Author's Note: Let me just say that I really love you guys since I'm updating from my mother's computer which is a real pain in the ass since it freezes like every ten seconds...

Day One-Hundred Three: Speechless by Lady Gaga

I couldn't believe it was really over for the two of us. It felt like the worst feeling of betrayal possible. He gave up on us. He just threw his hands up and declared that he couldn't do it anymore.

He had this spiteful, angry look in his beautiful eyes last night. But they didn't look beautiful. Those pretty turquoise irises turned fifty shades darker as he spoke, his words laced with hints of venom.

I don't remember what we even fought about. Something stupid, I bet. Maybe I got on him again about his lying. It was quite a role reversal, considering how things had been back in high school…

And he probably brushed it off—like he always did—and took another cigarette or tried to run off like always. The details were still very murky to me.

I knew I was pushing him to the breaking point when I did that. I still don't know why I did it. Maybe I was trying to test him. For what? God only knows.

I sighed as I looked out on the balcony. I leaned my elbows on the railing, overlooking the river from the east. It glittered in the moonlight and the streetlights.

If I could go back and apologize, I didn't even know where I'd begin. I didn't even know if I'd apologize. I didn't even know if I could even fathom saying anything.

I sat on my balcony, which faced the west side of the river. I wondered what she was doing now. I couldn't say I hadn't seen this coming.

Things had gotten tense between us for a while. I was getting sick of her constant drinking and how she would always harp on me for every small thing I did wrong. It felt extremely hypocritical, considering how many vices she happened to have. I got tired of her cursing and slurring and berating me after long nights out.

She had my heart and she shaped my dreams, but it felt like she pulled them right from me, too.

The other night, her eyes looked like there was a storm brewing. I could only imagine what I looked like, but she looked just as upset. I couldn't tell if she was about to break out and begin to hit me and scold me again, or if she was about to break down in tears.

If course, the rumours didn't help matters, either.

I kept hearing from everyone about Spencer hooking up with some guy during her inebriated phases. I didn't even want to ask who it was, since I had a great fear about who it might've been.

Now that she was single, part of me wanted to play the part of Catcher in the Rye when it came to her heart. I wanted to protect her heart.

Though, it seemed odd, considering I was the one person I knew of who broke her heart.

And she was the only girl who ever broke mine. She would be the only girl to break mine. Love was a losing game and I never played it right.

I sort of started to swear myself off of relationships at that point. Love was too complicated and too heartbreaking; I had learned my lesson. I didn't want that pain again.

But maybe…

I think I would consider getting in a relationship again with her. I could give it all up for her. At least…if she could do the same for me.

If we could put aside our differences, I knew those rumours and the nights at bars and cigarettes and lies wouldn't matter. She was worth it to me.

I thought about calling him. Part of me wanted to. Part of me wanted to tell him that I would give up everything for him. Part of me wanted to say that none of the boys and the girls we had both dated really made a difference in the long run.

The relationship would just be me and him.

I knew I would never talk again if I didn't get her back.

I'd never write a song.

She left me speechless.

I knew I'd never love someone again if I couldn't get him back.

I would never be able to sing again, or even speak.

Every man in the world could pine and lust for me, but I could never talk again if that girl he chose wasn't me.

He left me speechless.

AussieMizzie: I'm sorry. I know you love Ezria but...eugh, that's a ship I'll never be on board with. To me, they're just boring and annoying. We'll have to agree to disagree on that one. And please. I'll bet you're like a size four, maybe a size six at best. Like all the girls my age are skinny. At least, the ones I know. And I only listen to different artists. There's a lot of dream pop, some sadcore, some electrapop, a lot of chamber pop. I guess I'm a little indie, too. But I really like dream pop and sadcore. They're very baroque. Hmm...I don't know how to feel about k-pop. I've heard bad things about it. Is it like bubblegum pop but more electronic? I just have you pegged as the electronic/dance type since you asked me about some electronic group last time, I think. And are like all of my readers either anaemic/named Sarah? Because I swear, half of them seem to be named Sarah.

tobyequalshottness: Oh, well...okay, then...

Sarah: Exqueeze me, but most American schools aren't out yet. They have to go until the end of June where I live (ha ha ha ha). I get out (or should I say oot? Sorry, Sarah, I have to take a jab at you because you're Canadian) early because I'm a special snowflake. And because I go to a private school and we only have to go for like 160 days and other NYC schools have to go for at least 180/185, I think. No, but don't move here. We don't sell milk in bags and you'll get really fat if you move here because sugar. Like, we use a bag of it in all our meals. The Starbucks is not as good here. I repeat, the Starbucks is not as good here.

AL3110: I lav you, too. And I'll listen to it tomorrow when I'm not on this computer because it's making me mad. Oh, by the way, tell him that the show you're going to see is like REALLY inappropriate and like REALLY obscene cuz Idk if you'll be comfy sitting next to your dad whilst they talk about like strap ons and hand jobs and stuff like that, like...cringe. I can't believe I'm even telling you this. Just...cringe. And btws, if you're catfishing me right now, I SWEAR TO GOD I will find who you really are and I WILL CUT OFF EVERY LAST ONE OF YOUR LIMBS because I TOLD YOU SOME DEEP SHIT. Okay, Good night (or good morning).

Um...so...yup...

I think the next one is She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5 but I'm not positive. Any spelling mistakes are the computer's fault because it's dumb jk love you not really whatever.

So...4 reviews? 5 reviews? I'd be the happiest girl ever.

And totally not PLL related, but LANA'S ALBUM COMES OUT TOMORROW! At least in the States, it does. Stop teasing me, AL. You got Ultraviolence already AND you got to see Lana. You don't have to rub it in.

Bye! I love you all! -Kayson (Kaybae, according to Al)