Author's Note: So yeah, here it is...I hope I don't offend the Queen (AL, she's the Queen...Marina is the Goddess...)
Day Seventy-Five: Ride by Lana Del Rey
She slid down the wall of some convenience store, holding a paper cup full of soda.
She had just walked for an hour, going…nowhere in particular. She was getting bored of just singing in bars all the damn time. Singing the same pretty songs, sounding so desperate…it had all started getting to her.
So she left. Hitchhiked, mostly. Walked a bit. She didn't have a plan. She didn't know where she was going. She didn't know what she wanted to be. She wasn't tied to…well, anything.
Her parents died a long time ago in a plane crash. What were the odds of that? She used to be brilliant and excelled in class. She knew that it was more likely one died falling out of bed than in a plane crash or accident.
And then her sister. Her sister was a star student, like her. She was already heading to college when their parents died.
Spencer saw her for the funeral. She looked different. And she didn't even want to talk to Spencer.
Poor twelve year-old Spencer didn't know what she had done wrong.
And after that, she basically became an orphan. She was placed with her aunt and uncle, her godparents…if you believed in God, she supposed, which she didn't. But she lost a lot more than just her parents.
Her grades plummeted. She stopped caring for just about anything.
She began to take drugs. She started with marijuana and then went on to snort cocaine. When her guardians found it, they made her get clean. She had to take Valium, since they diagnosed her for a PTSD or anxiety disorder or something. She started abusing that, too. But…she was not quite as dependent on it as she was with the other drugs. She didn't find it so hard to drop that habit.
The day she turned eighteen, she left. She moved to California. She was no longer legally tied to them, and she was glad.
For a while, she looked for love. It was always a father-like figure. She longed to be called "baby". She wanted to be someone's baby…
But she didn't care much for that anymore, either. She had to look for work. And she found some work as a singer in one of those clubs.
She never quite imagined herself as a singer. Sure, she'd hum a tune or two in the shower when she was younger, and before her parents died, she even enjoyed singing with the middle school's choir. But she never thought she'd be singing sets late at night to half-drunken men. As it turned out, her raspy voice seemed to have this soothing, placating quality to it.
She never would have guessed that.
She noticed a small diner down the road from here. She took a sip of her Coke before throwing it away. She looked in her pocket. She still had twenty-seven dollars. That was enough for a decent meal, especially at a small diner in the middle of nowhere. And she just realized how hungry she really was. It felt like a week since she had last eaten. Maybe it had been.
She fiddled with a packet of sugar as she sat in the diner and waited for her order. This was the most normalcy she had experienced in over ten years.
She looked over at the counter to see if there was any sign of her order yet. She heard the doorbell jingle, signifying a new customer.
She put the sugar back and looked out the window. It was a tiny little abandoned town in the middle of nowhere, going back east. If she had to guess, she was probably either in Arizona or Nevada now. She had only been gone for a little bit.
She looked up to see who had walked into the diner. It was a tall man who looked about the same age as her. He was carrying a motorcycle helmet and he slid into the booth in front of her. Facing her.
She looked down at the table.
The waitress came back with her food before greeting the man.
She made it a point to eat very slowly and carefully. She needed to savor all the food she could get. She didn't know when her next meal was or what it would be.
She read some of the placemat as she ate. She didn't know why, but it fascinated her. She kept reading it until she noticed someone in front of her.
It was him. "Can I sit with you?"
She stared at him for a moment before answering, "Sure."
When he was sitting right in front of her, it was easy for her to see how beautiful his eyes were.
Some odd thoughts came into her head. How she'd love for him to call her "Baby".
"You don't look like you belong here," he commented as the waitress brought him his food. He thanked her.
She shrugged it off. "Well…it seems as though I don't quite belong anywhere."
"That can't be."
"But it is," she assured him. "I just…ride. I go with the flow." She looked him over once. "Isn't that what you do?"
He was confused by that statement. "What?"
"You look like you're on the road a lot," she said before putting some food into her mouth. "Don't act like you think I didn't notice the helmet."
He looked beside him. "Yeah, but…you?"
She looked up with some sort of innocence in her eyes. "You're surprised by that?" she inquired weakly. When he didn't answer, she continued with a small sigh. "Well…since we'll probably never cross paths again, you might as well know everything about me. My parents…they were extremely involved in the arts. They went to London for an exhibition by one of their favorite artists and to visit the National Gallery when I was twelve. Their plane crashed in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean and I never spoke to them again. I haven't spoken to my sister in five years. I used to sing in this bar in San Diego and then I left. I don't know where I'm going. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm just living." She laughed despite herself quietly. "Forget that; I'm just surviving. It's like I'm dying every day. I'm living dead. And I'm twenty-three," she said pessimistically. She looked at him anxiously for a response.
"That sucks."
That was it. Not the typical "I'm sorry" or "That's awful." Just the cold, hard truth.
They stepped outside together. If she had to guess, it was about seven or seven-thirty and the sun was just starting to set. The birds were chirping.
"Where are you going?" he inquired as he walked towards his motorcycle.
She shrugged. "I…don't know," she confessed.
"Do you want a ride?" he asked softly.
She licked her lips. "You're not going to get me into any trouble, are you?"
He shook his head. "I wouldn't do that. I just…didn't really want to turn my back on you after hearing all of that."
She nodded quietly. "I don't need your pity."
"It's not pity. It's desire for companionship."
She thought about that. Desire for companionship. She was alone every night.
Finally, she decided. "Sure. Why not? I'm tired of walking like the stars never end."
"They never do."
"But everything ends eventually."
He took an extra helmet and handed it to her. Unlike any other girl, she wasn't scared to get her hair all messy.
She sat behind him. "I hope you drive fast," she said.
"I do," he answered with a small smile.
"Good. I like it like that."
She stood in the dingy light from outside of the motel. It was about midnight and this was the closest they had to a stop at.
He came back a little bit later with the room key. He was the only one who had anything. He had one change of clothes in a small bag.
She opened up the door of the room to find it had one queen-sized bed. It was a good thing she knew how to share.
She lay down on the bed after kicking off her shoes. He threw his pajama shirt at her. She caught it swiftly. "Thanks."
After they changed and Spencer had gone to the vending machine for some water, they sat down together on the bed. She was playing with her own hands when he asked her a question.
"Why are you leaving San Diego? Isn't California supposed to be like the land of dreams?"
"Because I'm fucking crazy."
It was dead silent for a long pause. Then, they both exchanged a laugh.
"Sometimes I get sick of that. But…I am free. And if freedom is worth the price of insanity, I'll take it. It's like a war in my mind."
He studied her.
"You're like this small piece of sanity I've been missing for a long time," she confessed. "All this time, I've only met people just as insane as me. Or even worse."
He nodded. "I never pictured being someone's pillar of sanity," he admitted.
"You are."
They were quiet again. She took another sip of water.
"I'm glad you asked me to come with you," she said finally.
"You are?" he inquired softly.
She nodded after a small pause. "I…I didn't want you to say goodbye. And I'm glad you walked up to me in the first place…" she trailed off. "Where are we going?" she inquired after a brief daydream.
He shrugged. "Wherever you want to go. I was planning on just going to Vegas, I guess, and then asking to part ways, but…I'm not ready to leave yet."
She thought about that. It was intriguing.
He continued, "I also wouldn't be able to live with myself if something bad happened to you."
She rolled her eyes and pushed him slightly. He laughed. "I wouldn't," he promised.
She smiled. She got close to him and realized this feeling she had been feeling. It felt like…like…like something she really never had felt before. Well, not really. It was innocent but very guilty at the same time.
She stared at his lips for a moment before looking back in his eyes. "You can tell me to stop if you want. Just…say so," she said as she began to get closer.
When he didn't say anything to protest, she pressed her lips against his. There was nothing overtly, blatantly sexual, promiscuous, or sensual about this kiss. It appeared to be as chaste as can be. But she felt some kind of…yearning and longing in this exchange. It was enough to leave her wanting more.
She pulled away and gulped. "Well…sorry if I made things really awkward between us," she said quietly. "But…I'm not really sorry," she added with a whisper of a smile.
He was completely silent for a moment. "Good. Because I don't regret it," he assured her.
She was about to say something before he pulled her closer, on top of him.
This feeling of having him so close to her fulfilled some odd part of her. She couldn't describe it. There was a void she never even knew existed that he closed. It was almost…healing.
The next morning, after they woke up tangled in each other, they got ready to get on the road again. They still didn't know where they were going. They still didn't know what was truly going on between them.
But she knew they'd be out in the desolate road together for…God only knew how long. Whether they fought, made up, or even wanted to kill each other, they were bound to make up eventually.
For now, they were going to just deal with whatever came. Just ride.
LittleBittyAbby:Yeah, sometimes I wonder if I'm ever going to finish (since I've been doing this for so long), but then I remember that this is over in like six months. It's like cray cray to me. That's cool. Your last name starts with La. Alright, Abs. I have ADD or ADHD, I just know it, so it's cool.
Guest:I love that song, but...what? Do you want me to write a one-shot about it? I really don't think I have any space for extra one-shots, but I'll most definitely write one outside of this collection (because I totally love that song and Marina). Or if you were talking about my Mowgli comment in the responses last chapter...that was a reference to something outside of this one-shot collection, in my other story, Stay Stay Stay.
AL3110: Thank you, AL! Yes, they're soulmates. All fluffy and cute and stuff.
Ahh I am beside myself because I just found tickets to go see If/Then starring Idina Menzel (AKA Broadway Royalty) and LaChanze. If I go see them live, I think I might die. If I had a lot of money and could just be a high roller or whatevers, I could maybe even sing a duet with her and make my Broadway debut. But alas, I don't have $2500 dollars to spend on that, so I'll just smile and wait until Idina and I are in the same show. JK, that'll prolly never happen, but a girl can dream.
Unapologize by Carrie Underwood, so I know MizzIsTheFizz is gonna be excited...
And also...I do have a little...announcement? Request? IDK what this is. So there's a little awards thing going on on Tumblr where they're nominating things like best Spoby blog and best Spoby URL. There are two categories for Best Spoby Fanfic writer and Best Spoby Fanfiction, so...if you guys really like my writing and you like me...I'd really love to get nominated. I don't even care that much about winning, but to be nominated would be amazing.
And that's all for today. I'll update...when I feel up to it. Reviews are gold! Follows are awesome! Favourites are like vanilla ice cream and ice cold water on a hot summer day! I don't know where I'm going with this! Bye! -Kayson