Chapter 34: Even

(Note: Those of you who read Diana Gabaldon's Voyager, will know exactly where in the story I'm jumping into. There will be short references to aid the understanding of the setting for those of you who haven't read that book.)

While the wound wasn't infected or dangerous by location, Jack's recovery was very slow like Claire suspected it would be due to his otherwise already precarious health and now she couldn't help but worry about the various tropical diseases that all emigrants, healthy or otherwise, were subjected to after their arrival at the ship's original destination, the Caribbean, business none of them could deter the captain from. They were headed to Jamaica and Jamaica they would dock in, with the encumbrance of having to take an extra journey to the mainland at a later time.

Careful with their remaining means that would eventually have to get them to Riven Run in North Carolina, to Jamie's aunt's, Jocarta Cameron's plantation, the six of them, Claire, Jamie, Jack and the children rented a small dwelling on the island, comprising of no more than a single room and a kitchen. It was there that Geillis Duncan had found them, mere two weeks after landing on the continent. Amply amused by their surprise at her being alive and ignorant of their needs for information, the Scotswoman's mere explanation for her appearance comprised of having been keeping tabs on them for the purpose of hopefully meeting up with Claire. Geillis needed to know if the journey back to the future was possible and under what circumstances, astonished that Claire did not use the additional aid of gemstones and blood sacrifice. The Black Widow took curious interest in Jack for a time, contrary to her otherwise focussed intent, not that her fellow time traveller would trust any advice Geillis would have given for the restoring of his health.

Jack's condition worsened however a few days later. It was a trivial stomach upset they all had, Claire explained it away with them encountering a different strain of bacteria or virus than those that were prevalent in Europe, no more than some cramps and loss of appetite for a number of days. Weak as Jack was though and with a stomach that hardly withstood any deviation from what was ideal, the ex officer developed high fever and pain wrecking his body into spasms, losing precious fluids and weight he had none spare to speak of.

Her usual methods of alleviating his condition failed her. Holding onto Jamie's arm by the door as she craved support he wasn't ready to give, Claire let him know with faltering words and breath that there was nothing else she could do to save Jack's life. The abdomen was filled with pus everywhere to an extent she could not attempt to tap it and would not put Jack through it either, not without something called antibiotics. "I know it isn't exactly how you have set out to do, but now is the time Jamie. Take his life like you promised. I will take the children out to the shore to collect shells. You should do it while we're gone," she looked up at him with beseeching eyes.

Jamie glanced in the ailing man's direction. Despite Claire's best efforts to calm and numb him, Jack's hand was twitching, fingers extending periodically towards a belly he could not touch for it would've exacerbated the pain. Every breath has left his lips as a shaky moan, quieter as the days went on, but no less revelatory of his suffering. Jamie let out a quiet grunt as well, turning towards him, powerless in changing what was to be. A mercy killing then. It wasn't anywhere near what he had planned, quite the opposite. His every speck of his being wished Jack to live so he could repay the debt, and be killed after. Not this. Jack deserved to suffer, to die a slow and horrible death and yet Jamie had to acknowledge that he did not take much pleasure out of watching it happen. He wasn't that person. Claire's expression infuriated him, it was telling of an affection he would neither ever understand or condone. But together with how Brianna cried herself to sleep every night because her 'papa' could no longer as much as speak to her, it did not leave Jamie much choice. He nodded simply, "I will do it. I will end his suffering."

Claire embraced him as a thank you, but he pushed her back. He would take no gratitude for something he didn't really feel like doing. She seemed to have acknowledged and come to terms with the signs of the rift between them that was unlikely to ever close completely. Jack caused that but she had no regrets. His tale of redemption surpassed everything she could've ever imagined and she felt privileged to have experienced and encouraged it. His soul could no longer be cursed to eternal damnation, she was sure of it and that was one thing she had achieved. She stepped to the sickbed and took one of Jack's hands into hers once more, kissed his fingers, then leant down to plant a kiss on his temples too softly, a tingle tear dripping onto his hand. She would not be thwarted to say any different last words than what she truly felt, Jamie's presence or otherwise. "Forgive me. I love you Jack." She steeled herself and marched to gather the children from the garden, not looking back again.

Jamie paced up and down in the small room, a mere few steps' distance either way. First off, he had to wait till he could be sure the family was far enough out on the road and his ambivalence over the matter bothered him still. He would do as he'd promised Claire, sure, and maybe after Jack was gone, this way or another, he could finally move on with his life. The thought didn't make him feel any less troubled, convoluted and conflicted nonetheless. It was clear that the cavalcade of sweeping emotions will dominate his state of mind till the deed was done and perhaps longer. He paced till the presence of his own emotions angered him. The state of the affairs could not be changed and therefore he should just get on with it. A dirk would be very practical he would imagine. There was no way Jack's thin and compressed chest would pose much resistance, so he retrieved Jack's own officers' weapon, perfect for the cause.

He knelt by the bed that was typically low lying in these parts, "Randall!" He called, shaking the man's shoulder. It did not seem right stealing that little trickle of life the sick man still held, without letting him know he was doing it.

Jack's breathing quickened , pained gasps telling of how the jerky movement Jamie urged him with had made the pain worse. "Jack?" The Scot prompted, not quite aware of the hint of apology in his own voice.

Cloudy, anguished eyes regarded him contemplatively, sluggish in their attempt to take him and his stance in. Jack seemed glad of his proximity, a hand looking to touch the younger man, vaguely aiming for his arm. The contact was light and feeble, but Jack seemed to relax in the assurance that he had Jamie's attention. "I regret nothing." It was the exact same words Claire had said, referring to something else entirely and Jamie wasn't even sure if he was surprised at all or not. His gut has always been telling him this was the same person who had tortured and raped him, and that one wasn't the type to ask for forgiveness. "For my actions gave me you, and ultimately, Claire, and for that, I thank whatever power is responsible."

Jamie raised the dirk. This despicable excuse for a human being didn't deserve to be delivered from his sufferings, but Jack's inciteful words angered him too much at the same time to be able to restrain himself. Jamie waited till Jack's gaze slowly changed focus and took in the shiny object above him. He truly wanted the army deserter to feel the immediacy of his last moments and know his executioner had taken some satisfaction in them. Jack took a deep breath, his eyes keen on the glinting blade, wanting it to come down, ready. This was messed up, Jamie concluded and hesitated. Who was doing who a favour here?

"Stop!" It was Geillis Duncan who had pushed the curtains leading to the room aside and now approached as quickly as her well filled in, older form allowed.

"What is it?" Jamie did pull the weapon down, defensive about the woman's sudden appearance. Jack swallowed. Whether it was regret that made him, relief or pain, it was hard to tell.

"There be a bigger picture tae consider here," the pagan occultist swooped in and considered herself entitled to the chair Claire had used to sit beside her patient. "If I am tae go back tae the twentieth century, regroup an' make another attempt at getting the throne back into the right hands at a different historical time, then I will necessitate a lot of help."

"What do ye want of me?"

"Nothing, fox. I will need tae be sure tae end up in the right time an' leaving nothing to chance. I will use a human sacrifice," the many times self-made widow raised her eyebrows to look pointedly at the bed's occupant.

Jamie lowered the dirk even further with considerable annoyance. Does he not even get to finish that scoundrel if it is a mercy killing only? "Are ye certain it will serve ye, taking a man on death's door to start with? If he is even alive when ye reach those stones ye talk about here on Jamaica."

"Don't ye concern yerself about dark practices," Geillis stepped closer, taking up a cautionary position in defence of her intended target, "this one's as monstrous as they come, aye? It should go well with the forces I'm calling forth. It is hard to find such match ye see. As for getting there, I can hold up his deterioration with this till then," she pulled out a vial with thick, creamy substance in it that Jamie felt no inclination to find out what it contained. She seemed well prepared at any case. "For Scotland," she added, seeing his hesitation, "that is the one cause ye cannae doubt with me."

The red haired man grunted in consideration. Nothing Geillis did could be trusted and that included her failed attempts at ensuring Scottish independence for her methods could not be condoned. But letting Jack die in service of a Scottish cause and not the way the Englishman wanted, that held considerable irony and satisfaction. "All yours," he stood and distanced himself. The startled and betrayed look Jack gave him held all the satisfaction he needed.

Tbc