O'Neill Residence
Colorado Springs, CO
January 2, 2000

Jack was just finishing up in the kitchen when he heard Sam's footsteps down the hall. He'd left the TV on in the living room and wasn't surprised to see her blonde hair peek out above the half-wall a moment later. "I'm almost done with the dishes," he called out, before she'd start looking for him.

"Okay," she replied. "Are you watching this?"

He'd been watching The Simpsons when she went to put Ife to bed and took a bath herself, but that had been a while ago. "Nope."

Sam muttered something he couldn't quite understand because he was stacking dishes but when the sound of the television changed he figured she'd settled in and was channel surfing.

After wiping down the counter Jack grabbed a bottle of wine and poured them both a glass. He'd noticed how tense Sam had been all day and figured she might appreciate some wine. If he were honest, he was a bit nervous about her going back to the SGC tomorrow, too.

He found her curled up on the sofa in the living room and offered a glass to which she raised a brow. "Wine?"

"You're down to what, one or two feeds a day? It'll be out of your system by morning."

Sam's full lips curled into a small smile as she took the glass from him, their fingers brushing. "I guess that's true. Thank you."

"Sure," Jack said, smirking. He sat down on the sofa and made himself comfortable as he stretched out his legs. When Sam cautiously put her free hand on his thigh he tensed for a moment, before he laid his arm along the back of the sofa.

She took a sip of wine and leaned more into his side, resting her head on his shoulder. "This is nice."

Turning his head a little, he saw her eyes were closed and suddenly his heart felt like bursting. It was such a small thing but the knowledge that she felt safe and relaxed enough to close her eyes with him warmed him from the inside out. Taking a deep breath, he buried his nose in her hair. "Yeah."

They stayed that way for a while, until Sam sighed and started tapping her fingers on his thigh.

Jack set his glass on the table and stilled her movement with his hand. "Nervous about tomorrow?"

"A little."

"You gonna stick with MacKenzie?" He asked, fingering the ends of her hair where it brushed his hand.

She shrugged and took a sip of wine. "I think so. General Hammond was pretty clear that the sessions with a psychiatrist were mandatory and at least I've already met him."

"MacKenzie is a good guy," Jack said slowly. "For a shrink, anyway. He's been with the Program since the start and has seen his fair share of aliens, too."

"On base?"

He nodded, "A few foothold situations, enemy captives, traumatized refugees… he's even been off-world a few times. He knows what he's talking about and more importantly, what you might want to talk about."

She sighed again and staring into her glass as she swirled the wine around. "Maybe. We'll see."

"Is it just therapy tomorrow?"

"Depends," she said. "Doctor MacKenzie wanted to talk to me first and depending on how it goes, he'll either send me home or I can start my light duty."

He made a noncommittal sound as he took the hairclip from her hair and let it drop next to her, his hand slipping into her hair. The golden locks were soft as he wound them around his fingers. "Well, you don't have to worry about Ife; I don't have to go in tomorrow, so I can stay with her."

"I thought you had an upcoming mission?"

"Not yet," he said. The truth was that her going back to work and getting her head shrunk worried him a little, so when Hammond had mentioned a storm on P7X-377 Jack had suggested they wait another day or two before sending another MALP for recon. "We're gonna send out the MALP on Tuesday and based on the MALP's data we'll decide whether to go ahead and if so, when."

She leaned into his fingers and hummed as his fingers massaged her scalp. "We'll still need someone to watch her when we both work."

Jack chuckled when she snuggled even closer. "I checked with Dixon. He's got three kids and he said his wife wouldn't mind watching another for a few hours a day."

"She's going to watch four kids?"

"I think he's hoping that Ife will keep his wife from considering a fourth."

Sam snorted, "Well, I suppose she's got enough experience babysitting."

He let his hand drop to the back of her neck and squeezed softly in support. "I know it's gonna be hard to leave Ife with a babysitter but we really do need one. My hours are irregular and I can't tell in advance when I'll be back from a mission. And isn't it better to start out with half days while you're on light duty instead of when we're both working full time?"

"You're right," she said. "And it's not like it's the first time I'll have to leave her with others, but it's different now."

"You have?"

She pulled back a little to look him in the eye, "Where did you think I kept her when I saved your ass on Hathor's planet?"

Frowning, Jack realized he hadn't given it much thought. Well, he'd been surprised when he found out about Ife's existence because he'd never seen her before when meeting with Sam, but that was about as far as his mind had gone. "Really?"

"Bra'tac brought her to safety. That's why he came later as backup and didn't stay on the planet with me when I went after you."

"Oh. So, she stayed with friends?"

Sam nodded with a far-away look in her eyes. "Jaffa I could trust."

"I figured it'd be difficult since you've been pretty much inseparable since you got here."

"I'm not saying it would be easy," she replied. "I mean, she's older now and still adjusting to Earth life. What if the babysitter notices?"

He squeezed her hand where it still lay on his thigh and shrugged, "It'll be fine. It's not like they'll suspect she's from a different planet. But I'll talk to Dixon, just to make sure he has some kind of explanation for his wife in case she asks questions."

Sam turned her hand up and entwined her fingers with his, sighing happily as she leaned back against him. "Thanks."

Jack was content to just sit back with her snuggled up to him and the TV on mute, so he reached for the folded-up afghan on the back of the sofa and spread it out over their laps before wrapping his arm around her again. "Sure, you betcha."

Stargate Command
Colorado Springs, CO
January 3, 2000

It had been surprisingly easy to come into Doctor MacKenzie's office. Easier than watching Jack drive off with Ife after being dropped off at the mountain. The chair was comfy too. Then again, it probably should be comfortable if someone was supposed to pour their heart out to the shrink.

"It's been almost seven weeks since we spoke," Doctor MacKenzie said.

He made it sound like a long time but compared to the nearly two and a half years she'd been living off-world, it felt like yesterday to Sam. "Yes."

The friendly smile she recalled from their first session appeared as he folded his hands. "A lot of things have changed for you in the meantime."

"I guess."

"You're looking better," he said, gesturing in her general direction. "How does it feel to be back in uniform?"

Sam knew what she'd looked like when she first got back, but she couldn't help but wonder what he'd seen when he looked at her. Even now, with her diet, her body wasn't back to what it once was. When she smoothed her hands down her sides she could still feel her hips protruding through the thick fabric. General Hammond had mentioned something about her dress blues covering up the fact that she was underweight. A cover. Before everything, her dress blues had been her armor against the looks and attitudes she received at the Pentagon from chauvinistic officers and maybe it could be her armor again. "It feels… strange. But comfortable. Familiar, maybe."

"Familiarity is good.

"I had to get them altered to fit better," she confessed, with a wry smile. "They were tailored before I left."

The Doctor raised his brows and seemed to take a closer look at the fabric. "These are the ones you already owned? I was under the impression you'd lost your possessions."

She had always taken great care with her uniform and knew the fabric was still in excellent condition. There were a few small marks invisible to an outsider but ones that made them recognizable as her own. "My dad kept them," she explained, frowning a little. "Jack gave them to me."

"Colonel O'Neill?"

"Yeah," she said absentmindedly, suddenly wondering how, exactly, they ended up in Jack's possession after her dad died. He hadn't mentioned anything and she hadn't thought to ask.

Doctor MacKenzie appeared to be waiting for her to elaborate but when nothing was forthcoming, he spoke instead, "Speaking of Colonel O'Neill… I understand you're staying with him."

Sam couldn't help but wonder who had told him before she chided herself and decided General Hammond or Doctor Fraiser most likely told him for professional reasons. "Yes, Ife and I are staying at Colonel O'Neill's house. He offered us his guestroom when Doctor Fraiser lifted the quarantine, because I didn't have anywhere to go."

"That was a kind offer."

"I know it might seem strange because we didn't know each other well, but he made some good arguments." She felt the urge to defend their decision, even though she knew she didn't have to and they weren't doing anything wrong. "My dad died and my brother lives in San Diego. We didn't get on well before I was taken and I didn't think it was wise to take Ife on a plane."

He nodded slowly and she was relieved to see no judging looks, just friendly understanding. "You had no home or finances, either."

"Maybe the Air Force could have sprung for a hotel room but I didn't want to take Ife to another room we couldn't really leave."

"That's understandable. What has it been like since you left the SGC?"

It was tempting to tell him everything was fine, but Sam found herself taking a moment to think her answer through. "It's been… different."

There was no reaction other than the understanding look in his eyes. "Different in what way? From the life you left behind when you were captured or what you were expecting when you thought about going home?"

"I don't think they are mutually exclusive."

"True," he said, smiling. "But did you really think life on Earth would be the same?"

No. She'd always been honest with herself about what it would be like to go back to Earth. Maybe she'd oversimplified things when talking about home with Ife, but in her heart she'd known everything would be different. Or at least nothing would be the same. "Is that really possible? For someone to just come back and pick up where their life left off?"

"For someone? Maybe," he shrugged a little. "It depends on what happened to them while they were away."

Sam heard the unspoken not for you, after everything you went through in his reply and sighed. "Is it that simple?"

MacKenzie looked at her pensively as he steepled his fingers. "Is that what you want, Sam? For everything to go back to the way it was before you went off-world?"

"Yes." She nodded, thinking about her dad. But… "No. God, I don't know."

"What made you change your mind?"

Her mind was going light-years a minute but she couldn't pinpoint one thing in particular. "A lot has happened. My dad had cancer when I left," she started, "although he never told me. He died thinking I was dead."

"Would you have preferred he knew the truth?"

"The truth? No. But maybe knowing I was coming back would have helped him hold on a little longer."

The look MacKenzie gave her was skeptical at best. "His cancer was terminal. Do you think you'd feel better if he had died shortly after you returned?"

That was the question she'd been asking herself a lot, too. Sam had long ago admitted to herself that her dad was better off not knowing what she was going through. Would it have helped to be able to say goodbye? Let him know that she was all right. "He probably would have blamed himself for not finding out the truth," she said slowly. "He was a two star but not involved with the Program. Most likely, he'd have felt worse that he didn't pull enough strings to get me back."

"But what about you?"

"It doesn't really matter now, does it? His suffering would have been prolonged and he'd have felt guilt for something he had no control over," she concluded. "And he still would have died."

The Doctor made a sound of acknowledgement and waited until he had her full attention before he spoke again. "There's nothing wrong with wishing things were different, Sam."

She'd spoken to a counselor when her mom died and recalled the woman saying something similar, about it being okay to have selfish desires. Sam was an adult now though and whether or not she was capable of such selfishness didn't matter because that wasn't how life worked. It wasn't fair but she'd learned that the hard way years ago.

"Sam?"

"I suppose you're right," she said slowly, thoughts turned inwards. "When we were living off-world I told Ife about Earth and what our lives would be like. Back then, I knew I was oversimplifying things and that it probably wouldn't be as easy for me as I told her."

MacKenzie jotted something down before looking up, tapping the end of his pen on the notepad. "What were you expecting?"

She shrugged, trying to find the right words. "I wasn't sure what to expect," she said. "I had no idea who was involved with Lieutenant Colonel Grieves and how high up the chain it went. Colonel O'Neill promised to flush them all out and come for me when it was safe, but it was difficult to think beyond that."

"But you'd imagined what might happen?"

"I was worried about Ife, how she would adjust to life on Earth after hopping from primitive planet to primitive planet for most of her life."

"Your only concern was for your daughter?"

Looking down at her lap, Sam found herself admiring her nails. She'd given herself a manicure over the weekend to prepare for her return to duty, but she just couldn't get used to it. As Herit, she'd been well groomed but for the past two years she'd gone through life with dirty and torn nails. "I feared repercussions," she admitted without looking up.

The Doctor pursed his lips and waited for a beat before he replied. "Repercussions for what?"

"Everything."

"Colonel O'Neill promised to ensure your safety before he retrieved you from off-world," MacKenzie said. "Were you aware of his efforts to disprove Lieutenant Colonel Grieves' allegations?"

Sam remembered the few times she and Jack had seen each other off-world, the promises he'd made to her and nodded. "He seemed very determined to find out who was behind everything."

"You trusted him?"

"Yes, I did," she said. "I still do. But at the time it was hard to imagine him succeeding."

"And what about when he came to retrieve you?"

She shrugged, recalling the surprise she'd felt at his sudden appearance. "I was shocked," she admitted, leaving out the bit about feeling nervous over Ife. "But I believed him and of course, Major Davis was with him and guaranteed my safety as well."

"Yet you still feared repercussions? For your time with the Goa'uld?" MacKenzie raised his brows and sent her an inquiring look, "Or your daughter's existence?"

"Both," she admitted softly, biting her lip.

"You weren't given a choice in becoming a host," he reminded her. "That act, and all that came with it, was forced upon you."

Sam preferred not to think back to those dark days, still feeling the fear from the moment she'd realized what Klorel's intentions were like it happened yesterday. It had been terrifying. The thought of some evil creature overtaking her and extracting all the secrets she'd been keeping for so long… she shuddered and shifted in her seat.

"Even as a host, you didn't give up and resisted helping the Goa'uld to attack Earth. You managed to escape and kill your parasite and turn a First Prime against his God along the way. It's important to remember your achievements under those circumstances. They were quite impressive, especially for a young captain who had little experience in the field."

"Perhaps that's true. I did the best I could and I know that, but I was still a part of the attempted attack on Earth."

The Doctor nodded and she liked that he didn't try to placate her. "It was my understanding you were also instrumental in preventing the actual attack, though. According to the mission reports from SG-1 and the Jaffa Moac, ayway."

"I merely delayed the execution of SG-1 and disabled the mothership's shields."

"In doing so, you gave SG-1 the opportunity to escape and destroy both ships."

She'd taken a big risk by lying about Apophis' orders to kill the prisoners immediately but she'd figured there was enough time for herself to escape off-world through the stargate before Klorel or Apophis found out. Disabling the shields of Klorel's ha'tak had been to give Earth or the SG team a fighting chance while she got herself and her unborn child to safety but she couldn't very well tell the shrink the truth.

Right now, he might have his suspicions about her time as a host but she wasn't going to admit to having been in control of her own mind and body for the majority of the time due to the pregnancy. "I had previously worked on a weapon, project name Goa'uld Buster, at the Pentagon and figured that was what the SGC would use to defend the planet. At the time, we had no idea about the defensive capabilities the Goa'uld had for their ships. Through Herit and my time aboard the mothership I realized the weapon would have no effect if the shields were active."

"You risked your life and position among the Goa'uld by disabling the shields."

"I took a chance, although I later learned Bra'tac had the same plan. He and Moac had liberated SG-1 and split up."

MacKenzie checked his notes, before he spoke again. "But like you said, you weren't aware of Bra'tac's plan at the time and for all we know, he may have gotten there too late."

Sam briefly wondered if he knew the truth when she felt his intense gaze on her and schooled her features into a blank mask. It didn't take a theoretical astrophysicist to know that while their sessions were supposedly confidential he'd definitely report it if she told him the whole truth about her time with Klorel and off-world, starting with her being in control over Herit.

"I suppose that's true," she said, as she recalled a conversation she'd had with Jack on the training grounds of one of Apophis' Jaffa camps. "Colonel O'Neill told me that there were visitors of an alternate reality here a while back. An alternate version of me. She never joined the Air Force and was working at their SGA as a scientist. She hadn't been aboard Klorel's ship to stop the attack and their Earth was under attack by the Goa'uld."

"That's correct."

"You spoke to her?"

He smiled and shook his head, "If that was the case, then anything we discussed was confidential, Sam."

She blew out a breath. "Right."

"I do agree with you, however, that your presence on the ship may have been the deciding factor that saved both SG-1 and Earth. Not to mention the fact that you managed to convince one of the oldest and most experienced First Primes to change sides and helped him recruit other Rebel Jaffa."

"I suppose that's one way of looking at it," she said thoughtfully.

He chuckled softly, "A rather important way, but yes."

She knew what he was trying to do but was well aware that there might still be repercussions for her involvement if someone wanted to go after her – or the SGC. It was unclear whether General Hammond suspected anything but if he did, he hadn't said anything. Realistically, there was no evidence to prove she had been in control of Herit. There was the matter of Sha're, though; from what she'd heard, SG-1 and thus General Hammond knew the Abydonian wife of Daniel had been in control of her Goa'uld Amaunet during her pregnancy. It was unclear to Sam if Sha're had told them anything about the duration or if they'd assumed it was only near the end of term.

"I don't think you need to fear any repercussions from your time with the Goa'uld," Doctor MacKenzie said in a reassuring tone, "and I hope you will believe this too in time."

"It will take time," she acknowledged with a small smile.

He looked down at his papers and made some additional notes before catching her gaze. "That leaves your daughter's existence. Was the fear of repercussions the reason you told General Hammond about her paternity?"

The blunt question took her by surprise, although she'd suspected the General would inform the shrink prior to her session. "It wasn't necessarily the reason," she said slowly, before briefly telling him about meeting Jack prior to her reassignment and how she hadn't found out about the pregnancy until Herit informed her. "I wasn't sure how to explain it to Colonel O'Neill. We didn't know each other very well despite everything he'd done to get me back to Earth safely. He had the right to learn he was a father before anyone else did, though."

"It was a difficult situation."

"Yeah."

"I take it telling him the truth went well, considering your current living situation?"

She shrugged, unwilling to share too much of such a private moment. "He is taken with Ife and more than happy to acknowledge her."

MacKenzie had a pensive look on his face as he nodded in understanding and she briefly wondered just how much the psychiatrist knew about Jack's past and personality. "And how is all this affecting you?"

"I'm not sure what you mean."

"Well, you've been pretty much a single parent since she was born and your lives weren't exactly easy. Now suddenly Colonel O'Neill shares a similar role as your daughter's father and he will probably get more involved in her upbringing. It's not just you and Ife, anymore."

The assumption that she'd been a single parent wasn't entirely true, considering Bra'tac's involvement. She knew the old Jaffa loved Ife like she was his own. Though it wasn't the same with Jack, of course. "So far, so good."

Doctor MacKenzie seemed to interpret her reaction correctly and moved on. "Considering the circumstances, I doubt there will be any repercussions. I know you kept the truth to yourself for quite a while," he said, holding up his hand to forestall her protest, "but that is understandable, in my professional opinion."

"I didn't want Colonel O'Neill to feel obligated or get him into trouble by telling everyone about Ife's paternity after I'd returned, but I was also worried they'd assume she was harsesis."

"That's only natural, Sam. You were trying to keep your daughter safe. What it comes down to is that it's a matter between you and Colonel O'Neill."

"The DNA test will prove paternity," she said, nodding. "Not that Colonel O'Neill has any doubts, but I felt it was best to remove any lingering doubts others might have about Ife's parentage."

"General Hammond informed me about the situation shortly after you spoke to him and he doesn't foresee any problems."

That was a relief, but she still wanted the results from the DNA test in case someone wanted to stir up trouble. "I felt it was necessary to inform General Hammond after I'd made the decision to take a position in the Science Department of the SGC."

"A wise decision," MacKenzie said. "And on that note, I think our time is almost up for today. I'm glad to hear you've chosen to remain with the Air Force."

"I know better than anyone what kind of evil is out there," she said, "how could I turn my back on it if I can make a contribution to help win the war with the Goa'uld?"

"We will keep up our sessions until a time comes that I feel it is no longer necessary, but I think we've made a good start. From what I've seen today and taking into account Doctor Fraiser's report about your physical condition, I don't see any reason to keep you on medical leave any longer. You'll start with light duty this week, which will also give you the time to adjust to balancing your duty with your family life."

Sam smiled as she felt excitement bubble within her. "Thank you, Doctor."

"There's no need to thank me, Captain. You're the one who has done all the hard work. It's good to see how far you've come since your quarantine. Tremendous progress. Last time you didn't seem comfortable in your skin or with your salutation."

"Last time, it was day five," she replied.

MacKenzie smiled at her reference and nodded, "Yes, it was."