Author's note: Ultimma. gothicca here. How's it going?

Since chappy two was so damn good, I felt I should retaliate, and update FASTER!

Thanks for the responses, especially:

Krizy888888

ForeverMATT

GingerificFabulousTime

thewiselittleowl

Read on, read more. It only gets better every chappy.

Enjoy~:

Mello's pov ~

Cellphone conversation part 1

Me: Hi, Alois! This is Mello. You know, from Callie's.

Alois: The guy with page hair as pretty as moi? Hizashi buri~

Me: Yeah, so...I thought about your suggestion regarding the...you know...

Alois: Uh-huh. So what's holding you back?

Me: This might be really embarrassing, but...how do I actually make a porno?

Don't get me wrong. I'm actually really smart, one of the best even; however, I don't watch TV to get off.

I mean, what's so appealing about dark armpits, unshaven crotches, and whiny women? Yeah, that's what I hated most about porn flicks.

The women.

If I watch gay porn, I have to tolerate muscled men tackling each other and screwing like crazy, with tasteless techniques. It always looks like a wrestling match gone wrong. I want my men to be fit, with sexy and firm abdominal muscles, and none of those weight-lifting meatheads.

Then, there's the issue about shallow plots (c'mon, cheerleaders, teachers, and perverted stepparents? Even a fourth grader can come up with a better story line), the tacky lines ("I prefer your cream on me"; WTF), and the awkward casting.

Come to think of it, I have a lot to complain about when it comes to pornography.

That's why I read books. I can at least censor out the disgusting parts and focus on the sexy ones. My imagination can go wild without being crushed by unkempt hygiene and grunting sounds. Eww.

Good thing was, I have the "Alois Trancy" as an adviser. He even volunteered to write the script and story line for me. Seriously, I love that dude. Aside from being a sexy blond and fucking smart, he's such a helpful—

Wait a sec. Focus, Mello.

I need to make a porno I would want to watch.

Cellphone conversation part 2

Alois: Don't worry about those things, I got you covered~ I'll even send you free sex toys! I have lots from Shieru~

Me: So, all I need is to gather the crew so you can start the plot. Is that right?

How to make a porno:

Step 1: Gather the crew.

"Director, producer, camera man, actors, props, and script already covered by AL..."

"I wouldn't think God will help us make that porno, Mels." Matt yawned lazily as he ambled towards the purple zebra couch, cigarette perched on his mouth and PSP at hand. As usual, he forgot his pants and shirt, and is now perfectly content with his Mario boxers with mushrooms in weird places. The redhead took his place to my right, refusing when I offered the Korean instant noodles I'm having for breakfast.

"I'm not praying, you idiot," I grumbled. "I'm planning for the porno. We need a crew to start this shit, preferably a cheap one at that."

"Well, there's Light—"

"Mattie!" I gasped in horror, my hand flying automatically to slap his arm in protest. "We took him in to help him, not exploit him!"

"Jeez, I'm just kidding. Don't get all pumped up, princess." He turned to his game, successfully blocking out all I'm supposed to say with laser and boinking sounds from the contraption. I sigh in sheer pressure, finishing the already cold meal with a huge gulp.

You'd think making a porno is that easy? You got it wrong, baby.

"Mello, there's a package at the door." Light came back from hanging his washed clothes at the rooftop with a medium-sized box at hand. He's now currently wearing one of Matt's plain white, long-sleeved shirts and my oversized jogging pants, (I gave him new underwear from one of those gifts creepy customers handed in for me last Christmas) and overall he looked as though he's fitting perfectly right in. Neighbors found him cute and chicks gave him random American food, trying to make him embrace the American culture.

It's quite endearing.

"Open it for me. I bet it's one of those random gifts from our neighbors. Seriously, they should just give cash or something useful, like chocolate."

I opened a book (Alois Trancy's Eden) and proceeded to read the homoerotic novel, my naked foot raised to the hand rest. From the corner of my eye, I watch Light scamper for a knife around the small kitchen with a broken sink (we have a bucket underneath for the dirty water), and instead found a huge pair of dull scissors. Nothing interesting going on, I focused on my book.

I opened my mouth to protest, only to feel a wet, slimy tongue coaxing my own to dance. Heady lust threw all reasoning out the window, and I returned the kiss with a needier want. My fingers tangled with his silver locks, admiring how soft and fragrant he is—

"Err, Mello?"

Damn, I'm already at the sexy part. "What is it, Light-kun?"

"There's a message for you here. Should I read it out loud?"

"Go~" I replied, uninterested.

The Asian cleared his throat smoothly before proceeding, in a clear voice:

"Dear Mello,

Wazzup, my equally blond friend? I noticed you're quite worried last night, so I took the liberty of sending you the 'goods' for the porno you're attempting to do—"

My book dropped to the floor, along with Matt's game console, as we both listened horrified at Light's announcement. The bleeps and bloops of the game continued as we stare at the cinnamon-haired college student, too surprised to stop him.

"I am such a good friend! I know you have the future of making it in the industry with that va-va-voom body of yours. So gather up that happy crew and let's get this partaiye started.

Lotsaluv,

Alois "blond" Trancy.

PS. Coz blonds gotta stick together~

And that's it."

As if on cue, both Matt and I turned to look at each other, my sky blue eyes as wide as his grassy green ones. We both stood up and raced to the box, curious as to what the "gay" porn writer sent us.

"What the hell is this?" Matt raised a ball thingy with leather strips attached on each end. I pulled out a rubber dildo-looking thing with a flared end. In all honesty, I don't recognize half of it. Then there's lube. Strawberry lube. Why can't it be chocolate?

"That's a gag ball, and a butt plug with a wide end so you won't accidentally insert it all the way in." Light pointed at what Matt is holding, then to the dildo (so it was a butt plug—wait. How the hell did he know!?). "That's quite a surprise. I didn't expect Mello-kun to be a maker of yaoi porn."

"Yaoi?" Matt turned his head suspiciously to me, as if demanding for an explanation.

Great, now I got to explain to Matt.

"It basically means BL, Mattie."

"What the fuck?!" Matt glared at me with the force of a thousand suns. I felt my heart thump in slight fear at the sight, but quickly reminded myself that what Light assumed isn't entirely true. "You know I'm straight, Mels!"

"Calm yo' tits, partner. Jeez." I slumped back to the couch. "I'm planning a bisexual porn flick, with hetero and gay sex. Mostly orgies, or whatever."

Light patted the flaming gamer on the shoulder and closed the "Pandora's box of doom". "So, if I may assume correctly, you still haven't planned everything out."

"We just agreed on it yesterday," my redhead explained, trying to calm himself by massaging his temples and not looking at me. "I didn't know that chocobo would order gay sex toys at Candy and Whip."

"Hey!" How dare he call me a fucking chocobo!? "FYI, AL sent that for free. I have no fucking idea that he knew I'm gay."

"The nailpolish, Mels? What kind of a straight man would wear nailpolish?! Hell! I hate my life!"

Seriously, Matt can be such an ingrate, sometimes. Saying he's not gay, and shit, as if I didn't know any better. He's bisexual—he jerks off while looking at his Final Fantasy posters.

"It's going to be with a girl, then, and me, Matt," I explained sternly, resisting the urge to open a pack of Hershey's and munch my frustration off. Maybe later. "I used to suck you off when you're drunk, anyway, so it's no big deal."

"That was wa~y back in middle school!"

"Point is, Matt baby—" I looked at him pointedly and aimed a huge pink dildo at his direction "—now is not the time to be choosy. Surveys has it that the most promising and well-paid pornographic materials are those in the homosexual category. Although I plan to toss in some het sex, the main focus would be the YAOI."

That cute freckled nose scrunched up in protest as the goggled pair of emeralds narrowed in discrimination at my statement. Dear god, Mattie can be a stick in a mud, sometimes. What's wrong with some hot gay sex instead of the usual boring shit?

"Anyways, that should be the less of our concerns right now. The main problem is the crew." I swiftly maneuvered the subject to divert his attention. He proved to be easily distracted as he raised an eyebrow and leaned closer to listen, hands propped at the sink with shattered tiles. "First, we need a director."

"I can do it." I looked up to meet Light's brown orbs, now looking at me with a motivated expression. The Japanese male grinned conspiratorially as he glanced at the Pandora's box every now and then. "If it's directing, then count me in. I used to direct school plays back in Japan, sometimes even act on it for fun." I overheard a mutter in Matt's direction, but I was too preoccupied ogling at the college student's sparkly persona to notice what he actually said. "I'm quite an actor, if I do say so myself."

I turned to Matt, who was already yawning off at the long speech. Rubbing his bare tummy, he reached for a pack of biscuits on top of the rotting cupboard, nodding to himself.

"Matt seems to agree. Then, a producer—"

"Someone who finances the movie, yes? Leave that to me~" Dragging his feet back to the couch, my best friend slumped right back in, picking up his abandoned game in one hand while eating the biscuits with the other. "I think I can squeeze out something from Near."

What the fuck?

"Near? Nate River?" Stomping towards the redhead, I posed intimidatingly in front of him, pulling down the PSP to gain his full attention. "We are not asking for help from that sheep!"

"Proud much, Mello?" Whipping his head towards me, he glared again. He's being stuffy today. "If I'm going to be in this, at least let me take someone who'll be as miserable as me. Since it's obvious that you'll enjoy this, I'll take Near. Sounds good?"

At that cute angry face, I can't actually say no.

Director: Light Yagami

Producer: Cottonball Productions

A few steps more and we'll be on our way to pornolandia.

"Look, Light. Since I know you'll be bored to death at home, you can stay here and watch me work." I placed a cup of hot chocolate on top of the table and gestured towards the counter. "Just stay here and try to make trustworthy friends. Got it?"

"Mmkay, Mello-kun. I'll just people-watch, then."

Is it me or am I like a fucking mother hen? I sighed and went to the storage room to re-stack some potato chips. It's only 12 pm, and at a time like this customers are rare. I began filling up a basket with the said products and made my way to the shelves, quietly arranging the items. A few moments of silence after, the doorbell rang, and I dashed to my post, readjusting my stupid hat in the process.

"Welcome to Callie's Convenience Store," I lamely announced. The customer, a thin man with black bedhead and a horrible slouch, ignored me and went immediately to the candy and sweets section. Rolling my eyes, I went back to stacking the potato chips, not paying attention to what the customer is doing.

From the corner of my eye, I noticed the slouching figure sauntering towards the counter. Abandoning my other work, I made my way to the cash register, punching in the mounds of candy that the man placed before me.

"150 dollars." I looked up to my customer with a grim look on my face, only to freeze midway upon looking properly for the first time.

I've just seen the weirdest shit ever.

Oval shaped face in milky white skin framed with messy ebony locks; deep-set eyes in inky black pools with heavy bags probably from lack of sleep; slightly upturned nose that made the person look haughty; and a pair of pale, unsmiling lips...

He kinda reminds me of a certain albino sheep that will (unwillingly) finance our "movie".

The creepy man pulled out his wallet and counted the exact amount I needed. Trying to distract myself by looking at Light (currently surveying the sanitary napkins and tampons on the shelf near him), I handed in the receipt and his purchased goods.

"Do you know him?"

Forcing myself to look at the Near lookalike, I squeezed in a grin.

"Yeah, he's my friend."

"..." Onyx orbs trained at the foreigner with a discriminating gawk. Yagami, upon noticing the weird stare, tilted his head to the side and fought the intense gaze with a blank expression on his face.

Without another word, the weirdo walked away, clinking the doorbell as he went. Upon disappearing from my sight, I let out a breath of frustration.

"What the hell was that?"

I don't know, Yagami-kun. I don't know.

9 and a half hours later:

"Hey, Matsuda~"

Today is the day my idiotic coworker will pay off all my goodwill and favors.

I can feel it. He is in absolutely no position to refuse.

"Yes? You look very enthusiastic today, Mello." The older male rolled his eyes askance to Light-kun, mouth stretching into a happy smile. "Happy that your boyfriend waited up for you?"

Why, you fucking—

Focus, Mihael.

"No, he's not my lover, or whatever." I wrapped an arm around the old man's neck like we're best buddies and whispered, "Say, I heard you used to shoot videos for the local hockey team?"

"Yeah, but that was way back in high school." Stroking his chin thoughtfully, the walking time bomb nodded to himself. "I still have my camera, though."

"Great! So, you can help us with this project?"

I winked suggestively at Light, who took the cue and walked towards us with a friendly smile on his face.

"See, Yagami here is an aspiring director, and he's here in America to do a project."

"Wow! That is awesome, Mr. Yagami!"

"Isn't it?" I laughed pretentiously, making my grip tighter around his neck. "You're half Japanese, right? You'll be great teammates! Light, this is Matsuda, my great friend."

Light bowed politely at the other man in a typical Japanese way, smile still fixed on his face. "Yoroshiku. Light Yagami desu. I'm pleased to meet you."

"Nice to meet you, too!" Taking Light's hand, he shook it frantically, with that stupid smile still on his face.

"He is going to make a kind of film that the Japanese are so well-known for, and we are going to be a part of it. Isn't that fucking awesome, Matsuda?"

"No way?! With me? I'm in!"

"Very nice." Smirking evilly, I hung my bag around my shoulders and motioned my friend to head to the door. "Gotta go, now. See you tomorrow! Can you ask Roger if we can squeeze Light in as one of the staff? He's getting bored at home."

"Sure thing, Mello-jello!" Waving us goodbye, I pulled Light to the outside world. I can still hear Matsuda's voice asking something, but I deliberately ignored him. He said yes. That's all that matters. Answering his question might change his mind.

"By the way, Jello. When are we going to start making the horror movie?"

Very smart Matsuda. As always.

Ahh... Light-kun just chuckled. Why does it feel like he's actually excited to start this shit?

Redeem my horrible chapter, yet again, Shirai Phoenix! I'm still on a dead rut!