Author's Note: I find it hilarious watching all of you freak out when I throw in some kind of cliff-hanger. Really, it's so cute I just can't help myself. Today's chapter is posted a little earlier than normal. I've got my work Christmas party tonight so I can't post it later~.

As for that FST I mentioned? I'm working on it right now, ~no regrets~.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

It was cold outside now that night had fallen and winter was on its way. It was always cold in Ikebukuro in the winter, despite the heat from the buildings and the people and the millions of light bulbs buzzing in the dark like fireflies caught in a web. The cool air biting at Shizuo's exposed skin did nothing to calm the irritation now aflame inside of him. It had bubbled as soon as he had stepped outside of Shiki's place and rounded the corner out of sight of it. Shizuo had gone to Shiki's looking for answers, but he had only left with even more questions. Izaya turning up had ruined everything, like always. Things never changed; even now it seemed, even on the brink of the very world itself unravelling. All he had wanted was an answer, that was all, and even that Izaya had managed to ruin. Fuck, fuck, fuck. He was so dead, deader than dead, dead.

He managed to hold off the frenzy for a few streets, at least until the ones that were lit with dimly flickering street lights. Dead, dead, dead, the louse was dead. His hands closed around some object; in this mentality he didn't care what, tearing it from the ground with frightening ease and tossing it at the street a few feet ahead with a growl of emotion. The few people that had been milling around soon fled after that, clucking in fright like a gaggle of hens spotting a fox approaching the coop. There was a pause where he just listened to the sound of breaking metal disappear into the air, and then his hands closed around another thing, tossing that to the ground, and then another and another, throwing and smashing whatever he could get his hands on. This anger, this irritation, this whole fucking thing, it was all so—

It was all Izaya's fault. These feelings were all to blame on him.

Shizuo had been able to smell the alcohol on Izaya's breath when the louse had come stumbling his way, it had crinkled his nose with the hard scent. Even he had been able to work out that this was out of character, that something had bent him well out of shape. Izaya had been drunk, and Shizuo wanted to know what had driven him to that. Had it been him? That just raised so many more questions, so many, so many. That would mean that the louse cared, that he really had fallen in love with him, with Shinozuka. Why did that matter so much? So many questions, so many that Shizuo felt like he couldn't deal with them all, and so few answers to make it all go away. No. No. The louse, the bug, that damn fucking bastard, it was all his fault, this was all his game, all designed to make Shizuo question every damn thing. It had to be, it just— because if Shizuo allowed himself to accept any other idea, any other possibility, what would he do then?

Leaving the ruin of the objects he had thrown on the floor behind him, Shizuo continued to stalk the streets, keen to put as much distance between Shiki's place and himself as possible. It wasn't long before he reached the park, one that lay not too far away from his own apartment complex and the station. He could still feel the irritation bubbling in him, let out through a muttered stream of 'kill, kill, kill' under his breath as he walked through the gates to take a seat at one of the benches. He bent, leaning down to rest his head in his hands and massage his temples as if that would make it all go away, make it all better again.

Shizuo didn't like this conflict within himself. He was used to being so certain, perhaps not always right, but he was used to being at least confident in what he thought. He didn't feel that anymore. Ever since he had started to develop feelings for Nakura, he had felt increasingly more vulnerable with every email he had sent to the other man. That wasn't any different now that he knew who Nakura was, if anything it was worse, because Izaya now knew everything he needed to ruin Shizuo, because Izaya was now the man who Shizuo had imagined being with, and that confused him more than anything. Was it possible to have fallen in love with a man he claimed to hate?

It was true that he'd never attempted to look beyond the surface with the flea. He had just decided that he hated him upon sight and that was that, just the way things went after that, because what other feeling could he have felt other than hate? What else could that tingle in his spine mean? He supposed he had never really given it much thought that the louse was capable of feeling things, that maybe they weren't so different after all, and that maybe this wasn't quite as ridiculous as— No. No. The whole thing was a joke. This was all part of the game, and Shizuo wasn't playing it. He wasn't.

The familiar rumble of a bike on the street didn't surprise Shizuo, nor did he look up when he heard footsteps approaching him. He knew who it was, even more so when the screen of a mobile phone appeared under his face, into his line of sight. Celty always seemed to find him whenever he was in these foul moods, and Shizuo always found something calming about her presence.

'Are you okay?' he read, blinking a little at the sudden brightness of the screen. He didn't reply at first, biting out a sour laugh and sitting up. Celty was staring down at him, the screen of her helmet directed at his face. She didn't need a face for Shizuo to be able to realise she was concerned, her whole being oozed it, from the hunched shoulders to the way she held her hands on her hips.

"Peachy," Shizuo laughed in reply, pushing himself to his feet, feeling his knees click in protest at the sudden movement. "Just— peachy,"

Celty removed her hands from her hips, bringing the phone back up to her face so that she could type another message. Shizuo snuck his hand into the pocket in his trousers to pull out a cigarette and his lighter, intent on getting the much needed kick of nicotine in his system. He needed that; he needed something, something to take his mind off of all of these conflicting thoughts, all of these emotions that he wasn't supposed to be feeling. For so long, all he had been used to feeling was anger and indifference, and that was all different now. Everything was different. It was. There was no denying that. And what about when those answers came, the ones that he really wanted? Things would be even more different then, wouldn't they?

'You're a worse liar than Shinra is,' read the little message on the phone now as Celty held it up. Shizuo laughed at that. He did. The sound rumbled out from his stomach and floated around the two of them in the cool, crisp night air. It wasn't often he laughed, it wasn't often that he was in the mood to laugh, but everything was different now, wasn't it? Everything, everything, everything. Shizuo didn't answer her that time, so Celty lowered the phone again to tap out another message. It was quiet in the park, and Shizuo could hear the sound of the buttons on the little machine tapping out as if they were right beside his ear, as clearly as his own heartbeat.

'What's wrong?'

How was he even meant to answer that? Everything was wrong, and yet nothing was wrong either. He had fallen in love, and that was good, but fallen in love with the man he hated, the bane of his life. He had been drawn into another one of Izaya's games, but there was nothing different in that, nothing unusual there. This conflict in him, that was what was wrong. He didn't like it, he wanted that clarity back, he wanted to just go back to the way things used to be, though whether that was before or after Nakura had come into his life he wasn't sure.

"Just that damn flea," Shizuo replied. What could be more true than that? He was the whole cause of this situation, he was the one behind all of this, he was. Shizuo exhaled the drag of his cigarette, context and serene as he watched the smoke dissipate into the night air, floating away to who knew where. It was calming, it was peaceful, and he could feel the anger floating away with each puff of smoke that disappeared from his parted lips.

This whole thing with this dating website had been a bad idea, and yet— Shizuo couldn't bring himself to regret it, even now, he really couldn't.