It Takes Time
By: Le tired
Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach or its characters, blah blah blah, etc.
Rated: M.
Author's Notes: Oh yeaaaah, I feel like such a boss when I manage to update twice in one month. It's probably because I'm moving across states for my new job this weekend, and I'm eager to procrastinate -_-. It felt so weird writing again after getting all hung up on the lemon chapter…hope it didn't throw off the flow of the writing; this was also a pretty canon-heavy chapter. I'm slowly trying to introduce the big conflict (or at least what seems like a big conflict when I read Youtube and fic comments) regarding Hinamori, but I want to tread carefully because it's not meant to be a Hinamori vs Matsumoto kind of deal, but more about the insecurities and doubt that can crop up in any relationship because of past burdens and communication issues. I guess we'll see if I succeed.
sagitgirlth: Oh thank you so much for the much needed encouragement regarding that M scene! It was harder and made me more nervous than I expected! Haha yeah I probably will write another M scene (oh god but not too soon I hope) and hopefully I'll continue to improve. Thanks again for your super awesome reviews as always!
AuburnLove: Thank you, I really appreciate the offer to help! I'm usually okay when it comes to grammar and spelling and whatnot – although if you see a glaring error, feel free to let me know!
Prince of Winter Dragons: Hey, I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter! Yeah I tried very hard to capture their personalities during the intimate scene. Hitsugaya is hard, but yeah, I went with him being a selfless lover, and also still a bit of a control freak :P, while Matsumoto is much more carefree. And yes, in retrospect, the chapter was a bit short. I kinda hit a block where I didn't know what else to add…guess I need to read more of those lemon fics. Thanks as always for the review!
GlitterAndMetal: Thank you, I'm glad you discovered this fic (oh god it took you two days to read this – this fic is really too long .)! Yes, I'm a canon-whore haha, the more I re-read this, the more I realize this fic is pretty much a tribute to all the Hitsu Matsu canon scenes. But hey, I think it helps people who might be more dubious about the pairing see why I interpret their relationship as a potentially romantic one!
keijiei5592: Thank you! I appreciate the review and I hope you stay with the story still!
Chapter 26
"Matsumoto."
Someone was calling her name. Someone extremely rude, because it was early in the morning and Matsumoto was still tired. Clearly the only viable option here was to ignore that someone.
"Oi, Matsumoto."
The voice was pretty familiar, to the point Matsumoto almost opened her eyes. But since it wasn't super urgent-sounding and she really was exhausted (honestly, who calls on people before noon?), she decided instead to roll away from the nagging sound and persist in her peaceful slumber.
"MATSUMOTO!"
Oh. That. That sounded pretty bad. Matsumoto managed to crack a bleary eye open. "Wha—who is it?" Slowly, her vision focused on a scowling young man with narrowed eyes like chipped turquoise and arms crossed menacingly over his chest. "Oh…it's Hitsugaya-taichou. Good morning, taichou. What are you doing in my room?"
"I'm NOT in your room. This is Inoue's room, and we're on a mission. Or have you already forgotten?" The scowl deepened and despite his stoic poise, one of his feet looked like it was ready to kick her, so with all her might, Matsumoto managed to struggle to a sitting position.
"Don't worry, taichou, I remember." Boy, did she. Matsumoto smiled up as she recalled the events of last night. "I remember everythiiinng~"
Hitsugaya's facial twitch had evolved into a full body tic. "Shut up." He turned stiffly to go, although Matsumoto knew it was more to hide his discomposure from her. "Hurry and get up. The communication device from Soul Society came and we need to bring it in as soon as possible."
"Aw, do you really need me for that, taichou?" Matsumoto scratched at her breasts lazily. The weather was so good today, it really was perfect for sleeping in. "Don't tell me you can't lift a little thing like thaaat."
"Have you forgotten we're in the human world? I can't be seen lifting something like that by myself."
"Fiiine. Ah, but let me shower first. I need to clean myself off after…well, last night…" She really was such a bully to her adorable taichou sometimes, Matsumoto reaffirmed to herself gleefully, as Hitsugaya made another half-choking half-dying sound in his throat. Was she just a devil, or maybe it was from Gin's influence in her life? Gin. Yes, she'd blame Gin. "Ahh, but maybe I won't." She took a deep breath for theatrics. "Then I can smell you on me the whooole day. Even the blankets have your scent on them still, taichou…"
Hitsugaya might have even beaten Soi Fon's shunpo with the velocity with which he snatched the aforementioned fabrics from her. "We're washing these. Now."
Matsumoto doubled over laughing.
When all was said and done, Matsumoto got her shower and Hitsugaya got his laundry done. And by the time she finished drying off her hair and re-entered their room, Hitsugaya had basically gotten the device set up.
"Ooohh, so this is what a communication server looks like?" Matsumoto mused aloud, as Hitsugaya continued to bustle around, adjusting knobs and plugging in the strange wires. "It's larger than I thought. Was moving it in difficult by yourself, taichou?"
"Yes, which is why you were supposed to help me." Hitsugaya twisted another handle with a bit of unnecessary force. Matsumoto wisely backed up. "And you would have known what a communication server looks like if you'd actually read the latest technology manual update the Twelfth Division released last month." The screen began to buzz alive.
Rushed footsteps thumped up the stairs, and there was the sound of a door thrown open. "Uwaah…cool…this is certainly NOT! Toshirou-kun, what is this?"
Poor Orihime, Matsumoto thought absently, as she watched her irritated captain ignore the confused girl's wails. Ah well, business came first, and she'd understand it all then.
"This is Tenth Division captain Hitsugaya Toshirou," Hitsugaya spoke into the communicator.
"Yes, we'll patch you through," the operator's voice came back.
Quickly, the once-black screen filled with the form of Yamamoto Genryusai Shigekuni. Aged and hunched over his gnarled wooden walking cane, the supreme commander still carried with him an air of absolute authority and power. Matsumoto always found herself standing straighter in his presence.
She thought she'd prepared for the worst news possible when she heard they'd discovered Aizen's true purpose. Part of her was even hoping for something huge, so that it might justify the chaos and deaths he'd caused.
And it was huge. And far more horrible than what she could ever have dreamed up in her worst nightmares.
The bastard was going to sacrifice a million souls for the purpose of creating another Ou-ken.
And Gin was going to help him.
For the first time, Matsumoto didn't feel grief at the thought of Gin. Just red-hot anger.
There was no grand plan, no secret goal, no fathomable reason, for deserting her the way he had, which was what she'd secretly hoped. But no, it was just death. More and more death.
In her anger, she almost yelled at Orihime, as the poor girl tried desperately to catch up with what they were talking about. "Umm what's the Ou-ken?"
How could she not understand the peril they were in? "Exactly what it sounds like. The key of a royal family. Even Soul Society has a king," Matsumoto explained, trying to sound patient. Out of the corner of her eye, she watched Hitsugaya, who was clearly still digesting the information. As a prodigy, she was sure his mind was already carrying it further, calculating the exact ramifications Aizen's plan held for all of them, should the traitor succeed. "But he leaves Soul Society to us, so even though we technically have a king, it feels like he doesn't even exist. To be honest, neither I nor the taichou have seen him in person."
Not that she cared about the king that much. It'd be great to protect him—that was part of her job, after all. But the thoughtless destruction of so many innocent human lives…that was what absolutely filled her with rage. She was pretty sure Hitsugaya-taichou felt the same way.
As the conversation finished, and Orihime ran off to inform Kurosaki Ichigo, Matsumoto knew what she had to do next. The rest of the team had to know about this. "I'm going to tell Ikkaku and the others, soutaichou."
"I'll come too." She wasn't surprised to hear her captain immediately turning to follow her.
"Oh, just one moment, Hitsugaya-taichou." The gravelly voice of the soutaichou called them back. "Someone has been waiting for our conversation to end so that she could talk to you."
It didn't take a genius to guess who that person could be. Her taichou would need privacy. Matsumoto picked up her pace and left the room without looking back.
So…Hinamori had finally awoken. That was good. It was good she was finally awake. And she was going to talk to Hitsugaya. Good. It was all good.
They needed to talk. So much had happened between the two of them, so much unspoken. It would help heal some of her taichou's inner scars for sure, to know she was improving. Just to see her face and hear her voice when she'd been gone for so long...
God, what wouldn't she give to be able to see Gin once again...
NO. What was she thinking? Matsumoto sighed as the door to the apartment clicked behind her, finally allowing her steps to halt to a stop. "I'm just…not thinking straight," she mumbled to herself, feeling her forehead with one hand, as if she might have suddenly developed a fever. "It's just everything that's happened, that's all." A small breeze picked up at that moment and despite it being a warm sunny morning in the town, she felt cold all over. "Gin's helping Aizen destroy the human world and attack the Spirit King himself and…Hitsugaya-taichou is happily talking to Hinamori again." She shook her head furiously. "NO! That last part's good, you idiot! Hinamori didn't do anything wrong…well, she didn't mean to do anything bad. She's just another girl in love. It's not like she deserves to lie in a coma for the rest of her life! Stupid! Stupid Matsumoto!" She slapped herself repeatedly on the cheeks. "Snap out of it, Matsumoto Rangiku! Are you or are you not the fukutaichou of the Tenth Division? Aargh, I'm so angry! This is why I need sake! Mouuu!"
She stopped suddenly and turned to look at the door, fearful her captain was somehow in hearing range. But of course not. He was still with Hinamori.
What could they be talking about? Since she didn't have sake, she might as well indulge in her masochistic thought processes.
Obviously, Hinamori would apologize for attacking and trying to kill Hitsugaya. And of course, he'd forgive her. Then what? Would that be the end?
Probably, said Matsumoto's rational mind, but she could barely hear it as her irrational mind flung a flurry of pictures before her eyes.
"I'm…I'm so sorry I attacked you, Hitsugaya-kun," Hinamori said, head bowed and tears wetly shining in her soft brown eyes.
"It's all right, Hinamori," Hitsugaya was quick to reply, staring earnestly at her face and studying with concern the bags beneath her eyes. His heart pounded with the desire to help her, protect her. She was so lovely yet fragile.
"I…I was a fool to belive Aizen. It's you who's been by my side all these years, after all," Hinamori continued miserably, wiping at her tears as they dripped down her pale cheeks. "Hitsugaya-kun…how can you forgive me so easily? I…did such a horrible thing."
"Idiot, it's not like I'd forgive just anyone. But you…you're different," Hitsugaya spoke more hesitantly.
"Eh?" Hinamori looked up, startled.
"Well…I…you've been by my side all these years too."
She smiled finally, a bright beautiful smile that he'd missed for ages. A strange fluttering began to fill Hitsugaya's chest. "Aa, I guess that's true." Her eyes shimmered with sweet, gentle affection. "You…you mean so much to me, Hitsugaya-kun. I'm an idiot for not even realizing that before now. And…" She ducked her head, a pretty flush spreading across her cheeks. "…for treating you like a kid and not realizing that you've grown up. Or…maybe I just didn't want to see it. It's weird, after all, to suddenly see your best friend as this handsome man, right?"
"…you think I'm handsome?" Hitsugaya's eyes widened, and his ears started matching Hinamori's blush.
"Yes…" Hinamori smiled sweetly at his embarrassment. "You're really handsome, Hitsugaya-kun! And I…I think I like you!"
"I…I don't know what to say, Hinamori," Hitsugaya blurted. "But I…I think I like you too! But wait, I'm seeing Matsumoto!"
"Oh? I see. I'm too late…" Hinamori's eyes turned downcast once more.
"No, wait, Hinamori." Hitsugaya thought for a moment, but it was really no contest. An older, worn-out big-breasted alcoholic with no manners, or this slender graceful beauty? "I'll end it with Matsumoto, for sure. You were always the one. I just had to give up since you loved Aizen."
"Oh, that's so kind of you, Hitsugaya-kun! I love you so much!"
"I love you too, Hinamori!"
"NOOOO!" Matsumoto shrieked, snapping out of her twisted thoughts. "Oh my god, that would never happen! Right? RIGHT?" She stared up at the blue sky dotted with white puffy clouds, but received no answer.
There was just no way. She'd already thought this through once. Hitsugaya wasn't the type to just toss women aside. Then again…he'd never really had a woman to toss aside before, did he? What if, now that he'd had a taste of woman, he became a heartless playboy?
"Oh god, there I go again…" Matsumoto groaned and began making her way down the stairs that would eventually lead down to the street below. "You're not a little schoolgirl with her first crush, Matsumoto. Be mature about this. It's a damn insult to Hitsugaya-taichou to think he'd act like that. Really, what would he think if he knew what you were thinking? …well he'd be pissed I'm not already at Ikkaku's and doing what I said I'd be doing."
With that thought, she quickly started walking towards the human house she knew Ikkaku and Yumechika were staying at. The depressing scenario continued to replay in her imagination, however.
Boy this was bad, her paranoia—it was almost identical to the insecurity she'd felt with Gin. It's funny, I laugh at Hitsugaya-taichou for his inability to deal with people acting friendly and close to him, but…I guess I have the same problem. The closer I get to Hitsugaya-taichou, the more I doubt myself and fear losing him. Why can't I just believe in him? Why am I so afraid of the men I love?
Actually, the answer to that last question was pretty easy. Matsumoto could remember how devastated she was after Gin's betrayal. The pain hadn't really faded even after all these months. This was the power that the men she loved held over her. And if Gin running away had left her destroyed like this…Hitsugaya leaving her could damn well kill her.
She sighed and plucked despondently at some overhanging branches from a tree. "I'm so in love with you, Hitsugaya-taichou. Please, I beg you…don't break my heart."
Toshirou...had not expected this.
For starters, he didn't think Yamamoto-soutaichou had the compassion in him to let two childhood friends use an emergency line between the Soul Society and the human world to exchange pleasantries. No offense to the old man, but the commander had always struck him as rather stern and strictly adherent to the rules.
Then again, from Yamamoto's point of view, a lieutenant had attacked a captain. Perhaps that was something to oversee.
"Hinamori," he turned to greet the scene, not entirely sure how to proceed. "I see…you've awakened."
And from the looks of it, she probably could have spent a few more days sleeping. Her eyes were dull and listless, and her back hunched wearily. She looked so pale and thin…
"Are you sure it's all right for you to be walking around?" he couldn't help asking. As badly as he'd been hoping she'd wake up soon, he didn't want to see her like this either. At the very least, she should be sitting down; she looked like she was about to keel over any minute.
And she'd been waiting to talk to him? Why? What could be so important?
His thoughts were quickly answered. "I'm sorry, Hitsugaya-kun…I doubted you and…I even pointed my sword at you."
Oh...that. Right. I guess she would feel troubled about that.
Well, if he let himself actually remember that night, it wasn't exactly un-troubling to him either-seeing this usually cheerful and spirited girl he'd cared so deeply about seriously come at him with the intent of ending his life.
Which was why he didn't let himself remember. And Hinamori should just forget about it too. Neither one of them were well served reliving that dark time.
"Dumbass." He cut her off at once, carefully schooling his features into an expression of impatience and nonchalance. "I don't care about that anymore. And if I don't care anymore, neither should you."
He didn't know how convincing it was to Hinamori, but it sounded damn weak to his own ears. It was why Toshirou hated talking, when he could be out actually doing something. "Hurry up and go back to bed and get rid of those bags under your eyes," he continued aloud.
He was relieved when Hinamori cried her thanks. Apologies meant little to him personally, especially when he understood the intentions that had driven whatever actions were now being lamented over, but he knew how much such words meant to someone as sensitive as Hinamori. And if his words could ease her suffering just the slightest...well, he would take it.
He smiled at her small snifflings, bemused in a way at how serious the whole exchange had been for her. Had Hinamori really expected him to be angry at her for her actions when she'd been so horribly and expertly manipulated by Aizen? Such a simple, childish thought process. Then again, it was why he knew he had to protect Hinamori-she was too innocent, too pure, her mind couldn't comprehend the dirtier, seedier side of humanity.
Time to distract her. Some lighthearted teasing regarding her looks always did the trick. "Besides, you still look like a kid. If you wanna grow, you need to get more sleep!" An image of his lieutenant suddenly popped into his mind, making him smile inwardly. "Just look at Matsumoto. You'll have to sleep for ten years straight if you want to catch up to her!"
He'd never understand why women envied Matsumoto's body so. Certainly, she was among the most beautiful women he'd seen, but that was hardly worth anything without a warm heart and keen mind to go with it. And Hinamori looked just fine to him the way she was. Imagining bed-wetter Momo with Matsumoto's oversized jugs almost made him snicker (but that was too undignified for a captain, especially with Yamamoto-soutaichou listening in, so he resisted).
Hinamori, however, took the bait-hook, line, and sinker. "B-be quiet! Rangiku-san is an exception!" she spluttered, and he smiled more openly to see some of her old spark returning. There was something about talking about Matsumoto that always helped his mood-and it certainly seemed to apply to Hinamori as well. That was the light within his lieutenant. She was so well-liked and easygoing, and her presence in both conversation and his own thoughts never failed to guide him in a more positive direction.
Although, was it ego that had led him to bring up Matsumoto's appearance, he couldn't help wondering absently. He'd lost control (as he'd known he would if she pushed him too hard, god that woman was beyond all help) and given in to his desire to touch her, know her body better than anyone had before. She'd presented herself so irresistibly last night-by turns teasing and begging for him. Having such a beautiful woman lie beneath him and willingly open herself to him like that...it wasn't hard to let that get to one's head. Toshirou hoped he wasn't he wasn't going to turn into one of those men bragging about their nightly conquests at the bars he'd passed before on the streets.
Quickly, he turned back to Hinamori. "Hinamori!" She was still a little nervous about him, he could tell, from the way she flinched at the sharpness of his tone. Now, Matsumoto, on the other hand, he'd yelled at, cursed at, snarled and all but foamed at the mouth like a rabid dog at, but she was never intimidated in the slightest. But perhaps that had more to do with the uncanny way she always seemed to guess his true feelings. Which was still off-putting at times, because it was like someone had somehow slipped under his skin to merge with his innermost thoughts, but he'd also learned to appreciate it-
Enough about Matsumoto!, his mind reprimanded him, and Toshirou wanted to hit himself for his straying mind. All right, yes, it had been his most intimate experience with a woman, and yes, it had been incredibly sexy, but he was a captain of the Gotei 13. He was NOT going to let his attention falter like this.
"It's not Hitsugaya-kun, it's Hitsugaya-taichou," he reminded Hinamori, echoing the sentiment to himself as well.
And Hinamori smiled, chastised, and agreed (though he seriously doubted she'd actually change her ways-it'd just been too long).
Then, it all went to hell again.
It was stupid, so stupid and naive, to think within such a short amount of time, Hinamori would be able to shake off the years of brainwashing Aizen had put her under. And yet, somehow, he'd gone and put unrealistic expectations on her again.
"Hitsugaya-kun, from here on out...are you going to fight Aizen-taichou? Are you...going to kill Aizen-taichou?"
It...hurt. There was just no denying it-he couldn't, not when he stood there, unable to speak, rooted from the surprise and sting of her words.
Of course Hinamori still cared for Aizen. But...to call that bastard a captain still...when she couldn't properly address Toshirou as one...and to care so much for Aizen's well-being when the last time they'd fought, it had been him lying on the ground watching his blood seep into the dirt, thinking his next breath might be his last...
It was petty and juvenile. Toshirou didn't have time to indulge in such emotions. He'd vowed, when he'd become a Gotei 13 captain, that he couldn't allow such selfish feelings to affect him. There was too much riding on his actions, too many people whose lives he could change for better or worse with his decisions. He wasn't a kid anymore, but he wasn't nearly as old as many of the other Shinigami-he had to step up and push himself to improve as a fighter and leader.
But damn, he just couldn't quash the feeling of betrayal. Did he not figure into her thoughts at all? And it wasn't just him. That, he could bear. But to side with Aizen, even now, when Soul Society and all the lives of the human world hung in the balance...he couldn't comprehend it. And he didn't want to.
Hinamori continued madly on somewhere in the distance. Something about helping to save Aizen. But Toshirou couldn't re-orient himself properly in time to listen and respond. It was the worst feeling in the world...the despair of the knowledge that he'd completely failed to protect one of the few people that truly meant something to him in this world. Hinamori was damaged beyond repair. He couldn't fix her; he didn't even know where to begin.
A flash of officious black and white brought him back, as Yamamoto-soutaichou stepped between them, obscuring Hinamori and cutting off the flow of her words. It was a thankful reprieve, though it was with immense sorrow and anguish that Toshirou watched his broken friend slump over into unconsciousness.
"My apologies," the leader of the Gotei 13 said evenly, while his fukutaichou gently carried Hinamori out of vision. "I respected her desire to talk with you and allowed it, but apparently it was too soon."
It took all of Toshirou's willpower and discipline to form a coherent reply. "No, thank you very much. I'll be taking my leave." Any more talk, and he thought he would say something inappropriate in his conflicted state of mind. Luckily, Yamamoto-soutaichou seemed to understand and the communication cut short.
Toshirou was left with the black empty screen and his quickly murderous-turning thoughts of the one person who was to blame for all of this.
"Aizen...!"