnant, what did you think was going to happen?" Claire defended the situation.

Jamie grunted, probably acknowledging the truth in the matter, but filed it away to be dealt with later. It was his daughter he came to meet after all. But since the little girl still shied away, half hiding behind her 'brother', the Scot decided it would be best not scaring her and addressed the boy instead, "a held the notion ye'd be the diffident yin, aft' yer parents, an' Brianna tae be the dauntless, aft her mom an' da'."

"Denys is simply very inquisitive, that is the explanation and Brianna just likes to..." 'sit in a corner asking questions privately of her dad'-but that wasn't appropriate to say, so she had to think of another way to finish the sentence, "be studious instead."

Jamie nodded, "nothin' the matter wi' that, bonnie lass," he smiled at the girl.

Brianna leaned towards her cousin 'brother', and asked quietly, "why does he speak so weirdly?" But not quiet enough for the rest of them not to hear.

Claire stiffened and panicked, answering quickly, "that is how Scottish people speak when they don't use Gaelic, but Jamie can speak in a way the English understand it better as well, when he wants to," she defended him and alluded to his good sense at the same time, trying to suggest that this would be the time to put that skill into practice as from broad to almost proper English, she had heard him speak all versions in the past.

"Have you not spoken tae her about her father then?" Jamie questioned Claire instead, though cutting back on the broad.

"I have," the mother omitted the fact that it was recently. But she could have hardly spoken about Jamie in Sussex for fear of the children giving the game away. "You will have to forgive her, it is her first time in Scotland. Come here Brianna," she tried to salvage the relationship.

The child complied, slow, but curious and studying this wild man they've told her was her real father. "We're allowed tae work with wood, so I shall make you a toy," Jamie tried again, his eyes also on the shy beauty, "what is it you would like?"

"I had to leave everything back at Litlington House. My Angel too."

Claire sucked in some air. Thankfully Jamie would have no idea what the Randall estate was called. "I could carve an angel," he offered, glad he could find some common ground.

"Angel was her rocking horse," Claire clarified. It was Denys who was obsessed with horses, but Brianna sort of copied him, but revealing how much time the children spent together also felt wrong.

"Well, it might be a wee bit more difficult getting large enough wood for that, but I guess it's doable," Jamie planned his parting gift to his daughter, that is if he was going to manage to convince Claire to leave him behind.

Brianna was in his grasp, right before her as she held her mother's hand and he was contemplating whether it would be alright to ask the child if she wanted to play a game with him when she turned her head towards Claire, "can I go to play chess with papa? He had the board set up," the girl looked towards the door where Jack disappeared, leaving no doubts about who 'papa' was, unless due to some mysterious reason, there was another man in there, which wasn't at all likely.

Claire paled and let go, only nodding to allow the children to go. Lightning had stricken, it was only damage control that could be done now. Jamie pursed his lips and drew back involuntarily, alternating between sending disturbed looks at the door and her. It was only his status as a prisoner that kept him from breaking something. And just to make everything worse, Sissy started crying just at that moment. Of course, in her worry, she had forgotten to feed her.

"What is that?" Jamie paused.

"My little sister," Brianna chimed on her way out.

"Ma heid's mince fe bloodloss an' fever," he reverted back to his natural way of talking once the child was gone, "so tell me how does that bairn have a sister and who is it she calls father!" He demanded. If she married again thinking he was gone, if there was another man in there, keeping Jack in check, that was one thing, not a cheery development, but still, marginally acceptable. That had to be the only feasible explanation, right?

Claire didn't answer, she only took a step back subconsiously. No matter how many times she's tried in her head, there was no good way of telling him the truth in a way he'd understand. The look on her face however was enough to steer Jamie in the right direction. He advanced towards that door, seething, "what has that monster done tae you!" He seethed.

The way he was barging, Claire didn't think there was any other way of restraining him than running to step in front of him, "stop. You'll scare the children."

"You can't be protecting that abomination!" Jamie argued.

"There's a reasonable explanation for all of this."

"Is there? Well, I'm waiting for it," he challenged, a hand on a hip.

"Please sit down," Claire tried to defuse the worst of his reactions.

"Now," Jamie refused.

Resigning herself to the fact that Jamie was not going to calm one bit, she turned her speech quick, to be done with it as soon as was possible, "first, he saved us, me and Brianna. I was bleeding out at the birth as before. With him on leave of absence from the army because of his illness, he took us to the family home in Sussex so I could recover. They would've not taken a random woman in, so I posed as his wife. We needed the help and he needed my medical expertise. A simple trade, as it were."

"You could've went to Lallybroch!"

"No, I couldn't, there were so many reasons why I couldn't! I thought you died! The last place I wanted to go to was somewhere where the thought of that would've hurt more! The place wasn't even yours anymore, you passed it on to your nephew, remember. It was a time of famine in Scotland and Brianna needed to be somewhere safer than that, not under constant threat of the English army. Not to mention there was the future I came from to think about. Denys wouldn't have made it anywhere with Jack on his own, not how incapable he was of taking care of himself, walk anywhere. And I needed to put together some funds, fend for ourselves. How do you suppose I should've done that at Lallybroch, eat up someone else's bread?"

Jamie grunted. In any other circumstances, he would've admitted that with Claire being the self reliant, considerate and forward thinking woman that she was, it was not likely that she would've went back to his estate. "Just tell me one thing Claire. How was that choice made knowing with certainty that he would force himself on you sooner or later!"

"He didn't," Claire defended Jack instinctively.

"He didn't?" Jamie echoed. With a stony expression, he stared at her for a moment, nothing made sense. "If he didn't then..." That was in fact a thousand times worse. On instinct, he stepped back, flight response winning over fight. It all seemed so incomprehensible that there was nothing else he could do there. He had to go, ground himself somehow as his swirling mind produced no coherent thoughts, only span in disarray.

Claire knew better than to run after him. The guards outside will take him back to his cell, but it was no use going there either. What had to be done, happened and now there was nothing further she could do. Jamie would never forgive her, no matter how much time he was going to be given to process the facts. Despairing and abject, she had to steady herself on the chair, her emotions getting the better of her. She had messed up royally, and Brianna didn't help matters either. The crying coming from the other room had gotten louder, but at this moment in time she didn't care. Devastated, she lowered herself onto the chair and gave into the crushing sadness.

Tbc