When Feliciano was feverously trying to complete his math homework sometime later, a sudden ringing caused him to jump. He fumbled with his cell phone and nearly dropped it a couple times before finally answering it. Funny, Lovino usually wasn't the one to call him; it was usually the other way around.
"Pronto."
There was a hesitation on the other line. "Feliciano?" It said. The voice was deeper, rougher and definitely not Lovino's.
Upon recognizing the voice he nearly fell out of his chair. "Ludwig?"
"Yes, it's me."
"Oh, Ludwig! You're calling; you've never called before! Do you need something?" Feliciano realized he was rambling, but he didn't care.
"I just wanted to let you know, I would love to paint with you." He said.
Although they could not see each other, Feliciano could guess that he was smiling. He ran up to his room like a schoolgirl, ignoring the fact that there was nobody to hear his conversation. He climbed into his bed and bunched up a wad of covers by his cheek. He brought the phone up, wedging it between the mattress and his cheek.
"Wow! I'm glad to hear that." He said. "It's going to be so much fun! What made you come around?"
"It would only be fair, since I had you come with me today." Ludwig stated matter-of-factly. Feliciano's heart sank. The last thing he wanted was for him to feel an obligation to spend time with him even though he may not want to. There was a lull in the conversation, as if neither of them could find just the right words to say. Before Feliciano could get a word in edgewise, Ludwig continued to speak.
"Not only that, but I would like to spend time with you." Ludwig continued.
Feliciano felt his cheeks become warm. "Really?"
"Of course."
He curled up in this blankets, smiling like a fool. In that moment, he could only feel bliss. The bed he'd slept in a million times felt like a cloud and the sky on the other side of his window seemed a little brighter. "Well, that's great! When do you want to?" Feliciano asked.
"We'll see." Ludwig cleared his throat and quickly veered of the subject. "Well, that was all I needed to tell you."
"Wait!" Feliciano exclaimed. He wasn't ready to stop talking to him, nor was he ready to be alone again. "You don't have to go. I mean I'm not doing anything. Unless you're doing something! Then you can go of course, but I like talking to you." He blushed harder, embarrassed but not sure why.
The line went silent for a moment. "Alright." Ludwig said. "Would you like to talk about anything?"
Feliciano froze. He hadn't thought this far ahead. He knew he wanted to continue this conversation, to hear his voice, but he wasn't sure how. He racked his brain for even the slightest clue. "What are you doing right now?" He said finally.
"I am talking to you."
Feliciano began to laugh at how literal this was. Even though he had only know Ludwig for a few days, he somehow knew that was such a 'him'thing to say. He was so serious, so hard to read…but at that moment, Feliciano swore he was beginning to get to know the boy behind those stern blue eyes.
"What is so funny?" Ludwig asked. He sounded perplexed.
Feliciano tried, unsuccessfully, to stifle his giggling. "Usually when you ask someone that, you're asking what's going on beyond the conversation." He explained.
"Oh." Feliciano heard Ludwig clear his throat. "If that is the case, I was tending to some schoolwork before I decided to call."
"So was I!" Feliciano bit his lip. This wasn't exactly an exciting conversation. In all honestly, the absolute last thing he wanted to talk about was school. "Hey, Ludwig?"
"Yes?"
"I wanted to tell you thanks, for everything." He began. "I know you probably have better things to do than watch over me, but I'm really happy to finally have a friend!" Even though Ludwig couldn't see, Feliciano clapped his hand over his mouth. He hadn't meant to allow that last part to slip out. There was a long pause and he began to get worried. Finally, the silence was broken.
"I am too." Ludwig cleared his throat again. "Very glad."
Feliciano's eyes shot open. "But you must have other friends!"
"Unless you count my brother, I do not. People are generally intimidated be me. Even you were fearful when we first met." He said. This brought Feliciano back to that first time he saw his blue eyes staring down at him. He admitted he was scared at first, but he would have been scared of anyone.
Feliciano wrapped his free arm around himself, trying to recreate the feeling of the hug they had shared earlier. He was fighting with himself. Should be sad that Ludwig was in many ways just as lonely as he was, or happy that he didn't have to share him? The second the latter crossed his mind, he felt awful. After all, Ludwig wasn't his property. The thought of benefiting from his misery made him feel ill.
"I could never be afraid of you now."
"I'm very glad to hear that." Ludwig said. He took a breath and started again. "One thing. You must stop telling me I don't have to stay around. I am not spending time with you out of charity." His voice was firm and demanding acknowledgment.
Feliciano opened his mouth to apologize, but stopped himself. He was so sick of apologizing. "Ok!" He said instead, smiling wide.
"Excellent. Gilbert wants me to help him with something now, so I have to get going." Ludwig said. Feliciano felt a twinge of melancholy.
"Hey, Ludwig? When will I get to meet him?" Feliciano asked.
"You want to meet Gilbert? Well, I suppose you can meet him soon." He said. "I must warn you, he can be a lot to take in."
"That's ok! I totally understand. Lovino can be a bit too serious, I bet you'll get along when you meet him!" Feliciano's mind raced with different possibilities of what Gilbert could be like.
"Alright. I'll see you tomorrow, Feliciano. I look forward to painting soon."
"Yay, me too! Bye!"
Feliciano kept the phone to his ear until Ludwig hung up. For some time he just laid there, breathing in and out. What was this feeling? Just last week, he'd spent every day alone. Now, when Ludwig wasn't there he was overcome by a feeling of emptiness. This was a loneliness that suffocated him. It felt like he was surrounded by cement, or the weight of the world was on top of him. In an attempt shake this off, he retreated back to the kitchen to finish his homework. He had trouble concentrating. All he could think of was his voice.
.
A full month passed, and Feliciano and Ludwig fell into a routine. Each and every day, Ludwig met him by his locker and walked him to each of his classes. They ate lunch together, talking and laughing, Feliciano more so than Ludwig. Feliciano couldn't remember the last time he had this kind of true friendship. The promise of seeing Ludwig got him out of bed each morning.
During the time they spent together, Feliciano noticed that he was beginning to feel something new. He longed to be around Ludwig as much as he could, never wanting to leave his side. His chest leapt when he saw him, his stomach fluttering whenever they spoke. His skin burned whenever they accidently touched, any contact making his entire body warmer in seconds. These feelings confused him deeply. Was this something everyone felt towards his friends? Having no real experience to compare it to, Feliciano couldn't be sure.
On top of all these feelings, for the first time in his life Feliciano frequently found himself at a loss for words. Usually he just said whatever came to mind. When he was with Ludwig, however, he felt the need to carefully choose each of his words. He wanted to impress Ludwig, and whenever he smiled or laughed at something he said Feliciano felt joy like nothing he had ever felt. The cruelty of others was unfortunately still ever-present in his life, although only taking place when Ludwig wasn't around. Even so, the amount of comfort having Ludwig there to support him almost distracted him from it. It was the difference between night and day.
In these few weeks, they spoke about everything. Feliciano told him about the people who have made his life miserable, telling him about the worst of the harassment without even bothering to spare the details. He found himself able to open up to Ludwig like he had never been able to, even when it was with his own brother. He watched as Ludwig's mouth and eyes occasionally twitched as he recounted the events. He never commented on it, only nodded and offered an apology. Ludwig was less willing to talk about his past. Feliciano only got to hear an occasional story, none of them particularly earth shattering.
When Feliciano walked into school one morning, he was elated to find Ludwig by his locker. He was happy and even slightly surprised every day when he found him there. Part of him was still convinced he would simply stop one day. Ludwig was leaning against the locker that day, his hands shoved in his pockets. His eyes were fixed on the floor, unmoving. Feliciano walked up to him and stood in front of him, smiling.
"Hello, Feliciano." Ludwig said, nodding to greet him. "What is your first class today?"
Feliciano paused to think. Then, it dawned on him. He had gym today. His heart sunk like a meteor cascading down to earth. "I have gym." He nearly whispered. He brought his hands together behind his back and clutched them together.
Ludwig stared at him inquisitively. "Is this a problem?"
Feliciano's thoughts were overcome by a sequence of flashbacks. Memories centered around comments about his physique in the locker room, being made a target in a rather aggressive game of dodge ball, or just plain being punched while the teacher turned a blind eye- it all came flooding back. Just last week he'd been shoved against a locker and yelled at, even though he hadn't done a thing.
This class took place twice a week. Simply being himself on a daily basis was hard enough. Having his lack of athleticism on display for his entire class to gawk at only supplied them with ammo. He twiddled his thumbs; unsure whether or not he should tell Ludwig or if he should spare him the details.
"I'm afraid." He finally said.
Ludwig nodded. "I see. This class is another problem for you?"
Feliciano nodded, unable to say anything.
"Isn't there a teacher watching the class?"
Feliciano nodded again, then waved his hand in front of him dismissively. "Don't worry." He said. "How bad could it be?"
"Remember what I mentioned, Feliciano? About standing up for yourself?" Ludwig said, staring directly into his Feliciano's eyes.
He looked up at him and forced a smile. "Right." He said. He then started walking towards the locker room with Ludwig not far behind.
When they got there, Ludwig waved goodbye and headed off to his own class. Feliciano walked in the double doors of the locker room and was met with the unmistakable musky smell. All around him boys swarmed around the cramped space, shouting and smacking each other. They were in various states of undress, and the first thing he noticed was how everyone else in the room seemed to be stronger and larger than him. Keeping his head down, he made his way to his own locker.
No one even looked at him on his way to the locker. He turned the lock to his combination and pulled out his uniform. He moved his hands to the buttons on his shirt before he paused. Feliciano looked around him out of paranoia. He was certain that someone, anyone, would turn up out of nowhere and hurt him just to earn a few laughs. After seeing that everyone around him was occupied, he quickly unbuttoned the shirt and slipped out of it before reaching in front of him for his gym shirt.
"Looking sexy!" Said a voice from somewhere behind him. He felt someone smack him on the back with an open hand, causing Feliciano's entire back to sting. He bit the inside of his cheek and pretended to not hear him. Then, he remembered Ludwig's words. He needed to stand up for himself, that's what he was told.
"Don't…" He muttered as he tugged on his shirt.
The boy turned around and cupped his ear mockingly. "Hm?" He said, sneering at Feliciano.
Then, Feliciano felt something he almost never did. A fire erupted in his gut, his eyes narrowed and a surge of adrenaline surged throughout his entire self. He bolted upright and turned towards the boy. "I said, don't touch me! I don't want you to!" He yelled. His hands tightened into fists without him realizing.
The larger boy's sneer turned into a frown. He broke away from his hoard of laughing friends and stood within a one-foot radius of Feliciano, glaring at him. Feliciano suddenly felt smaller than he already had. He wished he could sink into the floor.
"Why don't you stay in your fucking place?" He slammed his hand onto the locker above Feliciano's head. "Useless wop." With that, he joined his friends again and walked out the locker room doors.
The words stung, but Feliciano was filled with pride. He had done it. He'd stood up for himself. Ludwig would be proud, he was sure of it. With his head held high, he finished changing and walked out the doors. However, his rush of confidence was cut short. He heard someone shout something and turned to face the sound. At that very instant, the same boy pitched a baseball at his face like he was in the World Series. Feliciano was only about ten feet away. He fell with a thud before everything went black.
He woke up in the nurse's office ten minutes later. He had such a headache. He was lying on a cot with a bag of ice perched on this forehead. It took him a moment to mentally recount the events that happened, but when it came back to him he remembered in painful detail. He brought his knees to his chest and closed his eyes. Serves him right, he supposed. Lovino had always told him, don't pick fights you know you cannot win.
Feliciano was used to simply taking the abuse that came to him. He always told himself it would be over soon enough, struggling would only make it worse. Sometimes he would even play along with it, laughing at an insult that was hurled at him like they were close friends or convincing himself it had been an accident when someone shoved him. This sometimes only angered them more, and it certainly didn't get him any closer to having real friends.
He pretended to be asleep for most of the period. When he stood up, his stomach twisted in nausea. He so dizzy he nearly lost his footing. Overcome by sickness, he ran to a nearby trashcan and lost the contents of his stomach. Feliciano was grateful he was alone, but still internally mortified. He lied down again, sucking on a few mints he found in a candy jar by the bed.
A few minutes before the gym classes would let out, he regained he composure and went back to the locker room, proceeding to change out of his uniform as quickly as he could manage. When he finished, he waited by the gym until Ludwig showed up after the bell.
When Ludwig saw him, his eyes said he immediately recognized something was wrong. He simply gawked at him for a moment. "Feliciano?" He said.
"I did it, Ludwig." Feliciano's eyes burned as he fought the urge to cry from the pain; yet he was smiling. "I stood up for myself."
"What are you talking about?" Ludwig asked, staring at him with eyes full of confusion. Then, his eyes wandered to Feliciano's forehead. A deep purple bruise was beginning to show up beneath his fringe that extended all the way to his eyelid.
Ludwig reached out and brushed his hair away. "Are you aware that you're bruised? What happened?"
Feliciano tried to squirm away from his hand. Even though he wanted to feel the comfort from his touch, he didn't want to be fussed over. "It was just a little baseball! Don't worry Ludwig, I wasn't unconscious for that long-"
He cut him off. "Are you telling me you were knocked out? Who did this? Was it on purpose?" He continued to examine the bruise with his hand resting on Feliciano's temple.
"It's okay." Feliciano said. He avoided eye contact at all costs.
"This isn't okay, Feliciano!" He sounded like he should be shouting, but the words came out in a whisper. "Are you nauseous? Dizzy?"
"I mean, a little…my head hurts." He said.
"We're going to the hospital." Ludwig's words were quick and firm.
Feliciano stepped back. He wasn't sure how to react to this, he wasn't sure of anything. He couldn't think of anything worse than going to a hospital right now. "Don't be silly." He said, smiling through his unsteadiness. "It's a little bump!"
Ludwig's eyes flickered. "You may have a concussion. You have to listen to me."
"But, we have class…"
"I will explain the situation to the nurse."
So he did. Ludwig drove him to the hospital, drilling him with questions about his symptoms the entire time. He answered his questions feebly as he rested his head against the cool glass of the window, watching the world go by. He couldn't decide if he was in more pain mentally or physically.
Feliciano could barely keep his eyes open. His head throbbed like nothing he had ever felt, his stomach was twisted into a million knots. It felt like he was lost in a fog and unable to concentrate or think clearly. All he wanted was to take a nap. The urge to sleep was overwhelming.
"I'm tired." He whimpered a few minutes into the trip. "Can I take a little siesta?"
"I'm going to ask that you do not do that."
Feliciano let out a small sigh and rested his pounding head against the glass again. Sleep sounded more inviting than it ever had.
Ludwig's eyes scanned Feliciano. The corners of his mouth twitched into a frown. "Tell me a story." He said. He reverted his eyes back to the road.
"A story?" Feliciano stared back at him with drooping eyes. He finally smiled. Ludwig wanted to get to know him better. The joy from that thought gave him a little burst of energy, enough to pump him up to think of something to say. The first thing that came to mind was his childhood, the happiest time of his life he could remember.
"When I was very little, my Grandpa Roma taught me to draw. That's what I did in Italy! I drew and I sang all day in the fields." Feliciano tilted his head back, reminiscing. "I had one friend back then, he wasn't from there. We were together almost every day! Once we even got to go swimming in the river! But one day he had to move away." His voice dipped as he remembered the crushing goodbye. "I never saw him again. Sometimes I wonder what he's doing."
Ludwig clutched the wheel tighter. "I'm sure he remembers you."
Feliciano hoped that was true. His memories of the boy were fleeting, growing more and more distant as the time passed. He feared that one day he would forget about him entirely. He wouldn't be surprised if the boy had already forgotten about him. Even if this was true, he missed him. Feliciano often caught himself wishing the boy would return, even rooting through the mail in hopes of finding a letter no matter how unlikely it was. Evidently, he never found anything. Feliciano didn't have much time to consider this. Right after Ludwig finished his statement, he pulled into the hospital parking lot.
The giant building loomed in front of them, casting a shadow on the parking lot in the late morning sun. Feliciano glanced around, taking in the ambulance entrance, the rows of windows on the walls and people bustling in and out of the revolving doors.
After surveying the surroundings, he felt dizzier than before. The thoughts about his childhood friend ran from his mind. All he could think of was all the people that had met their ends in this building and all the tears shed by family members. When they exited the car, he grabbed Ludwig's sleeve to steady himself. Not a moment later he found he didn't want to let go.
"Is something wrong?" Ludwig asked.
"I don't like hospitals." Feliciano gripped his sleeve tighter as he was growing dizzier by the second. His heartbeat sped up and his hands were clammy. His eyes were fixed on his own shoes, avoiding looking at the large building at all costs.
"You will be fine. This is a common injury." Ludwig said. Unconvinced, Feliciano didn't let go. "But you may hold onto me if you're more comfortable." He continued.
Feliciano was frozen in place, powerless to do or say anything. Ludwig wavered for a moment then took Feliciano's small hand in his own. Feliciano nearly jumped. His rough hand felt familiar, like he'd known him all his life. Ludwig didn't look back at him. He simply led the injured boy behind him like a lost puppy, their hands locked together. Feliciano felt dizzy again, but this was a different kind of dizzy. This was the kind that sent a blush across his cheeks.
When they entered the doors to the waiting room, the hospital smell was instantly apparent. It was the unmistakable odor of cleaning chemicals and medicine that caused Feliciano's head to spin. His vertigo increased dramatically and he felt as if the very walls were closing in on him. He couldn't breath, he couldn't think. He gripped Ludwig's hand tighter and moved closer to him to steady himself. Ludwig led him up to the front desk, still without releasing his hand.
"My friend may have a concussion." He said to the nurse. "Tell her what happened, Feliciano."
He lifted his head groggily. "I was in gym and someone hit me with a baseball. I was knocked out for a few minutes." Said Feliciano, avoiding eye contact at all costs.
The young woman nodded, typing something into the computer in front of her. "Alright, sweetie. I'm Miss Héderváry." Her voice was soft and comforting. She had an accent that Feliciano couldn't quite put his finger on. She reached out and shook Feliciano's free hand. He reciprocated, weakly. "Let's get you in a room. However, your friend will have to stay here."
Feliciano bit down on his lip and reluctantly let go of Ludwig's hand. He missed the feeling right away, a feeling of vulnerability taking its place. As the nurse led him away, he looked back at Ludwig. He nodded to him, still standing in the middle of the room. Feliciano kept his eyes locked on him until he was too far away to see. He eventually ended up in a very sterile looking room, complete with a bed and sink.
Miss Héderváry ushered for him to sit down. "That's quite a bruise you've got there." She said as she moved his hair to the side. "So, do you have any feelings of dizziness? How about nausea or confusion?"
Her questions were identical to the ones Ludwig had already asked. He started to wonder if this trip really was necessary. "Yes, I am kind of dizzy. My head hurts…so does my stomach really." He wrapped his arms around his torso, not to prove his point but out of reflex.
She jotted down a few notes on her clipboard, nodded, and reached for a flashlight. Without warning she shined it into his eyes. Feliciano recoiled.
"Just checking your pupils, dear. I'm going to need you to keep your eyes open."
Reluctantly, he opened his eyes and allowed the intrusive light to flood his vision.
"Hm, it seems as though we're not getting as much dilation as we would like. Your friend was right; you appear to have a slight concussion. The good news is that your symptoms aren't severe, which suggests this is only minor." She said.
Feliciano clasped his hands together. "Is that bad?" He began to fidget with his feet. He didn't know much about concussions, but he did know that it was a brain injury. That alone was enough to scare him.
She looked at him sympathetically. "No, this isn't serious at all. All it means is that you need to rest for a few days. One thing you'll need to do is have someone wake you up every two hours tonight, just in case. Why don't you ask that blonde boy to help you?"
Ludwig. These last few weeks, it always came back to Ludwig. Even though he'd helped Feliciano out of bad situations before, he still wasn't certain how far he was willing to go for him. He couldn't imagine that his newly found friend would go as far as to sacrifice his sleep. Feliciano stared back at the nurse. What would happen if he didn't have anyone to wake him up? He could set an alarm, but he did have a habit of sleeping through them at times.
She handed him a piece of paper marked "Concussion aftercare" at the top of the page. Feliciano skimmed through it. The treatment seemed simple enough. Avoid driving or riding a bike for twenty-four hours, get plenty of rest, and avoid strenuous activity as well as alcohol. He got to the section explaining the need for being woken up and froze.
"I could go into a coma?" He stammered; eyes glued to the page.
"That generally only happens in severe cases. But, it is important that you are woken up every two to three hours. Please remember that, ok?" She said, reiterating her previous point. He only nodded, and his hand holding the paper began to shake.
She stood up. "Alright, we're done. This checkup won't be costing you anything, so you and your friend are free to go."
Feliciano stood up and walked carefully back to the waiting room. Ludwig was sitting on a chair, seemingly occupying his time by staring at the wall in front of him. He sat the way he did when he was at Feliciano's house, back perfectly straight with his fists resting on his knees. When he saw Feliciano, he stood up instantaneously.
"Take care!" Miss Héderváry called before once again disappearing down the hallway.
"Is everything alright?" Ludwig asked. "What did they say?"
"Oh, nothing…" He said. He folded the paper he was holding.
Without warning, Ludwig took the paper from him, unfolded it, and began to read. After just a moment, he sighed. "Just as I thought."
He couldn't hold it back anymore. Feliciano ran forward and threw his arms around Ludwig, pressing his head into his chest. It surprised him when he instantly felt just a little bit better. Ludwig took a step back but made no effort to break away.
"I'm so sorry, Ludwig!" He cried. "I didn't mean to get hurt, I promise! I'm sorry you had to take me to this scary hospital! I don't want to go into a coma, I really need your help to wake up tonight but I can't ask you to do so much and-"
Ludwig cut him off. "Why on earth would you be sorry that someone else injured you? This isn't your fault, Feliciano."
Feliciano looked up at him, winding back his excitement. He hadn't expected him to be so understanding. "Really?" He managed.
"Of course." He looked at the paper he had taken from him again. "It looks like I'll be staying with you this evening."
Feliciano's heart leapt, but he felt a twinge of guilt. "But you need to sleep."
He shook his head. "There's no arguing this. There is no shame in needing help."
Feliciano managed to smile. He squeezed his torso once, and Ludwig patted his shoulder three times before he let go. In silence, they retreated back to the car. When they were on the road, Feliciano remembered something.
"Can we paint today?" He asked, looking at his friend with his eyes wide. They had never gotten around to it.
"Well…if you are still up for it, yes. I suppose this day is as good as any other." Feliciano was so happy he had to resist the urge to cheer. Finally, he kept his promise! If he looked closely, he swore he could see the slightest trace of a grin on Ludwig's lips.
Having been daydreaming for the majority of the trip, he was surprised when Ludwig pulled up by an unfamiliar house.
"I have to get a few things. Wait here."
Feliciano realized that this was his house. "Wait, Ludwig?" He said. Ludwig turned to face him. "Is you brother home? Can I meet him?" He asked, smiling wide.
Ludwig hesitated before replying. "Let's save that for a time when you are feeling better, yes?"
His face fell. Feliciano nodded reluctantly. He was making sense, but he couldn't stop himself from feeling disappointment.
"I promise it will be soon." Ludwig said. With that, he exited the car and made his way into the house.
Feliciano pressed his face against the glass as he watched him walk into house, as if he were a puppy on a road trip. Ludwig's house looked cozy, at least from what he could see from the outside. It wasn't huge, but it wasn't small either. The house was made out of red bricks. There were a few plants bordering the outside, and a birdhouse hung from one of the trees scattered throughout the yard. He couldn't help but smile when he noticed a German flag hanging proudly by the door.
Ludwig returned about ten minutes later with a duffel bag. After throwing it in the back, he returned to the driver's seat. "Ready?" He asked as he buckled his seatbelt.
Feliciano nodded. "Are you going to stay with me all day?" He asked.
"And all night, to wake you." He said. "Unless I am not welcome."
"Of course you are!" He exclaimed. Feliciano couldn't imagine anything he would like better. Despite the unfortunate circumstances, he yearned to have time with Ludwig outside of school. Ever since Ludwig's first visit to his house, it was all Feliciano could think about.
"Will Gilbert be okay all alone?" He continued.
Ludwig chuckled. "I'm sure he will find a way to entertain himself."
Even though he was dizzy and saddled with both a headache and a stomachache, Feliciano smiled the entire way home.
To be continued...