Stop the World

~A~

"What if... what if I don't come back?"

The normal night sounds that Katara had become used to since leaving the South Pole warmed the evening all around her, but she was unable to notice any of what she normally considered soothing.

All she could think of, all she could hear were the words that the Avatar had said to her the morning of the failed invasion... and what they meant.

There was no getting around the fact that Aang was the avatar. And worse, he was the avatar in a world that had been at war for a hundred years, a world that needed saving more than it had at pretty much any other time in history. Fighting Ozai was the pinnacle of that saving, but that didn't mean that he also wouldn't be in danger even after the war was technically over.

Feeling cold suddenly, she pulled her legs to her chest and folded her arms around them, curled up tightly to combat the loneliness she was feeling. In the time since she'd found Aang and he'd erupted into her life in such an explosive fashion she'd forgotten what it was like to feel alone. He was her best friend, and he had been from almost day one.

But the kiss... the kiss changed everything.

It brought love into the equation.

It wasn't that she didn't return the feelings he'd expressed in that kiss... it was that she did. Which meant that she stood a great chance of being left behind to grieve a lost love, with as many people as currently seemed to want him dead – especially as he'd already died once and come close several other times. She'd die for him in an instant, there was no question about that, but in a moment of clarity she realized that dying for someone else was the easy part. It was the one left behind that had to somehow survive their entire world being destroyed. It was the survivor that would get the bad end of the deal.

She'd been through something like that once already with her mother – she didn't think she'd remain sane if it happened again.

Stop the world, she thought just a bit bitterly. I want to get off. How can I let myself give in to my feelings knowing what – and who – he's got to face? I'm so scared, she sniffled to herself, her eyes tearing a little as she stared up at the star-filled swathes of sky she could see from her spot along the railing at the edge of the structures. I... I just can't let myself get any closer. It will be horrible enough to deal with him dying even just as a friend. I can't risk... anything else. I just can't.

She'd have thought with her decision made she'd have felt better, but for some reason she already felt like Aang was gone, and the sheer, agonizing pain that welled up inside her strangled her voice and choked off her air. It was like she was already grieving...

With a stifled sob, she realized she was.