"Okay, now here's the real question. WHERE THE HELL ARE THE STAIRS!" I scream while I walk in circles, causing everyone to stare at me, making Alicia blush in embarrassment and Aria to just fly around, not really caring. It's not like I can ask Hilda for help because she's already challenged the gym leader and doesn't have to go through all of this library puzzle crap again!
"It's a... It's over here," the trainer standing in front of the bookshelf I was right next to says.
"What do I have to do! Please! I think I'm starting to die from lack of food or water!" I say, obviously exaggerating but it still seems to work once Alicia, who is standing next to me, falls over and looks like she wants to die. She kind of has a right to, though, she's kind of been fighting every single trainer...
"You have to battle me," the trainer says as she tosses out a Lilipup who starts running around like a madman.
"Yeah... Why did you have to loose Disarming Voice? Oh well, just attack it I guess," I say as I flop down next to Alicia, who then stands up and throws several leaves at the Lilipup while I think the trainer is yelling to use growl? I don't care, whatever, Alicia wins. Against all of them. That trainer has three Lilipups. Three.
"Return Lilipup. Anyway, just pull the book right here out," the trainer says as she points at a book and steps away from the bookshelf.
"I can't... Oh, thank you, Aria- OH, JESUS CHRIST" I say as Aria flies over to the switch, pulls the book out and presses the switch below it, causing the bookshelf to move away somehow to reveal a staircase.
"Okay, let's go- AH-"
"Litwick!"
"Jesus, you scared me!" I say as I turn around to see the Litwick from before staring at us while the trainer next to me seems to rather anxious at the sight of it. Can you blame her? It's evolved form hangs out around hospitals to suck out the souls of dying people.
"Litwick!" the tiny candle says, me having frankly no clue what the hell it is trying to say.
"Um... Okay... I mean, I don't speak Pokemon so... Uh, yeah. I don't have more food...? Bye...?" I say as I pick up a tired Alicia and walk down the stairs, the Litwick staring at me the whole time.
"FINALLY! YES! THOSE BERRIES I WAS SOLD BY SOME SHADY GUY ACTUALLY WORKED!" I hear Hilda yell before a much lower pitched chuckle is let out, probably by the gym leader, Lenora.
"Yes, yes, they did. Here's your reward for your perseverance, the Basic Badge," Lenora says.
I round the corner of the stairs to see a very happy Hilda holding her new badge and the gym leader standing next to her before I ask, "Um, should I come back at a later time, or...?"
"Oh, hey Alishia! Look, I got the badge- OH GOD!" Hilda screams. I look to my side to see the Litwick right next to me, staring at me with its soulless eye. Honestly, this thing is starting to creep me out as well, and I like Ghost-Types.
"No, no, it's fine, child. Just give me a moment," Lenora says with a smile before she walks to a back door and enters it, leaving us alone.
"Why are you still here? I swear I don't have more food for you," I say as I kneel down to the Litwick.
"Litwick! Lit Litwick! Litwick! Lit lit wick wick Litwick! Litwick!" the Litwick says as it makes gestures with its stubby arms. Um... Is it okay? I mean, it's really going into a tizzy.
"Um, what?" I say before it jumps at me.
"OH JESUS CHRIST, IT BURNS! AHAH! HELP ME!" I scream as I feel the heat of the melting wax from the Litwick's body.
"Lit? Litwick!" it says as it jumps off of me and looks highly concerned.
"Alishia, are you okay?" Hilda says as she runs over to me while I roll on the ground in the fetal position.
"No... Just give me a minute," I say as I hug myself and let the pain disappear slowly.
"Litwick... Litwick?-"
"Hey, you stupid thing! Tepig, use ember-"
"Litwick! Litwick! Litwickkkkkkkk!" the Litwick cries as it runs in circles around me while Hilda stares dumbfounded.
"I think she wants you to catch her, child," Lenora says from behind us.
"How do you know? Ugh, why did you have to jump on me" I cry as I roll on the ground while the Litwick looks at me sadly.
"Litwick..."
"My Cinccino acted just the same when I found her when I was younger, in fact, so did my Sawsbuck," Lenora says as she kindly looks at me.
"They burned you and made you roll around on the ground screaming?" I say, trying to keep any venom out of my voice.
"No, but my Cinccino stalked me for quite a while, and my Sawsbuck ran over me when she was a Deerling," Lenora says with a laugh.
"Ugh... Do you really want to spend the rest of your life enslaved by a trainer?" I ask the Litwick. It nods happily as it tries to wipe away the tears present on its face that instead evaporate from the flame on its head.
This... This is too easy, what does it want?
"Okay then... Um, here?" I say as I take out an empty pokeball that the Litwick takes and rubs against affectionately before a beam of light pulls it into the Pokeball. It shakes a few times before it makes a ding and the Litwick comes out of the Pokeball, looking at me with a smile.
"Are you ready?" Lenora asks. I nod and we both walk to the battlefield, my Pokemon following, before stopping on opposite sides, the referee doing his thing to start the battle once we're ready.
"Let's begin! Lilipup, help out!" Lenora says as she releases a Lilipup that runs around happily.
"Oh, uh, I think you must be tired since you've been doing all the fighting, so... Do you want to go, Litwick?" I ask both Alicia and the Litwick. Alicia nods and motions that she wants to be picked up, which I do, and Litwick smiles and moves to the battlefield.
"You may have the first move!" Lenora says happily.
"Okay, Litwick, use- ... What moves do you know?" I ask.
"Lit, Litwick! Lit... Lit Litwick!" the Litwick says very enthusiastically.
"Uh... I don't speak Pokemon, why does nobody seem to get this? Do you know any status moves?" I ask and wait for a reply, which Litwick does by nodding and holding up both hands before I say, "Uh, two? Okay, um, use... Both?"
"Litwick! Littttt wick!" the Litwick says before it unleashes a collection of purple lights onto the Lilipup, causing it to start spinning in circles before Litwick releases several flames that, when they touch the Lilipup, sink into its body and gives it a red tinge.
"Is that so? Lilipup, return."
Wait, what?
Can gym leaders return their Pokemon? That's like the Pokemon anime where-... Where Lenora uses a Lilipup and Ash loses. God, I hope I don't loose. That would be awful...
Yes, it would be, you overly competitive jerk.
"Alright, let's go Watchog-"
"DO THE SAME THING, I DON'T KNOW, USE THAT ANYTHING THAT'LL WORK I GUESS, SO HELP ME IF YOU ONLY KNOW GHOST-TYPE ATTACKING MOVES! SO, YEAH-"
"RALTS!"
"Oh, I'm sorry I didn't mean to almost drop you," I apologize to Alicia, who huffs as me as I rearrange her in my arms while Litwick does the same thing as before, which I think is Will-O-Wisp and Confuse Ray.
"Watchog, use Hypnosis!" Lenora yells after the flames set into Watchog, but before the purple beams manage to reach it. The Watchog puffs up its cheeks, obviously in pain from the burn it received and uses Hypnosis, sending white rings out of its mouth, very similar to Aria's own attack.
"Uh, counter-attack it? I mean, that something my fencing teacher told me to never do because it fails you ninety-nine percent of the time, but eh! This isn't fencing, use some fire move I guess!" I ramble on to look stupid as Litwick releases a huge burst of fire.
Flame Burst.
"Now run in with Crunch!" Lenora calls out as the Flame Burst disappears along with the Hypnosis and Confuse Ray.
"Purple thing!" I call out as a sort of codename for Confuse Ray. Just as Litwick is about to let out Confuse Ray, Watchog comes up behind it and bites it, only for both of them to yell in pain. Litwick is made of hot candle wax... Yeah, that would do it.
"Quick, use purple thingy again!"
"Watchog, don't let it!" Lenora calls out to counter me. Litwick tries to turn around and let out a Confuse Ray before Watchog, who is about to do something, is struck by his burn again and is unable to move, giving an opening to Litwick to let out a Confuse Ray, putting this show in the bag as Litwick uses Flame Burst again, causing the Watchog to fall over in defeat.
"Watchog is unable to battle, Litwick wins!" the nameless referee calls as Lenora returns her Watchog.
"Alright, Lilipup, go!" Lenora says as she releases Lilipup, who winces in pain from the burn.
"Use orange flame thing!" I call out, but instead of listening, Litwick uses Confuse Ray. Well, not what I wanted, but sure. The surprise of Litwick not listening to me set both Lenora and Lilipup off-guard and let the Confuse Ray easily connect.
"Lit..." the Litwick turns around and apologizes while the Lilipup starts walking in circles dizzily.
"Didn't mean to do that?"
"Lit!" Litwick affirms my idea.
"Okay, well, it worked anyway. Just use what I meant before," I say to Litwick, which they do, and just like that, the battle is over.
"Lilipup is unable to battle, Litwick wins, and the challenger wins the match!" the referee calls as Lenora returns her Lilipup.
"Well challenger, you've definitely given me quite a surprise. Your fighting style is so enchanting. It is charming. You are a Pokemon trainer worthy of receiving this Basic Badge!" she says as she walks over to me and hands me the badge, which I put in the jacket pocket that has the badge case because I'm too lazy to take out the case.
"Dear! Dear! Come quickly! Team Plasma is threating to steal some bones!" Lenora's husband yells as he runs into the room.
"What? What's happening!? Hilda, follow me!" Lenora says before she runs off, making Hilda and I look at each other before we follow Lenora.
"Now, you wait! Enough fooling around!" I hear Lenora yell as we catch up with her in the main room of the museum.
"So you've come, Gym Leader. We, Team Plasma, claim this museum's Dragon Skull in the name of Pokemon liberation! To show you we're serious, we'll steal it right before your eyes! Well, then, here's our smoke screen! Plasmaaaa! Plasmaaaa!" the group of grunts say, and in a flash of light, the skull is gone and smoke is everywhere.
"What's going on!?" Lenora says as she runs out of the building after them.
"Oh! Oh! We have to go after them!" Lenora's husband says and both Hilda and I run out after Lenora.
"I recognize them! I saw those people by Straiton City! They stole a little girl's Pokemon and were terrorizing a Muna!" Hilda says as we run out the door.
"Good day, Lenora. Find any good Fossils lately?" some hippy young guy says to Lenora.
"This is a surprise visit! Are you suffering from artist's block again? Hilda. This is Burgh. He may not look like it, but he's Castelia City's Gym Leader!" Lenora says.
"...Eh? Just looking for a change of pace. Seems hectic or something around here. What's up?" Burgh asks, a bit absentmindedly.
"What's up!? Someone just walked away with an exhibit, that's what's up!" Lenora says, bringing the conversation up to a ten.
"Oh, hi Hilda! Alishia, too! What's everyone doing here?" Bianca says as she walks to our now growing group outside the gym.
"Hilda, is there some kind of problem?" Cheren asks as he also joins our group of bodies.
"And these two are...?" Lenora asks as she glares at Bianca and Cheren, the glare soon softening as they explain who they are, which Lenora does and informs them about the situation.
"Bianca and Cheren. Oh, I see, you're trainers. Okay, then. Let's split up and search. I'll head this way. Everyone! Cheren and Bianca, I want you to stay here at the museum. Burgh and Hilda, you two search Pinwheel Forest. Got it? Burgh, you show the way. I'm counting on you, everyone!" Lenora says before she almost runs away.
"What can I do?" I ask as the Litwick catches up with us since we left them behind at the battlefield room. Poor thing.
"I can't have a young child be involved with this," Lenora says, and, while she wasn't trying to, comes off really patronizing.
I sigh before I put on my best "fuck you" look and say, "I'm eighteen."
Lenora looks at me in shock for a moment before she then says, "Alright then. Go with Burgh and Hilda."
"Uh-huh. You two are... Hilda and Alishia, right? Are you two raring to round up our robbers?" Burgh says as Lenora runs away, and Burgh walks away in the other direction.
"For now, all we have to do is protect the museum, right?" Cheren asks as he walks inside it.
"Hey, wait for me!" Bianca calls out before running after Cheren.
"Well, Alishia, it seems like it's up to us and that weird guy! Let's go!" Hilda says cheerfully as she runs to catch up with the Burgh guy.
"Is it bad that I feel old and that I can't keep up?"
"Gastly."
"Ralts."
"Litwick."
In other words, yes.
I hate you all.
You've charred my heart into ash
If anyone is wondering why I used a Lilipup, I copied the fact that Lenora used a Lilipup in the first battle Ash has against Lenora. I still kept the annoying Watchog, though. Also, if you find it confusing that Lenora says, "What's going on?" so much, it's not me, I'm copying a walkthrough.