Chapter Five: Loss of Voice
I'm becoming less and less important everyday.
And the worst part of it is,
I don't even know what to do anymore.
And there's nothing I can do about it.
What am I supposed to do?
How can I keep going,
when giving up is so much easier?
*Nightmare*
0020 was back in her old house in Ireland. She was still human and she was wearing her old gray skating costume. She was lying down on the floor; coughing up blood like she did on that long, fateful night...
"...I promise I'll do better! Please don't hurt me!" She heard herself beg; trying to crawl away from her attacker.
"I wish you were never born..."
The last thing 0020 remembered seeing, as the light reflecting off the knife as it came down on her...
*End of Nightmare*
0020 woke with a start when she felt someone shaking her. She cried out and fell off the couch she had been resting on, and sat up with a slight groan.
"Are you alright, 0020?" 004's voice called out in worry; looking over at the girl.
0020 looked around the room for a moment. It was like she temporaily forgot where she was. But she quickly recovered and relaxed her bony frame. It was just a bad dream. Good. That meant she was safe now.
She looked up at 004's worried face, and gave him a faint smile. "I'm okay now... In therory anyway." She said in a brave tone; getting up off the floor.
She grunted as she kicked her leg behind her, reached over her shoulder, and grabbed her foot all in one swift motion. She pulled on her leg and stretched her free hand out to the side; stopping when she heard a few cracks and pops in her body. She repeated the action with her other leg and waited for the same sound of the other joints; making the older cyborg cringe.
"Are you done yet?" 004 asked in a slightly disturbed tone; watching 0020 straighten up.
0020 jumped and whirled around with a nervous smile. "Sorry, 004," she said with a shaky laugh, "I guess old habits die hard."
004 chuckled and turned away from the girl. "I know the feeling." He said with a crooked smile. "Anyway, 006 was making breakfast and wanted me to come get you."
0020 gasped and looked up at the man with worried eyes. "Wait a minute, 004," she spoke up quickly, "when you first came in - just now... did - did I... I mean-!"
004 turned around to face the girl and held up his hand to stop her from further fumbling over her words. "If you're trying to ask me if you did anything in your sleep; then my answer is yes: you were crying out in your sleep. I just fugured that you were probably having a nightmare, and that's when I woke you up."
0020 looked down at the floor. "I'm sorry, 004... I promise it won't happen again..." She said in a defeated tone.
'... What will it take for things to be quiet? ...'
004 tilted his head to the side. "Do you want to talk about it?" He asked in a fatherly tone.
0020 shyed away from him and looked away. "I'd rather not say we did..."
004 sighed and ran his metallic hand through his hand. "Look, 0020, I know you don't know us very well, but have we really given you a reason not to trust us? I mean- is it really that hard to believe that there are people in this world that just want to help you?" He scolded in a slightly offended tone; placing his hand on his hip.
0020 flinched away from the man. "I'm sorry! Please don't be mad at me!" She protested in a scared tone.
0020 reached up and clutched the necklace under her shirt. "I always 'ad ta keep to myself... Even if I was hurt or upset." She tried to explain; giving 004 a pleading look.
004 smiled slightly at 0020. "Hey, don't worry about it, 0020! I know how hard it can be to talk about things that are painful to even think about. However, you'll just end up destroying yourself if you keep it bottled up inside."
"Ye be right, 004... and I'm sorry for worrying everyone like this. I really am. And believe me, it's not that I don't trust you because I really do..." 0020 tried to explain, but couldn't quite find the right words. "I just don't think I had the courage to own up to those demons just yet."
004 frowned at the girl before him that soon melted into his signature lazy smile. "Just promise me that you'll try to open up more to us, and we'll call it even. Deal?" He suggested lightly; holding his metallic hand out to her.
0020 looked up at 004 with a hopeful smile. "Sounds fair ta me!" She said in a brave tone; taking his hand in hers and giving it a good shake.
004 smiled proudly at the girl and opened the door for her. "Alright. Now that we settled that problem, let's go eat!"
'... Be unforgetable! ...'
The duo left the room with a lighter air around them. They quickly joined the rest of the crew, and bid them all a good morning. 0020 sat down beside 002 with 004 sitting at her other side.
"Did you have a good nap, 0020?" 002 asked in a cheerful tone; handing the girl a cup of coffee.
0020 shrugged her shoulders and yawned. "Other than the fact that I was asleep for 15 years, that was the first time I ever got to take a voluntary nap!"
003 tilted her head to the side. "What do you mean, 0020?" She asked in a confused tone.
"I was skating since I was able to walk. Mother kept me training from 3:30 in the marnin' till it was time fer school, and when I got out of school, it was straight back to training from 3:30 until 11:15 at night. And that was just the off season! I didn't sleep at all when I had a competition!" 0020 explained as a matter of fact; rubbing the back of her head.
"That must've been pretty rough on you at such a young age." 008 replied in a concerned tone; looking up at 0020 from his cup of coffee.
"How did you ever manage to stay awake for so long?" 007 asked in a surprised tone; placing a plate of food in front of her.
0020 looked up at 007 with a lazy smile. "It was easy for someone like me." She answered him in a simple tone.
009 looked up from his plate. "What do you mean? Someone like you?" He asked before he could stop himself.
0020 looked over at 004 for guidence. He just grinned over at her and took a swig of his own coffee. It was like he was trying to tell her that she was on her own.
"Well, for starters, I was born with insomnia." 0020 said in a thoughtful tone; looking down at her food. "I can't really explain it other than there's this broken switch in my mind that doesn't turn off."
She then looked over at 007 with the same lazy smile from before. "And as far as being able to stay awake all the time, Japser would video record me practicin' and I'd stay up all night reviewing and coming up with ideas for my routines. I pro'bly got about 75 hours o' sleep a month if I be lucky."
"But why? I mean, I understand that you're dedicated to you passion, but don't you think that was a little extreme?" 003 asked in shock; looking up from her own cup.
'... There's no such thing as, "too late"! ...'
002 huffed and folded his arms over his chest. "Who is "Jasper"? A boyfriend perhaps?" He asked in a pout; feeling the disappoint settle over his head.
0020 gave the American cyborg a strange look. "Jasper was my twin brother." She replied in a blunt tone; looking over at 003 with a sad smile. "And yes, 003, it was a wee bit extreme to go so long without sleep, but my mother wouldn't let me rest... No matter how good I got, how long I trained, I couldn't make her happy. I mean, I had meals and rest peroids for my studies. Even so," she said bitterly; taking a sip of her coffee, "I couldn't sleep anyway... why not just see how far ye can push it?"
"Now hold on just one minute!" 002 cried out in a hasty tone; giving the girl a firm glare. "Are you saying that you put yourself through all that just to please your mother?! Are you insane?! Didn't you know the dangers you were putting yourself through as a human?!"
0020 shrugged her bony shoulders at him. "What else could I do? I had no choice in the matter. I was damned if I did and I was damned if I didn't back in those days..." She replied in a formal tone; finishing off her coffee.
"Why didn't you just move out? You were of legal age, right?" 004 asked in a worried tone; drinking his coffee.
0020 laughed bitterly at the German cyborg sitting next to her. "I had a better chance at fiind' a Leprechaun than I did of gettin' away from my family!" She said in a cynical tone; giving 004 a warning look. "No one gets outta the Pendragon family alive... Jasper was proof o' that!"
"And yet here you are." 007 argued in a knowing tone; taking the girl's empty plate up.
"Back up a second," 009 said in a confused tone, "what did you mean just now? I don't understand. Why couldn't you get away from your family? And what happened to your brother?"
0020 gave 009 a pointed look. "Like most places in the world, The Pendragon Family had their own set of rules or laws. We've always called it, "The Hanged Code" because those same rules have been rumored to have been around since the dark ages. To most people livin' on the "Outside", it looked like, "The Hanged Code" was a bond. However, most o' the members of my family saw it as nothing more than a curse... myself included.
If ye be born a Pendragon; you had to be good at somethin'. My grandda was a well-known folklorist, grandmama was the country's top art restorian. Jasper was an archor, and mother was a professional singer. And even though I had other talents and skills, skating 'ad been the choice chosen fer me."
"Are you saying that someone made you pick up figure skating?!" 002 cried out in disbelief.
0020 jumped in her seat. "Oh, I didn't mind it! Seriously, everyone. It was a lot o' fun. Sure, the training was extreme, practice was long, and competition was brutal, but it was fun out there on the ice! I loved every second of it!"
002 glared firmly at the girl next to him. "Your words say you were happy, but your eyes tell a different story." He said in a warning tone; not taking his eyes off the girl sitting next to him.
"No, I'm serious, 002! I always had fun skating! It may not have been my first choice, but I quickly grew ta love it!" 0020 replied in protest; smiling nervously at him.
'... Put on a brave face... ...'
"But you had other talents." 004 spoke up; looking over at 0020. "What else could you do? And how did you ever find the time to do anything with such a strict schedule?" He asked in an anticeptating tone; giving her a surprised smile.
0020 gave 004 a teasing smile. "Hey! I had rest periods and school!" She protested. "I always had high scores in the art and music departments of school!"
"What kind of instruments did you play?" 002 asked in an excited tone; waiting for her answer with his eyes shining in delight.
"I was more of a sketch artist back in the day, but I liked playing the piano and nearly any type of guitar." 0020 said without missing a beat.
"That's cool." 002 said happily, as he flashed the girl his best smile. "I play the harmonica. So, maybe we could play together one of these days?"
"That wasn't so bad, now was it, 0020?" 004 teased with a proud grin on his face.
002 watched 004 get up from the chair and stand directly behind the girl. "What's he talking about, 0020?" He said in a curious tone.
004 placed his hands on the girl's shoulders. "0020 and I had a little talk before we came down for breakfast, didn't we?" He said in a proud tone.
0020 shrugged her shoulders and smiled faintly in response. "I'm just keepin' my promise." She said in a polite tone.
"Well, as great as it is to finally be able to get to know you, 0020, I've got Patrol Duty next. So, I guess I'll see you later. Have fun!" 004 said in happy tone; walking towards the exit.
0020 raised her hand off the table. "I'll do it!" She volunteered automatically.
"Would you look at that! 0020 hasn't even been here a week and she already wants to help!" 005 said in a cheerful tone; leaning into the table with a pleased smile.
0020 swallowed some air, and moved her eyes over towards everyone's faces for a second. "...I... just wanted to help..." She said in a quiet tone.
"If you want to help out around here so bad then you can help 007 and me clean up the kitchen!" 006 chimmed in with a ready tone; moving over towards 0020 and taking a hold of her arm.
"That's a great idea!" 003 declared as a matter of fact; standing up from her seat. "In the mean time, I'll go upstairs and see if I can't find something for you to wear! You can't wear your uniform all the time, right?"
0020 gasped and looked over at the blonde with a shocked expression on her face. "Ye don' 'ave ta do that! I'm fine with what I 'ave!" She protested politely; trying to stop the woman. "Don' trouble yerself o'er me!"
003 turned towards 0020 with a motherly smile. "It's no trouble, 0020, really. Besides, you'll need them after you get done helping 006 and 007 clean up the kitchen, trust me!" She argued in a determined tone; walking away before 0020 could say anything else.
002 chuckled and leaned back in his chair. "You better stop struggling, 0020," he said in a joking tone; placing his hands behind his head, "003 can be pretty determined when her mind is made up!"
"I heard that, 002!" 003 called out in a warning tonel causing him to jump out of his seat.
"Oh, did I hear Doctor Gilmore calling for me just now!" 002 said in an urgent tone; holding his hand up to his ear. "Gotta jet!"
007 sighed and shook his head at 002's retreating form. "He's still got a lot to learn..." He said to himself as he turned back to give 0020 a playful wink. "Maybe you can teach him a thing or two, eh, 0020?" He asked in a teasing tone.
006 threw a wooden spoon at the hairless man. "If you have the engery to cause trouble; then you have time to help me clean the kitchen, 007!" He said in anger; placing his hands on his hips and standing next to 0020.
He watched his friend rub the back of his head; before he turned to look back at the girl with a happy smile. "Don't listen to him, 0020." He told her in a joking tone. "He just likes to ruffle everyone's feathers from time to time. Now, let's get started cleaning up the kitchen A clean kitchen makes the best meals as I always say!"
While 0020 was helping 006 and 007 in the kitchen, 002 and the others were off doing whatever fancied them. Some of them were on patrol detail. 008 was swimming around in the ocean; keeping a look out for possible underwater attacks. 002 was airborne; searching for any ariel assults. 005 and 009 were on the ground. 001 was with the two humans; sleeping the day away. And 004 was with them as well; watching the two scientists play their game.
Doctor Gilmore was telling Professor Kasumi what 0020 had told them at breakfast. Needless to say that the two humans weren't too happy with what they discovered about the poor unfortunate soul.
"That girl is a Pendragon you say?" Professor Kazumi questioned with a slightly surprised tone; looking up from the board.
Doctor Gilmore looked up from the game, and raised a brow at his friend. "Have you heard the name before, my friend?" He asked in a hopeful tone.
Doctor Kazumi nodded in confirmation. "I worked along side an Emilie Pendragon in my earlier years." He answered in a thoughtful tone; moving a piece forward.
"Do you think they're related?" 004 asked in a curious tone; turning around and facing the two.
Doctor Kazumi's smile faded and he looked down at the board. "Emilie used to tell me about her children all the time. It used to make me smile when she told me about them."
"Children? How many? Did she have a daughter?" 004 asked in an urgent tone; moving over to them and sitting down on the steps.
Doctor Kazumi nodded and smiled over at 004. "She had twins. A boy and a girl. I don't remember much of them, but she always spoke highly of the boy and praised him often when we worked together."
"And the girl?" Doctor Gilmore pressed in a curious tone; leaning slightly forward.
"I'm afraid Emilie didn't care too much for the girl." Doctor Kazumi said in a sad tone; looking out into the yard as if he were seeing something the other two men couldn't. "I think she might even had hated her at one point."
004 looked over at the old man with a worried look on his face. "Really? How come?" He asked in a bewildered tone; not liking where this conversation was going.
"Well, I remember hearing one of my assistants had told me that Emilie's husband and san were killed in a car accident and the girl was seriously injured." Doctor Kazumi answered in a sad tone. "I'm not sure, but I guess Emilie hated her daughter because she reminded her of the ones she lost."
"By any chance, Doctor Kazumi," 004 asked in a slightly pleading tone, "do you remember what the daughter's name was?"
'... The possibilities are never-ending! ...'
"Oh, dear me! I'm sorry, my boy!" Doctor Kazumi said in an embarrassed tone. "The daughter's name was, "Noa". But I'm not too sure we're even talking about the same person here. It's possible that we could be talking about two completely different families."
004 looked up at the sky with a slight frown on his face. How could a mother hate her own daughter? It didn't make any sense to oldest cyborg. He didn't have to be as smart as the two humans to know that this "Emilie Pendragon" was 0020's mother. The facts were too great to be ignored!
He shook his thoughts away, and looked over at the two sitting at the game. "I think it would be best if we kept this bit of information to ourselves." He said with a seriousness in his tone that told the two doctors that there would be no room for debate.
"I think you're right, 004." Doctor Gilmore said wisely. "I could tell by listening to 0020 that her past is a painful one and it wouldn't be fair to her if we forced her to tell us anything."
"That's true. And there's also the risk of causing her to shut us out when all any of us wants to do is show her the kindness she most likely have never known." Doctor Kazumi added with a thoughtful tone; looking back to his game and moving a piece.
"Then it's settled: The conversation we had, or will have reguarding 0020 and her past life stays with us until the time comes that she wants to talk to us." 004 said in a formal tone; standing up from his seat and looking up at the sky...