Chapter 30: Adjustments

Rumplestiltskin slipped into the house quietly. No candles were lit, leaving the whole place bereft of any light. A fitting thing, Rumplestiltskin thought wearily. All light had been removed from his life, losing his son, and most likely his wife, within hours of each other. Rumple blinked heavily, and through the unshed tears he looked past the darkness. He glanced over to the bed, but he found it empty. Panic surged as he thought perhaps Belle had left. Where she would go he had no idea, but he certainly would not blame her for leaving.

It was all he deserved.

He heard a small sniffle, and his attention drifted over to his son's bed. There in the darkness, curled up in a small ball and gripping a blanket that had belonged to their boy, was Belle. She was motionless, but he could see tears slide down her cheek. He walked carefully, slowly, to his wife, and knelt down at her side. She stared blankly ahead of her, refusing to acknowledge him at all. He wondered idly if she even knew he was there.

Reaching out tentatively, he touched her cheek with his finger, trying to wipe away some of the tears. The moment his skin met hers Belle gasped and wrenched away from him, moving from the bed toward the empty hearth. He watched as she stumbled her way from him, and with a weary wave of his hand, he lit a few of the candles scattered around the hut. Belle said nothing, instead collapsing in a heap by the hearth.

Standing, Rumple followed. He came to sit next to her by the hearth and reached out to touch the blanket. Belle scowled but said nothing, instead opting to pull her knees to her chest and rest her head atop them. She was looking away from him. She wanted nothing to do with him. And Rumple didn't blame her. He hated himself, but he needed her to understand, so he spoke softly, hoping his encounter with the wretched fairy might bring a small flicker of hope.

"I can get him back," he whispered. Belle tensed, then slowly lifted her head, looking at him for the first time. Her eyes were bloodshot and puffy, and her face was red from crying. Lines of tears stained her face, and Rumple felt another wave of hatred as he thought of how he'd been the one to make he look this way.

"You can?" She said skeptically, "Really?"

He nodded. "It won't be easy," he sighed, "I will have to study. Learn. But there's a curse-"

Belle leapt up, which caused Rumple to topple over as she ripped the corner of blanket from his grip. He pulled himself up to lean on his elbows as Belle stared down at him angrily.

"Of course it's a curse," she spat, "Of course. It's always magic and curses with you."

"I know of no other way!" Rumplestiltskin cried, as he moved to stand as well, "Do not make the mistake of thinking you're the only one who lost their child tonight!"

Belle whirled around on him, and the anger in her eyes was unlike anything he'd ever seen. "Don't you dare speak to me of losing a child," she cried, "You had him! He was in your hand, and you let him go!"

Rumple opened his mouth to protest, to explain, but Belle held up a hand to stop him. "Spare me your excuses," she said bitterly, "I don't want to hear them." She turned and moved back to Bae's bed, sinking onto the pallet wearily. "First my father, now my son," she sighed, "How many people must I lose to your magic before you realize it's too dangerous to keep?"

"I can get him back," Rumplestiltskin repeated, the phrase quickly becoming his mantra, "I can, Belle. You'll see. I'll find him. I'll get him back."

She looked up at him, sizing him up momentarily before she spoke, "Yes, you will."

Desperation and anger filled Rumple. He hadn't meant for this to happen, but now here they were at odds. Once again he was a coward who had tried to do something good, but had utterly failed. He had ruined everything. This time, it seemed, for good.

"I won't stop until I find him," Rumple swore, "I'll search until the end of time. I won't stop looking until I bring him home. Whatever has to be done, I will do it."

He turned, deciding to go to the small cabin that housed all his magical items. Surely one of the books had a curse that could undo what had been done. There had to be other ways to a land without magic. He knew the curse was terrible, that fairy had indicated as much, but he didn't care. He would find it and he would bring his son home. He reached the door, pausing only when he heard Belle speak again.

"Do you know what he really needed protection from?"

He glanced back to acknowledge her, and she sighed, "You."

A wave of sickness washed over him. He shoved the door open and walked out, determined not to give her the satisfaction of seeing how hurtful her words were. He didn't need protection from his father. He loved his son, and though he knew he made mistakes, Rumple also knew what it meant to need protection from one's father. He knew what it was to be abandoned. And Rumple had not abandoned his son willingly. Unlike his own, uncaring father, Rumplestiltskin would not stop until his son was once again by his side.

He'd tear the world apart to find his boy, if that was what it took.

With that vow settled into his heart, Rumple disappeared to begin searching for a way to a land without magic.

~000~

Belle awoke to the disturbing sound of silence. The pain and horror of the night before hadn't left her alone, even to allow her a few hours' sleep, so it was with acute awareness that she opened her eyes to see an empty house. She sat up, Bae's bed not quite as comfortable as her own, and stretched her back as she took a moment to review all that happened.

Her son was gone.

And from the looks of things, so was her husband. It was with great regret that she realized she was glad the latter wasn't present, and she felt the tears sting fresh on her face. Oh, how she wanted to hate him! A small part of her did, she thought, then reconsidered. No, it wasn't quite hate. It was more resentment, she realized. She resented him, greatly. But she did not hate him. Not quite.

She sighed and stood, then instantly sat back down again. She felt drained and weak. There were chores to be done, she thought idly, but it hardly mattered when her husband and son were missing. She tried to push all thoughts of Bae aside. It was too much, and she couldn't bear to think of how she'd lost her child. The lively boy with unruly hair who laughed and read and got into more mischief than a child had a right to. He was an affectionate boy, always well behaved when he wanted to be, and he had a brilliant mind. Belle sighed. Such a wonderful young man, only to have all his chances stripped away. It was enough to make her heart ache, and she curled up on her son's bed once more, too weak to have a proper cry, but unable to stop the body wracking sobs that flowed forth.

Belle awoke to knocking on the door. She stood, stumbling in her weariness, and wiped at her face as she made her way to the door. Perhaps someone had found Baelfire? Could it be possible? She wrenched the door open, causing the two girls on the other side to jump. The glanced up at Belle, eyes widening in concern as they took in her current state.

"Miss Belle, what happened?" Morainne cried, stepping forward quickly. Anna followed, glancing around the cabin in concern.

"Is something wrong?" Anna asked, noticing instantly that Baelfire was nowhere to be seen. The girls shared a look. From the way Baelfire spoke recently, the girls knew he would be reluctant to go anywhere with his father willingly, unless of course he'd found a way.

"Did he do it?" Anna asked quickly, "Did he find a way?"

Belle regarded the girls for a long moment, then shook her head despairingly, "Oh, girls," she whispered, "He's gone."

Morainne's face drained and Anna reached out to wrap an arm around the brunette. Morainne looked at Belle, their eyes shimmering with tears. Belle stepped forward and pulled both girls into a tight hug. They wrapped their arms around her as well, and it was a touch Belle desperately needed. She needed someone to hold, someone to hold her. And neither of those would be Rumplestiltskin. She didn't even want to think of him at the moment.

Belle ushered the two inside and set about making tea. They were all silent, save for the occasional sniffle, and when Belle finished the mindless task, she sat down and explained what occurred. As she spoke, she noticed the girls giving each other guilty looks and when she finished, her voice strained as she spoke through tears, Morainne lowered her head to the table and cried more.

"This is my fault," she sobbed, "I should never have told him that story!"

"We're so sorry," Anna cried, reaching over again to comfort Morainne, "We had no idea-"

Belle held up her hand to silence them. "This was not your fault," she said softly, "There are others at fault here, but it's not you." She smiled, a small, feeble thing, and reached out to pat their hands. "Bae loved you both very much," she told them. "You were his dearest friends."

The girls seemed slightly appeased by that notion, and Belle spoke with them a while longer. She warned them against telling others, though it was expected that the boy's disappearance could not be hidden for long. "It will save us some grief," Belle explained, "Rumplestiltskin is looking for a way to find him. I fear he may do something horrible if someone were to approach him and make accusations."

"Should you be here, then?" Anna asked gently, "Bae always spoke of his father with love, but he made it no secret to us that he was afraid."

Belle shook her head, "You're both sweet," she said, "Thank you for your concern, but no. I'll be fine here. If I can do anything," she sighed, "It's handle a foolish sorcerer."

Anna and Morainne nodded, then stood to leave. They each hugged Belle, the embrace lasting a long moment. Anna stepped out of the house, but Morainne lingered a moment, looking down at her dirty shoes shyly.

Belle looked at her knowingly. "Yes?"

"I-" Morainne sniffed, and her cheeks reddened in embarrassment, "I just wanted you to know that I loved Bae."

Belle smiled softly and rested her hands on Morainne's shoulders, "I know, dear."

Morainne shook her head, "No you don't understand," she cried, "I…loved him."

Belle knelt down before the girl and brushed her hair out of her eyes and wiped at her tears, "I know," she said again, her own tears returning. Perhaps she had yet to stop crying. "Bae loved you too."

Morainne let out a sharp breath, then began to weep, throwing her arms around Belle's neck. Belle held the girl close to her, gently rocking her back and forth, and taking comfort in the feeling of having a child in her arms again.

"I'll never get to tell him," she sobbed into Belle's shoulder, and her heart broke at the girl's pain. To be in love, but never know the joys of sharing that love, was the worst pain of all. Belle did not envy Morainne, though she wished with everything in her that she could take the pain upon herself. No one as precious and young as this girl deserved to be so hurt.

"Yes you will," Belle promised, though the words felt hollow, "You'll tell him one day."

It seemed enough to appease Morainne, and even if it was false hope, it was still hope, Belle decided. She didn't like the thought of lying, but it wasn't a lie if she herself was determined to believe it. She would see her son again. And if it was in her power, so would Morainne.

At length, Morainne sobered and with one last hug from Belle, made her way home. Belle returned to her empty hut, and as the silence once again settled around her, she let herself succumb to her despair.

~000~

The days that followed were filled with silence. Belle did not speak, and Rumple did not try to engage his wife. He only returned home for brief intervals, but left as quickly as he arrived. Belle barely even looked in his direction when he did appear, and Rumple felt it best to not speak unless he had something truly worthwhile to say.

And currently, nothing he could say would interest Belle.

Though he did not stay long at home, he watched her carefully when he was there. She looked so lost, so broken, and it made Rumple feel like a true failure. A small part of him longed for nothing more than to comfort his wife, but he kept his distance like the coward that he was. He was full of self-loathing, something he hadn't felt this strong since he'd returned from war a crippled deserter. And at any rate, he had no idea how to comfort her. How did one comfort another when they could find no solace them self? The grief between them was almost tangible, thick and heady and suffocating.

He no longer slept at home. He doubted he would be welcome anyway. Belle wanted nothing to do with him that much was clear by her silence, so he decided that it would be best to leave her be. He began to travel, though not too far at first, looking for anything that might lead him to his son. He traded information for valuables; he offered potions for names. He spun and gave gold to poor farmers in exchange for an item in their home that reeked of magic. Anything he could get that held magic had a potential use in finding his son. Soon the small cabin he used to store magic books was stuffed to the brim and he had nowhere else to keep his things. Belle forbade magic in the house, though she'd never outright said as much. Rumple dare not perform magic in front of her, not even for the most basic of comforts. Not now.

They said nothing, but word quickly spread that something had happened within the Dark household. Baelfire had not been seen for over two weeks, and the children that still dared play with him began to fret and wonder amongst themselves if their friend had fallen prey to his own father's sorcery. Anna and Morainne came by again to solemnly celebrate Baelfire's birthday, and Agda joined them at Belle's request. Belle managed to make the sweet cakes he liked so well, and while they tried to remain cheerful and speak only of their fondest memories of the boy, soon they all crumbled into tears, leaving the day spoiled of any attempt at joy.

Rumplestiltskin watched from the distance, having not been invited to the small, somber gathering. He seethed, watching as Belle took comfort in seemingly anyone but him. Where was his comfort, he thought bitterly. Who would hold him as his body wracked with sobs? Who told him it was going to be all right? He scowled and disappeared back to the cabin. He had no use for such things. If that was how Belle wanted to spend her days, he'd leave her to it. He had a curse to find.

~000~

Belle sat at Agda's home, sipping quietly on some tea laced with something strong that Agda insisted she try. It tasted strange, but Belle said nothing, choosing to trust the woman who had been her friend for fifteen years.

Belle had been visiting more and more to escape the solitude of her house. With Bae gone and her relationship with Rumple seemingly nonexistent, she needed companionship. And other than her father, Agda had always been someone whom she could trust.

"I don't know what to do," Belle whispered as she sipped on her tea, "Everywhere I look, I see a reminder of Bae, and though I can't bring myself to change anything, there's just so much pain."

"The greatest pain a mother can bear is the loss of a child," Agda agreed, "And what's worse, you don't seem to know whether to grieve or hope."

Belle looked up, "What do you mean?"

Agda smiled knowingly, "He vanished. He might be alive; he might not. You can't mourn because that's giving up hope, but you can't quite hope because what if he is dead?"

Belle opened her mouth to protest, but Agda silenced her. "Do you want my advice, love?"

Belle nodded. She needed something. "Leave."

Belle choked on her drink, "Leave?"

Agda nodded, "Until the boy can be found, you should get away from here. There is nothing left for you here." She offered Belle a sympathetic look, "People are talking. You're constantly reminded of your boy, and that idiot husband of yours is locked away doing gods knows what."

"I can't leave," Belle argued, "What about Morainne and Anna? What about you?"

"You can visit, if you wish," Agda chided. "And those girls are strong. They'll understand. They still have friends, family. You can go where no one knows. You can start over." She gave Belle a knowing look. "With or without your husband, I think it would be best if you got away. It might do you more good than you know."

Belle stood, unsure. "I'll think on it," she said as she prepared to go. Agda nodded simply and watched as Belle moved about sluggishly. Frowning, Agda stood and approached Belle.

"You can handle a good deal, my dear, but you cannot do it all alone."

"Then why should I leave?"

"Because if you don't, you'll certainly wither away," Agda stated plainly, "And I'd rather send you off than watch you lose yourself to your sorrow. There's too many memories here. You'll never recover if you stay."

"Perhaps you're right," Belle sighed at length, pulling on her cloak as she moved toward the door, "Perhaps I should go."

~000~

Belle sat for several hours, mulling over what Agda said. Deep down she knew the woman was right. She needed to leave. She could pack up their things and go. It would be so simple. She didn't have much. But she frowned at the thought. Leaving Rumplestiltskin was out of the question. She was angry, furious, but she'd made a vow, and she was not going to break it. If he didn't agree to go with her, she would not leave.

It was an easy decision to make, in the end. They would leave. She didn't know where they would go but it hardly mattered when there was a basket full of gold not two feet away from her. They could go anywhere or do anything, if they wanted. It sounded like an adventure, one she would love to share with Bae. Sighing, Belle reached out and toyed with the gold rope coiled in the basket. All that power, she thought, surely there must be a way to find our son.

The door opened, startling Belle out of her thoughts. Rumple stood before her, looking nervous and shy. He stepped forward to where she sat and held out his hand to her.

"Belle," he whispered at the same time she rose and said his name. They each blinked, but after a moment, Belle relented.

"Yes?"

"I need you to come with me," he said urgently, "Please."

Belle hesitated, then nodded. Whatever he had to show her seemed urgent, and if it had to do with Bae, then her thoughts of leaving could wait. They wouldn't be necessary, really. Rumple held out his hand, and Belle stared at it curiously. He shook it, insisting that she take it and slowly she lifted her own hand to touch his. They both breathed in sharply at the touch, something once so familiar and desired now a distant memory. They had not touched since Belle had shoved him away nearly two weeks ago. Rumple swallowed thickly, then closed his hand around hers, and they disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

When they reappeared, Belle gasped at the sight before her. They were in the middle of the woods, far away from the village, and before her stood a large, imposing castle. Without a word, Rumplestiltskin led her inside. She looked around the entrance way, eyes wide at the large, vaulted ceilings, elaborate rug, and grand staircase the led spiraled up to another floor. To her right was a large ornate door, and Rumplestiltskin waved his hand and the doors opened. They walked inside, and Belle was taken aback by how large the room was. The entrance way had been as large as their home. This room seemed to extend forever, and the décor expensive looking and elegant. Belle suddenly felt very out of place in her simple blue dress, a likeness of the one that had been her engagement present fifteen years ago.

"Why are we here?" Belle asked softly, looking around her at the columns that lined the large, covered windows. Each column held a strange item, and Belle's fingers itched to touch them.

"It's ours," Rumplestiltskin said softly. Belle whirled around and stared at him in astonishment.

"What do you mean, ours?"

Rumplestiltskin shrugged. "It's ours, if you'll have it."

"What did you do?"

"My cabin no longer holds all I need to find…our son," Rumple said, unable to say his boy's name, "I needed a larger space to work, and I thought you might like it. You can live in comfort while I do my work. It's the least I can do after," his voice broke, "Everything."

Belle's lip trembled, but she held herself resolute. She would not break down; not again. Not now. "That doesn't answer my question."

He sighed, annoyed. "I acquired it in a deal."

Belle blinked. "A deal?"

"Yes," Rumplestiltskin nodded. "I've learned, rather quickly in fact, that when two people have something the other wants, a deal can always be made. I cannot function in the cabin anymore, and I cannot bear to see you sitting in that shack alone. I want you to live here with me while I research. You will never want for anything. Please," he said, looking so desperate, "Please accept it."

Belle hummed as she glanced around, too weary to feel impressed. "And if I don't want it?"

Wincing, Rumplestiltskin answered, "Then you may do as you wish. I'll take you back to the hut, or wherever you want to go. Even to the council, if such a thing now seems more desirable to you."

Belle looked away, distressed, "What did I tell you about bringing that up again?"

Rumplestiltskin shrugged. "Things change."

"Not everything."

They went silent, Rumple rocking on his heels in nervous anticipation as Belle considered her options. She glanced around the room, admiring the beauty of the place. It would bring no comfort to her heart, but she would be away from the village; she would have peace. Perhaps she could have a garden and tend to it, dedicating her time to plucking weeds out of the ground instead of tending to her heart.

"What of the sheep? My books? B-his…things…"

"All here, the moment you agree. Anything you want will be yours."

"I want my son."

"I know."

He waited a beat, stepped closer to her and asked, "What will you do?"

"Answer something first."

"Anything."

"Were you eavesdropping on Agda and I today?"

Rumple blinked, confused. "No," he said, "Why? What does Agda have to do with this?"

He did this on his own. Apparently the thought of leaving the village hadn't only crossed her mind. It was a sudden thing, to be swept away without saying goodbye, but it was a lack of closure Belle with which Belle felt familiar. It helped, to know he'd been thinking of her, even if her thoughts had only been on herself and her son. It was a kindness, she thought, and she felt some of the hardness she felt toward her husband soften ever so slightly.

"I'll stay," she said at length, "With you."

Rumplestiltskin's relief was palpable. He offered to show her around the castle, but she shook her head. "I want to sleep," she said softly, "Just tell me where my room is and I'll be on my way."

He told her and she slipped past, needing to be alone to process all that had occurred. When she reached the door, Rumplestiltskin called out, "Good night."

Belle didn't answer. Nothing was good. Not right now.

End Part Two

Author's Notes:

First of all, I want to thank everyone for being so understanding about not posting Friday. It was a very sudden thing, but I'm happy to say that my grandfather is stable, at least for the moment. It doesn't really look good, but it doesn't exactly look bad, either. We're sort of in limbo at this point, waiting to see whether he will improve or decline. He was conscious long enough to manage saying "hi" to me, and that was such a huge blessing for me.

Unless things change drastically next week, I should be able to post Chapter 31 this Friday, June 27.

Thank you to my betas, Sirensong25 and my husband. You guys are great.

And thank all of you again. I really do appreciate it.

Next chapter will start Part Three. Don't expect them to kiss and make up instantly, but don't worry. They won't be estranged for too long.

Disclaimer: I do not own Once Upon a Time or any of its characters. I do own Anna.