*I do not own Sons of Anarchy, Kurt Sutter, unfortunately does.
Tara P.O.V
The absolute nerve of this man, to sit there across from me and to so casually ask if I know that he cheated on me for the umpteenth fucking time. I feel a little gratified to see the revolted look on his face as he looks at the pictures that shattered me. This conversation can go two separate ways, either I am calm and collected or I am a complete and utter bitch, so far I've contained myself pretty well considering. However, deep in the darkest parts of my heart, every ounce of me is begging to hurt him, to cut him with every word I deign throw in his direction. "You should really watch who you're fucking, apparently they like to show and tell." Well, guess that decides which way this conversation is heading after all. He looks up at me sharply, eyes glittering with confusion and hurt, "I understand that I screwed up, but that's uncalled for Tara." Sucking in a breath, I hold the air down deep in my lungs, trying to control the urge to leap at him and rip his fucking face off. One, two, three, fo˗ suddenly all the air expels from my body as I jump from my chair and slam it into the table. Chest heaving and breathing labored, my body trembles with just barely controlled rage as I stare down Jax.
"You must be fucking kidding me," I just manage to grind out, "there is no way in this world or the next that you have any right to chastise me! God damnit Jax, this isn't some bullshit misunderstanding about who was supposed to pick up the kids from school, you slept with someone else!" There is so much that I want to say, but I don't know how to articulate everything flying around in my head. My brain is running a mile a minute and I can't keep up with what direction I need to follow. So I focus on my breathing, remembering that my kids are in the house, and even if they are practically grown, this isn't a conversation they should be privy too. He just sits in his chair, non-plussed about my reaction, which only serves to piss me off further. In an attempt to pull myself together, I pull out my chair and slide back into the seat, scooting around to provide the greatest distance between us as possible. Of course Jax notices and he looks at me with those tortured eyes and all I want to do is get over myself and forgive him, but I would never forgive myself if I let this go…again.
"Quit looking at me like that, you think I don't know what you're doing here Jackson." To his credit, he doesn't try to play innocent and instead just answers the question, "I just want you to see how sorry I am Babe, I am so unbelievably sorry." No, I am not falling for this. "You can take that apology and shove it up your ass Jackson, it doesn't hold any worth to me." His nostrils flare and I know that I've finally started to push his buttons, the truth will come out the minute he believes that I've disrespected him enough. Jax is uncannily adept at manipulation, and if I just let him talk to me, the next thing I know the issue will be swept under the rug and I'm pulled back into his orbit. "I have been faithful to you for all this time Tara, cut me some fucking slack here." He has no idea what he has just done…Game on.
"Oh, do you want a prize? What can we get for the King of Charming? Surely he at least deserves a pat on the back for keeping his dick in his pants and being loyal to his wife and mother of his three children. Is that what you want Jackson? Recognition? Well good on you baby. I've been faithful to you since the moment we got together when Abel was just a baby. I didn't turn my back on you when you cheated on me with that porn slut Ima, I was loyal to you as you left me alone and pregnant with a toddler for fourteen fucking months while you were in jail. Where's my prize then Jackson? Huh, where's my fucking award for keeping my knees closed when you up and leave for days or weeks at a time for club business! And who even knows what the hell you were really doing while you were gone because apparently you have this tendency to sleep with anything that walks and throws a smile your way!" I tried to keep my voice level, but towards the end I couldn't control myself anymore and screamed the last of the sentence. "But no, there isn't any award for me is there Jackson because I only did what was expected of me right? Stay home, take care of your kids, be ready to suck your dick whenever you decide to come home from doing god knows what with god knows who."
The part of me that wants my marriage to survive knows that this isn't all true, but the bigger part of me relishes every flinch that flits across Jax's face. The devil on my shoulder crows in glee as every word strikes him with the precision of surgeon's scalpel, my scalpel. "Do you really think that I couldn't have cheated on you Jax…or are you that conceited to think that you're the only one who people find irresistible?" I couldn't take my eyes off him, so I knew the exact moment when I crossed the line. His jaws had been wired shut for the entirety of my rant, probably so he wouldn't say something so incredibly stupid, again. His eyes widened briefly as his nostrils flared, and then he was out of his seat so fast that if I wasn't so attuned to his every movement, I would have missed it. He stalks towards me and suddenly we're both out of our chairs as I leapt from my chair to level the playing field. We are inches apart when he growls between his clenched teeth, "What the fuck are you talking about Tara?" He's too close. I can't breathe. So, I shove past him to put some distance between us again and lean against the kitchen counter a few respectable feet away.
"What I am saying, asshole, is that if I wanted to cash in on that prison clause, I damn well could have. Contrary to popular belief, there are men in this town who would actually enjoy fucking me and only me. To some people, Jackson, I am a prize. A beautiful, badass surgeon who saves the lives of babies every fucking day!" I take sick pleasure in watching as his breathing increases exponentially throughout my tirade, I want him to think about me with other men, to have the images haunt him as I've been haunted by his. Suddenly, it all makes sense. "You know what Jackson, I have actually decided what I want to do about us." He looks up suddenly, equal parts hopeful and fearful, and stares me down waiting for my response. "I want to see other people." "Excuse me?" he sputters out. "You heard me, I want to see what options I have. Check out what other fish this Charming Sea has to offer." Jax is looking at me like I've lost my damn mind, when in actuality I've never been surer on what I need to do. "We can't see other people Tara, we. are. married." He enunciates the last three words as if I was the one who needed the clarification. "That little fact had little to no bearing on your piss poor decisions Jackson Teller, so don't you dare sit there and play as if you suddenly give a shit about our vows. Now, I want you to get the hell out of my house." Taking advantage of his uncharacteristic staidness, I strut out of the kitchen, walk past my clearly eavesdropping family with my head held high, and make it inside my room before locking the door, sliding against it, and falling apart at the seams…