It Takes Time

By: Le tired

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach or its characters, blah blah blah, etc.

Rated: T for some language and…stuff?

Author's Notes: Sorry for the delayed update, I've been struggling with a number of random health issues, and now I'm in the hospital waiting for the surgeons to come take my gallbladder out -_-. Anyway, this might not be the best chapter since I wrote it in between bouts of excruciating pain and I've been trying to edit it, but I finally decided the hell with it. So, did anyone else notice that when Matsumoto first showed up in the human world, she was baring her boobs all over the place in that school uniform, but after that in the manga and anime, she seems to wear more modest clothing? Maybe I'm mistaken, but my mind got carried away with the possibilities of how that might have occurred, especially if Hitsugaya had something to do with it XD.

XIce-and-SnowX: Thank you very much! I think I'm going to have a lot of fun writing about them in the human world too!

Writing bunny: LOL how true about the threat, guess Toshirou's anger got the best of him :P. Then again, I can't remember the last time he wasn't manipulated like crazy by Matsumoto^^.

kriitikko: Haha he sure did. Thanks again for following the story!

.attack: Thank you! I think it was one of my goofier chapters, so I'm glad people found it funny :).

Prince of Winter Dragons: Yeah I suck at writing my own storylines, so I'm just taking the Bleach one and filling in the blanks :P. Oh well, it's fun imagining what happened during that time! And yeah, in regards to the jealousy thing, I think most guys don't appreciate other guys coming onto their girlfriends, but going ballistic about it strikes me as immature and insecure, and probably OOC for Toshirou, so yeah :). Peace and love!

sagitgirlth: I know, Matsumoto is so much fun. Wish I had a job and boss like her (sigh). :P

Goth-Punk88: Thanks for taking the time to review, I'm glad you were able to rediscover this fic and still enjoy it! Haha I was slightly scared to take on Ichigo and Rukia since they're the main characters and I've seen terrifying forum and Youtube fights over IchiRuki and IchiHime :P. I definitely agree that Kubo Tite seems to be more of a proponent of a relationship of trust and equals and often friendship before it has the possibility of developing into something more. Maybe that's what he meant when he said he doesn't do romance?

Chapter 19

After more yelling and agreeing NOT to ever let the rest of the team learn about their brouhaha in the park, Matsumoto and Hitsugaya had been forced to depart the premises before more people came around and noticed the three humans they knocked out. They were now roaming aimlessly along the streets of a residential neighborhood.

"Where do we go now, Hitsugaya-taichou?" Matsumoto asked politely, trying not to annoy her captain any more than she already had.

She truly was remorseful about causing a scuffle with the humans. She flirted all the time in Soul Society without much consequence, besides the occasional nosebleed. She would clearly need to be more careful around men in this realm. It was just…so cute to see her taichou frowning at all the people who had thrown themselves at her today, including a stuffed animal!

Well, it shouldn't have been that surprising, if she thought about it. Matsumoto knew Hitsugaya had a protective streak a mile long of her, Hinamori, his squad, and…well, pretty much anyone else he knew that wasn't an enemy. Her taichou wasn't good with words, so he compensated by defending and watching out for them to show he cared.

Of course, up until now, when it came to watching over Matsumoto, it was largely during combat. She knew he'd always disliked how men ogled her, but after concernedly suggesting a few times in their first year together that she adjust her top if she didn't want to be peeked at, he'd washed his hands of the matter (especially after Matsumoto explained that she was aware of the peeking and liked it). Now that they were together, she was delighted to see his displeasure at perverts harassing her had returned with a vengeance. Even funnier, she knew that he knew that she was provoking him deliberately, and he still couldn't quash his reaction. It was pretty evil, but Matsumoto just couldn't help reveling in the emotional response she could elicit from her usually composed taichou. It was proof of the strength of his feelings for her, after all, and really, there were the only two ways you could get an overt sign of affection from Hitsugaya Toshirou; you either had to: 1) get in serious trouble and then he'd do everything he could to help or 2) annoy it out of him. Since using the first option was kind of a dick move, that left door number two. It worked pretty well for the most part, with Matsumoto always walking away feeling cherished and with Hitsugaya walking away feeling only slightly harassed. Not a bad deal all around.

Until this incident with the humans. God, what a disaster. At one point in her life, Matsumoto had maybe thought it might be romantic for a lover to charge in and fight for her honor against such unwanted suitors. That notion completely disappeared once she'd dated a few jealous and possessive asses in Soul Society, who got riled up if another man so much as looked at her the wrong way. The ensuing arguments (and two fistfights) had completely disgusted her, and always ruined the evening. When she was taken out, Matsumoto wanted to be treated to a nice expensive dinner, not watch two men duke it out for the next hour! And that was with the men she didn't really like. When someone she actually cared for got involved, usually Gin (who took especial pleasure in playing the 'other man' and baiting such jealous escorts), she felt sick to the stomach with the fear of seeing him hurt, as well as the fear of seeing the violence he was capable of.

It had been the same with Hitsugaya at the park. It didn't matter that they were fighting snotty human brats with no power whatsoever. Just the thought that someone really wanted to hurt her taichou upset her. On top of that, Hitsugaya had been forced to engage in meaningless combat—something Matsumoto knew he loathed from the bottom of his heart. She would have preferred it if they'd all attacked her instead (since Matsumoto had no problem smacking people around when they deserved it).

For a moment, Matsumoto thought she almost regretted her looks and the unwanted attention they drew. Sure, it was flattering now and then, but none of it mattered if the one person whose eye she truly wanted to catch was only being troubled by it.

An unexpected nostalgia rocked through her as she recognized her train of thought. Goodness, when was the last time I thought my looks were a drawback? It had to have been…been…when her body first began developing and other male spirits started to take notice of her.

Matsumoto bit her lip, remembering. Back then, she'd been so confused and frightened by the leers and rubs against her. It would surely have escalated to something much worse…if it hadn't been for Gin. He'd always step in with a friendly smile and after a moment, the men would back off, strangely cowed. Of course, that had also worried Matsumoto. She didn't want to make Gin protect her all the time. She remembered when she'd nearly lost it one night, crying and telling Gin she was going to cut her hair and cover herself in mud and never take baths so she'd stink, and maybe the men would stop coming after her.

"Ah, I hadn't thought of that solution, Ran-chan," Gin had said, smiling as always. She was curled up in a ball against a wall of a shack they'd taken shelter in for the night. He crouched in front of her, his chin on his knees. "If you really want to be ugly and stinky, I'll fully support ya."

"You…you wouldn't hate me, would you, Gin?" she asked fearfully between hiccups. She was aware Gin was male too and although she didn't think he'd ever looked that way at her, she couldn't be sure it wasn't what was keeping him at her side as well.

"Hmm it's pretty funny to hate someone just because of the way they look. People like that must not have anything better to do with their hatred. In fact, I doubt they know what real hatred is, what it feels like to want to kill someone every day…well, that's just my thinking anyway." He thought for a moment, although his expression didn't change in the slightest. "On the other hand, I'd really hate the thought of you living your life based on how some dirty old men treat ya."

"But what can I do, Gin?" she asked desperately. "I…I don't really want to be ugly, but I don't want you to always protect me!"

"Don't worry, Ran-chan. There'll come a time when you won't need me to protect you. Remember, you've got a lot of spiritual energy like me, you just need ta learn control it a little more. Then those men'll be too scared ta touch you." Gin chuckled a little. "In fact, I like protecting you, Ran-chan, I like you needing me. If possible, I want you to need me for the rest of yer life."

Something about his words terrified her. They were too large, too filled with meaning she could not understand yet. But she knew she had to tell him how important he was to her. "I will, Gin!" she insisted. "I'll always need you! You're everything to me!"

"Haha thanks Rangiku." He leaned back and stretched. "Then, if it's all right with ya, I'll keep enjoying this while it lasts. Before things change and all."

Again, his words weighed heavily upon her, but she had no idea how to respond. "Oh…all right." She started to relax again. Gin always made her feel better, more hopeful. "I wish..I wish I could do something for you Gin. I…want you to need me too," she blurted shyly, confused why she was suddenly blushing. Luckily, it was night, so she didn't think Gin could see her face too well.

Gin cocked his head and seemed to be considering something. "Wanna do something for me, you say? How about you just stay the beautiful Rangiku I know?"

"Gin," she protested, utterly deflated. "That's not really doing anything! In fact, that's doing nothing! You want me to just stay me?"

"Yup."

"I…all right. If that's really all I can do for you…" It hurt, but she couldn't think of anything else either. Gin was always so self-sufficient, so independent. He took care of her, but whenever he wanted or needed something, he just went elsewhere.

"That's all," Gin confirmed. "Be yourself, Rangiku. Always."

And so Matsumoto had. Since it was what Gin asked of her, she did her best to always be herself and take pride in it. She liked sake, so she drank openly. She liked feeling pretty, so she spent her money happily on clothes and makeup. She liked playing jokes and exerting power over men, so she flirted and teased whenever she felt like it. The breast-baring had actually started as a joke, but when she saw how funny Gin thought it was, she decided to stick with it. Growing up with Gin…it could give you a warped sense of humor. And by then, she'd grown into her power as a Shinigami, and no one dared to touch her. Unless it was a captain that got the wandering hands…but then Gin would take care of them as a captain himself.

Perhaps those weren't the lifestyle choices other people would have made, but Matsumoto was happy living her life her way. Even if people thought she was a slut or the women called her a hussy, she felt no shame…because Gin's opinion was the only one that really mattered. Until now.

I just had to fall for someone with the complete opposite ideology than Gin, didn't I? she bemoaned in her mind. Hitsugaya-taichou asked just about everything else of her that Gin didn't. He wanted her to stop drinking, he wanted her to stop napping, he wanted her to do her job…okay, none of it was exactly unreasonable, but she was pretty sure if she just went along with it all, he'd run her ragged. He was always pushing her, never satisfied with Matsumoto 'just being herself', as Gin put it. It wasn't that he didn't like her, Matsumoto knew, but he thought she had the potential to improve herself and therefore she should try. It was the same principle he strove to live by each day.

It was sort of inspiring. And terrifying. The first few years they'd worked together, Matsumoto went home every night positive she'd been assigned some twelfth division monster creation for a captain (it was only after Momo vouched for him that she 'd finally put her doubts to rest). Still, it was nice to have someone who noticed every minute she wasn't in the office, someone who sought her out when she was missing and gave a damn what she was doing with her time, someone who clearly saw her as part of his life.

On the other hand, he also seemed to see her attractiveness as a nuisance, and after what had happened with those humans, Matsumoto couldn't entirely refute his opinion. For most of her life, she'd decided to view her eye-catching looks as one of her strongest points. It was amazing how one unhappy incident with Hitsugaya threw her back to her adolescent days of self-consciousness and doubt.

A hand reached out towards her.

Still half-immersed in her childhood memories, Matsumoto shrieked and flailed comically backwards. Seconds later, she realized that of course, it was just her taichou, who looked wide-eyed and slightly traumatized at her reaction.

"…you had some dirt on your shoulder from fighting with those humans earlier. I was just brushing it off for you." He flushed slightly and looked away. "My apologies if I was too familiar."

"Ah no, you weren't at all, taichou! Too familiar, that is. S-sorry, it's just that I thought for a moment there you were trying to molest me—WAIT NO! I meant, I thought you were a molester, not my taichou," Matsumoto babbled frantically, as her captain made slight choking sounds at her explanation. "No, that's not it, either! …I was thinking about molesters, and when you suddenly shot your hand out like that, it surprised me!" Matsumoto shook her head emphatically. "Really, it wasn't you taichou! You can touch me wherever you like, whenever you like, however you like! Really taichou, be as familiar as you like with my body, my breasts—"

"All right, stop talking!" Hitsugaya barked, eyes darting around the area for anyone who might have overheard. "You don't have to say anymore! I get the picture."

Matsumoto quieted down. "I'm really sorry taichou," she repeated meekly one last time.

"I told you already, it's fine." Hitsugaya eyed her warily. "…do I want to know why you were randomly thinking about molesters?"

"Ummmm…" Matsumoto fidgeted. Despite their long partnership, neither she nor Hitsugaya had ever revealed much about their pasts to one another. It was the one aspect of her life that he probably knew less about than the rest of her friends. It was strange, but Matsumoto didn't want her captain to see her as anything but the person she was today; she didn't want him to know the younger her, when she was still weak and vulnerable. And she had the feeling it was similar for Hitsugaya. From what she briefly saw of his meager living conditions and how others treated him all those years ago, Matsumoto guessed Hitsugaya had his share of of problems while living in Rukongai as well. Just because what hadn't killed them had made them stronger didn't mean they wanted to reminisce about it.

And so, Matsumoto decided to fib just a little. "I was just thinking of those pervy human boys, taichou, and all the people who've been bothering me today. What a pain! I'm telling you, taichou, beauty is a real heavy burden to bear sometimes! Sometimes I wonder if I shouldn't release Haineko on my face or something, and then I wouldn't have to put up with such things!"

She was exaggerating, of course, but Matsumoto found herself genuinely upset. It was as if she were sitting in the shadows of that shack with Gin late at night again…except this time, Gin wasn't with her. He'd left her because there had never been anything about Matsumoto to keep him there, not even her lauded looks. And Hitsugaya…he didn't even pretend to admire her form (and had explicitly stated his abhorrence for her breasts on several occasions).

It was funny, because didn't all women want men who loved them for who they were inside, regardless of appearance? But…wasn't your appearance a part of you as well? And what was wrong specifically with Matsumoto's that every other man flocked to her except the ones she loved?

"It'd make things easier for you too, taichou, wouldn't it?" Matsumoto met Hitsugaya's eyes steadily. "If I didn't look like this…if I was just a good wholesome-looking girl like Momo or Nanao. They're still pretty, but not…like me. I'm like that girl you go out with for a wild night, but would never take home to your parents…well, see, I know you don't like wild nights, so you must really get mad when men come over and try stuff with me."

"Matsumoto—"

"I know part of it is my fault," she hurried on to say, fearful of Hitsugaya's response. He hardly ever pulled punches when it came to speaking his opinions, and as thick-skinned she thought she'd become over the years, Matsumoto still thought his words might be sharp enough to penetrate her heart. "I know I shouldn't have acted the way I did, and that reminds me…I wanted to say I'm sorry for what happened back there. I behaved very poorly as your fukutaichou, and I promise I won't ever instigate another disturbance like that."

She might have said more, but she had to take a breath, and her taichou, being the genius tactician he was, saw his opportunity to cut her off. "Matsumoto…" He stopped. Shook his head.

And laughed, of all things.

Matsumoto felt her jaw drop open. It wasn't a loud laugh, just a quiet reserved chuckle, but still..!

"Taichou…your sense of humor…is horrible," she couldn't help protesting. "I've been trying all these years to get you to laugh with jokes and teasing to no avail, and now when I'm pouring my heart out to you, you finally laugh?"

"Sorry, I didn't mean to." Hitsugaya turned slightly away and pressed one hand against his mouth, but his shoulders shook slightly for another moment before he got himself back under control. "Forgive me, Matsumoto, I wasn't really laughing at you. I was just surprised at how badly you've misunderstood me."

"I've misunderstood you?" Matsumoto repeated stupidly.

"Yes." Hitsugaya turned to face her again. If she looked closely, she could see a mild mirth in his eyes, which eased Matsumoto's anxiety despite her low mood. "The idea that I dislike your attractiveness is ridiculous. Laughable. Hence my reaction."

"But taichou—"

"I don't recall ever blaming you for the way men look at you." Hitsugaya shrugged. "You've certainly contributed to certain situations, but if you're genuinely sorry for what you did earlier, that's enough." His eyes grew sober. "I know what it's like to have grown up looking…different. It's impossible to change others' reactions, so we have to learn to modify our own outlooks on our appearances. I was never able to entirely embrace my looks, so I admire your ability to do so. That's the truth, Matsumoto."

"Taichou—"

"Let me finish," he said firmly with a glare. "You're always talking my ear off, so at least give me the chance to speak when I actually have something important to say."

Ouch. Well he had a point. "Ahahah sorry taichou, please finish."

"…all right." Hitsugaya sighed and looked down at the ground. "I've always thought it couldn't be pleasant to be at the center of so much attention all the time, especially when it's entirely based on the superficial merit of your looks. Furthermore, I imagine you've been pursued like that your entire life…even when you were probably too young to completely understand why. It's only natural for you to develop a complex about it."

Wow he's hitting the nail right on the head. Matsumoto squirmed uncomfortably. People who thought the freakiest thing about her taichou's hair and height were idiots.

"You've been repeatedly praised for your loveliness by those who can't see beyond your face and figure, and you've come to appreciate the attention. Yet, at the same time, you realize people like that aren't really any good; the fact that the men you actually welcome into your life are all hard-working honest Shinigami officers supports that. In the end, you end up trusting and liking people who are more likely to disregard your appearance in favor of your inner qualities...but then you grow uneasy because you're used to being treated as if your looks were your best characteristic. And then you think there's something wrong with you, that it's your fault somehow. It's not an uncommon mentality for women to develop when they are constantly singled out for sexual reasons." Hitsugaya's mouth twisted downwards into a frightening snarl, and a chilly wind blew through the street. "You think you're to blame for all the attention, because of your looks. But it's not. It's the bastards who objectify attractive women like you."

He turned to regard Matsumoto again. "I didn't want to contribute to that, so I thought it best not to stress your looks. But...perhaps you needed to hear the compliments from someone you respected for a change. So I'll say again, I've always thought you were an attractive woman, Matsumoto. And I'm sorry if you misinterpreted my anger. Yes, it was partially directed at you for encouraging the men, but the majority was at them. I'd be a fool if I held you responsible simply because you were born pretty." He glared at her, clearly discomfitted from having to share so much of his thoughts. "Does that make sense?"

Matsumoto opened and closed her mouth, but nothing came out. "...Taichou, I think it's an unspoken rule of relationships that you don't psychoanalyze your girlfriend."

"..."

"Er, yes, yes, it makes sense!" Matsumoto said quickly before her captain could start yelling. Honestly, it was hard to process everything he'd said just now. It was sort of overwhelming to listen to essentially a brief thesis on her mental state. But one sentiment in particular had stood out.

It's not your fault.

It was strange, because Matsumoto didn't think she was the sort to blame herself (if anything, she did the best she could to shove blame off on someone else whenever she could). And yet...maybe she had held herself responsible in some way for how everyone saw her. How Gin saw her. Perhaps...it was time to let go and free herself from that thought.

"Thank you, taichou." In a burst of elation, Matsumoto ran over and bent down to hug her captain tightly. Thank you so much. Naturally, Hitsugaya made some indignant noises and half-hearted struggles, but finally sighed and relaxed against her.

"I didn't do anything, idiot."

"You didn't have to." She gave him another fierce squeeze, and this time she felt his hand come up to rest tentatively on her forearm. "I'm so glad you think I'm pretty." It didn't really do the emotions threatening to burst through her chest justice, but it was all she could manage at the moment.

"I can't believe I have to tell you that," Hitsugaya muttered. "Weren't you the one reassuring me of my attractiveness a few days ago?"

"Haha it looks like we're both really insecure deep down inside," Matsumoto laughed. "You're going to have to keep reminding me how gorgeous I am, okay, taichou?"

"There's no way in hell I'm doing that." He craned his neck backwards in an attempt to glare at her. "Didn't I tell you I'm not like those asses who only see your outer beauty and couldn't recognize you without it? You could die and be reincarnated as a hideously deformed troll, and I would still know you, Matsumoto-regardless of shape or form."

Matsumoto's heart did a funny skip. A hot blush rushed to her face, down her neck, and blossomed along her chest. "Taichou," she croaked through a suddenly dry throat, "would you really...look for me?"

She could feel her captain jerk slightly, and although his face was still obscured from her, she saw the back of his neck turning flame red. He tried again to move away from her and this time, still a little shocked, she let him go. "I don't know what you're confused about this time, Matsumoto. It was just a hypothetical situation." His voice was cross, but when his eyes met hers, the heated resolution in them shook Matsumoto to the core. "I don't expect you to actually be leaving me anytime soon."

Was it even possible to love someone more than she already did? Matsumoto was having trouble breathing. Hitsugaya Toshirou, I love you so much.

"Taichou, you're so nice when you put your mind to it!" she squealed and tried to hug him again. This time, Hitsugaya saw her coming and sidestepped out of the way.

"Enough, Matsumoto," he growled impatiently. "We should get going."

"Eh, where, taichou? Ah, come to think of it, you never answered me when I asked, right?"

"I was about to answer earlier, but then I saw you spacing out." Hitsugaya sighed. "I thought you wanted to go to that karaoke bar."

…Is this really happening? Matsumoto wanted to hug him again, but resisted for fear of him changing his mind in anger. "Taichou, does this mean you were eavesdropping on us back then?"

"It's not eavesdropping when you and those idiots were talking so loudly." Hitsugaya turned and began walking again. Matsumoto happily ran after him.

"Hey, taichou, can we go shopping afterwards?"

"Yes."

"Really, taichou?" Matsumoto was starting to worry. Oh my god I'm under an illusion by Aizen, aren't I? There's no way Hitsugaya-taichou is taking me karaoke singing AND shopping.

"Yes." Hitsugaya sounded rather satisfied with himself. "You said you were going to be more subdued about your looks from now on. We'll start with you buying some shirts that actually cover your chest."