Author's Note: You'll all be pleased to hear that I'm finally getting back into this again after my little break. So yay! However, I am seeing Panic! At The Disco (eep!) again tomorrow night and I have another gig on Wednesday night too, so they'll be no updates for those two days. Sorry to leave you all hanging again! Updates will be back to normal on Thursday, promise! In the meantime, I have some other fics/oneshots posted if you want something to read while I am away.

This chapter is dedicated to Klepto-Kitty, for leaving me an absolutely beautiful message that really got my confidence back up and helped me to see where I need to improve. Thank you to everyone else who sent in messages too, it means to world to see that people really do like this. Also, this has over 50,000 hits now! Just W O W. And now, I hope you enjoy!

Shizuo was certain that fate was acting against him again, just like it had done for most of his life, just like he was sure it would do again in the future. Life could be good for a monster, but then Life would never let that last for very long. He had accepted that though, he'd had years to learn to accept it. That was fine, it was.

He'd left the flea's house when it was still barely light, even by the time he had showered and managed to get his clothes back from the louse in question, crinkled and warm from the contact with his skin. He'd showered there, in that warm Shinjuku loft, to save time for himself later, not because of any cliché notion of what lovers are meant to do. No, no, it wasn't for anything like that. That just wasn't what this thing was, whatever it was, with him and the louse. They were not normal, they were not ordinary or typical like other lovers were, and nothing about them was average. They wouldn't, couldn't, simply fall into the normal way of things, that simple way of love like others so easily did, and Shizuo wasn't sure that he could anyway, whether his lover was the louse or not.

The original plan hadn't been for him to stay the night anyway; it hadn't been for him to end up in bed with the raven again. But that had been what had happened, and he had dealt with that, moved on, and formulated some new plan. That new plan had been to get back to his own place in Ikebukuro, to shower and change and make sure he was on time for work so Tom didn't suspect anything was going on. That hadn't been what had happened though; he'd woken later than he had intended, though still early, still barely morning. But there had still been time to do what he had wanted, to get back and change and carry on with his day.

Then he'd missed the first train back to Ikebukuro, due to some gaggle of old women lagging in front of him as he made his way through Shinjuku Station. Then there had been a delay on the train after that, some hold up on the line for nearly an hour due to railway work being done or something and he had arrived back in Ikebukuro with not nearly enough time to get back to his apartment and change or grab some breakfast. His stomach growled in protest at that, and it half reminded him of the rumbling of a raven he knew, purring out something that had sounded awfully like his name.

Yeah, he was damn certain this was fate screwing with him. Mother Nature was just stepping in to play some pranks on him, Karma finally pulling that weird little double reach around and returning the favour to him. Well that was fine, he guessed, he could deal with that; just so long as Tom didn't notice the crinkles in his clothes or the marks on his neck and collar bones. Yeah, that'd probably be the last damn straw if he did.

"Jesus, did you throw your iron at the wall or something?" Tom questioned with a laugh, filled with mirth and a half measure of seriousness. "That shirt is more wrinkled than your neighbour!"

If looks really could kill, Shizuo was certain that Tom's back would have a handful of knives stuck out of it by now. The other man was walking ahead of the blonde, apparently oblivious to the dark frown that had settled like a rain cloud over Shizuo's head, creasing his brow just like his shirt. His lips lilted downwards at the corners, set in some twisted scowl that would have promised death or a short trip across the city, bruised and beaten, to anyway else. Yeah, fate really was messing with him. Of all the times for Tom to decide to be observant, to comment on something, it had to be that and it had to be now, didn't it? Yeah, of course his ruffled appearance would be the first thing Tom would notice. Crinkled shirt and still damp hair, how could he not?

He'd met his boss just a short while ago, on a street not too far from his apartment complex. That had been irritating, and ironic in a bitterly funny way. The blonde had half wondered if he had time to rush home and change first, until the other man had spotted him.

"My iron is fucking fine," Shizuo muttered out in reply, half hoping that Tom wouldn't hear and just continue on with his own theory. That would certainly save Shizuo the trouble, the awkwardness, of trying to explain otherwise. He never really liked lying to Tom, not when the other man had done so much for him. It didn't seem right, it didn't seem fair. Tom had given him a job when no one else really would, what right did Shizuo have then to lie to a man who had been that kind? He'd always felt strongly about that, and that wouldn't change now simply because of what he and the louse had been up to. He had stronger morals than that.

It still didn't mean that he was just going to give up and tell everything though. How would he even begin to justify something like that? How would he even be able to deal with the aftermath of such a revelation? He'd still not really accepted these feelings and these situations he found himself falling into with Izaya, so how could he even think about letting someone else in on that secret? Tom wasn't the kind of person to judge him, Shizuo knew that, but he could already see the look of quiet surprise that would twist the other man's face if he told him the truth. He didn't want to see that in reality. It was shameful. He couldn't deal with that, with other people knowing. No, not yet. Maybe not ever and maybe that was fine. A little secret never hurt anyone, did it?

"Well, I figured that was more likely than you wondering home with some new lover or something," Tom laughed again, turning to half look over his shoulder at Shizuo, who was still trailing behind him like an insolent child. Tom's hands were stuffed into the pockets of his trousers casually, just like usual. Shizuo's head snapped up at that, by which time Tom had already turned his head away, but not before noticing the movement with a quiet, inward chuckle to himself.

The blonde really was as clueless to his own outward behaviour as ever. Tom certainly didn't know all the sordid details of whatever was going, and he didn't really want to either, it wasn't his place to know, but it was obvious that someone or something had altered Shizuo's life, had come in and shaken it up. The change in his friend's behaviour was enough proof of that, even if Shizuo himself didn't seem to be noticing it. It made the brunette smile though, the little thing tweaking at his lips, almost threatening to blow into some kind of grin. Shizuo deserved to be happy after all he had been through as kid, all that bullying and that hassle and the like. Tom would be happy to see him settle down, if only for the sake of Ikebukuro remaining in one piece for a little longer.

"Tch," was all that came in reply from Shizuo. He couldn't deny that, could he? He'd already said he wouldn't lie to Tom, he'd already said that wouldn't change now. Outright refusal to answer or give details would have to be the back-up plan now that Tom had almost hit the nail on the head; the last resort of an almost desperate man.

He wasn't sure why he was so anxious to cover up whatever it was he had with Izaya, with that louse, the flea, that bastard he was meant to hate. Maybe that was just it, Shizuo was supposed to hate him, and if people were to find out that was no longer the case, then everything would change. He wasn't sure he was ready for that change; change was scary, terrifying, like flying off the handle and into the unknown, back into that chasm of black and emptiness to land who knew where. Maybe it was because he still hadn't really accepted the feelings that he guessed he knew he was feeling, these stirrings of attraction and lust and love, and maybe he didn't want anyone to know until he knew what they were. Maybe it was because it was the flea, because there would always be that part of him that had trouble keeping calm around him, keeping that temper in check. Maybe it was just for the thrill of keeping it hidden, like some little toy that he had found and the other children didn't know about. Maybe, maybe, maybe it didn't matter, just so long as it stayed hidden, for now, forever, who knew, who cared?

"Oh?" Tom called, the end of his voice rising in pitch in apparent surprise at seemingly guessing the reason after all. Shizuo could have cringed, who knew what sort of horrid questions would follow now? Tom was his friend, and it was only natural that a friend would enquire about any possible special someone in their friend's life. "I didn't realise you were seeing anyone,"

Shizuo had caught up with Tom by now, or Tom had slowed enough to allow him to do so, and the pair were walking side by side now, arm to arm. Shizuo had shoved his hands into his pockets too, fingers balling up into fists inside, though more from some kind of nerves, embarrassment, than anger at his boss, his friend. His head was tilted, down towards the floor, strands of blonde half falling to cover his face.

"We're not exactly— it's not like that," Shizuo admitted, raising one shoulder in a lazy half-shrug. He wasn't lying was he? Izaya and he hadn't clarified anything, hadn't made it official or really spoken of deeper feelings. They'd half acknowledged they were there, but neither had really done anything about it. He wasn't lying, not really, no. The very idea of them together was almost funny though, and Shizuo bit back a little laugh that seemed to want to tumble out. How odd would that be? To make it official, to make it a thing, not just this, whatever it was that they had now. He wasn't sure he wanted that, wasn't sure what that would be like. What did relationships entail normally? He imagined one with someone like Izaya wouldn't be anything like that.

"Ah, right," Tom nodded, smiling across at the blonde, as if what Shizuo had said made perfect sense, as if the answer hadn't been vague and airy and not really answering anything. "I guess it would be a little too soon for anything official if this is a new thing,"

"Hm," Shizuo hummed back.

"So," the brunette spoke up again, softly, curiously. One of his hands rose from his pocket to rub at the back of his neck as they walked, "Do you like him?"

The two fell into silence, though only for a second or two, apparently both of them thinking on what had been said so far. It wasn't nearly as awkward as Shizuo had suspected it could be. He guessed Tom knew that he didn't exactly steer towards women, and that had always been what the blonde had been most worried about, but if this conversation was anything to go by, he'd worried for nothing. Tom was just as kind about that as he seemed to be with everything and everyone.

Shizuo didn't really know what to say to Tom's question though, because to be fair, he didn't really know the answer yet. Well, he supposed he did, but there was that other side of him too, still fighting, still not allowing him to give up all the way, to accept these feelings completely. He wondered if that was a good thing or not. Him, liking the louse? The idea should be mad, it should be crazy, ridiculous. Once upon a time it would have made him mad, filled with rage, and now, well, now he was here, considering the question with a quiet indifference. Now he was actually contemplating that he might. Madness, that's what it was, mad.

"I— I think I—"

"Ah! Shizu-chan!" cooed a voice from across the road before Shizuo had a chance to answer. The blonde looked up, and so did Tom, as if they both hadn't recognised the voice already. Shizuo wasn't sure what to think or what to do when his golden eyes settled on the sleek outline of a raven across the street, wearing that devious smirk as if it were all the clothing he needed. "Just who I was hoping to run into!"

Yeah, fate was definitely screwing with him.