Chapter 38: Caretaker

Belle entered the workroom carrying a tea tray piled high with breakfast. She hummed as she walked, and when Rumple looked up at the sound they greeted each other with small smiles. Rumple stood from where he was working on the curse and met Belle at the large workbench that was covered with books, spells, and other assortments. Rumple cleared a space for her then took the tray and set it on the table.

"Hey," he greeted in a soft voice as Belle handed him a cup of tea.

"Hi," she said back as she poured her own tea. She glanced at him shyly, cheeks flushing as she caught him studying her closely. She was wearing one of the dresses from the wardrobe: a light purple one that fell to her shins. On her feet were lace-up boots that Rumple recognized as his own. With a careful nudge he teased, "Been raiding my closet, hmm?"

Belle glanced down at the shoes, then lifted her foot for them both to examine. "I like them," she said with a shrug. "I can see the appeal of wearing them. They make me feel…powerful."

Rumplestiltskin chuckled, "If it makes you happy, you may borrow my clothing whenever you wish."

"Even your leather pants?" Belle asked.

Rumple's cheeks darkened at the thought of his wife in leather, and he lifted his teacup to his lips to avoid answering.

Giggling, Belle put her tea down and reached for a piece of toast. She'd brought an assortment of jams, and she grabbed the closest one, slathering her bread with the sweet confection. "I was thinking I'd start research today," she said before biting into her breakfast.

Rumple picked up a strawberry from the tray and fiddled with it thoughtfully. Smiling at that, Rumple turned and pointed with the strawberry over to a bookshelf on the other end of the room. "I'd start with those, then," Rumple said, watching out of the corner of his eye as Belle studied the shelf. He'd missed this comradery. He'd missed her.

"What's in those?" Belle asked curiously.

"Almost anything you might imagine," Rumple explained, "I'll show you the ones to read first. Some are about the history of magic, some are about different types of spells and curses." Rumple bit into the strawberry then added, "I imagine you'll be spending most of your time reading spell descriptions. It'll be tedious. I can assure you."

"I don't mind," Belle said and Rumple gave her a loving look.

"We'll ease you into those," he said, "I don't doubt your ability, but magic can be…unpredictable. I don't want you getting in over your head at the very beginning."

Belle nodded in understanding. "That makes sense," she agreed, "I'd hate to miss something because I didn't understand what I was reading."

He hummed in agreement, and they went back to eating their food. A few minutes later, Belle spoke up again. "I'd also like to read what you wrote," she said, causing Rumple to look at her with a raised brow.

"Why?"

"Well, you said when you first gained the curse that there were voices - memories and thoughts that weren't your own and you wrote them down. I think it might help if I read what you wrote as well. Maybe there's something there that you wouldn't notice because it's so engrained within you already."

"You may have a point, my clever wife," Rumple said as he finished his cup of tea. He stepped over to a separate shelf and reached up, standing on his tip toes, to grasp a book sitting on a high shelf. He tucked it in the crook of his arm and grabbed three more. Moving back to the table, Rumple placed the tomes in front of Belle. She stared wide eyed at them, turning her head to then stare at Rumple in amazement. The books were thick, much larger than any she'd ever read. And there were four of them. How could one person manage to remember so much?

"You wrote all this?" She asked.

Rumple nodded. "The Dark One's been around for a while. And until me, there was no written account of him, outside ill-informed legends."

"It must be such a burden," Belle said softly, tracing the cover of the top book, "To have so many memories that aren't your own."

Again, Rumple shrugged. "Writing them all down helped considerably," he said, "Before, it felt like I was going mad. So many thoughts trying to take precedence. At any moment I was remembering a hundred things like names, faces, and events."

"No wonder you worked so tirelessly to write it all down," she whispered, "Better tucked away in here than in your head." She reached up and ran her hand through his curls. He turned his head enough to press a kiss to her palm, eyes closing in contentment. "Were any of the thoughts pleasant?"

Rumple couldn't help the dark laugh that escaped him. Belle flinched back at his reaction, and Rumple caught himself. "No, dearest," he said with a sigh, "There isn't much pleasantness to be had when you're the Dark One."

"Hopefully that's not entirely true."

Rumple cupped her face in his hands and pressed his forehead to hers. "Indeed not."

Belle smiled then slipped from his grasp to begin tidying up the mess left from breakfast. With a wave of his hand, Rumple swept it all away in a puff of magic, leaving Belle's hands hovering in midair, where she'd been clutching the tea pot.

Turning, Belle whacked her husband on the arm. "Stop that," she chided, "Or I won't have anything to keep me busy."

"You'll be busy enough with your research, dear," he said as he picked up the parchment that contained the list of ingredients needed to begin building the curse. "And at any rate, you're my wife, not my caretaker."

"If I don't take care of you, who will?" She asked idly as she picked up the topmost book from the pile and began to flip through it.

"No one, I dare say."

Belle looked up, pained. "Then let me take care of you," she whispered, reaching out to take his hand. He glanced down to where their fingers were now entwined, and he sighed gently.

"Thank you."

That seemed to appease her, and she brought his hand up to her lips before placing a soft kiss on his knuckles. "Thank you," she said as she let his hand go. Turning, she grabbed the stack of books, but the weight of them caused her to stumble slightly and to move to a smaller table. She sat down and opened the top book. After a moment, she frowned, then turned back to Rumple who was watching her from his place at the workbench.

"Are they in chronological order?"

Rumple stood and approached the table. He lifted each book, skimmed the first page and finally handed her the one on the bottom. "Start here," he instructed, "Then this one." He stacked the books in the correct order before pressing a quick kiss to Belle's head and leaving her to read.

She dove into her work, studiously reading each page. Rumple watched her for a long while, worried at what her reaction might be to some of the things he had recounted. There were so many dark tales. The history of the Dark One was not a pleasant or easy read, but Belle trudged along. Lost in watching his wife, Rumple studied her movements to gauge her response. He heard the occasional gasp, saw the occasional shudder. Belle was learning of all the horrors that had haunted Rumplestiltskin, and it occurred to Rumple – too late, he noted – that perhaps allowing Belle to become privy to such dark things was not the wisest. He'd only just gotten her back; he didn't want to drive her away again.

But then she glanced back at him and offered him a smile. Her eyes were dark, almost haunted by what she was reading, and Rumple could tell she was battling tears. She studied him a moment, then turned back to her reading, and it was only then that she was checking on his just as he was checking on her. It was incredible, unfathomable to Rumplestiltskin that he had someone like Belle, who loved him in spite of all his mistakes. He knew rationally that what she was reading about currently had not been him, but he still embodied the spirit of the man - creature – who had done those things. Yet Belle still looked upon him with tenderness.

Tenderness, even when it was undeserved. Rumple had failed her so many times in their time together. He'd crushed his leg and made their family a laughingstock. He hadn't listened to her pleas and had taken the dagger and the powers for his own. He hadn't listened to her about Bae or about anything, and now they were looking for an alternative to a curse to find their missing child. Rumple shook his head. Never again would he not listen to his wife. She was intelligent and wise beyond her years. The next time she made a suggestion, he would listen. It was clear that between the two of them, Belle knew what was best. Rumplestiltskin chuckled at that. Perhaps his earlier comment had been incorrect. Perhaps he did need a caretaker, after all.

~000~

Doing her best to remain silent, Belle continued to read even as her vision clouded with tears. How had her husband lived with such terrible memories? The thoughts he'd scribbled onto the pages before her were alarming at the least. Tales of violence, deceit, murder, and chaos filled the pages, and Belle shivered against the chill that had settled around her. The room was warm, Rumple had ensured that, but no warmth could diminish the frigid evil that the Dark One's of the past had been. Now she understood why her husband had insisted on staying up at all hours writing while she slept alone. Who would want to sleep knowing these were the visions that waited to come to life once sleep took over.

Just as horrifying as the pages were, they were equally confusing. So much history in so little time left Belle's mind wrecked and her head throbbing, but she was determined to learn. She was determined to help Rumplestiltskin. If she understood the darkness that resided within him, she would be better prepared to help him combat it. He was already so weary, it seemed. He was tired and frustrated and completely misunderstood by those he sought to help. She'd been locked up in the castle for so long, she had no idea what the outside world thought of her husband now, save for what he told her.

If she were honest with herself though, she wasn't sure she wanted to know.

She couldn't defend him for all his actions, and she wouldn't. He was responsible for what he did, but that did not mean she could not stand by him as he worked to right his wrongs. The darkness was there, that much was clear, but compared to the thoughts and actions of Dark One's past, her husband was gentle as a lamb. Did it matter who took on the curse, she wondered. Was the person they were before crucial to how they were once they changed?

She knew that if controlled, the Dark One was at the whim of whoever held the dagger, and pondered if that meant the Dark One was equally responsible for actions done while under another's control. Did it really matter, in the end? The Dark One, in all his incarnations, had caused pain and suffering in one way or another. It seemed Rumple was dealing with more than just the reputation he was creating for himself. He wanted to be respected, but fear of the Dark One was already instilled in the minds of the people. Was he just using that to his advantage, so that people would fear him and not mock him? Or did Rumple want to be feared?

It was one of a list of questions Belle had, and so far the book was only adding to that list.

She read until her eyes grew heavy and the words blurred into a black mess against the pages. Marking the book with a scrap of parchment lying nearby, she shut the book quietly and laid her head atop it, using her arms as a pillow. She'd rest her eyes for a moment, then get back to it. She didn't have the stamina her husband had, but she was determined to try. They were partners again - allies in a cause, and Belle was determined to be useful. She'd wasted too much time feeling sorry for herself and being angry at her husband. It had brought her nothing but misery. Productivity was what she needed, and she already felt better knowing she was being useful. She just hoped she could find something. This curse was no pleasant thing, and though Belle wanted to reach her son, she wasn't sure if she could go through with it. The sacrifice that was required was too much she thought before yawning and drifting to sleep.

~000~

She awoke to the sound of screams. She felt something grab her, and she thrashed wildly trying to get away from whatever horror it was that tried to take her.

Then she heard Rumplestiltskin's voice yell her name, and she calmed. It was then she realized the screams had been her own. She blinked, then lifted her eyes to Rumple's face, creased with worry. Tears slid down her cheeks, and she felt dizzy and confused. She hiccupped as a sob escaped her and asked, "What happened?"

A relived chuckle passed his lips, and Rumple knelt down before Belle, taking her hand in his. "I was going to ask you the same question, dearest."

Belle looked away for a moment, biting her lip as she thought. She remembered reading and growing tired. She recalled her decision to rest for only a moment, and the next thing she knew she was in hysterics. Glancing down at the book, she shivered as the familiar feeling from her dream returned.

"I…think it was the book," she said softly, her voice raspy from screaming.

Rumple's hand ceased stroking hers and narrowed his eyes. "What do you mean, 'It was the book'?"

Belle bit her lip, trying to recall everything that had happened. "I was reading," she said, "About the Dark One. It was…..upsetting."

"Upsetting," Rumple echoed. Belle nodded.

"You know," she said with a shrug, "You wrote it. Anyway, I was getting tired, and I must have dozed off." She sighed and pressed the heel of one of her hands to her forehead. "I remember dreaming of fire. And there was someone screaming for help. And then someone – I couldn't see his face. He was in all black and I could smell the evil on him. He grabbed me. He began speaking in a language I couldn't understand, but I know that whatever he said wasn't good. Then I woke up."

"Screaming bloody murder," Rumple added.

"I'm sorry," Belle said, then glanced at the book thoughtfully, "I guess I really don't understand what I'm getting into."

Rumple's hand, which had been holding hers, moved to pat her knee. "I think perhaps it's best if you stopped," he said, "This is far too dark for you. I won't have you be subjected to this kind of thing."

"No!" She cried, sliding onto her knees next to her husband, "I don't want to stop."

"Belle-"

"I promised," Belle stressed, "Rumple don't send me away. I've already started; I can't just stop at the first inconvenience."

"You suffer a traumatizing nightmare, and you call it an inconvenience?"

"I'm fine," Belle insisted, "Please. I can do this." She said it with more certainty than she felt, but Rumple could see the determination in her eyes. "Please."

Rumplestiltskin shook his head. "I shouldn't make you read those dark thoughts."

"You aren't making me," she said, "And if it means helping you find Bae, then I don't care. I want to help. And besides," she said, reaching out to touch her husband's face, "You've been carrying those dark thoughts by yourself for far too long. I don't want you to suffer alone anymore."

He hugged her at that, taking comfort in her. She clung to him tightly, not protesting when he stood and carried her out of the room. She only protested when he deposited her on her bed, proclaiming she needed to get back to work.

"Hush," Rumple chided her, using his magic to change her outfit into a nightgown before tucking her beneath the sheets. Understanding how much he needed her to let him do this, she remained silent and snuggled into the warm sheets. Rumple hesitated for a moment, then asked, "Do you want me to stay?"

She smiled and reached out for his hand. "I'd love for you to stay," she admitted, "But I understand if you'd rather work. You won't hurt my feelings if you put Bae first."

He wavered, and it seemed that he would leave her to continue his work. But then he let go of her hand and circled around, crawling under the sheets. He pulled her so her back was pressed against his chest. "I can't accomplish anything tonight that cannot wait until later," he whispered as he pressed a kiss against her hair. "For now, let me take care of you."

~000~

The next morning Belle woke to the smell of bacon and hot tea. She opened her eyes and sat up groggily, stifling an undignified yawn when she saw Rumple standing next to the bed holding a tray piled high with food. He offered her a small smile before placing the tray at her feet, then carefully sat on the bed across from her. He handed her a steaming cup of tea, and Belle accepted it gratefully, sighing in contentment as she breathed in the aroma of honey, lemon, and mint.

"Thank you," she said as she lifted the cup to her lips. Rumplestiltskin watched her appreciatively for a moment, then picked up his own cup. He drank slowly, taking greater pleasure in watching Belle reach for a strip of bacon and nibbling at it. She noticed his staring a moment later and flushed.

"What?"

Shaking his head, Rumple picked up a piece for himself. "Nothing," he said softly, "Just enjoying the moment."

She smiled and hummed in agreement. "I'm glad we're okay."

His eyes lifted to meet hers and could see the sincerity on her face. He sagged in relief; he hadn't even realized he was still so tense around her. "As am I."

They ate for a few minutes in comfortable silence, and Rumple took the opportunity to study his wife. So much had happened the past several months, and it pained him to see the dark circles under her eyes. She had always been lovely, but now she looked like a woman who'd endured far too much. Her eyes were still dark with pain, and Rumple knew the only way the light would be restored would be when she laid eyes upon their son again. He was confident that with her help, that day would come sooner rather than later.

After she was finished, she piled their dishes on the tray, then gave Rumple a teasing grin. "Walk with me to the kitchen?"

He nodded and held his hand out to assist her out of the bed. She stood and picked up the tray and Rumple followed her out of the room. They walked close together, arms brushing as they moved. Rumple glanced at Belle, who was chewing on her bottom lip, clearly lost in her thoughts. He reached out and took the tray from her, forcing her to face him.

"What?"

He frowned, "Something's on your mind," Rumple stated, "Is it about the book?"

Belle tilted her head in confusion, then realized what he meant. "Oh!" She exclaimed, "No. No not the book."

Rumple's worry increased. "Then what's wrong?"

Belle shrugged and took the tray from her husband, "I was just wondering if you'd figured out a way for me to kiss you."

Laughing heartily, Rumple nodded.

"I spent a few minutes looking yesterday," he said, "I'm working on something. It should be finished soon."

Belle nodded, then grew contemplative. "Have any other Dark Ones had True Love?"

They entered the kitchen. Rumple took the opportunity, now that he'd let her carry the tray down to clean the mess on it with a wave of his hand. Belle narrowed her eyes at him playfully, and allowed him to draw her into his embrace.

"No other Dark One has had the privilege of having someone love them," Rumple said softly, "Truly I am favored in that regard."

"As am I."

"I want to kiss you."

Smiling, Belle held her hand up to stop him. "It's too dangerous."

Rumple dropped his head to her shoulder with a heavy sigh. Belle rubbed his back comfortingly. "I know."

"We should get to work," Belle said, "The sooner we do, the sooner we can solve all our problems."

"I'll let you enjoy your research," Rumple said, "So long as you're careful." He stared sternly at Belle who nodded obediently.

"I promise I will."

"Good," Rumple said, "Because I'm going to be going out a little while."

Belle let her hand fall to his waist. "Where?"

"To visit Regina. The woman who will cast the curse." He frowned at Belle's horrified look.

"Can't you wait?"

"I need to get to her before it's too late," Rumple protested, and Belle clasped his hand tightly in hers.

"But if you start down that path, it'll be harder to stop," she said, "Please don't do anything yet. I know you're eager, and I am too. But I don't want you to start something that cannot be undone. Please just give me a little time before you approach her."

Rumple sighed. "I can't wait long." He thought for a moment, then relented. "I can give you one month. If you haven't found something solid by then, I'm going to introduce myself to this girl and begin laying the foundation to have her cast this curse."

"I'll succeed," Belle swore. "I will."

He nodded and let Belle pull him toward the tower. He wanted nothing more than to visit the young queen anyway, but he'd promised Belle he'd wait. And it was only a month. He could wait that long, he supposed. He certainly wasn't about to break another deal. Not after last time.

Author's Notes:

We're moving along!

Thank you once again to everyone who continues to stick with me through this journey. I'm so grateful to all of you.

Disclaimer: I do not own Once Upon a Time. All characters and rights belong to ABC, Adam Horowitz and Eddy Kitsis.