It Takes Time
By: Le tired
Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach or its characters, blah blah blah, etc.
Rated: T for some language and…stuff?
Author's Notes: I'm still alive! Apologies as usual for the delay in posting, I hit a mega-writer's block a while back, but I think I've finally figured out where I'm going with this...at least for another few chapters. Thanks for everyone who reviewed and stuck with this, enjoy! Oh and another huge thanks to everyone for the well wishes, it's really kind of you guys to care. I got another procedure done two weeks ago, and I'm like 75% recovered, so yeah, I'm definitely on the mend!
sagitgirlth: Thanks again! And yes, my health is much better now :).
Prince of Winter Dragons: I'm glad the story continues to hold your interest. Haha I'm really nervous about writing a M-rated scene, but yeah, I think I'm going to go ahead and try. Of course, that's still a few chapters away :P.
Writing bunny: Haha yeah Orihime tends to be a little...off, but I think Kubo Tite tries to emphasize this weird intuition thing when it comes to Ichigo, like how she could find him with the vizards even though they put up that reiatsu block or whatever (or raise him from the dead after Ulquiorra killed him, seriously I still don't get that o_O). It's a bit of a cliché, in my opinion-the character can't contribute to the action bits so they get to be the emotional rally for the other protagonists. But hey, it provided me with the chance to interject another character into the fic; I figure things could get boring really fast if it was just Hitsu and Matsu going back and forth all the time :D.
XIce-and-SnowX: OMG I'm so sorry, I felt so bad when I read your comment, I know the feeling when a fic I love isn't completed! But here is the next chapter, if you're still following this fic! Hope you like it!
The Swordsman: Hi, thank you! I appreciate you taking the time to write a review! I'm a ginormous sucker for HitsuMatsu too, so I totally know where you're coming from!
Kohryu: Thank you! Hope the chapter lives up to your expectations!
ZoeyExtreme: Yay, I'm glad you're liking the fic! God I feel guilty for not updating sooner, but here it is! And thanks for your concern about my health, I'm really doing a lot better!
ArtisticJen: Thank you, I'm glad the story holds your interest, despite how many chapters it's been! And thanks too for the well wishes!
Lil'ShiroLover85: Thanks, I totally agree! Bleach must have more Hitsu and Matsu goodness! I totally watch it for them, not Ichigo XD.
Vixenlive: Thank you!
Dark-ShadowXx: Yaaay! Honestly, I like my prologue a lot too compared to some of my other chapters. It just came out really easy. I'm glad you enjoy my writing so much and yeah, I try to mirror what I think Kubo Tite meant for the characters' personalities (of course I could be completely off the mark, the man's a little crazy).
btalover: Haha thanks for the enthusiastic review. I have updated, as requested!
Chapter 22
The rooftop was very cold and very hard. It was all Matsumoto could do to not shiver from a combination of adrenaline, exertion, and contact with the chilly granite surface. ...But if she moved a muscle, the arrancar would notice and she needed to buy as much time as possible.
What is taking so long? We're the only captain-lieutenant team in the human world, it's not like they're handling a bunch of limit lifting requests! Her heart was pounding in her ears. Knowing the danger they were in, Hitsugaya had entered bankai almost immediately, but Matsumoto knew that he could only sustain it for so long before he hurt himself. And he was already injured pretty badly…
She had to bide her time. It was the only way they were getting out of this alive. It was a good thing her enemy wasn't too smart. He'd stopped attacking and was watching his companion take on Hitsugaya. Matsumoto wanted to cry every time she felt her captain and the arrancar rush each other. By now, Hitsugaya must know he couldn't defeat his opponent with his restrictions, but she could feel his determination and focus firmly in place even as he took each painful blow.
We could have beaten them already if it weren't for this stupid limit! she thought furiously, as she felt Hitsugaya's reiatsu drop from another savage attack. My taichou is dying out there for no reason!
Hitsugaya's enemy released his true form. He practically shredded Hitsugaya in three. Matsumoto nearly bit through her tongue to stifle her scream when she heard blood splatter against some nearby buildings. She couldn't look. She couldn't look. She had to keep pretending she was unconscious.
Still no response from her communicator.
It couldn't be that much longer, she told herself fiercely. But it couldn't be that much longer until Hitsugaya's bankai ran out, either.
You can't leave me, Hitsugaya Toshirou. You can't! If you do…I'll go insane and attack these arrancars myself. And they'll kill me. You don't want them to kill me, do you!
Was that…? Static! Matsumoto's eyes shot open as a voice crackled over the communicator. "Tenth division Matsumoto-fukutaichou. Limit lifting…your application has been accepted!"
Matsumoto barely saw the arrancar's foot coming down to crush her from above. She blocked it almost as an afterthought, she was so relieved and eager to inform her captain and Renji. Finally, they would be safe. "Thank you," she breathed into the communicator once before yelling out.
"Taichou! Renji! We've been cleared to break our limits!"
Unleashing her reiatsu had never felt so good. Matsumoto let out her breath as she felt the familiar surge of Hitsugaya's and Renji's reiatsu. She'd made it in time.
They would be fine now. Matsumoto turned her full attention to her own opponent, a large dark-haired brute of an arrancar. He clearly hadn't grasped the situation as he charged at her without a second thought, expecting to overwhelm her like the last time.
Needless to say, Matsumoto put him in his place. One solid attack from Haineko, and the lumbering oaf crashed, lifeless, to the ground. Matsumoto didn't even bother to look back.
Instead, she looked upwards to where her captain was. Only shattered pieces of falling white ice remained where his opponent had been. "Taichou…" she breathed in relief.
But something was wrong. Hitsugaya wasn't moving, just hovering limply in mid-air, his bankai slowly dissipating. His reiatsu was weak too. All of a sudden, more blood erupted from her taichou's small body. Matsumoto watched in horror as Hitsugaya plummeted almost in slow-motion out of the sky and landed on another building. "Taichou!" She finally managed to start her legs moving, and she dashed to her captain's side. He wasn't moving. Only his shallow breathing let Matsumoto knew he was still alive.
Bile rose in her throat. There was so much blood… "Orihime!" She ran to look over the rooftop for the girl, and shouted, trying not to sound nearly as panicked as she felt. "Orihime, come over here for a moment please!"
Orihime soon appeared, followed closely by Matsumoto's gigai. "Rangiku-san, are you and Hitsugaya-kun all right?"
"I'm fine, but my taichou needs urgent medical care! Please, heal him!"
Orihime wasted no time and soon, Hitsugaya was bathing in the golden glow of Orihime's Soten Kishun. Despite knowing its power, Matsumoto watched anxiously for a few minutes until she saw for herself that the wounds were beginning to close. She then searched out the reiatsu of her comrades. Renji was exhausted but fine. Ikkaku was injured but he was moving off in a different direction with Yumichika, so they were probably all right. That left Ichigo and Rukia…
"Oh! Orihime! I need to get Rukia. I think she's pretty badly hurt."
"Please go then, Rangiku-san. I should be finished with Hitsugaya-kun by the time you get here."
"Thank you!" Matsumoto hesitated for a second longer, loathe to leave her captain's side when he was still in such a critical condition. But she knew others were counting on her, so she ran off to fetch Rukia.
When she returned, Hitsugaya was starting to stir. His eyebrows twitched and came together, and his eyes slowly fluttered open, unfocused and lost. Closed. Opened again, this time with materializing awareness. Matsumoto couldn't stop gazing, captivated, into those bright aqua pools as they started to flicker and take in their surroundings and as always, to seek her out. "Matsumoto?"
"I'm here, taichou." She smiled as their gazes finally met.
"…what's the status report on everyone?"
"Yes sir. The only one badly hurt in the line of duty was Rukia. Ikkaku and Yumichika are fine for the most part. Renji has some cuts, but nothing too serious. And Ichigo…he's not too bad off, but I think he has some things to share with you when you're well enough to listen."
"And you?"
"Me?" She grinned, a little of her old humor returning. "Taichou, you should know better to worry about me. My head's going to hurt something fierce tomorrow, but I've had hangovers worse than this!"
"…I have no doubt. Good job on getting the limit release application through, Matsumoto." He grimaced and struggled to a sitting position.
"Ahh wait, Hitsugaya-kun, you're not healed completely yet!" Orihime stammered.
"It's Hitsugaya-taichou," he grunted without any real force behind his words. "This is enough, thank you. Please begin on Kuchiki."
"Oh, alright…"
"Taichou!" Matsumoto hurried to Hitsugaya's side as he struggled to his feet. He waved her back, as he always did, refusing to lean on her. She huffed a little, but gave him his space. "Are you all right, taichou? I saw your bankai running out…"
"I'm fine, Matsumoto." He winced as he straightened, but his reiatsu was already replenishing itself and bolstering his strength. "Kuchiki needs the healing more than I do." He glanced over at Ichigo and Renji, who had crowded around Rukia as she was healed. "It'll take some time before they finish."
"Yes."
"Can you help me dress my wounds?"
"Of course!" They sat a few feet away and Hitsugaya removed his top, hissing with the movement. Matsumoto brought out her small pouch of medical supplies she kept for field emergencies and began applying some accelerated healing salve to his back. She wasn't about to admit it, but she was slightly nervous. All lieutenants were of course trained in healing, but Matsumoto just didn't have the finesse and concentration to excel in it, and up until now, over the relatively lengthy course of their partnership, she had only tended to her captain two or three times. Hitsugaya had always handled himself well in battle, and in the few occasions he sustained heavy enough injuries to warrant aid, there were usually fourth division officers at hand. She might've had more practice with the lower seated officers in the division except, again, Hitsugaya was very good at keeping his squad members out of harm. "Um is this all right, taichou?"
"It'll have to do even if it's not," he replied drily. He'd probably sensed her ineptitude as soon as she started spreading the medication.
Matsumoto smiled at his gruff response, then frowned as she surveyed his oozing wounds again. "You pushed yourself too hard, taichou. As usual." She dabbed at the slow trickles of blood with some cloth swabs.
"I didn't exactly have a choice, Matsumoto."
"Still!" She poked him lightly in one shoulder, indicating he should turn around so she could administer the same care to his front. He complied silently. "You've been engaging in far too many dangerous battles. Keep this up, and you'll be as ugly and scarred as Zaraki-taichou before you're even half his age! And…that would just be too scary, taichou," she added softly, keeping her eyes trained on the long jagged cut running down his chest. By definition, captains almost never lost; they were practically gods in the eyes of most Shinigami. Before Aizen, Matsumoto had never seen her captain cut down so easily. It was every lieutenant's nightmare, to see his or her captain defeated and nearly killed. And Matsumoto had been forced to relive it tonight only a few months after waiting for Hitsugaya to recover from his near-death at Aizen's hands.
"Believe it or not, Matsumoto, I wasn't having fun fighting for my life with that arrancar either." He was trying to look at her, to reassure her, but she couldn't meet his eyes. It was too early. She'd nearly lost him.
Instead, she pressed one hand against her taichou's chest, treasuring the beat of his wonderfully alive heart pumping underneath. "Do you ever wish you'd never met me, Hitsugaya-taichou? That I hadn't come to your house that night and told you to join the Shinigami Academy? Sometimes, I feel….if you died, wouldn't it indirectly be my fault?"
"You're being absurd, Matsumoto." He sounded scornful, but caught her wrist gently with his good hand. "You didn't tell me to become a captain. If I died, it'd be my fault and mine alone, for not being strong enough." Matsumoto opened her mouth to protest, but he shook his head. "Anyway, it's a moot point. I'm still here, aren't I? As such, I'd prefer if we didn't talk about me dying like it was a certainty."
"Ahaha that's true, taichou! It's probably bad luck," Matsumoto laughed distractedly. She was too busy enjoying the contact with her captain again. To think that she may never feel that warm familiar touch again, should something happen to him…to never feel his lips on hers, and his arms encircling her protectively…
Savagely, she shook out some bandages to create a sling. No, I'm not going there! I'm his fukutaichou! I'll never let anything happen to him while I'm around! She leaned forwards and brought her arms around to Hitsugaya's back to begin wrapping his torso. As she slowly unrolled the gauze and ran it along the strong muscles of his back, she couldn't again help reveling in the intimate contact of their bodies. It was the closest they'd ever come to embracing before, even though Hitsugaya was just sitting unmovingly with his hands in his lap. Every time she made another circuit around his chest, Matsumoto could feel the heat of his body, smell the slight masculine sheen of sweat on his skin, and see the bob of his Adam's apple as he swallowed and bore the occasional twinge of pain. She ran her fingers along the gauze, memorizing the lines of his well-developed shoulder muscles, and wondered jealously if any other female officer had touched her captain like this while he was recuperating away from her in the fourth division.
"Matsumoto…I think that's enough bandages."
"…eh?" Matsumoto looked up and blanched as she took in her captain's half-mummified form. "EEK! Taichou, you should have called my attention to it sooner!" She hastily began to remove her sloppy bandaging.
"You looked so intent, I thought maybe you actually knew what you were doing." Hitsugaya slipped his injured arm into the sling she'd fashioned. "When we get back to Soul Society, you're definitely re-taking the basic field medic course and exam."
"Taichouuuuu!"
"Don't use that whining with me. It's inexcusable for a lieutenant to have a lesser grasp of rudimentary medical training than a third seat, Matsumoto." He helped her shake off the last of the excess wrappings. "I'm afraid to imagine what state I'd be in now if Inoue wasn't here."
"I'd have managed somehow, taichou!" Matsumoto insisted teasingly as she tucked her supplies back into her pack, happily falling back in step with her captain to their usual banter. If Hitsugaya had enough energy to be sour towards her, then he was well on the road to recovery. She draped his haori over his shoulders and smoothed it out for him as she continued, "Besides, do you really prefer Inoue's magical spells over my super sexy and intimate healing touch?"
"…" She had to grin as Hitsugaya pretended not to hear her question and got to his feet. "You said Kurosaki had something to tell me?"
"Yes, sir. I think he may have fought the group's leader. And he said something about Tousen showing up at the end."
"Tousen?" Hitsugaya's brows came together. "Then, I'll definitely need to speak with him before I make my report." He turned towards the group around Rukia again. Matsumoto followed his gaze to Kurosaki Ichigo who was still peering anxiously down at the female Shinigami in Orihime's shield. "…well, it can wait until tomorrow. He and the others should rest tonight."
"He looks pretty worried about Rukia," Matsumoto agreed quietly. At the same time, she looked over to see how Orihime was doing. The girl didn't look too drained yet, but her eyes kept flicking over to regard Ichigo's face sorrowfully. Matsumoto sighed inwardly.
"Something wrong, Matsumoto?"
She tore her gaze away from the group to smile at Hitsugaya. "No, not really, taichou. Nothing we can do anything about, anyway."
He looked adorably irritated at the thought of problems she didn't think he could solve, but he didn't press further; Matsumoto knew her assurance was enough for him. "I'm going to see how Kuchiki is doing. Call Soul Society and give a quick preliminary report. They'll want to know why exactly we needed our limiters removed, and how much damage ensued."
Ugh. Reports. Always those dratted reports. Matsumoto sighed and fished out her phone. At least this might give her the opportunity to yell at whoever took so damn long to process their limit removal.
Unfortunately, Hitsugaya rejoined her before she had a chance to tell anyone off, his face unreadable. Matsumoto rattled off the last of her report, then looked curiously at her captain. "What now, taichou? Do you want to wait until Rukia is completely healed?"
"No, there are enough people at her side." He fiddled restlessly with his bandages. Matsumoto knew he was burning to learn more about Ichigo's fight, but didn't feel right dragging the boy away from Rukia when he was so obviously worried about her. "I'm turning in for the night. Inoue will be too exhausted after healing Rukia to do anything more."
That was probably true. Matsumoto spared Orihime a final sympathetic glance before following Hitsugaya back to Orihime's rooftop. It was only then that she realized her captain's crazy plan. "Taichou, you're not really going to sleep up here in your current state?"
"Why not? It's where I was sleeping before the arrancars came." He gave her a look, as if he couldn't understand why they were even discussing this. "I agree it's not an ideal situation, but as we know, I didn't have the chance to make any other arrangements…"
"But you're injured now!" Matsumoto shook her head in disbelief. "Taichou, you need proper rest! And there's a perfectly good bed with blankets downstairs for you. You have to come down and spend the night with me and Orihime."
"Don't be ridiculous. Inoue only agreed to have you spend the night. What would she think when she returns here later tonight to find two of us here in her home without her knowledge?"
"She'd understand. I'll go back and ask her, if that'll make you feel better."
"No. I'll be fine here." He dropped down against some heating vents and closed his eyes. "Go to bed, Matsumoto. Good night."
Matsumoto stared at her resting captain in dismay. If it had been her sitting there, half wrapped in bandages from a near-death fight, she'd be demanding a king-sized canopy bed with silken sheets and down pillows, and an order for no one to wake her for the next 48 hours (unless it was her taichou naked with some handcuffs and a can of whipped cream….then they could talk). Granted, Hitsugaya was healed and strong enough that sleeping outside wouldn't affect his health in any serious way, but Matsumoto couldn't help thinking his body could use all the TLC it could have right about now. Besides, was it so wrong that she wanted the best for her captain? And did he really think she'd be able to skip off to bed knowing he was up here exposed to the elements?
Hmm. That gave her an idea. "Please excuse my rudeness, Hitsugaya-taichou," she announced in her most formal tone, "but I'll be joining you tonight, then." She had the pleasure of seeing her taichou's eyes shoot open almost in panic, as she settled herself down next to him.
"Matsumoto, what are you doing?"
"What does it look like, taichou?" she replied innocently, scooting even closer until she could feel his body heat. He scuttled away from her sideways like a crab. "As your fukutaichou, it's my duty to look after you, particularly when you're more vulnerable. Given your condition, it's only fitting that I remain up here with you. In case you fall ill somehow, or there's another attack, or something, you know."
"That's not going to happen, Matsumoto, and you know it. You have a far more comfortable place to sleep, so you should take advantage of it." Hitsugaya glared down at her, and she could see the lines under his eyes. He was very visibly tired. Then he should listen to me and we can both get to bed faster.
Matsumoto shrugged and stretched out on the ground. "It's all right, taichou. Your safety comes first." Then, she shivered dramatically. "Oh, but it sure is cold out tonight. Brr. I'll definitely remember to put on a second shihakusho if we spend another night out here tomorrow." She rubbed her arms for further effect. She saw Hitsugaya's mouth work silently in vexation.
"Matsumoto, I know how much you need your sleep. Go downstairs. That's an order." Ohh is he pulling rank now? He must be getting desperate.
"Then I'll just have to defend myself at the court-martial." She faked a yawn in an effort to cover her laughter. It was just too funny how Hitsugaya hated anyone else taking on undue hardships, but felt obligated to always push himself to the limit. "Good night, taichou."
"ALL RIGHT Matsumoto, you win!" If looks could kill, Matsumoto would have been vaporized on the spot. But they couldn't, so instead, she happily stared back at her furious taichou as he ground out his concession. "…I'll sleep in Inoue's apartment tonight."
Matsumoto threw her hands in the air. "Thank you taichou! What a relief! I was sooo afraid for a moment there that you were mean enough to actually make me sleep out here on this cold dirty rooftop!"
"…" Hitsugaya just spun on his heel and tromped downstairs.
A few minutes later in Orihime's apartment…
The two Shinigami had quickly found some extra linen and blankets to spread on the floor of the living room that Inoue had prepared for Matsumoto earlier in the evening. It was a clean and spacious area, and Toshirou grudgingly admitted to himself that this was a significantly better alternative to the roof. He still didn't think it was entirely fair to Inoue, but his lieutenant had decided, for reasons known only to herself, that it was imperative that he spend the night indoors. And with Matsumoto, he'd quickly learned one had to pick and choose one's battles carefully; if he resisted her on every one of her whims and wonky ideas, he wouldn't have any energy left to do his job.
Besides, now that the adrenaline of battle had worn off, his body was aching and begging for rest. Toshirou lay down and turned, pulling the covers over his shoulders as he did so, ready to fall into blissful slumber.
"Taichou…"
God, what now? He wriggled around slightly to glare at his fukutaichou, who was lying on her side, head propped up with one arm, and smiling in that way that never meant anything good was about to happen to him. "What is it, Matsumoto? I'm tired."
"Nothing, taichou. It's just…" She slowly shuffled closer to him until their faces were only inches apart. "Can I have a goodnight kiss?"
"…no." He turned back around and closed his eyes, willing her to disappear.
"Taichouuu…" Her voice had taken on that broken whining pitch, the one with the exact frequency for making his eardrums throb.
"You're a grown woman, not some toddler afraid of the dark. You don't need a goodnight kiss."
He heard her laugh softly behind him. One of her hands came to rest on his shoulder, gently kneading the sore muscles there, while her voice whispered sweetly in his ear, "It's not that sort of a goodnight kiss, taichou."
He thought hard about throwing his pillow at her. Retrieving it again would be a pain, but it just might be worth it. No. Matsumoto would probably work that to her advantage somehow. Hold his pillow hostage for a kiss or something. Honestly, where did this boundless energy of hers come from? Was seeing her fight that arrancar some illusion? Shouldn't she be as exhausted as he was?
She just wants a kiss, a small voice inside him piped up sympathetically. It's not going to kill you. In fact, you like it, admit it.
I like it too much, he snapped back at himself. If I start looking at her or touching her, we're not going to be sleeping for at least another hour, and we both need our rest.
Excuses, excuses, the voice returned, almost tauntingly. You always do this—try to push away the people closest to you. What are you afraid of? What have you got to lose by showing you care for her?
Shutupshutupshutup. I am NOT addressing this now. This is how I've always been. Matsumoto knows this and she can deal with it.
Of course she will. It's the reason she's one of the few people still by your side. The question isn't if she can, but does she deserve to put up with this cold front of yours?
I can't just change who I am in an instant, even if it's for her! It's not that easy—GAAH! Toshirou nearly leapt out of his skin as he felt a soft full body press flush against his back, and a delicate chin burrow in the crook of his neck. "Matsumoto, what are you doing?"
She laughed again, sending small waves of her warm breath rolling across the sensitive skin of his neck. "I'm getting ready to go to sleep, taichou."
"How are you possibly going to fall asleep pressed up against me like this?" he muttered, daring a brief glance backwards. The moonlight filtered through the apartment's windows fell and scattered on the silken strands of her blonde hair, and cast a hazy glow on her face and lips. He quickly turned back to face the opposite wall.
"I'll fall asleep faster like this," Matsumoto was replying. True enough, her voice was growing thicker with drowsiness. He could even feel the full weight of her body as she relaxed further to sink against him. Her hands had curled to grasp the fabric of his haori below his shoulder blades. "It always makes me feel better when I'm close to you, taichou."
…It wasn't fair. She shouldn't be allowed to voice such things so openly. Why, Matsumoto? Why do you give your heart so easily to others? I don't…I have no right to hear those words when I can't return them!
He turned to look again at his dozing lieutenant. Her lashes were light blonde crescents against rose pink cheeks. Her lips were slightly parted as she breathed in and out steadily in a light doze. "Matsumoto?"
"Hmm?" She stirred slightly at his voice, but her eyes remained closed.
"I…I feel the same." He licked his lips. "It…helps to have you nearby."
No response. So she'd been tired after all.
Tentatively, Toshirou reached over and smoothed away a few errant strands of hair from her forehead so he could better take in her sleeping face. It was so young in this light. So innocent and at peace. It was incredible. He'd been a Shinigami officer for far less time, but he already felt worn out from the constant stress and politics. Yet, Matsumoto was as fresh-faced and lively as she'd been when they first met, filled with laughter and boundless energy. Even now, with her personal demons involving Gin, Matsumoto found the strength and heart to tend to Toshirou—to care for him. All the while, Toshirou remained incapable of shaking off the hatred and darkness he'd taken on after Aizen's betrayal. He felt like such a bitter old man compared to her.
"I'm a real idiot sometimes," Toshirou muttered in self-recrimination. "An idiot and a coward and—"
He was startled when Matsumoto spoke.
"You don't have to worry about the kiss, taichou, or what you say to me…I know…deep down…you care about others." It was in a dreamy, semi-conscious voice suggesting she was only half-awake. Toshirou gaped as she nuzzled closer to his chest, now that he was facing her. "You don't have to push yourself…it's enough that you stay…with me…taichou…" she trailed off, mouth growing slack again as she drifted back into deeper sleep.
There was a silence as Toshirou watched her leerily for a few minutees, in case she started talking in her sleep again. Matsumoto's head now rested squarely beneath his chin, and her hands were splayed carelessly across his chest. The rest of her body was curled up in a loose fetal position, with her drawn up knees bumping against his legs. She looked amazingly comfortable for someone resting on his hard, bony body instead of the soft sheets they'd procured.
After sizing her up, Toshirou sighed and pulled his covers over the both of them. He struggled internally for a moment longer, then finally brushed his lips gently on the top of his lieutenant's head of wavy blond locks. "I really don't deserve you in the least, Matsumoto…but still I selfishly hope you'll remain with me for all the time the heavens allow us."