Author's Note: The four stages of grief...I warned you. It is SUPER sad.
Day One-Hundred Sixteen: Goodbye by Avril Lavigne
She wanted to cry but she couldn't. She couldn't figure out if that was because she wanted to guard herself or if she really just was heartless.
She held onto all of his things. She tried so hard not to get rid of his scent. She wanted just one piece of him to hold onto until she could really let go.
But today was the funeral and she knew she couldn't hide for forever. She couldn't hide from things that had happened.
That night, she recalled touching the casket with startling detail. Still, she was all dry eyes. She couldn't believe it was real. She couldn't wrap her head around the fact that he left and he was never coming back.
Once it finally had set in, she was unbelievably angry. She was angry at him for leaving her all alone. Even his dumb last words and last letter to her…that he loved her with his heart and nothing could ever change that…none of it had any effect on her. He left her.
After that came sadness. The days were so dark that they were like ebony-coloured nights. It was like someone had taken her sunshine away. Now, she was stuck in perpetual darkness and sadness.
She hoped he was safe in heaven. That's where she knew he'd be. She hoped to one day join him, but she felt like she was going to burn for things she'd done in her past and things she couldn't change which were awful.
For those dark, dank days, she only had her daughter to rely on. Rather, their daughter. They'd lie in their bed together. Her daughter would sing, and the voice would remind her of Toby.
She felt like a horrible mother. How could she possibly make her own daughter—his daughter—comfort her when she, herself, had just lost her father? Her father was supposed to be her protector, one of her best friends, a confidant…but Spencer was asking for help now.
Still, she was hoping the little lullaby she was singing would soothe her nerves. It was something Toby used to sing to her all the time, especially when she was pregnant. Her voice still reminded her of Toby.
She wanted the rhymes to distract her. She wanted her to forget his death.
"Mommy?"
"Yes, Angel?"
"You know…we're going to see him again, right? Heaven is for real," she insisted.
Spencer bit back some tears. "Sweetie—"
"Daddy told me himself. And he told me to tell you that he loves you and misses you and…he misses us," she insisted.
Spencer could barely hold it anymore. "And how do you know that, Angel?"
"I saw him in my dreams last night." She had a little laugh, even though Spencer knew she was crying, too. "His eyes looked like the stars."
And for a while, Spencer just cried into her daughter's shoulder and they both cried with each other. That was goodbye.
Goodbye for now, at least.
I am so so so so so so SOOOOOO sorry, you guys, but I did not get the chance to respond to the comments.
Anyway, the next one-shot is going to be Baby One More Time by Britney Spears and this one is actually going to be a bit cannon, but Alison is going to be a little OOC (based off of her acting in Season 5). And it's a little more Toby/Alison than Toby/Spencer. Actually, it's more Alison/Toby/Spencer. Fun times. -Kayson