Chapter 10
As Christine departs, the tips of her fingers slipping through the mirror, I feel our times unlink. I watch as she moves away in slow, impossible motion. I swipe a hand through the mirror, and it dissipates like mist.
I cry, openly. There's no one here now and I cannot bear the thought-
She's gone. She's gone. My redemption, my friend, my queen.. gone. And to leave me in such a way, I am both honored and destroyed. I feel the ghost of her lips on mine. I feel hollow, that familiar ache of wanting her near, her completion, her sound, her kind and treasured and now forever human heart. I feel the pit, that terrible part of me, swell and desire to swallow me and my kingdom and as always I am so tempted, so tempted to fall away into oblivion. Though I had never given in for want of Christine, I cannot give in now, for I have made a promise. I am not perfect, and I am not truly good, but I cannot, will not, dare to break a promise made to her, bless her soul. Instead, I trudge to the throne room, to complete the other task she gave to me. I soak in the dark as I pass through, but I know that this quiet, this simple moment will not last, and that soon I will be elbow deep in that munchkin's rage.
Indeed, I can hear her screeching through the door, and I sigh. Kindness, I think to myself, kindness. Perhaps that's too much to ask, though, I don't know how to be 'kind'. I can.. I can be 'not cruel'. Yes. Yes, I will not be cruel. I take one last breath and push away the stone, making sure my form is contained. Yes, I look a man, at least.
I step into the light, ready to face this new punishment.
~{(Carlotta)}~
I sit on the throne, furiously crying into what must be the royal pillow, screaming into it, even. I wanted her to stay! My first friend and I wanted to do anything and everything to prove that I was hers as well!
The worst of it is that I understand. She is human, she is mortal, and she needs other mortals and a mortal life. Her heart, her mind, was not made for hundreds of years of thought, of life. And she is young, still, and would be made forever a half-child to stay.
Still, I want her. I do not want to consider my life without her and yet here I am, forced to face this. The Daroga tried, briefly, to calm me, but I threatened to claw out his other eye should he keep trying. Nothing is more dangerous than a furious harpy, and I am beyond 'furious'. I only quiet when the sound of shifting, shuffling stone, interrupts all sound. I turn, not hiding my wet face.
It is Phantom.
A moment of quiet falls around us as he slowly looks over all of us. He opens his mouth to speak but I scream first. I would be impressed with myself to say that I made him flinch, but I do not care. Damn right, he had better fear me! He sent her away! He made her come here, then made her go, and only after she stole my heart, that bastard!
"I am sorry." I hear his voice, and I stop clawing at his shoulders and stupid cape- wait- when? When did I get here? I do not remember, but I must have just assaulted his royal pain in the ass. I am stunned, not only by his words but what I have done. I let go, sink to the floor, empty. He is sorry.
He is sorry and he means it. He let her go. He wanted her to stay like any of us, but he let her go because she wanted to.. I sink back into sobbing, this time, at his majesty's feet on the grey and stony floor.
I am surprised when large hands fall gently on my back, and as I turn up in surprise, those hands pick me up, and press me to the accompanying chest.
"I am so sorry." Phantom cries into my hair. "I have been very, very wrong and I have wronged each of you beyond repentance but I am so, so sorry.." He sobs. Imagine that, our royal king, the dreaded Phantom, the image of oblivion, Red Death himself, sobbing! Despite the absurdity, I find myself joining him.
"Damn you, damn you for this all." I say, hoarse and hurt.
"I know. I know."
~{(Erik)}~
The harpy is so small and fragile in my arms that I can hardly believe it. And yet I feel as though she could destroy me in an instant, for I am weak from the day's events and so many years of disappointment and anger and gods know what else. I am sure she knows it, too. I can only apologize, forever and always and it will never be enough but perhaps something, anything, good will come from it. I turn my head away from the harpy- ah, Carlotta, when I feel a hand on my shoulder. It is my once-friend, Nadir Khan.
"Your majesty." He says, simply.
"I am sorry to you as well, Daroga. You did well, protecting Christine. I- you all did. And for those many years ago- the taking of your eye, your curse- I was wrong, then, and I knew it then, and I knew it all along and I am sorry." I sob, tears falling both between and over my mask, but I dare not remove it.
"I know, you silly fool. I was promised a stern talking-to when all this was over, but I suppose I can wait a while longer. I want you properly stable when I reprimand you." He smiles, a strange thing. "Is she home safe?"
"Of course." I try not to be offended. As if I would ever purposefully send her into danger- oh. Ah yes, all of today would certainly contest against that. "Y-yes. She is just arrived home, just after her first wish was made. There will be no worldly memory of her actions after or her time away."
"Good. Does she have all her memories this time? Her father?" He pauses. "..you?"
"Yes. I could not fight her on the matter."
"She always had a sterner will than you." He nods, though I do not know if he means this to be an insult to me or a complement to her. Behind him, the rock dog lumbers over, growling lightly.
"And you as well, beast, you were a most efficient guardian. I apologize for-" I cannot finish, as he only growls louder, baring his teeth. I fight the urge to growl back. The six foot tall beast would be no match, his throat would be like butter- Ah, no. No.
"I believe he means to say that he doesn't want to talk to you." Nadir explains.
"I understand." I am not worthy of forgiveness, but damn it's lack and soreness therein. My attention is called back to the harpy, who has not moved.
"C-Carlotta?"
"I do not know what to do."
"Pardon?" Nadir asks. He and the rock dog both lean in close.
"I had a life before, but now it feels like nothing. I do not know what to do. I wanted to make it up to her. I wanted to prove I was a good and worthy friend. I wanted.. I wanted…" She mumbles, but her words dissolve on her tongue, too small to contain her feelings.
"I understand." I say, and this is a truth. "I wanted her to want to stay, I still want more than anything that I had done all this right and that.. and that.." My words, too, fail me.
"You do not deserve her, you coward!" She snarls.
"I know. I know that more than I want to." I hang my head in shame. "She spared me. I wanted.. I wanted to end it, everything, and she.. of all people, of all the things to say, she said 'I deserve to live'. I don't know that I believe her, but she made me promise to try. To rule and be good. I don't know how, though. I am certain I will fail her- I- I-" I start to choke, afraid to think of failing, afraid to know the inevitability.
"You most certainly will not, you good for nothing!" The harpy slaps me, which stings, even through the mask. She takes my collar in her hands, pulling my face close to hers. "She gave you a second chance! So lucky are you to have this; do not waste it! Do not go into this challenge thinking 'oh, I will fail, I will lose, woe is me!' NO, you do not get to waste this!" She rattles me, snarling. I am.. I am quite afraid.
"W-what am I to do?"
"Anything! Be different, be better, anything to do exactly what you promised! There is no 'try', only to 'do', even if it takes much trying, it will not end there, you idiot!" I am stunned. How simple this solution is, how obvious and how easy. Keep trying, and never stop trying, hmm? It seems impossible.
"You know, when you held court things were better." Nadir says. "And though I am quite upset for the loss of my eye and your stupidly simple curse, I am willing to come out of retirement."
"You would be my counsel? My knight, my.." I flounder.
"Friend. The word you seek is 'friend', Phantom, and yes. It's not a bad job, as these things go, so long as you listen."
"I will. So long as you have words to speak, I will listen."
"And what of us? Are we to be forgotten as you two get on with your lives?" Carlotta once again demands our attention.
"No, no. I am indebted, to each of you. Ask, and I will do my best to provide, for you have done a great deed."
"I cannot possibly have what I want." She says, dismissively, and turns her head away.
~{(Carlotta)}~
"Tell me. Tell me and I will do it, no matter the cost." He says, and he means it I know, but it is impossible.
"I want Christine back. For the short time I have known her, she has been a most powerful and influential force that I cannot possibly live another day without thinking about her. If I cannot have a life with her in it, I suppose I do not want a life at all. I would rather.. become one of your tortured instruments.." Phantom flinches at this. Good!
"She- she cannot come back." He whines. I sigh, ready to be told what I already know. "But- but you could go to her."
"Yes, I know, it's- wh-what?" I blink.
"Yes, yes. Fae cannot live outside their kingdom, but suppose you were no longer fae?" He speaks with dawning realization. "I could.. I could do it, perhaps but once or twice but, yes, I could craft the spell which makes a faerie folk mortal and human.." Phantom looks down at me. "Would you do it?"
"Of course!" I snap, but he stands, backing away, shaking his head.
"No, no, no. You must understand, that to do this is to die one day. To do this is to never again fly or feel your tail, to be human and a stranger in a foreign world. To do this is to abandon this world, your life here, forever." I am taken aback by this. He sees this, sees my weakness, and something in him hardens again, becomes stone and harsh and cruel. "If you are not willing to do this, then I myself will. Daroga would make a fine king, far better than I, and this world would be free of me- and eventually that world would be too. I'm sure I would still be less than perfect," He says, thinking aloud with a hand on his mask, ", but a life with her would make it worth it all the same.." Raoul growls, and Phantom turns back to us, and the harshness melts.
"First, yes, first, I must know if you will do it. If you will, then you alone will go to her, but if you cannot give up this immortal and familiar life, I will go. But.. but the decision is yours." Phantom looks like he is fighting himself. He wants it, he wants to go to her, but the decision is mine.. I hear Nadir offer words to Phantom, but they are pointless noises to me.
The decision is mine? To go, or not to go? Did I not just say that no life apart from her is one I want to live? Did I not mean it? I consider… and steel myself. I know. I know what I want. I am a coward, but not now.
"I will go." Phantom looks at me, first with shock, then with perhaps anger.
"Are you certain? If there is any chance you will regret-"
"Never! You need to face up to your faults and wrongdoings here, and I want to go to her. It's all I want! I would sooner drown myself than pass a day without her!" I stamp, and then I see the anger is disappointment as it sinks in on his face.
"Yes. Yes, it will be done. You will never know a life without her." He says, bitterly, going to stand by the balcony window. "And I will never know a life with her again.." Though his back is turned to us, I can see he is putting his masked face in his hands. I understand. I imagine, if he were to take this chance for himself, that I would feel much the same.
Raoul keens suddenly, the three of us turning our attention to him.
"Me too."
"You?" Phantom sneers. "You want to go?"
"Yes. You said 'maybe twice'. I want to go." He huffs, streams of air puffing almost visibly through his nose. Phantom sighs.
"I owe you as well, rock dog, so yes. Yes, you will go too. I cannot promise that you will both end up human, but you will live on her earth, assuredly." He relents. Nadir goes up the steps to place a hand on the king's shoulders.
"This is the right decision, milord."
"I know." He murmurs, and then he sighs. "I know."
~{(Christine)}~
Carlotta stares at me, smiling brilliantly in recognition. Raoul the dog even smiles, in that way that only dogs can. I grin, all too happy.
An hour is spent with Meg and Mrs. Giry explaining the ballet and how they met this stranger there who's car broke down and couldn't find a ride to their home a couple towns over, so they generously offered to bring them home for the night. The stranger being Carlotta, and her service dog, Raoul, pronounced 'rall'. When Mrs. Giry asks me to show Carlotta to the guest room, I finally ask her.
"Do you know me?"
"Of course, you silly girl." Her distinct voice teases. "You could not be so easily rid of me."
"How are you here?"
"Well.. no one ever said we could not come to you, so I came. We came." She gestures to Raoul, who only pants up at us.
"Nadir? Erik?"
"They will rule the kingdom together, Nadir as Phantom's counsel. They will keep close eyes on you." She winks, and points to the mirror, visible in my room from the top of the stairs.
"You gave up your home, for me?" Raoul barks in answer, panting in a satisfied way.
"It was hardly home to me, and I think I like it here more. There is you here."
"Oh, Carlotta!" I hug her tight, and she hesitates, but hugs me back. Raoul dances around our feet, agreeing.
"Yes, I like it more here, my friend." I can feel her smile in my hair, and I know this was not a mistake.