Author's Note: I've eaten 5 kiwis this week. I'm proud of myself.

Day One-Hundred Eight: I Never Told You by Colbie Caillat

Hanna's nimble fingers ran through my hair, which probably looked like a bird's nest, no doubt. But I hadn't stopped crying in a week.

I missed his eyes. I missed the feeling of his lips. I missed lying beside him and falling asleep, slowly and then suddenly. I missed being careless around him. I missed how we'd both smile during our kisses and the feeling of his hot breath on the back of my neck when we fell asleep and he had his arms wrapped around me.

I missed him. I missed every little thing about him. Even the annoying things.

I missed how he'd beat me at Scrabble. I miss how he'd sometimes accidentally confuse my coffee for his and I'd end up with sugar and milk in mine. I miss how he'd beat me at little contests I had designed for me to win. I miss how he'd make fun of my little quirks or tease me for my pathological fear of spiders and other itch-inducing bugs.

But now, he was gone. And it was all my fault.

"Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?"

That was probably the tenth time Hanna had asked me that question since she had gotten there. I finally sighed and sat up, looking at her with my puffy eyes.

"I just…I don't even know, Hanna. It's all a blur. I just know…one minute I was asking him about some party he went to, and then the next, he thought I was accusing him of cheating and…he said that he thought I must not have loved him or had faith in him if I really thought he cheated," I sobbed before burying my head in her shoulder. She rubbed circles on my back.

"Spence—"

"Hanna, I should've just told him I loved him. Even just…half the time. But I didn't and now…I lost him," I said sadly.

Hanna was silent. I felt her nails scratch lightly on my back. It gave me shivers. "Maybe if you told him what you're telling me…"

I sniffled. "I've tried, Hanna. But…he's upset with me. And he should be. I'll bet he's already moved on and here I am…still pining for him." I paused for a moment before a fresh storm of tears surfaced. "He's never going to take me back. And I'm never going to like someone like I loved him."

It was true. Even everyday things seemed less fun without him. Take Scrabble for instance: I couldn't play it anymore. It seemed too lonely. It held too many memories.

Even English class. He would read me all of the books in some odd accent of the day and that was how I remembered everything about those books.

Hanna ran her fingers through my hair again, trying to comfort me. "This is going to pass, Spencer. You're going to get better," she insisted.

I wanted to know when.

I closed my eyes and saw those damned blue ones in the back of my mind.

After about five minutes of trying to calm down, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror.

The girl who looked back at me was completely different from Spencer Hastings: she had puffy, red-rimmed eyes, hair which looked as though it hadn't been washed in a month, clothes meant for a 12 year old boy, and pale, sickly looking skin.

I really didn't look like myself.

"Hanna…when will I laugh again?" I asked.

She thought for a moment. "You're going to laugh when something is really funny. And you'll smile when the sun comes back out, which it will. You can't have a rainbow without any rain," she reminded me.

"It feels more like a monsoon than a rain shower…."

Hanna nodded in agreement. "Exactly. Monsoons have the brightest rainbow. The people who are mistreated the most are often the best."

I gave her a tiny upturned lip. It was the closest to the smile as I could get now.

Addictedtospoby: Obvi Tippi the Bird killed Mrs. D (D is for Dead). That's...lovely (read: suicidal).

LittleBittyAbby:Writing is therapeutic for me, too. I'm called a grammar cop. Literally. An ex-friend of mine used to text me a lot and whenever he made grammar errors, I'd send him back his text message, corrected. Oops. I guess that's unfortunate. Oh, well.

sarahschneider2012: Oh, that's fine. I understand. I'm horrible (like, completely awful) at reviewing. Well...if you have a question, you know what to do! I'll be sure to answer!

MizzFizzRizz:I think she got a lot of golds/high golds/platinums this year. I was surprised when I saw her, since I've never seen her dance before and she was really great (even though she says that she's one of the worst ones in the group). She actually won an award. Good job. High school (for me, at least) is not really hellish for me at all. Though it might be a shock to you. Depends on how big the school you're going to is. Good evening (it is 6:03 right now).

AL3110:It's a huge diner in NYC and OMG the cheesecake and the hot chocolate are AMAZING like AMAAAAZINGGGG. You have to go. It's dirty. Are you sure you don't wanna wait until you come back and we're like hanging out in NYC as adults and shizz? I'm not really concerned about the cursing...that's whatever. But they like talk about circumcision (and female circumcision) and a bunch of stuff I'd rather not write for everyone to see.

I'm updating SSS on Monday. I just can't right now. I was barely able to sit and write this. I'll try to have a 2nd update on that next week (so two within the same week), but right now is just not a good time for me.

The next one-shot is better. Like, I actually think it's good. It's If Only by Gin Wigmore and the song is AMAZING like you need to listen to it. Go. Now. Ahora. Va. -Kayson (en Español)