39. Aimless

Belle slammed the book she'd been reading shut and dropped her head to rest on the cover. It had been over two weeks since Rumple had given her the one month deadline and Belle had not wasted a moment of it. But time was passing quickly, and she was nowhere near a solution.

She glanced over to the spot her husband usually occupied, frowning when she remembered he was out for the day. Being cooped up in the castle for so long meant she had little knowledge of the events of the outside world. It was maddening, not knowing anything. It was even more maddening not knowing what her husband was doing. He was making a deal, she knew, but that had little meaning when she didn't really know what those deals entailed. He'd told her, to be sure, but she doubted he told her everything. Not because he didn't trust her, but because he wanted her to see the best in him, and if his behavior as the Dark One was less than pleasant, she didn't think he'd be eager to tell her so.

She made a mental note to ask Rumple to take her out soon, when the chaos of research was lessened. She longed to see the world in which she lived; to see what had changed in a year's time. She'd been consumed by her anger and grief for so long that she hadn't really desired to go outside. That chase after the magic wand had been her first real excursion outside, and it had rebirthed a longing to explore more than just the dimly lit walls of this castle.

Maybe, when all this was over and they'd found Bae, they could take a long holiday.

Deciding that for now a simple stroll around the castle would have to do, Belle stood and stretched, groaning when her back popped painfully. She wasn't like her husband, she thought idly, who could easily spend days immersed in his work. She needed breaks, as he so often reminded her. She smiled softly at that, as she roamed the halls, glad for the exercise. He was so protective of her. It wasn't overbearing, like he'd been when he first gained his powers; he was simply aware of his non-magical wife dealing in things she did not fully understand. She appreciated his trust in her, that he allowed her to work by his side and she equally appreciated his watchful monitoring. He worried about her well-being, especially after he'd roused her from that dreadful nightmare. She struggled with them now and then, but she kept that to herself. There was no need to burden her love with more grief than she already had.

She walked aimlessly, letting herself get lost in her home. Even after all this time she had not seen it all, and she was beginning to feel her innate curiosity bubble within her again. She wanted to explore, to learn. And here she had the perfect opportunity. She had no desire to learn magic; she wasn't sure if one could do magic without a curse. She supposed it was possible, but she had no interest in it. She did however, find it fascinating how magic seemed to work, and she knew in her heart that, given enough time, she would find the right kind of magic that would lead her and Rumplestiltskin to their son. And no curses or removed hearts would be required.

She walked on, as lost in her thoughts as she was in the large castle. She didn't worry, knowing she would find familiar ground soon enough. She rounded a corner, and in her distraction, crashed directly into her husband. He looked at her curiously, clearly not expecting her to be so far from the familiar rooms she frequented. She smiled and wordlessly took his arm, and he took the hint that she wanted him to walk with her. They walked silently through the halls, Belle doing her best to remember details of where they were, should she find herself here again.

As if he were reading her mind, Rumple spoke, "I should give you a proper tour."

Belle glanced up at him curiously. "How do you know your way around so easily?"

He shrugged, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. "I mostly use magic to go from room to room. Most of the castle goes unused at any rate, so remembering where the rooms I do use are is not difficult.

"Why is the castle so big?"

Rumple shrugged. "We needed space."

"We don't need this much-"

She cut off as she realized he didn't mean space for things. There was plenty of that to be sure, but he meant it space between them. She frowned at the thought, and squeezed Rumple's arm a little tighter, as if afraid he might leave her suddenly.

Sensing her tension, Rumple spun to face her, wrapped his arm around her, then used his magic to sweep them out of the castle. When they landed, Belle clutched Rumple tightly, and he laughed heartily as he held her close in an effort to keep her steady as her head reeled from dizziness.

"Warn me next time," she groaned, and Rumple said nothing, instead pressing a quick kiss to her forehead.

When Belle no longer felt that she might be sick, she looked up, blinking in surprise to find she was outside. The sun was bright and warm on her face, and Belle tilted her head back, letting the comforting familiarity of the sun wash over her. It really had been far too long.

"I thought we might take a walk," Rumple suggested, gesturing to the path that stretched out past them. Belle nodded eagerly and took his arm.

"I was actually going to ask you if I could go outside," she said casually as they walked arm in arm. Rumple frowned.

"You need not ask me for permission," he said softly, "This is your home and you are free to do as you will."

She squeezed his arm comfortingly, "I know," she said, "But I don't know where we are. I've spent my entire time here cooped up in my room, and I want to remedy that. I'd like, when we're not working, to explore some. Is there a village nearby?"

Rumple nodded, "There's a small town about four miles east," he said, pointing a long, darkened nail in that direction, "It's quaint and rather poor; it reminds me of our old home.

"I'd like to visit," Belle said softly, "This new village and our old one. I would love to see Anna and Morainne. And Agda. We disappeared without hardly a goodbye, I'm sure they're all worried."

"About you," Rumple stated, "They're probably worried about you. I'm a murderer, remember? They probably have assumed the worst has happened to you."

"All the more reason to visit," she shrugged, not in the mood to argue. "They'll see I'm fine, and maybe some rumors about how awful you are will dispel." Belle felt Rumple tense under her hands and she stopped walking and tugged at him, forcing him to look at her. "You don't want those rumors proven false," she said, and it wasn't a question. "You want them to think the worst of you."

He nodded, "Not regarding you," he said swiftly, "But as I've said, the Dark One has a reputation. I have to maintain it. I'm adding my own spin to it," he stopped to laugh at his joke, "But that's how it has to be."

"I understand." She didn't, but she wasn't going to fight him on the subject. A small part of her hoped that when she finished the memoirs of the Dark Ones past, she may better understand her husband's position. She wanted that almost as much as she wanted to find an alternative.

People need me, Belle," he stressed, feeling the need to justify himself, "They may not think I'm fair, but I'm doing the best I can."

"I know," she sighed, leaning into him and wrapping her arms around him, "We both are."

He held her for some time, his forehead resting against hers. It was a much needed moment, and Rumplestiltskin treasured it. Things had been going well over the past weeks, at least between him and Belle. They had reached an understanding and while the wounds were still tender, they'd both realized it was better to struggle and heal together than it was to mourn separately. He loved her too much at any rate, to let her suffer alone, and he wished he'd been more aware of that sooner. He'd missed so much time with his wife, and he was determined to make it up to her.

Moving away, he grabbed her hand and began to guide her toward the gardens. They'd come with the castle, and Rumple had used some magic to have the plants and flowers grow and care for themselves. He rarely ventured out here, and only to collect items he needed to practice a potion. But he knew Belle loved the outdoors and thought being surrounded by life and color might do her some good.

It seemed to work; he lit up at the sight of the roses and tulips growing in long rows down a rocky path. He led her around, showing her everything that grew. Bushes lined a path leading to a large clearing that featured a single oak in the middle. Rumple settled against the tree, glad for the shade, and let Belle roam free, watching as she enjoyed running her fingers over petals and leaves.

She looked so lovely and young, and he was pleased she no longer wore her peasant dress. It was sentimental, but he wanted her to have finer things; things he once had never even dreamed of being able to give her. Fine clothes were one of them. He knew Belle was not vain, but he enjoyed seeing her in color. She would never wear any of the elaborate gowns he'd provided, but seeing her in something other than the ratty blue dress made his spirits soar. She looked like a true lady of the castle, dressed in a flowing green dress that made her skin glow and her eye pop.

While she explored, he summoned a blanket and a small basket filled with food from the pantry. He set up a small meal, looking up with a grin as Belle exclaimed in delight.

"A picnic!" Belle exclaimed in delight before her smile dropped. "Shouldn't we work instead?" Instead he summoned a blanket and a basket of food and gestured for her to sit with him.

Rumplestiltskin shook his head.

"We will work later," he said as he pulled her arm. She lowered herself to the ground, legs folded under her. "For now I want to treat my wife to a picnic." He offered her some bread and an apologetic smile. "I've neglected you for far too long."

"As I did you," she said, accepting his offering and taking a small bite. They ate in silence, both too preoccupied with the warmth of the sun and the beauty that surrounded them. Once she was finished, Belle laid back, resting her hands beneath her head and sighing happily as she rested in the shade. Rumple watched her lovingly, cherishing the simple moment. These were the times he missed; when everything was simple. He longed for that day to come again. And it would. Soon. After a while she fell asleep and though she was right that they needed to work, he didn't have the heart to wake her. He let her sleep and when she finally woke, Rumple lifted her into his arms.

"I'm sorry," she said with a frown, "I didn't mean to fall sleep." Rumple shrugged.

"It's no matter, dear," he said as he picked up the basket and offered her his arm, "You looked peaceful. And besides," he smirked, "You could use the sun. You're pale."

She flushed and glanced down at her arms, which were left bare from the short sleeves of her dress. "I suppose I am," she sighed, "But that's my own fault."

"One we'll remedy together," he said and Belle giggled, looking forward to the hinted promise of frequent outings together to the garden.

~000~

They spent the rest of the afternoon in his workroom reading and working. Belle was bent over one of the books Rumple had written, frowning as she read more of the dark thoughts that haunted his mind.

"These Dark Ones seem awful," she mused aloud. Rumple grunted in response, and she glanced up at him. Pushing her hair out of her face, she sank in her chair and pulled the book closer. "From the way you write, it seems they fully relished in their power until they'd lived so long it simply...lost its appeal."

"That's generally how it went," Rumple sighed as he measured ingredients for a potion to help keep Belle's kiss from stealing away his curse. If all went well, he'd be able to properly kiss her again in a matter of days. He was adamant to keep his promise to give Belle a month. He would not neglect the curse in that time; but until he assured assistance from the Queen Regina, there wasn't much to be done.

"They either got tired after centuries, or like Zoso, they were taken prisoner and realized that their power truly was a curse."

"There's so much about the Dark One," Belle sighed as she tilted her head back against the headrest, turning so she could watch her husband, "How on earth do you handle it?"

"By remembering that while I am the Dark One, I'm not them," Rumple said wearily. "I relish the power," he admitted, "I do. Or rather, I did. It's nice to be strong, to have this life. But I let my fear get in the way of what truly mattered and ended up doing the one thing I vowed never to do."

"Losing Bae?"

Rumple nodded. "Losing Bae."

"We're going to find him," Belle said defiantly.

He glanced at her and offered a small smile. "I know."

Belle turned back to her book and began reading again. Rumple focused on his potions. Hours later he looked up after the potion had successfully been completed to see Belle slumped over the book sound asleep. She seemed at peace today, and Rumple hoped no nightmares about the Dark One would plague her tonight. She tried to hide it, his brave Belle, but he knew her too well to let the deception fool him. She cried out in her sleep at times; and Rumplestiltskin was a light sleeper.

He'd been planning to tell her of his success with the potion, but she'd been working hard, and he had no desire to disturb her. This could wait. For the second time that day, Rumple lifted Belle into his arms and carried her to her room. Her soft, steady breathing soothed him, and having her weight in his arms brought about a lightness of heart that made Rumple feel as if he could fly.

He tucked her in, warmth filling him when she reached out to take his hand. Deciding to take her gesture as a request to stay, Rumple moved around and settled next to her, taking comfort in having her close. She was a marvel, his Belle. Despite their troubles, she'd never let him down. And she wouldn't. He didn't know how, but he believed above all else that Belle would find a way. She had too.

Author's Notes:

You got a lot riding on a girl who has no clue how magic works, buddy.

We're moving along! Hope you're enjoying the ride so far.

Thank you for your reviews and favorites and follows. They make my day, truly.

If you like this story, you may want to check out my Tumblr (same user name as here) for some more fanfics. I intend to post more stuff here, but Tumblr is where the majority of my stuff is at present, so if you want more Rumbelle, check out my master list there!

Disclaimer: I do not own Once Upon A Time. All rights belong to ABC, Adam Horowitz, and Eddy Kitsis.