Chapter 1
Draco sighed and started speaking immediately. "Ok. I didn't - and still don't - want to be in that house because of the souls." There was a moment of silence of confusion.
"Souls? Isn't that the same thing as ghosts? Man, there were plenty of ghosts in Hogwarts," said Blaise, shaking his head in disappointment.
"No. Souls. They are completely different, and way worse. You know, like in Muggle stories-"
"Wait," I interrupted. They looked at me expectantly. "Muggle stories?" I was about to go on, but Malfoy interrupted me. I was still amazed that he read Muggle stories when he started talking again.
"Not the point. They are like the ghosts that stay after to haunt people, not just... stay there, like the Bloody Baron or something. Their eyes... are bottomless, and scary. They are bottomless and scary. They are heartless, and they destroyed the Manor. It's in too much disarray, and on top of that, the souls are of every single person that died from the war." He shook his head. "I couldn't do it. I... I had - and still have, at times - anxiety attacks because of it," he said, avoiding our eyes. Suddenly, he seemed really interested in the floor.
Pansy patted Draco's back nicely, and Blaise said, "That's nothing to be ashamed about!" I stayed where I was, silent. No matter what, I promised myself, I wouldn't tell anybody about my problem. My parents were the only people who knew, and only the adoptive ones. I knew how it was; it feels like you have to run away from something, but you don't know what exactly it is. I turn red, I feel like my bones are shaking, and I couldn't calm myself down at the beginning, but now I could. My throat clenches, I feel nauseous, and my head and arms feel tingly, but not in a good way. After the attack is over and I am calmed down, I feel confused about where I am, what time it is, what's happening... it's not a pleasant feeling. At all.
I felt embarrassed by it, so that's why I never wanted to tell. I didn't like it; nobody did. It made you feel useless, and you never knew when they were going to come, how bad they were going to be, or what was going to happen during one; after third year, everybody knew I feared failing, and I felt like I was failing to keep the mask that always occupied my face, on.
Draco sighed. "Yes, it is. My mother was too nervous, and she wasn't always there. When she finally took off with the Aurors, I wasn't worried because she might die, I was worried that she might not come back. Ever. Lucius may not have been the nicest to me, but the two of them... they were a pair. After he died, my mother was lost for almost three months. And then I had the anxiety attacks, and I left to come here because I couldn't stand the," he shuddered, "souls there. They're worse then you think. They are the victims of all the crimes that happened at the Manor, and I was involved in most of them. They have back for revenge. It isn't sweet, and it isn't fun." He sighed. "It's hard to explain. They destroy things, and they...can hurt you."
"I can't go back there. It stresses me too much." He opened his mouth as if he was going to say something, and then he changed his mind and closed it. Then he opened it again, nearly speaking, and then closed it again. Personally, I thought he looked like a speechless fish.
"My mom isn't quite as bad, but I was the last one there. It is nearly in ruins. They burned down a few rooms, and there is glass and wood and plastic everywhere. And then... the looks on their faces... it is horrible." He had swung his feet over the bed, so now they were touching the ground. His elbows were on his knees, and they were holding up his face. He was looking at his bare feet, and his eyebrows were furrowed with his eyes closed.
Truly, he looked stressed, and for the first time witnessed by me, broken. I sighed and closed my eyes, remembering a time that it could have been me with that expression in that chair. Unlike most people, who had suffered immediately after the war, I didn't show any signs of PTSD until months after. I stayed neutral during the building of Hogwarts, the mourning of friends, only crying what seemed normal. Months after, though, I completely broke down. I wouldn't come out of my room unless it was to eat or go to the bathroom, and even then, I limited those. The lights were always dim. I cried every day, and the nights - they were the worst. I had nightmares that were so bad I awoke in a cold sweat with tears streaming down my face, screaming. My parents were broken - they didn't know what to do. It was often that whenever I actually did come out of the room, I would find my mother and father speaking about me. My mother often was in arms of my father, and I could hear her crying softly. I didn't know what to do, but after about four months of the break down, it just... went away slowly, I guess.
It seemed that Draco hadn't been as lucky as me.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Blaise asked quietly.
"It was embarrassing. I mean, you guys were all fine. You both know that I looking weak." He only looked at Blaise and Pansy. I wondered for a moment of he forgot I was there.
"Hey, come on. We all had a breakdown after the war. It's only reasonable. It's just that we had a mask on." Pansy smiled a bit and continued, "All those years at Hogwarts with a mask finally wore away." She shrugged.
"It's really nothing to be ashamed of," I said quietly. My face was quiet and my voice was flat, unlike the other's. Their voices were heavy with pity. If there was anything I hated when I was having my breakdowns, it was the pity that was visible on everybody's face. I had realized that Draco and I were quite similar long before I even left Hogwarts.
He looked at me and I studied his face for a moment. As I looked closer than before, I saw the dark circles under his eyes and his sunken face. I wondered how I had not seen the signs before. When I was under the anxiety attacks, I had looked at myself in the mirror so many times, just staring, as if I could return the color in my cheeks, or put the fire back in my eyes, or erase the dark circles that surrounded my eyes. Draco looked similar.
He looked away first, but not without narrowing and unnarrowing his eyes many times. I blinked at the sudden lack of warmth that I hadn't noticed entered me. His eyes were a deep pool of emotions, and they warmed me, but I didn't realize that they had done so until they left, and for that, I was upset.
Hermione!
I snapped back to the present when I felt Draco's leg bump mine as he shifted on the bed. I snapped it back, not welcoming the unexpected touch. He looked at me curiously, and I avoided his eyes. The only people that I allowed to touch me was my family, along with the Weasleys and Harry. I was honestly surprised when I had pulled away from Draco when Blaise and Pansy were downstairs, because only then was when I realized that I had let somebody I barely knew touch me in a while.
"So, what now?" Blaise asked. I rolled my eyes.
"You're really bad at this stuff, aren't you?" I sighed. "Well, you can stay here as long as you want or need, you can come to us if you ever need help, we will always be hear if or when you need us... hmm... what else?" I thought for a moment. "Oh, and you don't have to be afraid to tell us anything." I shrugged, saying it nonchalantly, but I felt my throat tighten with pity. I tried hard as I could to not let it show, because most people actully hate the pity that comes their way, and I had a slight feeling that Draco Malfoy - proud, elegant Draco Malfoy - was one of those people.
He smiled a bit while Blaise chuckled. "Yeah, and you're so much better at it," he joked.
I smiled a small upturn of the lips and spoke quietly, almost so that nobody could hear. "I could be." Blaise and Pansy just seemed to brush my strange tone off, but I could see Draco raising his eyebrows slightly. I turned away from him and stood. "Well, I think everybody feels kinda awkward being downstairs alone, so... I'm gonna go entertain them. You Slytherins stay here and do...whatever you guys do." I stepped around Blaise on the floor and Pansy's chair. Yawning, I realized that I was quite tired from the row with Ron, and all the swimming.
I stretched, and as I find so, I felt an arm wrap around my waist. Shrieking slightly, I fell back. I braced myself with me hands, only to land on Blaise's lap. He tickled my side's, and I squirmed, writhing under his slender fingers. Finally I grabbed a hold of his hands, holding them in a tight grip so I could have a breather.
Taking a deep breath, I realized I still had a slight smile on my face from all the laughing when a voice said, "You're as good as a Slytherin now." Pansy smirked.
"Yeah, I mean, what if you being put in Gryffindor was just a part of your disguise?" Malfoy said, seemingly recovering from the awkward silence.
The smile left my face as I considered his words. Maybe I was a Slytherin at heart. I thought deeper than that, and my whole world - one that was happy in the moment that I scooched lot of Blaise's lap - shattered. What if my life before this was all fake? What if I truly was a Slytherin, a rich, snotty Pureblood?
I stood up, still thinking, and started to walk towards the door. I kept my head down the whole walk to the door, which was littered with thoughts of mine and the Slytherin's voices behind me. They - well, Blaise, at least - protested against my leaving, but I ignored him as I looked back at the bed. Pansy and Draco were speaking in low voices, and Blaise turned his head to watch them. I studied each person.
Blaise looked somewhat like Mom, but more features than not were unrecognizable to me. His eyes were ones like Mom's, catlike, but instead of her odd violet color, they were chocolate brown, like mine. He had a strong bone structure, but if you looked close enough, one side of his jaw had a bump, and his nose curved upward, but not too much like Snape's nose was. His chest was muscular, and his shoulders were wide. You could see the faint outline of muscle in his bicep, and I knew if he tightened his arm, they would pop out even more. His abs weren't sharply defined, but you could see the line among his super-tan, flawless skin. If I wasn't his sister, I'd say he was handsome. But since I was, there was something inside of me that just found him... well, not unattractive, but not attractive, at least in that way.
Pansy had almond shaped eyes, and they were a dark brown, nearly a black, but seeing as she was talking with her friends at the moment, they were soft. Her face had grown out of the old way that are it somehow resemble a pug, and she was pretty now. Her hair was raven-colored, and it was straight as can be, until the very ends, where it curled up into a bouncy curl that circles twice. She was wearing a bikini, and her chest was bigger than mine, but still about average. Her stomach was flat, and her hips were small. Her legs were long, skinny and tan. Her skin was flawless, not a freckled or pore on her. I envied her naturally good looks.
Draco seemed to have changed the most from Hogwarts. His old white blonde hair that was always combed one side was darker now, and her kept it messy - but in a good way. His eyes were an extremely light blue, and they were donned with long eyelashes. His cheekbones were high, and his nose as just the right size, though it had a slight bump in the middle. His lips were full, and they a near girlish pink, but they fitted his mature face perfectly. His chest was also big, as were his shoulders. His biceps were outlined, even more so than my brother's, and his six pack was clearly visible through the few drops that still lingered. I gasped as my eyes trailed lower, finding the V that led to his swimming trunks. I blushed and turned around quickly.
I closed the door quietly and sighed. Sniffing the air, I could still smell Draco's room - honey and mango, yet unique that was only defined as Draco.
Padded over to my to my room, opened my huge walk-in closet, and pulled out a light green sundress. I took a moment to calm down, and then I walked downstairs, my feet padding against the stairs. I walked into the kitchen, taking in the sight of three people sitting at the island. I smiled as I realized that Ginny, Harry, and Marriett were leaning over the counter, talking to my mom.
"You know," I started, announcing my presence, "I came down here to keep you guys company, but it seems you found some already." I stuck my luck out and lowered my brows slightly, so I had a fake pout on my face.
Ginny rolled her eyes. "Oh, come on, Hermione. She was keeping us company when you guys were upstairs... doing what you do. What were you doing anyway? It seemed like you guys went up in pairs..." she wiggled her eyebrow suspiciously and smirked.
I blushed and gaped, mortified that she said that in front of my mother. I looked at her, worried she would be refinancing, but she just looked at me with interest.
"Yes, where did you guys get off to, Mia?" she asked, her eyes wide, and only then as the three people parted to turn around did I see a photo album set on the table.
"Uh, nothing. We were just in Draco's room." I shook my head.
She raised her eyebrows. "Draco?" I shook my head, brushing it off, and started at her. My eyes told her that we would talk about it later, and she let it go, however reluctant. I smiled slightly and turned back to my friends.
"Okay, well, it's been a long day, hasn't it?" I glanced at the clock, realizing that it was nearly 5.30. Crap! I had wanted to go to my parent's house for dinner, but it was later than I realized. "And I need to get to my parents' house for dinner, so..."
Ginny scoffed. First you abandon us, then you kick us out? That hurts, Hermione." She tsked in disapproval.
"Yeah, what a friend." Harry shook his head.
I gaped, surprised that they felt that way. Ginny saw the look on my face just laughed.
"We're joking, Hermione. I had fun today." She turned to Mum. "And thank you for letting us over, Mrs. Zabini."
Mum smiled. "Oh, You're welcome, honey. And please, call me Sasha. I feel old when you all me Mrs. Zabini."
"Are we gonna Floo or Apparate?" Harry asked, walking towards the dining room. I followed Harry and Ginny, who had started to follow them.
"I don't know. They both make me dizzy. So I guess it's up to you." She shrugged.
"Well, the fireplace is right here, and I suspect that you have to be outside of the gates to Apparate, correct, Hermione?" I nodded. "Then let's Floo." He held out his hand. "Shall we?"
"We shall." I smiled at the cute couple before waving a little. The last I saw of them was Ginny's hair and Harry's hand waving back to me. The green flames disappeared, and I walked back into the kitchen. Draco, Pansy, and Blaise had all come back downstairs. They were still looking at the photo album.
"Hey, Mum, I think I'm gonna go see my... parents. They've been waiting, and I promised that I would visit them..." I trailed off, feeling awkward that I was talking to my mother about my adoptive parents.
But she just smiled and said, "Okay, honey. Why don't you say goodbye to Marriett, here? She probably won't be here when you get back."
"Are you staying tonight? I asked, facing Pansy. She nodded. "'Kay. Bye, Marriett. It was nice to meet you." I smiled, then waved to the others. "Love you, Mum, Blaise."
I walked up the stairs and to my room. As I closed my eyes, I realized that I was exhausted. But plucking up any energy I had, I walked over to my closet and searched for something to wear to dinner.